Chapter 35
─Blub-blub-blub-blub-blub.
I stayed underwater for about thirty seconds, until the heat of the hot-water bath felt hotter than the heat in my head, then surfaced.
Splash….
I kept only my eyes above the water like an assassin hiding beneath the surface. Frang covered both cheeks with her hands, embarrassed, then returned to the subject.
“But if that’s the case, we should get to the Mages’ Guild quickly.”
“…Yeah. If circumstances don’t permit, I should go even if I have to show my bare face. Early treatment is most important when it comes to illness.”
I could tell Frang was trying to ease the tension, so I obediently came out of the water and answered. She thought for a moment, then said.
“What if I just don’t sleep and repair it? Dwarves won’t die from going without sleep for a week!”
“Let’s not do that….”
Why was she using dying as the benchmark? Coming from someone who considered the point just before drinking herself to death her limit, it didn’t sound like a joke.
When I shook my head again, Frang sat on the bottom of the bath, splashed the water, and tilted her head to the side. Then her face suddenly brightened and she shouted.
“That’s it! This will work! I’ll blow off today’s job and spend the entire day repairing clothes!”
“What?”
Blow off a job? I couldn’t believe my ears. That was the last thing I’d expected Frang to say.
“Blow it off? You mean you’re going to skip today’s job?”
“Yeah! Ah, but I should at least tell the reception desk and the people I work with, right?”
It sounded diligent, but these were the words of someone planning to play hooky.
“Holy shit.”
I couldn’t help being astonished by Frang’s change. I’d heard that some women changed completely once they started dating, as though their former diligence had all been a lie. Was Frang like that too?
‘Is she going to dye her hair and get a tan later too?’
I imagined a blond, tanned, half-dwarf delinquent Francesca and grimaced.
If that happened, Ms. Beinya, the innkeeper, would come at me with the cooking shovel she probably used in the kitchen and smash my head to bits like a filament lightbulb!
“Don’t. If you skip work, it’ll hurt your chances of promotion.”
“I don’t care. I’m not aiming to become a receptionist anymore. And more than anything else—.”
Frang said that with a broad smile.
“I’m your senior as an adventurer, so I’ll rank up first. But what would be the point of getting my Bronze Plate before you by myself? I’d rather work with you, Nord, even if it delays my promotion a little.”
She was an angel.
Fuck, there was an angel here.
I was nearly blinded by Frang’s Mercy-like aura, halo and all, so I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck, this wasn’t a couples-only bathhouse; it was a baptismal font. Trembling with emotion, I clasped my hands together in prayer.
“…Nord. Are you crying?”
“Heh heh. Crying? Why would I cry? They say men in my country cry exactly three times in their lives. Sniff.”
So this wasn’t a tear. It was merely emotional precum that came out when I was moved.
Emotional precum was basically a physiological response. It was like how you didn’t say someone had cried just because a tear leaked out while they were yawning.
“Sob….”
I was moved by Frang’s boundless love, leaking emotional precum all over the place. This was almost maternal love. The vocal cords choked by love produced a sobbing sound.
“Maman….”
“Maman?”
…………….
What the fuck, you vocal-cord bastard? What if you actually made a sound?
“Ah, n-no. Frang? It’s not like that….”
The words that had popped out without even passing through my brain’s filter made my tears stop dead!!
Fuck, that was a little too fucking much. No woman could hear her boyfriend say maman and not lose affection for him. Jokes like Mommy, give me milkies were supposed to stay on the internet!!
‘Maman? Fuck, maman?’
If I said that aloud, it would be no wonder if she recoiled in horror rather than merely giving me a cold look!! It was easier to understand if I looked at it from the other person’s perspective!!!
─Papa. Give me dick. Hawm. Suck-suck.
Imagine your girlfriend saying that while sucking your dick!! There was no way it would get hard at that point unless you were completely insane!!
A man saying Mama, give me milkies to his girlfriend was no different at all!!
“Maman…. Maman…?”
I tried to come up with an excuse, but Frang mumbled as though she couldn’t hear me, then quickly raised her head.
“Hmm~?”
