Chapter 18
A chilly morning.
The sunlight was dim, the sky gray, the room gray.
I lay spread-eagled, staring blankly at the ceiling.
Then I opened my heavy mouth.
"Siri."
- Yes.
"What time is it?"
- It is 10:43 a.m.
"Sigh..."
The appointment was at 12:30 p.m.
It was truly a morning I didn't want to get up for.
---
- Could you come outside around 12:30 tomorrow? I'll come pick you up by car!
- Ah... I can't ride in cars...
- Huh?
- I have my reasons... I really can't. I'm sorry...
- Hmm, well, that's okay. We can go somewhere nearby, so let's walk.
- Thank you...
---
I'd talked to Yoo Jieun on the phone last night, too.
She said we should meet for lunch tomorrow, and I said okay.
Honestly, whatever she said, I had no choice but to nod along.
Honestly, under normal circumstances, I would've been happy to meet Yoo Jieun.
Regardless of whether I liked women or men, she was quite beautiful, and her gentle personality would've made it easy to enjoy the date.
...If I hadn't been in the middle of being sued.
I cursed my period, then walked over to the closet.
The white shirt and black pleated skirt I'd worn last time were being washed and dried, so this time I took the black shirt and white pleated skirt off their hangers.
Then I brought them to the bathroom mirror and held them up against my legs and shoulders, respectively.
Hmm.
Pretty.
I smiled again at how good the outfit looked.
But soon I remembered who I was going to meet, and my expression fell.
* *
"You're early?"
"Ah, haha... Yes."
I came outside about twenty minutes early.
But Yoo Jieun was already waiting there.
I'd come down early to mess around on my phone, but when Yoo Jieun approached, my heart lurched.
"Why, why did you come so early?"
"Oh, it's a habit. If I try to arrive right on time, I might be late if anything goes wrong."
Yoo Jieun said that with a smile.
She really was beautiful.
She was wearing a light-colored dress that suited her image perfectly.
...Honestly, when you looked at her like this, she seemed like a better person than anyone.
No, in the first place, she wasn't a bad person.
She was just bad for me.
...Was she trying to punish me because she was a good person?
Thinking about it that way, I could understand.
Anyone would say I was the one in the wrong.
Anyway, I shook off those random thoughts.
"By the way, where are we going?"
To a lawyer?
...Or some secluded alley...?
"Let's go eat first."
"Eat?"
The ordinary, friend-like plan made me ask again, a little puzzled.
"Yes. Food. And after that... Hmm, let's keep it a secret. It'll be more fun that way."
Yoo Jieun smiled as she said it.
...What?
There was no way she was going to feed me and then take me to the place I'd imagined, was there?
If so, then really...
"Ihyeon? Hurry up~!"
"Ah, yes!"
Yoo Jieun was already far away, waving at me, so I hurried after her with quick little steps.
But I was supposed to be the one paying for the meal.
If it was too expensive, I might not be able to afford it.
So I asked carefully.
"Um, could I ask what we're going to eat...?"
"Hehe, it's a secret."
Yoo Jieun said as she walked ahead of me.
...It really couldn't be anything expensive.
Right now, my entire fortune was 41,000 won.
That was what I had left after yesterday's stream and buying a few necessities.
...I should ask if I can put off the rent.
I really had no choice.
"Ah."
Yoo Jieun spoke, then suddenly turned around and said,
"I'm treating you, so don't worry and enjoy your food, okay?"
* *
Yoo Jieun and I walked together for about fifteen minutes.
During that time, she made small talk, and I did my best to respond, however awkwardly.
Once, I asked her why she was buying me lunch.
- Because I want to.
That was her answer, so I could only nod along without thinking.
And before long,
- We're here.
She stopped on a quiet street a little way from the busy downtown area.
Yoo Jieun went through an old-fashioned doorway on the first floor of a building.
And I sat in the restaurant, staring blankly at what was happening.
"These are the tenderloin, striploin, hanger steak, skirt steak, and chuck flap we'll be preparing for you today."
The chef, dressed smartly in a black shirt and black slacks, explained each cut of meat in the wooden box as he showed them to us.
Before long, several different dishes were brought out.
The chef explained them using all sorts of technical terms I couldn't understand.
