Chapter 57
Golem King : Newbie, please, please post Secha's face already!!
ㄴKongKong : Seriously, I'm dying of curiosity. Please just close your eyes and post it once.
ㄴDIP : Is it a girl?
ㄴSkeleton Bones : How the hell is a dickless skeleton bastard supposed to be a girl, lmao.
ㄴDIP : You fucking bitch, you're the same damn thing yourself.
ㄴKingJjang Evil Spirit : Guys, let's stop... any further and it'll only make us sad...
I-only-have-no-minions : Secha's face is a serious matter, honestly.
ㄴShamelessLoveDog : Even I'm kinda curious about this!
ㄴTVHead : Please take some candid pics for us.
ㄴTop Patient at the Mental Hospital : They're busy fucking, yeah.
ㄴGoraeGoraeGae : Seriously, please just a video.
ㄴNewbie : Fuck, I like women, you bastards!
ㄴTop Patient at the Mental Hospital : At least the male form is confirmed.
ㄴGoraeGoraeGae : Why is this bastard such a master at entrapment, lol.
ㄴNarrow-Eyes Character : Hahahahahahaha
ㄴOrange★ : Guys,
ㄴOrange★ : Stop obsessing over some guy's mug and spin some other topic already.
ㄴCowhead : D-d-d-d-d-d-d
ㄴCowhead : The head mod's 'punishment' has been announced.
ㄴCowhead : Anyone who keeps spinning this topic at a time like this will be hit with a 24-hour ban, damn.
ㄴSealed Conqueror : A Dungeon Gallery ghost story;;
ㄴSealed Conqueror : Fuck, this is tyranny. We have a right to know too.
ㄴOrange★ : ?
ㄴSealed Conqueror : Sorry
ㄴShamelessLoveDog : Phew... I'm relieved...
ㄴShamelessLoveDog : I almost had a menhera meltdown!
ㄴNewbie : Didn't you say you weren't menhera...
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"Bro, people are really curious about your face?"
"Tell them to be curious. I have absolutely no intention of posting my face. If I do, the gallery would definitely get spammed with bullshit like 'This person apparently can lay eggs' or 'A sad dinosaur who couldn't become a dragon,' so there's no way I'm uploading it."
Hmm.
As expected of a senior, he really knows this kind of thing well.
"You've got a pretty face too, so why not go all-out in a bunny-girl outfit, take a selfie, and post it."
"You fucking bastard?"
We were now in Dino World Zone 2.
Zone 1 was the lush jungle we saw earlier, and Zone 2 was a swamp one step more evolved than that.
The ground was muddier than expected, making it hard to move.
Thinking about facing traps and fighting minions in a place like this, Dino World definitely wasn't a dungeon to take lightly.
Intruders are surprisingly weak to heat, so the basic idea is to wear them down in the jungle with fire-magic traps and fire-type minions like salamanders, then settle the score here first.
Using the swamp's advantages, they slowly wear intruders down with minions that can move relatively freely and poison traps.
"Not bad."
"Right. But if a capable mage gets in, they make platforms and fight like that. Still, even then the space gets limited, so you could say it's pretty solid!"
Secha-ham started rattling off everything about his dungeon.
It was like an excited kid bragging about something he'd done.
"The advantage of the ancient theme is that it has a wide variety of minions that can shine on land, at sea, and in the air. In this swamp full of trees and forest, there's something called an Ancient Croc—a crocodile that can breathe fire..."
Did he actually just want to brag about his dungeon?
Once he got started, he wouldn't stop talking.
Maybe I should butter him up a bit.
I guess I'd better play the social game.
"Among all the dungeons I've seen, Dino World is seriously the coolest, bro."
"R-really...?"
"I don't know if you know this, bro, but one of the movies I watched before was Jurassic World, and it left a huge impression on me. Between your true form and the crocodiles in this swamp, it's so atmospheric that it feels less like a dungeon and more like a work of art. Damn, it's seriously incredible."