Frang’s face held a mischievous smile I had never seen before, along with amusement she couldn’t hide.
Then Frang spread both arms and shouted in a bright voice.
“I’m Maman!”
“……Wut?”
Frang sat on the step of the bath, assuming a pose ready to accept all of me.
She was my own Holy Mother, possessing the same benevolence as the Virgin Mary of the Immaculate Conception!!
“Maman Frang…!!”
I felt the inner brat in my heart wailing at the sight of Frang like that. The emotional precum that had stopped flowing began pouring out again.
Frang’s maternal love was as vast as it was soft.
Damn, this is sex.
***
By around ten-thirty, Frang and I left the bathhouse.
“We look forward to your next visit.”
We hurried away from the receptionist, who wore a pleased expression. The fact that other people plainly knew we had been lost in sex in broad daylight filled us with shame beyond compare.
Once we stepped beneath the bright blue sky, we exchanged glances.
“…Want to eat?”
“…Should we?”
Frang nodded at my suggestion. We had drunk wine and eaten fruit in between, but apart from that, we had been starving all day, so I was hungry as hell.
“I know a cheap, tasty place. But the portions are huge, so I can never finish and always take the leftovers home.”
“Let’s go there. At this point, I could eat one and a half portions, including what you leave behind, and still have room.”
“Okay. This way.”
I followed Frang into a nearby shop, ordered a reasonable amount of food, and finished my meal.
The food at Dorcane Inn tasted better, but this place had better value. To put it another way, it was like comparing ten-thousand-won galbitang with five-thousand-won makguksu. Which one to choose would come down to personal preference.
After finishing my meal, I put down my spoon and said:
“Frang. I’ve been thinking, and maybe I could go in your place for the job you received?”
“Nord?”
“Yeah. I’m off today, and while you repair your clothes, if I go as your substitute, the penalty should be less than skipping outright.”
It was a sort of substitute dispatch. Depending on the nature of the job, there was no problem with me filling in for a request that amounted to nothing more than simple chores. It wasn’t as though Addaki expected Frang-level handiwork or lockpicking skills from me, after all.
Frang then asked with a worried look.
“…But today’s request is another sewer job?”
“…………It’s fine.”
I felt my PTSD from the grasshoppers flare up again, but I endured it and showed some backbone. I thought I understood why men put on a brave face in front of their girlfriends and ended up getting hurt.
‘Fuuuuuck!! Fuck the trauma, fuck all of it. Fear is cured by facing it head-on and overcoming it!!!’
If a psychiatrist heard me say that, they’d try to stop me, even if they had to spray chloroform in my face. What bullshit.
But there were no psychiatrists in this otherworld. Freud, you’re just a perverted old man here!!
─Rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle.
“I-I-I’ll be b-b-back!!”
“B-be careful, okay?”
Thus I returned to the inn, proudly flaunting my bravery like a Death Knight of the Blood Law waving a frozen flag.
I grabbed my equipment in my room, stopped by the adventurers’ guild reception desk to tell them I would be filling in, and had to report for duty by noon. I had enough time to take things at a reasonably leisurely pace.
─Puff.
When I returned to the inn, Dorka was sitting blankly at the counter and reading a newspaper. Was this bastard not working? Ah, there were no customers.
“Well, look who it is. Our inn’s number-one big spender is back.”
The innkeeper, whose face looked terrifyingly fierce, grinned at me and folded the newspaper.
“Why am I a big spender? Nice ring to it, though.”
“You skip the free breakfast and even stay out overnight. We’ve never had a guest who costs us less and helps our business more.”
“Ah, that’s just because I’m an adventurer. I went out on a job yesterday too.”
“Heh heh heh. Give me a break. You left your armor and weapon behind?”
When I said that, Dorka covered my torso with the newspaper as though he found my claim ridiculous.
“It wasn’t dangerous. So I only took myself.”
“What kind of person do you think you are? You’d go fully armed even for a delivery job.”
“Hey now. How long has it been since we got familiar enough for you to talk to me like that? What do I look like to you?”
