Chapter 117
Mokutan, who had been pressing their ear to the storeroom door alongside me, said with sparkling eyes and sparks leaking from their nose.
"There are thieves. Call the police!"
"Yeah. We should report them to security or someone—"
"Mii! Peep-peep-peep! You're under arrest! You're under arrest! You're under arrest!"
Before I could finish speaking, Mokutan emitted burner-like flames from their fingertips, burned through the door around the doorknob, then blasted the door open and leaped inside.
Whoa!?
The cops-and-robbers game has started!
Mokutan's high body temperature had finally stabilized enough for them to hold paper without scorching it. I had a pretty good idea which police manga they had gotten hooked on after recently starting to visit my study.
Kids are so damn impressionable.
I followed Mokutan into the storeroom, where three stoats were waiting.
The room was less a storeroom than a vault. Rows of numbered drawers were embedded in the walls, while boxes packed with gold coins were stacked on a simple table in the center. One of the stoats was stuck in one of them.
Apparently, it had dived into a sea of gold coins. The upper body of the plump, winter-coated stoat was buried in a box, leaving its lower half sticking out as it flailed around upside down.
A small stoat perched atop one of the boxes wore a tiny pair of spectacles. It dropped the paper that looked like a catalog from its little paws and stared in shock.
Following the paper as it fluttered to the floor, I saw a slender, scrawny stoat standing there with a large gemstone clenched in its mouth, its tail fur standing on end in surprise.
"Mimimi! Apprehended, apprehended! You have the right to remain silent! Surrender in a bizarre manner!"
"It's 'meekly.'"
Mokutan burst energetically into the crime scene, shouted their line, then pulled the fat stoat out of the box of gold coins and apprehended it.
Mokutan swung the plump stoat around like a trophy, and the other two, jolted back to their senses, shouted.
"Whoa!? Let Ode-cchi go!"
"Stop! Ode-cchi's afraid of heights!"
The bespectacled stoat and the scrawny stoat rushed to Mokutan's feet and attacked with all their might, trying to rescue their companion.
However, their desperate pat-patting with their forepaws had an attack speed of 100 and power of 0.
Mokutan twisted around as though tickled by the attacks from their adorable little paws, then picked up the bespectacled stoat. Two stoats in their hands.
"Aaaah!? We're doomed! Run, Acchan, at least you!"
"Ode-de-de-de...!"
The bespectacled stoat struggled desperately in Mokutan's palm, while the fat stoat trembled violently, its speech slurred.
"Damn it! Let them go! You idiot! You flaming idiot! We were so close! What the hell are you!?"
The last stoat, the scrawny one, hopped madly around on the floor and threatened Mokutan with open hostility.
What were these guys? They were thieves, but they were adorable. They had enough charm to make me want to forgive them without thinking.
However, I seemed to be the only one charmed by the three stoats. Mokutan mercilessly breathed fire at the last one.
The thin-built stoat tried to dodge nimbly, but couldn't quite avoid it, and the tip of its tail caught fire. It let out a scream.
"Aaaah!? My tail! My tail's on fire!"
"Apprehended!"
As the stoat rolled around on the floor trying to put out the flames, Mokutan deftly grabbed it with their toes, tossed it into the air, and caught it in their mouth.
"Eek!"
"No! Are you going to eat Acchan!? We're not tasty!"
"O-Ode's all fat! Eating him is bad for your health! He's full of colestidoodle!"
"Cholesterol."
Having completely subdued the three thieves, Mokutan looked proud and mumbled something at me around the stoat in their mouth. The skinny stoat was lightly bitten and had gone limp in despair.
"Good, good. You did great, Mokutan. What a good job."
"Mmmff..."
When I patted their head and tickled under their chin, Mokutan happily snorted and let sparks leak from their nose. Adorable. The density of cuteness in the storeroom was rising rapidly.
Looking over the three stoats Mokutan had captured again, I noticed quite a few differences between them and Professor.
The stoat called Bokkunn had a sharp, intelligent face and a small build. It wore spectacles.
The stoat called Acchan was thin and lanky, with a face like a petty little crook—the most villainous-looking of the three.