"H-heh, ahem..."
The corners of Secha-ham's mouth rose without resistance.
The reason my former boss always dragged me to company dinners.
It was all thanks to this sycophant's silver tongue.
Well, to be honest.
I wasn't exactly getting a salary from this person.
If someone I know feels good, I feel good too.
As I gave him a thumbs-up.
Secha-ham scratched his head, looking embarrassed.
"I was thinking of placing an anomaly minion here in the swamp. What do you think, bro?"
"Wouldn't it be best to put it at the entrance? If you weaken them there, the losses afterward should be smaller too."
Hmm.
What should I even call this?
Ah, right.
"Because it looks like it'd be good at inducing confirmation bias."
"Huh?"
"Your dungeon's strategy is basically to beat down minions and smash traps, right?"
"That's how every dungeon except Dreamland works, from the start."
I nodded.
"So... they'll probably think this anomaly minion is also something they can take down that way."
Secha-ham's pupils widened.
Judging by how he was wagging his tail, he seemed to have caught on to my meaning.
I'm not gay, though.
But it was pretty damn cute to look at.
Visually, it's a green-haired twin-tailed loli dragon.
Why the fuck isn't this a girl?
The world is weird.
Now I'm suddenly fucking pissed.
Oblivion.
So you're one of those guys who draws a woman and insists she's a man.
Aren't you afraid of this Newbie's wrath?
From today on, you're my enemy.
"Newbie, you're truly vile."
"I'm honored."
"The guys who've crossed you must be really exhausted."
"Bro, I'm not that vicious a dungeon master."
"Hmm..."
Why are you looking at me like that?
I'm such a good person.
"Bro."
"Yeah?"
"...For now, all of this is being planned on the assumption that the anomaly minion works normally, so I think it'd be better if you also prepared for the possibility that it doesn't."
It'd be better to have several contingency plans ready.
Actually, the elevator can be used freely regardless of whether we start the fight or not.
Unfortunately, traps couldn't be installed.
And since Dino World was mostly open ground, there was no reason for intruders to go into the elevator.
"Yeah. If this minion moves normally, things would really get easier..."
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The deployment of the anomaly minion was a success.
I deployed two Crying Person Statues as the anomaly minion.
You might call that overinvestment, but there's nothing wrong with being well prepared.
All that was left was to wait for an intruder to come in.
Secha-ham showed me the other zones and even the core room.
The most impressive one was Zone 10, located right in front of the core room.
It was a place nicknamed the Healing Spring.
A lot of minions were taking baths there.
Those badass dragons you'd only ever see in your imagination closed their eyes
and wore such blissful expressions.
What should I even call this?
The bigger it is, the cuter it is.
And it wasn't just the dragon brats.
There were all kinds of reptiles, starting with lizardmen.
So these are the minions you can hire in the ancient theme?
My minions are nothing but bizarre, grotesque freaks.
After staring at the dreary, gloomy Dreamland all this time, this weirdly soothing feeling wasn't bad.
The wounded minions heal their injuries here. And as you can see, Zone 9 had a ton of fields. That's our dungeon's income-generating asset. The minions work there and come here to rest whenever they can. Bathing here relieves stress and fatigue. Anyway, I can't skip explaining the golden fields—they also cover our food supply...
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.
Our Secha-ham is really starved for praise, huh.
"Wow! This is amazing! So, so amazing! Is this the power of the ancient theme!? The head mod is stunned, the world is in shock, and even Newbie is in awe... Dino World's appearance is truly, truly perfect!"
"Hehe..."
As I threw up double thumbs-ups and really laid it on thick,
this time Secha-ham was so excited he looked ready to do cartwheels.
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.
If you're happy, bro, that's all that matters.
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While staying in Dino World, I still checked on Dreamland's situation from time to time.
Fortunately, no intruders showed up in my dungeon.
So many dwarves had died; there was no way they'd come back.
Chase's final note probably put the finishing touch on it, so you can relax.