The few things I did catch were:
- This is kabocha squash soup.
- This is beef tartare made with eye of round.
- This is chuck flap with chimichurri sauce.
- This is red shrimp with cauliflower. It's even more delicious if you eat it with our house-made chili sauce.
I looked at each carefully prepared dish with an awkward expression.
She was treating me to all this?
It looked incredibly expensive.
Yoo Jieun looked at me and asked,
- Have you ever been to an omakase restaurant?
- Ah, no...
Yoo Jieun's eyes widened when I said that, then the corners of her eyes curved into a delicate smile.
The food in front of me looked like it was worth an outrageous amount of money, like some kind of work of art.
Yoo Jieun watched me as I stared blankly at the dishes, smiling.
She leaned close to my ear and whispered,
"Looks delicious, doesn't it?"
"...Yes..."
Even someone as unfamiliar with places like this as I was could tell the food in front of me would be delicious.
I listened carefully to the chef and followed his recommendations exactly as I tried a bite.
"......It's delicious..."
I wasn't speaking metaphorically. Tears really did come to my eyes.
I wasn't particularly sad or anything. The tears just came.
Now I finally understood that "melts in your mouth" wasn't just a figure of speech.
It's delicious.
So delicious.
I felt like my happiness had become much more intense since I got this body.
Or maybe it was my emotions in general. Even negative feelings like depression seemed stronger.
Anyway, right now, I was so happy.
So happy that I almost forgot the pressure of having Yoo Jieun beside me.
Was I allowed to enjoy this kind of happiness?
Why?
All of a sudden?
I looked at Yoo Jieun with worry in my expression, then
"All right, next up..."
I got distracted by the chef bringing over a new plate.
* *
After Yoo Jieun and I finished our meal, we went outside and started walking.
When we got up from our seats, the chef opened the door and saw us out.
Yoo Jieun seemed used to it. She gave him a quick wave and walked on.
Even the last dessert had made me happy.
I thought I was too full to eat another bite, but the moment they brought out the strange-looking, delicious-looking ice cream, I felt like my stomach had emptied.
That ice cream was really, really delicious.
The instant meals, canned tuna, ramen, and snacks I'd eaten until now all seemed like trash compared to it.
I was wrapped up in that happy feeling when I came to my senses and spoke to Yoo Jieun.
"Um, thank you. That was really delicious."
I didn't know why she'd treated me, but of course I should thank her.
"No, I enjoyed it, too."
...Is she an angel...?
Then I suddenly wondered how much it had cost, so I asked.
"By the way, could I ask how much it was?"
It looked incredibly expensive.
Maybe 60,000 won? 70,000 won?
I'd never been to a place like this, so I had no idea.
When I asked, Yoo Jieun smiled and said,
"300,000 won per person."
"...Pardon?"
My legs went weak, and I staggered.
This woman had a ton of money.
...It was kind of scary.
"Why are you treating me to something this expensive all of a sudden...?"
Didn't she hate me?
She looked at me as if she were enjoying my reaction, then spoke.
"Who knows?"
She said that with a smile, then continued,
"So, what was your overall impression?"
"Uh... It was incredibly delicious. The best thing I've ever eaten."
I tried to come up with the highest praise I could.
It really was that delicious.
"It was better than the hamburger and malatang, right?"
"Huh?"
Hamburger, malatang?
Why were those two foods suddenly coming up?
The only thing they had in common was that they contained meat.
As I thought about it, I realized those were the two foods I'd eaten with Song Chaeyeon.
I wondered why she'd asked, but I couldn't figure it out, so I decided to answer honestly.
...Well, it really had been better.
"Yes. It was better."
"...I'm glad."
The corners of her eyes curved into a smile.
Then they relaxed again, and she spoke.
"Let's go to the next place."
"Could you tell me where we're going...?"
"Not yet. And I'm treating you this time, too."
* *
"......"
I followed Yoo Jieun inside and looked around, speechless.
Our next stop was a large department store.
Yoo Jieun walked down a narrow corridor in the department store, where a staff member was waiting.
When the staff member saw Yoo Jieun, they practically ran over, bowed, and guided us somewhere.