Ode-cchi had a squat body packed with subcutaneous fat. It was pleasantly squishy when I poked it with my fingertip.
Hmm. Stoats had individual personalities too. Interesting.
I could simply hand them over to the auction's security guards, but seeing the three of them call each other's names and encourage one another brought out my soft side. They didn't look like rotten scum at heart.
For one thing, their voices still sounded like those of boys.
Anyone who could use stoat transformation magic ought to have been blessed with a considerable amount of magic power.
Why had such promising youngsters, all three of them, snuck into an auction venue and attempted to commit theft? And why go to the trouble of transforming into stoats?
Intrigued, I asked the bespectacled stoat, who looked the smartest and easiest to talk to, while tickling its neck with my fingertip.
"Hey, why were you trying to become thieves? At an auction with security this tight, too. Tell me why. If you answer honestly, I might let you off."
"We have no reason to answer... ahyow... oooh... huff, huff, what's with this old man!? Your fingers are intense...!"
"Eek. Bokkunn is making that indecent face!?"
"I've never seen Bokkunn make a face like that before...!"
When I stroked and petted Bokkunn, it went limp and melted in no time. Acchan and Ode-cchi, who watched from up close, shuddered in terror.
Gahahaha! Don't think a stoat can beat my dexterous fingers! Submit to my pleasure interrogation.
"Haaah..."
"I'll ask you again. Why did you break in as thieves?"
"Oh, we were actually after the wand."
Acchan and Ode-cchi grew frightened at the sight of their companion melting away any will to resist and starting to spill everything with a dazed expression. They flattened their round ears and shrank down, trembling as though my fingertips were deadly weapons.
Hmph, brats. That's what happens when you defy an adult.
According to Bokkunn's statement, they had originally planned to target a 0933 wand.
The three belonged to the underworld, and after hearing the rumor that a 0933 wand would be auctioned, they decided to go for it. 0933 wands fetched high prices through legitimate channels, but they also commanded incredible prices on the black market, counterfeits included. Getting one would make them a fortune.
However, their boss had ordered them not to get involved with the auction.
Instead, he kept nagging them to go to school, study, and make some normal friends.
The three rebelled against their boss.
To the three of them, a 0933 wand was more than a mere luxury item.
It was an exciting artifact.
Even though it was an ancient relic, it was more amazing than the latest wands. It was incredible. There was no other wand like it.
And if it was the first wand 0933 had made after being resurrected in modern times, they absolutely had to have it!
As Bokkunn grew more and more impassioned, I began to feel strangely bashful.
To these boys, 0933 wands seemed to occupy the same place as powerful, cool dinosaurs.
Although Bokkunn had been doing most of the talking, the moment the subject turned to wands, Acchan and Ode-cchi forgot they were being held captive and started chiming in.
They said there were so many university-distribution 0933 models, all with slightly different designs, that they had worked hard to memorize how to tell them apart. They said the wands with transformation functions were the coolest. They said they still treasured the matching wooden 0933 wand models the three of them had received for Christmas.
The more I listened, the more the corners of my mouth lifted.
Oh, I see.
You three like my wands that much.
You're huge fans of my wands.
"You cheeky brats. Have some candy. But this is a storeroom, right? I—... The 0933 wands aren't stored here. Why did you break in here?"
I shoved candies that had originally been on the VIP room's table into the mouths of all three and asked them. Their whiskers drooped dejectedly.
"The room where the lots wait for display was way too heavily guarded. We managed to sneak into the venue, but there were guards everywhere, all tense, and there weren't any openings."
"But then I had an idea. If they had gathered this many guards here, wouldn't that mean the storeroom was empty? Takamine Cultural Hall often holds art exhibitions and solo shows, so they must have all kinds of rare things stored separately from the auction. They must have cash reserves too."
"Then I had a vision of the future! And sure enough, it was treasure galore. We couldn't get the 0933 wand, but while we were discussing whether we should just take some souvenirs home..."
"Mogagagaga."
Mokutan puffed out their chest and mumbled, while Acchan, still clamped in their mouth, fidgeted uncomfortably.
I see. That explained the situation well enough.
In other words, these three stoats were fanboys who liked my wands way too much.
