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The Four Penguins of the Apocalypse

 

The first weekend.

 

The comfort of not having to go to school, the pleasure of not having to attend classes. I wanted to lie in bed, surrendering to that feeling—

 

I wanted to lie down.

 

“Shouldn’t you come down to eat snacks?”

 

“It’s fine as long as I don’t spill anything, right?”

 

I heard something like “It’s not even Sunghoon-ssi’s bed anyway—”. I couldn’t ignore those words.

 

This bed, you know. It’s mine. It’s just temporarily taken by you, an illegal intruder.

 

Moreover, Lachesis is also lying next to her, yawning lazily and sneakily eating Raphael’s snacks.

 

What is this? What on earth is this? Am I some uninvited guest? Am I just someone to serve you? I’m the homeowner, you know?

 

“Sunghoon-ssi. Let’s buy a snack grabber? My hands get too greasy when I eat with my fingers.”

 

Raphael says while licking her fingers. I couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

On this golden weekend, a weekend when I should be relieving accumulated fatigue, I can’t live without a bed.

 

“Alright. Let’s do this.”

 

“Huh?”

 

[Meow?]

 

Of course. Since I can’t beat Raphael with force, I decided to propose a simple solution.

 

“Let’s go buy a bed.”

 

***

 

“Wow. Amazing. Cool. Incredible.”

 

“You’re showing your country bumpkin side. Please stay still. Please.”

 

“What do you know? Do you know how I feel, never having been on an overseas trip? Do you know how many times I’ve been on a plane = how many times I’ve been to Jeju Island? Jeju Island, you know? Of course it’s a nice place, but I prefer overseas. Jeju is domestic, right? You know, places with beautiful scenery. Or places with beautiful night views. Or beaches with lots of beautiful women. My heart that always wanted to go to such places—”

 

“Ah. Yes, yes. I get it. I understand~”

 

This brat, seems like she has no intention of listening. She’s making a weird expression with her ears covered, so I tried to remove her hands from her ears and continue reciting, but.

 

“When will Sunghoon-ssi realize that you can’t beat me with force?”

 

That’s right. Damn. I couldn’t help it because her behavior was so annoying. Why didn’t you exercise regularly in the past, me.

 

[How weak is Master’s strength, meow?]

 

I don’t know. Maybe in this world, I could barely… beat a newborn baby with magic power?

 

But this is partly Raphael’s fault too. You’re not originally from this world either, you’re just a combat gorilla.

 

As I thought that, Raphael glared at me intensely. She’s pouting and glaring, I’m sorry.

 

Anyway, cutting to the chase, we’re currently at the warp gate.

 

The warp gate. A very convenient means of transportation connected to the whole world, with limited supply that can only be created in Justitia, the pinnacle of magical engineering.

 

Thanks to this, airplanes and ships have almost lost their value.

 

Of course, the supply is only from Justitia, and gates can only be installed in approved places, so the locations you can go to are limited, but we’re going to Seoul, so there’s nothing to worry about.

 

There’s no need to worry about money either. While the usage fee for the warp gate would make an ordinary person’s hands tremble, it’s free for Justitia students.

 

It’s completely free for students because some commute or go to experience overseas dungeons.

 

In other words, I can ride it too. Hurray for Justitia. Hurray for magical engineering.

 

Hurray for me!

 

“I’m sorry. F-rank students have to pay.”

 

“What?”

 

My whole body froze at this bolt from the blue. The guide looks at me pitifully, but I don’t need such sympathy. Let me ride.

 

What are you saying? There’s no way such a system exists based on rank—

 

It does.

 

Come to think of it, it does. I had written some nonsense about a system to increase competition among students. I forgot because Kim Taehyun is S-rank.

 

Why did past me make so many crazy settings? Can’t you just die?

 

“What would you like to do? We can give you a small discount. 30% off the original price—”

 

It’s not worth listening to. Even if I use all my savings, it would only cover a round trip. Then who’s going to buy the bed? Will my ancestors buy it for me? No. I can’t continue living without a bed anymore.

 

Just as my face was turning pale with despair, I heard a strange sound from beside me.

 

“What?! You’re an A-rank student?? A-rank students can ride for free! Moreover, you can bring two companions for free, do you have any companions?!”