The sign on the room we were led to said 'vvip lounge.'
"Wow..."
When we opened the door and went inside, there was a spacious room decorated in shades of navy blue.
I admired the geometric furniture and statues with genuine wonder.
Just how rich was Yoo Jieun?
She didn't look any older than her mid-twenties at most.
As I was thinking that, Yoo Jieun took my hand and led me to a corner of the room.
I was a little surprised, but I couldn't bring myself to resist.
...Were women normally this casual about physical contact?
"Here, these are the snacks they have. You like them, right? You seemed to enjoy the desserts the most."
"..."
She'd noticed that?
I felt a little embarrassed.
After thanking her, I popped a red-and-white dessert into my mouth in one bite.
...This is fucking delicious...
I almost started crying again.
* *
Yoo Jieun and I enjoyed ourselves there for a while, then followed an employee's directions to a store.
The exterior was made of floor-to-ceiling glass, and the walls were black with dark wood floors.
Anyone could tell it was a place that sold expensive clothes.
"Um, um... Why are we here...?"
"Hm?"
Yoo Jieun asked, sounding puzzled, then said,
"I'm going to buy you some clothes, Ihyeon."
"...Huh?"
"Come on, let's go inside first."
She took my hand again and pulled me into the store.
Then she asked the staff to bring out clothes similar to what I was wearing.
I stared blankly, unable to understand what was going on, while the employees went to get the clothes. Before long, about four of them had brought several outfits each.
I had to try them on one after another, just as Yoo Jieun directed.
Even once I came to my senses, I couldn't bring myself to refuse.
Each time I came out after changing, one of the four employees smiled and handed me another outfit.
The skirts and shirts seemed to be made of better fabric and had prettier designs than the ones I was wearing.
They looked like they had designs unique to the brand, and they were really pretty.
"Hmm..."
Yoo Jieun looked me up and down as I came out wearing the last skirt and shirt.
I watched her anxiously.
Seeing that, Yoo Jieun seemed to remember something and said,
"Oh, it looks really good on you."
"Ah..."
Her words made my face light up.
...Honestly, I had been waiting a little for her to say that.
"I'll take the outfit you're wearing now, along with the first and third sets."
"Yes, of course. Thank you very much."
And just like that, the payment was finished.
...That easily?
Didn't she ask how much they cost?
I was still standing there, unable to believe it was real, when
I went over to an employee while Yoo Jieun was away for a moment.
"Um..."
"Yes. How can I help you?"
The employee asked me with a smile.
"How much are these clothes?"
"Oh, do you mean the clothes you're wearing? The shirt and skirt cost..."
As she spoke, she leaned close to my ear and whispered.
---.
"!!!"
I jumped and moved away from her.
What?
These clothes cost several times more than my rent?
Rent was just the biggest expense I knew of.
And these clothes cost that much...
For some reason, the clothes felt incredibly heavy. I thanked the employee, then hurried over to Yoo Jieun.
"Um, um...!"
"Yes?"
Yoo Jieun turned around and smiled at me.
"I-I can't accept something this expensive...!"
"Oh my, I guess you asked how much they cost?"
"...Please, it's really okay, so return them."
When I said that, Yoo Jieun shook her head.
"No. I bought them because I wanted to."
"...But... This is way too expensive..."
"If you refuse one more time, I'll go ahead with the lawsuit, okay?"
"...Eek..."
She covered her mouth and laughed, apparently enjoying how scared I was, then spoke.
"Ihyeon."
"Yes?"
"They're prettier than the clothes you usually wear, right?"
Again, I couldn't understand what she meant by that.
Putting Song Chaeyeon aside and looking at it objectively, the clothes Yoo Jieun bought me really did look prettier.
...And I was a little afraid of Yoo Jieun.
Sorry, Chaeyeon.
I repeated that to myself and gave a heavy nod.
"...Yes."
I nodded.
Once again, the corners of her eyes curved into a long smile.
* *
When we went outside, the sky had grown a little dark to welcome us.
I felt people's gazes again.
- Oh, are they celebrities?
The words suddenly brushed past my ears.
Did the clothes suit me that well?
It wasn't a bad feeling...
But I couldn't say I liked it outright, either.