How adorable. Stoats were cute, and so were their tastes. You really have excellent taste.
But they were thieves...
Hmm. That wasn't good.
I was truly happy that they wanted 0933's latest model wand, the Golden Rule Wand, badly enough to become thieves.
I had stopped the theft, but I had also caught them in the act.
"This is a tricky one. How old are you?"
"I'm twelve."
"Me too."
"I'm eleven. We're in the same grade, though."
Elementary school students. So was this juvenile crime?
These three were supposedly kids from the underworld, but what would happen to them if I handed them over to the police? I wasn't very familiar with how modern law worked.
The three stoats were cute, and they were dedicated fans of my wands.
I wanted to let them off easy, but if I did, I had a feeling they would reoffend.
As I sat there struggling with the decision, Acchan, still clamped in Mokutan's mouth, rubbed its forepaws together and ingratiated itself with me.
"Heh heh heh. Come on, old man, let us go. We haven't stolen anything yet. Tell this flaming big sister to let us go, will you? Come on, old—...!!?"
Acchan's eyes flew open, and it froze mid-sentence.
Was it surprised by something? Or was it looking behind me?
I turned around to see what had shocked it so much. Hiyori stood there holding Kyanos, her brow furrowed suspiciously.
Come to think of it, she'd said she'd come get me if I didn't return within ten minutes. I'd forgotten.
"What is this? What's going on?"
The situation was that the storeroom door's handle had been burned through and the door opened, Mokutan had captured three stoats inside, and I was interrogating one of them beside them.
No wonder it was impossible to tell at a glance what was going on.
Before I could answer Hiyori's perfectly reasonable question, all three stoats let out shrill cries at once.
"Aaaah! Kyanos! The Blue Witch! She's the real thing!"
"I seen the Blue Witch's Kyanos live for the first time! It's amazing! So dignified! I-I'm getting excited!"
"Please give me your autograph! I'm a fan! I have been since I was born!"
"That's cheating, Bokkunn! Then I've been a fan since my previous life!"
Hiyori was dumbfounded by the stoats' excitement, like fans meeting an idol face-to-face, but she gave them an ambiguous smile.
"Th-thanks... Oori, a word. What are these stoats? Am I dealing with troublesome otaku? They sound like children."
Hiyori pulled me into the corner of the room and asked in a whisper, so I quietly explained the situation.
After hearing about the three stoats' circumstances, Hiyori let out a deep sigh.
"You're always getting mixed up in trouble the moment I take my eyes off you."
"As far as I'm concerned, it's irrelevant. It's ridiculous. If some stranger was trying to steal something from another stranger, I have no reaction beyond 'I don't know.' I'm neither security nor the police."
"At most, since you happened to be there and caught them, handing them over to security would be the proper course. But ultimately, it's up to you, Oori. They came to steal your wand, didn't they? Though apparently they lost their nerve partway through."
"Ah... right. I was nearly the victim of a theft."
I folded my arms and thought.
If Hiyori said the decision was mine, then I supposed it was.
If these stoats had somehow gotten past security, the Golden Rule Wand would have been stolen. That would have been no laughing matter.
But it had ended as an attempted theft.
But they didn't seem very sorry.
But they were my fans.
Hmmmmmmm? This was a difficult decision.
After agonizing over it until I felt steam might come out of my head, I gave up and dumped the decision on Hiyori.
"Hiyori."
"Hm."
"I want to treasure my fans. But if I let them go scot-free, they could grow into scummy adults like the Dragon Witch."
"Fair point."
"If they repent and swear never to steal again, I'd like to let them off. But I can't think of a way to make that happen."
"I see. In short, you want to reform them?"
"Yes. Can you?"
"Leave it to me. Mokutan, let them go. Children! I'll give you my autograph. Come here."
Reliable Hiyori immediately began issuing instructions, then handed scraps of paper torn from the auction pamphlet to the three stoats, who came bounding over in a state of extreme excitement.
"What's your name?"
"Bokkunn, please!"
"Ode, Ode-cchi."
"My real name... no, actually, Acchan, please!"
"All right. I'll write autographs with your names on them. But in exchange, swear that you'll never do anything bad again."