Cowhead : So what did you put in Secha's dungeon?
ㄴNewbie : I installed the neck-snapping yandere you said you wanted to see before, bro
ㄴNewbie : I'll upload the live coverage again this time too. I even got Secha-ham's permission, yep.
ㄴCowhead : Newbie, ya~!
ㄴNewbie : Please don't be so shameless...
ㄴCowhead : That's fucking sexist
ㄴNewbie : Think about your bro's mug...
ㄴCowhead : You fucker...
Anyway.
The bait had been cast.
I also prepared an electric shocker to fry whatever I was trying to lure in.
All that's left now is waiting.
I just hoped the anomaly minion would move in this dungeon too.
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About a week had passed since I arrived at Dino World.
At last, an intruder had come in.
The minions resting at the Healing Spring.
The moment they heard Secha-ham say the wave had started, they returned to their zones.
Even though their injuries hadn't fully healed yet, the minions moved diligently.
You could tell at a glance how much they loved and cherished this dungeon.
Secha-ham and I watched the intruder's movements from the core room.
"See that...? Ah, you can't see the hologram, so I'll upload it to the gallery."
"That man is the Sword Master...?"
"Yeah. That bastard is the Sword Master."
A middle-aged man covered in scars from head to toe.
What was unusual about this human male was that he wasn't wearing a shirt.
Even though it was clearly fucking cold outside, he was shirtless, so his swagger was on a whole other level.
There was a reason the elves of the World Tree Forest brought him here.
Even seeing him in a photo, his presence was no joke.
If I fought him head-on, I'd get flattened in one second.
It was a man's intuition.
"From here on out, all we can do is pray your minion moves."
"Phew..."
The elves and the Sword Master were strong.
They dealt with the fire lizards attacking from all sides and boldly moved forward.
It took them about half a day to clear Zone 1.
According to Secha-ham, that counted as pretty fast.
"The fire lizards attack in such sneaky, annoying ways that it usually takes about two days... but their advance is no joke."
Still, next was Zone 2.
And the anomaly minion was waiting there.
Before an anomaly, even a Sword Master and a child are equal.
If it worked normally, it should be able to handle them somehow.
I prayed inwardly.
Please, please, move.
But.
"...Damn it. They went past it."
"Huh?"
"Your minion apparently doesn't move in my dungeon..."
This method seemed to have failed.
Had I been too optimistic?
If this happened, the reason I came here would disappear.
Secha-ham looked conflicted.
He let out a deep sigh, then smiled.
"I'll do what I can."
"..."
"Honestly, you must've been worried about your own dungeon too, so I'm really grateful you came running without a second thought."
"Bro..."
"Don't worry. I'm still at least two or three times your level. Here's an escape scroll. Use it and go back to Malrang and Dreamland."
Secha-ham looked incredibly relieved.
It was hard to believe this was an emergency.
He looked like someone who had already made peace with everything.
It's not okay to say goodbye like you're about to die.
My social circle is already tiny as it is; Secha-ham can't be the one to drop out.
If Dungeon Gallery didn't exist, I might've died of loneliness.
Because I was the sort of person who got lonely pretty easily.
For me, they were more than friends.
Even if most of them were people I'd never even seen the faces of.
I really enjoyed the time I spent with them in this anonymous community.
The thought of people I could call friends disappearing
—there was no way I could just stand by and let that happen.
Wasn't there any way?
Power up by investing all the points I have right now into myself?
To unlock anomaly traits,
you need at least 5 million points.
In terms of effect, there's no cheat more broken than that.
But what I'm earning now is nowhere near enough.
The only thing I can do is invest in stats, though.
I don't think that would yield anything particularly meaningful.
Think.
Think without end.
I had to open up some kind of path.
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"Ah, fuck."
I found a way.
Why hadn't I thought of that method?
Am I an idiot?
If I think about it simply, it was definitely worth trying.
I rose from my seat, staring at the hologram.