“The type who has so many pointless thoughts that he misses the problem right in front of him. The sort who trips over a stone at his feet while worrying whether there’s a monster behind a distant rock.
“No fucking way.”
That was fucking accurate.
When I couldn’t refute him, Dorka chuckled and said:
“Looks like you’re self-aware. From now on, try finding trustworthy companions. You know, there’s a saying: ‘A giant needs a little person to climb onto his shoulders.’”
“I’ve never heard that one.”
“It means someone like you needs a meticulous person who looks after others.”
Before I could say anything, Dorka tapped his shoulder.
“Someone who faces the same direction as the giant and tells him what he can’t see. A little person who doesn’t get crushed beneath the giant’s feet but can still speak into the giant’s ear.”
“A giant, huh. I am a pretty Big(Big) man in one way or another.”
“Giant is just a metaphor, so give the excessive self-esteem a rest.”
“I’m a corpse without confidence. Are you telling me to die?”
“Well, well. No wonder you sometimes look like there’s nothing in your head.”
“A blank is just space waiting to be filled. Even the world’s greatest masterpiece starts on a blank canvas.”
“With a mouth like that, you won’t starve to death anywhere. Still, if you plan to have a long run as an adventurer instead of a circus performer, you need a companion you can trust with your back.”
─Sliiide.
Dorka’s thick finger traced the large scar on his face.
“Trying to do absolutely everything by yourself, whatever the matter, is arrogance. Even I leave serving or running the shop to my wife during busy nights. Even if people can’t share the same dream, can’t they at least put their heads together and sleep side by side?”
“Holy shit, this world!! I can feel intelligence between your words!! You’re not Dorka, are you? Give me back my friend’s body!!”
“Heh heh heh. Give it up. At least take this with you.”
Whoosh!
Dorka tossed me a thick package. It had a faintly fragrant smell and was obviously smoked jerky.
“In all my years running this inn, you’re the first bastard to pay three coppers and keep skipping breakfast. I felt guilty, so I set this aside. It was leftover from what I put in the stew, so eat it at least.”
“I’m heading to the sewers, so I can’t eat it today. Still, thank you berry much.”
“Hey, hey. A real adventurer has to be able to eat three square meals even beside a corpse covered in flies.”
“Hoho. Dorka, you’ve seen through my being a fake adventurer. You’re quite something. As a show of respect, I shall accept this meat.”
“Kahaha! You’re a crazy bastard.”
I struck a strange pose as I spoke, and Dorka burst out laughing. I chuckled along with him, then said:
“Heheheh. Ah, and about that little person you mentioned. I don’t think I need to look for one.”
“What? Why?”
──I went. I saw. I got.
I put on a solemn expression and raised my little finger. Dorka grinned with an expression of intense interest.
“You bastard, I knew it! Hey! Tell me all about it when you get back!”
“1 cooper, sir.”
“Ha, damn it. I shouldn’t have given you that smoked meat.”
That was how I parted ways with the fucking tsundere Dorka, laughing with him. I went to my room, left the smoked meat there, grabbed my armor and sword, and reported to the guild that I would be filling in for her.
“Understood. Ms. Francesca wasn’t even the party leader for this request, and it’s better than skipping outright.”
The receptionist wasn’t pleased, but she allowed the substitution.
“Could you still tell Ms. Francesca? If this keeps happening, it will blemish her evaluation. The performance record for this job will also go to Mr. Nord.”
“Understood.”
This was probably a measure to keep people from simply having others substitute for them, as in paid rank boosting. After finishing the necessary arrangements, I went to the gathering place and began the request.
Everyone was a stranger to me, but the request proceeded smoothly enough.
…Still, I don’t particularly want to describe the sewers as they looked that day.
“Gwaaaaargh!!! It’s a fucking Great Big Grasshopper Steak!!!!”
These fucking adventurers had left medium-rare grilled grasshoppers all over the sewers. What the hell were they thinking, setting off flamethrowers in a place filled with toxic gas? You fucking bastards.
Anyway, as if I’m ever coming back to this sewer.
Fuck, the smell was so damn savory that it pissed me off twice as much.