"Huh?" the three said in unison. They looked at one another with troubled expressions.
"...Hmm. All right. We'll stop being thieves."
"Not just thieves. Stop kidnapping people, staging accidents, and doing anything else bad. Don't become bad adults."
Hiyori had clearly been picturing the Dragon Witch as she spoke, and the three stoats complained bitterly.
"What? But we've been raised on our old man's dirty money. Could you stop acting like that's a bad thing?"
"I've never once been helped by a good adult. The debt collectors' big brothers were always the ones who gave me food."
"It's called a necessary evil. That's what we are."
While saying things that offered a glimpse into the darkness of society, the three doubled down. When Hiyori silently tried to take the scraps of paper from their hands, the underworld stoat kids panicked.
"No! I want the autograph!"
"But I heard the Blue Witch killed loads and loads of people."
"Don't be so rigid. What's wrong with doing bad things? It's cool."
"Bad things are bad because they're bad. Got it? First, try living as a good person. Give it your best. If the time comes when you absolutely have to do something bad, then it can't be helped. If you live long enough, there will be times when you have to kill someone you love with your own hands."
Under the weight of Hiyori's solemn words, even the stoats who had been mouthing off fell silent.
Exactly. The words of a woman who had actually killed me along with Iruma were packed with enough power to shut kids up.
"First, learn what it means to live well. You can fall into evil at any time. So stop doing bad things and try to become good adults."
"...Hmm. I don't really get it, but if someone as great as the Blue Witch says so..."
"...So you're saying we should know our enemy before we turn to evil?"
"...Blue Witch, you're talking like our old man."
Their reactions differed, but all three reluctantly accepted the conditions and swore not to do anything bad anymore.
Hiyori said no more, simply signing the scraps of paper the three held out. The stoats hugged the scraps tightly and began hopping around happily.
They were cheeky stoats, but they were truly adorable. Don't get into trouble anymore! Grow up to be fine adults, and someday be able to buy my wand with money you earned yourselves.
"Satisfied? Then go straight home. I don't know how you snuck in here, though."
"Mimimi? We're letting thieves go? Even though they're thieves?"
"Oof, a punch of truth. This is adult hypocrisy, Mokutan. But if we're getting technical, you busted the door handle too, so that's property damage or something."
As I soothed the somewhat dissatisfied Mokutan, the stoats hopped over to a corner of the storeroom.
"Hey, the door's this way."
"Ah, we're good. We'll take the back way home."
"Huh?"
Acchan said something incomprehensible, then was smoothly sucked into the corner of the room and vanished.
Next, Bokkunn was smoothly swallowed up by the corner, still clutching the scrap signed by the Blue Witch like an irreplaceable treasure.
Finally, Ode-cchi forced its fat body into the corner and was sucked inside as well, disappearing.
"...Huh?"
I stared in disbelief at the utterly bizarre scene that had just unfolded before my eyes.
I touched the corner where the three stoats had disappeared, but there was nothing there except a hard floor and wall.
There wasn't even a gap large enough for the stoats to hide in or pass through.
The stoats hadn't chanted any spells.
They weren't wearing any magic items.
And yet they had vanished as though by magic.
When I looked at Hiyori, she was staring blankly too.
Right? It was strange, wasn't it? They had just casually disappeared.
"What did they do...?"
"Mimimi, they disappeared!"
"If neither of you knows, I don't know either. I feel like I've been bewitched by a fox. Though they were stoats."
We remained dumbfounded for a while, but waiting wouldn't make the three stoats come back, so we exchanged puzzled looks and returned together to the VIP room.
Those stoats used some strange magic. They were cheeky brats, but apparently they did possess the special abilities necessary to sneak into a heavily guarded auction exclusively for the super-rich. We couldn't let our guard down around them.
Well, whatever. I could ask Professor Ohinata later. He had been a stoat for much longer than they had, so he would probably know something. Probably.
In any case, it was time for the auction. My unexpected absence had lasted quite a while, but I had returned with plenty of time to spare before the bidding on the Golden Rule Wand.
How high a price would the latest 0933 wand, the Golden Rule Wand, fetch after being targeted by the Phantom Stoat Thieves? I would enjoy watching from the VIP room.