Chapter 41
Myeongjeon stretched his stiff neck this way and that as he stepped outside the classroom. He had thought he was awake, but before he knew it, he had fallen asleep with his head buried on the desk.
‘If I keep sleeping like this, I’m going to get a herniated disc in my neck…’
Should I buy a neck pillow?
But if he wore a neck pillow in front of the teachers and they asked, “Why are you wearing that?” and he answered, “Because I think I’ll get a herniated disc in my neck while I’m sleeping,” they probably wouldn’t tolerate it at all. Then again, ‘Ha Suyeon’ was part of the MZ generation, so maybe they would let it slide. Myeongjeon began overestimating the MZ generation.
‘No, more importantly, why did school even reopen if this is all we’re going to do? Was it like this when I was young?’
It had been too long ago for him to remember clearly, but he seemed to recall having classes after winter break ended… or at least being taught something or other.
That was why Myeongjeon had tried to raise the kids’ skill levels before winter vacation ended, and why he had driven them so hard. But once school reopened, they did nothing at all, and apparently spring vacation would begin again in a few days.
“Why did school even reopen if this is all we’re doing?”
Feeling like he wanted a cigarette, Myeongjeon unconsciously slipped a hand into his pants pocket. But there were no cigarettes. Thinking that he would have to find a convenience store willing to sell him some someday, he headed toward the terrace to get some fresh air.
“Hi.”
“Oh, hey.”
“Does your neck hurt?”
“It does, but…”
“Uh… Suyeon, want this?”
“I’m fine.”
On his way to the terrace, he waved at the kids whose faces he had gotten familiar with over time, and they waved back. One of them was the kid he had apologized to not long ago. Hadn’t the child said, “You didn’t have to apologize that much…”?
Myeongjeon shook his head at the boy who offered him a snack while eating one himself, then opened the terrace door.
“Huh? Yeonsu?”
There were several girls gathered on the terrace. Myeongjeon gave them a casual wave and leaned against the railing, looking out beyond the school. Just as he felt a little less suffocated, someone among the girls beside him called his name.
“Yeonsu. I hear you’ve been going around apologizing to losers lately?”
The girl he glanced at was Kwon Jihye from Class Four.
She was the girl who greeted him whenever they passed each other and kept making comments that were impossible to tell whether they were meant to pick a fight or not. When he had searched through Suyeon’s old memories, he had found something vague—she might have been a friend, or maybe not. Had they been somewhat close? It was all rather ambiguous.
“Why are they losers?”
“Heeheeheeheehee… Yeonsu, you’ve completely lost your old personality, huh? You would’ve slapped those losers right across the face before. Why are you pretending to be so nice?”
Kwon Jihye trudged over and stopped in front of Myeongjeon. She seemed to want to create an intimidating atmosphere, but to Myeongjeon, she looked nothing more than a high school girl trying to act tough.
“I hear you’re in a band. Are you laying the groundwork for a TV debut and trying to clean up your past? So you’re deliberately sucking up to the losers, going, ‘Oh, I did some school bullying back then, so please forgive me~’?”
“I can’t say that isn’t one of the reasons. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t have even thought of apologizing.”
At Myeongjeon’s answer, Jihye exaggeratedly mouthed an “Oh~.” The girls around her burst into laughter and mocked him.
“You know that’s totally fucking lame, right? What are you going to do if they don’t accept your apology? Then are you not going to appear on TV?”
“Well, that could happen…”
After answering, Myeongjeon waved goodbye and headed back to the classroom. Life was long, but he had no time to waste on that sort of clique behavior. He wished those kids would realize that.
“What’s wrong with her these days?”
“No idea. Maybe she ate something bad.”
After Suyeon disappeared, the kids continued gossiping about her. Kwon Jihye, however, had a hard expression on her face as she stared at the terrace door.
“I hate watching Suyeon act like that. Should I tell Senior Juhui?”
“Are you nuts?”
In the middle of this, one of the girls tossed out a suggestion. But before anyone else could answer, Jihye cut her off with a cold look.
“Why the fuck are you still calling her ‘senior’ and shit when she dropped out? Just ignore that washed-up bitch and leave her alone.”
“Hey, Kwon Ji. You seemed pretty unhappy earlier about her going around like that.”
“Hey. Even if a friend says she’s trying to turn her life around, are you going to give her shit for it?”
Jihye walked into the corner of the terrace and put an electronic cigarette between her lips. The breath she exhaled was colored, but it barely had any smell.
* * *
“Here you go.”
“Three thousand won.”
The man pulled out his phone and looked around, trying to figure out where to scan it. Seoha pointed at the card reader. “Scan it here.” After paying, the man left.
Seoha sat back down in her chair and played some music on her phone. The song flowing from the AirPod in her left ear was Pantera’s “Walk.” It wasn’t a song she loved to an extraordinary degree, but she did listen to it fairly often.