 

Why are you speaking so excitedly? You heard my conversation just now, right? Right? Look at my eyes. Look at my eyes, guide.

 

“Oh my. I’m embarrassed when you talk about my capabilities so loudly~ Oh? That person with the pitiful face over there? You look like you can’t ride the warp gate because you’re F-rank??”

 

“……..”

 

Raphael looks at me with a smug expression. I turned my face away pretending not to hear, but Raphael approached.

 

“Haha. Well~ We’ve just met, but if you beg earnestly, I might let you ride? Try repeating after me. ‘Raphael-nim, please. Please let me ride just once.’ Come on. Start.”

 

Clap clap─

 

Raphael’s clapping filled the gate. Even if I could steal a bed, I can’t say such things to you—

 

Just as I was about to ignore Raphael, I saw it in my eyes.

 

The guide looking at us with an expression that seemed to say, “To think there are still people doing good deeds in this harsh world! The world is still worth living in!!”

 

Eyes that looked like they would post about this incident on SNS on the way home after work and create a buzz.

 

“….”

 

You know, hope is important for people. There’s no need to shatter someone else’s fantasy. It’s not like I’m someone who destroys the illusions of a certain city.

 

[Do it quickly, meow. I’m sleepy, meow.]

 

“Please… Raphael-nim…”

 

“Yes!! Let’s go ride!!!!”

 

I can say with certainty that today is the most humiliating day in my 25 years of life.

 

***

 

A huge department store. I brightened my eyes standing in front of a pure white department store so tall that its top couldn’t be seen even if I tilted my head back until my neck almost broke.

 

This is bigger than the Lot● Tower in the world I was in. I guarantee it’s bigger. It looks like it’s at least 150 floors?

 

I should hear something like ‘You’re showing your country bumpkin side—’ in response to my impression, but it didn’t come, so I looked at Raphael, and she was also gaping at the department store with her mouth wide open.

 

“Is, is this the technology of the mortal realm?! I don’t think we could build something like this even if we were told to in the celestial realm?!”

 

If you built something like that in the celestial realm, the clouds wouldn’t be able to support it and would fall, right?

 

[Are you two country bumpkins, meow? Let’s stop this and go in, meow.]

 

Lachesis, who had suddenly transformed into human form, said as she walked ahead. No, aren’t you the biggest country bumpkin among the three of us?

 

“Ah! Lachesis, wait for me!!”

 

“Hey. Don’t go ahead!! You’ll get lost!!”

 

I’d rather not have to look for two grown women at the lost child center. I followed Lachesis and Raphael into the department store.

 

It was even more spectacular inside. Dazzling lights that caught the eye, glittering products, and even clerks dressed in suits smiling brightly.

 

I didn’t know where to look. Is this what it’s like? The feeling of parents coming to a department store to buy a gift for their son?

 

[Me, meow]

 

And Lachesis, who had been confident, was now clutching my arm and trembling as soon as we entered. Raphael is the same.

 

“What’s with you? Weren’t you confident?”

 

[Th, that was just looking from outside, it’s my first time coming in—]

 

“I, I’m seeing this for the first time too? I’m less stupid than Lachesis?!”

 

It’s good that you know you’re stupid. I made them hold onto my clothes so they wouldn’t get lost in this crowded building.

 

In the end, I’m the only reliable person as the experienced department store visitor!!

 

Or so I thought.

 

“Yes. Where are you trying to go? I’ll guide you.”

 

In the end, we couldn’t even find our way and had to go to the information desk. A clerk with a fresh smile politely guides us with her hands together.

 

It seems the furniture section with beds is on the 30th floor, so we’re being guided to take the elevator to the 30th floor.

 

I thought she would just tell us the location and that would be it, but the clerk sister pushed us into the elevator and got in with us. Is this what a high-end department store is like? The service is no joke.

 

“Su, Sunghoon-ssi?! What is this? This is going up? We’re not falling, right? Right? Please tell me we’re not—!!”

 

[We, we won’t fall, meow. Bu, but just in case, you two fend for yourselves, meow! I’ll be fine because I’m a cat, meow!]

 

“…….”