She kept telling me the clothes suited me, but somehow I felt like they didn't really suit me.
Not outwardly, but emotionally.
I looked at Yoo Jieun.
Why was she treating me so well all of a sudden?
Then a possibility occurred to me.
Was it maternal affection, like Song Chaeyeon's?
Was that why she'd put the lawsuit on hold for a while, too?
I hadn't mentioned it, but from all the questions she'd asked, she probably knew I was living alone without my parents' help.
She'd seen my stream, so she probably knew I was a little unstable, too.
Maybe keeping an eye on me was just an excuse, and she made me call her every night and take a selfie every day just to check on how I was doing?
Was buying me such expensive clothes and food her way of showing she cared, given how much she could afford to spend?
People just have different spending habits.
She probably already guessed my situation and family circumstances when she first saw me looking so shabby, even before I found out later that she wanted me to send selfies and call her.
...If that's why she was treating me so well...
I touched the front of the new shirt and thought.
Maybe she's a good person.
That was what I found myself thinking.
Maybe what she did after suing me wasn't bullying me, but an attempt to help.
Thinking that, she seemed a little different to me.
"Um. Ms. Jieun."
"Yes?"
She turned around.
The red sun was behind her.
I looked at it, then said with a slight smile,
"Thank you."
Yoo Jieun looked surprised for a moment, then smiled along with me and said,
"Then, can I ask you a favor?"
"Huh? Yes."
Did she have a favor to ask me?
Once I said yes, Yoo Jieun came closer.
As I stared blankly at her movements, which were almost like a gentle sway,
Yoo Jieun, with a soft touch, very naturally,
rolled up the sleeve of my left arm.
"Ah..."
Her touch was so natural that I couldn't bring myself to resist,
revealing the barcode on my wrist and the thick self-harm scars on my forearm.
How did she know to roll it up?
My shirt covered my wrists, so she shouldn't have been able to see the scars.
Ah.
- I don't have tattoos, but I have something else instead.
I'd said that euphemistically on stream before.
My body shrank in on itself a little.
She probably didn't want to look at it.
I carefully raised my head and looked at her.
She was smiling quietly.
Why?
Then she suddenly spoke.
"Ihyeon."
"Yes...?"
"What do you think?"
"W-What do you mean?"
"How do I compare to that unni?"
Unni?
She meant Song Chaeyeon.
But why was she bringing up Song Chaeyeon all of a sudden?
I stared blankly at her face, unable to understand what she meant, when suddenly,
Yoo Jieun stroked me.
"Huh?"
She smiled as she stroked me.
...
Despite the warm feeling from her hand,
it felt chilling.
Unlike when Song Chaeyeon petted me, something about it felt unsettling.
I subtly stepped back to avoid her touch.
"..."
But then, Yoo Jieun's reaction.
"...Hic......"
Those cold eyes, looking down at me.
I whimpered in fear.
"...Could I have your account number?"
She said, holding out her phone to me.
"Uh, uh..."
Somehow feeling like I had to tell her, I quickly typed my account number into her phone.
"I had fun today. I hope we can meet again."
She said that, then turned and walked away.
I stared blankly after her until she disappeared from view.
Then I heard my phone's notification sound, so I picked it up and checked.
There was a deposit worth more than my rent, by my rough estimate.
* *
...
Yoo Jieun walked down the street alone, thinking back on what had happened that day.
'That should have lowered her guard enough.'
Before, she'd trembled like a rabbit facing its natural enemy, but this time, it seemed her wariness had definitely eased.
She'd smiled at me and even thanked me.
And she seemed to have enjoyed the clothes and food more than what that 'Unni' had given her.
Yoo Jieun felt a little victorious, but then she remembered something and her expression grew serious.
She still seemed to have some resistance to being petted.
'...I don't like that.'
She felt a faint reproach toward her.
'Still.'
Yoo Jieun thought back on the way Moon Ihyeon had eaten and how happy she'd looked when Jieun bought her clothes, and smiled faintly.
"...She really is cute."
She didn't feel like she'd wasted her money.
She wanted to make her hers.
Her self-harm scars, gray hair, and gray eyes were all beautiful and adorable.
She wanted to see Ihyeon's face flushed with desire.