Just as Suyeon liked blues from the ’50s through the ’80s, Seoha also liked older music—songs from the ’80s and ’90s, released during metal’s heyday. The difference was that while Suyeon liked blues specifically, Seoha listened to every kind of metal.
‘But I’m not really into music that’s too difficult to understand.’
People on the internet… especially Hyeona, who called Yoo Seoha ‘the woman who ostracizes the world.’ But even Seoha had friends. Friends who shared her taste in music.
And friends who specialized in mocking everything in the world. One person’s music was shit for this reason, another person’s was garbage for that reason. But the music I listen to is good. It’s music ordinary people can’t understand. What, am I a fuckup? I know I’m a fuckup, so I’m better than you.
She used to hang out with them all the time. Even when their tastes gradually began delving into directions that Seoha found difficult to understand, she had just let it go.
But lately, things had become awkward between Seoha and those kids. Especially after she formed a band with Suyeon, Hyeona, and Iseo last year. She didn’t know why.
Seoha listened to the song for a while, then switched to another. It was the first song she and her bandmates had recorded, “You of That Day.” She mimed playing the drums and practiced in her imagination, working toward a groovier performance.
Just then, her phone let out a buzzing whine. When she opened the screen, she saw a KakaoTalk message waiting for her.
[What are you up to these days?]
[What you up to?]
Seoha hesitated for a moment before replying.
[Not much, really]
[I’m in a band]
[Ah, lol. I saw it]
At that, Seoha paused. She had seen it? Her performance? For some reason, she suddenly felt embarrassed.
[Don’t struggle so hard. Come back to metal]
[What struggle?]
[LOL, you were playing weird anime songs]
Seoha knew that was just how this person was. The others had been the same. They insulted each other, saying, “Your music sucks,” then responding, “Your music sucks even more.”
That was the sort of people they were, so a comment like ‘Don’t struggle’ was… surprisingly tame.
[You can play guitar, but the rest are all scrubs]
[It’s not that bad]
[What isn’t? lol]
[You and Horang need to play metal]
[Quit doing weird stuff and just play metal]
Weird stuff. Seoha stared at the ceiling for a moment. Was it weird? She didn’t think it was.
The old Seoha would have shot back with something like, [Don’t struggle so hard making shitty stuff either. Go do manual labor]. They were close enough to say things like that, and they knew better than to get hurt by such comments.
But for some reason, Seoha felt reluctant to fire back like that. She didn’t know why. She simply had the feeling that she shouldn’t.
[Your guitar playing’s too good, so you should live attached to your guitar]
[Are the others improving much?]
[LOL]
[No, if you’re serious about this, shouldn’t you ditch the two deadweights and move on?]
[You might as well dump the bass player]
“…What?”
Seoha blurted the word out without realizing it. A customer inside the convenience store flinched. She hurriedly covered her mouth and bowed her head to him.
[What the hell does that mean]
[Ah, lol. Isn’t it true, honestly?]
[Hot take) Honestly, it’s fucking facts]
Seoha wondered for a moment whether to get angry or how she should respond.
Iseo was someone who worked incredibly hard. More than merely trying hard, she played bass until her hands blistered, then spent her remaining time writing lyrics for songs Suyeon had composed. She paid for lessons with her own money and practiced bass until dawn, improving by leaps and bounds.
And they were calling someone like that a deadweight?
[Hey, she practices hard]
[She probably practices. She’s just bad]
[She can’t keep up with the others either]
[Did you only watch the school festival video?]
[Has she performed separately besides that?]
Furious, Seoha began to send another performance video, then simply gave up. No matter what she said, she felt they would only respond with, [But it’s still true that she can’t keep up with the others].
[Anyway, I’m not playing metal for the time being]
[LOL, good luck suffering]
Feeling heat rising through her body for some reason, Seoha sent Iseo a KakaoTalk message.
[Iseo]
[??]
A KakaoTalk message came back a little later. Seoha remembered Iseo once saying something like, “When I’m resting, I’m always glued to my phone, eheheh.” If so, that meant she wasn’t resting right now.
[Are you practicing?]
[Yeahhhhh]
[I got stuck on the part Suyeon taught me yesterday]
[I’m trying it now, and I think I’m kind of getting it???]
Seoha remembered the first time she had met Iseo. She had been a kid plunking away at a bass in the corner of the practice room, with skills that made Seoha feel as though she was holding Hyeona and Suyeon back.
But Iseo’s skills had improved a lot.
Hyeona, who had played piano since she was a little kid, and Seoha, who had played drums at church since elementary school, were still far ahead of her… but considering that Iseo had only started playing bass a little over a year ago, her rate of improvement was incredible.
[Let’s work hard]
[??]
[Isn’t working hard a given?]
In response to Seoha’s KakaoTalk message, Iseo replied as though Seoha had said something completely out of the blue. That was right. Working hard was a given. It was only natural that she should spend more time with an instrument in her hands than with KakaoTalk or a keyboard.
‘Should I invite the kids to this performance…’
Seoha entertained that thought, wishing that her own friends would adopt the same attitude.