 

I covered the mouths of the two while avoiding the gaze of the clerk who was smiling incredulously. Please be quiet, I’m dying of embarrassment.

 

“Haha. We won’t fall. Don’t worry and please relax. Even if we fall due to machine malfunction, there’s a magic spell that ensures a safe landing.”

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

Raphael and Lachesis nodded. This is why country bumpkins are no good.

 

A moment later, ding─

 

The elevator doors opened with a crisp sound.

 

What we saw were obviously expensive-looking furniture and clerks waiting with their hands together.

 

The clerk bowed and said,

 

“Welcome.”

 

“Have a good shopping experience.”

 

I got off the elevator, receiving greetings from front and back. A clerk approached with a bright smile.

 

That’s when I felt it. Did we really come to the right place? Maybe we should have gone somewhere other than the department store—

 

It was already too late to regret. I started looking at beds according to the clerk’s guidance, following the flow of consciousness.

 

***

 

“Department stores are scary places.”

 

In the food court on the 10th floor after buying a bed. Raphael muttered while eating the snacks I bought her. I think so too.

 

The clerk was really scary. Listening to her words, for some reason it felt like we had to buy this bed, and of course the blanket and pillow that came as a set with the bed. We almost ended up buying an electric blanket, curtains, and all items related to sleep.

 

Fortunately, I came to my senses just before and bought the cheapest bed. Even the cheapest one cost 500,000 won.

 

Department stores are scary. Scary. So scary.

 

“That’s why, why did we come here? When I asked, they didn’t even sell snack grabbers. Did we come to the wrong place? Someone who was praising online shopping for being fast, why did you insist on coming here to buy— Mmph! I, I get it”

 

I put a snack in Raphael’s noisy mouth and sighed. The reason we came here? Of course there is one.

 

The reason I came all the way here to buy a bed that could be bought cheaper and faster online.

 

It’s obviously because of Kim Taehyun. This department store is about to explode. Without adding any lies, it really explodes.

 

The reason is a monster attack. Usually, monsters crawl out of dungeons, their activity sites. However, this place gets attacked by monsters despite having no dungeons nearby, and as Kim Taehyun gets involved in that incident, he evacuates everyone and the department store explodes.

 

There are several reasons why I crawled into such a chaotic situation.

 

Of course I’ll interfere, but I have no intention of doing things like evacuating the crowd or deliberately injuring Kim Taehyun.

 

I’ll just slightly meddle from behind. One of those is this.

 

“Why did you call me?”

 

The one sitting in front of me with a sullen expression. Long black straight hair, wearing a pure white dress that proves the saying ‘clothes are wings’.

 

I smirked looking at Ishia who had dressed up to come. While someone else is in school uniform.

 

The reason I called her is quite simple. I don’t want to get caught in the middle of the silent war revolving around the Magic Association.

 

In other words, when fighting monsters here, I’ll make her get acquainted with Kim Taehyun. I’ll make Kim Taehyun protect her when she’s kidnapped or attacked.

 

A very good method of killing two birds with one stone. My brain is too brilliant for its own good.

 

As if mocking me, I heard the sound of a plate falling. Clang─

 

[One more bowl.]

 

“Where did you sell your ‘meow’? Do you know how many bowls you and Raphael have had?”

 

[I don’t know, meow.]

 

“I don’t know either.”

 

Before I could think ‘The [God’s Bank Account] is going to be emptied on food expenses from the first month’, I looked ahead.

 

Who is that person? Looking over Lachesis with eyes like it’s her first time seeing her, the black long-haired money sou… No. No. Woman.

 

There’s quite some time left until the incident anyway, and we have nothing else to do, so this is good timing.

 

“Pay for what they’re eating.”

 

“What?!”

 

Ishia asked back in surprise, but I continued speaking without pretending to hear.

 

“You can see we’re in school uniforms, right? I’ll buy my own clothes, so just pick out some clothes for her.”

 

It’s inconvenient without clothes for going out, right? At those words, Ishia seemed to think deeply for a moment before nodding.

 

Originally, she should have grumbled here and done it reluctantly, but this one has become too docile since the instant dungeon.

 

Not bad.

1 Comment

  1. Ki L-Me
    Oct 30, '24 at 6:02 am

    If it were me, I would never say it.

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