This Crazy School Gave a Professor the Authority to Expel Students

Chapter 5

This romance-fantasy world.

The ecosystem was thoroughly broken.

Clearly, they sold accuracy down the river just to keep the visuals.

Or are the animals here all gym freaks, loading up on protein together?

The squirrels puffed out their cheeks and munched away, while the rabbits twitched their ears, urging me on.

What a perfect duo.

"Ugh, fine. Eat it all. Go ahead, eat it all."

I let out a resigned sigh.

I took out the new bag of jerky I'd kept in my arms, trying to make it last.

The instant the bag crinkled open, it looked like lasers might shoot out of their eyes.

"What am I, some princess in the forest, sitting here feeding animals? Am I Cinderella or what?"

...No? Or Snow White? Aren't they basically the same?

I tore the jerky into small pieces and scattered it on the ground.

Nibble nibble.

They tore into it and ate like it was the best thing ever.

I mean, I made it myself so I can vouch for the taste, but I never expected to hear a rabbit chewing meat like ASMR.

"Eat slowly or you'll choke. Find water and drink it yourselves."

I squatted down, muttering as I watched them eat.

"If I'd known this would happen, I would've brought more. It was my lunch."

That's when it happened.

I felt someone behind me.

Not an animal — a human presence.

"...Um."

A familiar voice.

It was the pink-haired girl from earlier.

I stopped the hand that was feeding the jerky and slowly turned my head.

Lily was peeking out from behind a tree.

In her hand was the jerky I'd given her earlier, already half gone, but her expression was oddly strange.

She looked like she'd seen a curious creature, yet somehow also like she'd found an ally.

Not me. Them.

"Excuse me...?"

She opened her mouth cautiously.

"Do you have any more of that jerky?"

...She really had no shortage of ways to surprise me.

*

Munch munch. Chomp chomp.

Mukbang ASMR spreading through the quiet garden.

It was the sound of the saintess beside me, along with one rabbit and one squirrel, tearing into my jerky.

I leaned back against the bench and stared blankly at the bizarre scene.

'...Is this right?'

If the setting bible in my memory was right, the pink-haired girl beside me was definitely a regressor who'd maxed out her fear of men and distrust of people.

In her previous life, she'd been burned by the crown prince and made to drink radioactive tea from the villainess, so she should be the kind of character who'd shudder and run at the sight of any man.

And yet here she was, sitting right beside me, after openly treating me like a barbarian on first meeting, chewing on some mysterious dried lump of meat?

And doing it with such gusto?

'Is she maybe on her first run before regressing? Hasn't been through enough yet?'

No. No way.

Yesterday at the banquet, that frantic jellyfish-like movement she made while avoiding Crown Prince Louis's gaze was definitely the behavior of a max-level survivor on her second run.

Just look at her now. Even while her mouth kept chewing jerky nonstop, her pastel light-green eyes were constantly roaming the air, keeping watch on her surroundings.

'Why did she come back to me when she's this anxious?'

Did her survival instinct lose to her appetite?

From the side, she looked every inch the saintess, but her behavior was just that of a hungry little animal.

Watching her cheeks bulge as she munched away stirred a strange urge in me.

She was so damn cute I wanted to snatch her up and keep her as a pet at home.

Of course, I wasn't saying I wanted to become a criminal.

It was just the very wholesome perspective of an animal lover who wanted to let her loose on the back mountain of our estate and have her crack acorns all day.

"Is it good?"

"...! Yes, mmm, munch."

At my question, Lily jerked in surprise and nodded.

"You could probably answer after wiping the crumbs off your mouth."

"Ah."

Her face turned bright red.

Geez. I can't even say anything.

Well, not that it was any of my business.

I stood up.

"You look uncomfortable. Are you planning to stay here?"

"Huh? Ah... there aren't any people here, and it's a perfect spot to hide..."

Lily answered, clutching the jerky tightly.

I clicked my tongue inwardly.

'Come on, what perfect spot? Thanks to you, this place is about to turn into a hellgate.'

Wherever the protagonist goes, trouble never stops.

Before long, either the crown prince or the villainess would show up and turn this peaceful garden into a mess.

I had to get out before I had to watch that disaster.

"Then take care. I'm off."

Lily flinched and lurched up from the bench in alarm.

She hurriedly reached to grab my sleeve, then hesitated in midair as if realizing her mistake.

"Y-you're leaving?"

"Yes. I'm done here."

"If you leave like this... it'll look like I drove you away... I'm sorry..."

Her shoulders drooped. Lily's signature guilt attack had been activated.

Her drooping pink hair looked like the ears of a puppy caught in the rain.

If this world had any normal chivalrous knights, they'd be on their knees by now.

'No, Saintess! How could I dare! I shall remain at your side!' they would say.

But I was different.

I was a dedicated aspiring extra who wanted nothing to do with this protagonist, not even for one more second.

"It doesn't matter. I'll just count it as getting kicked out, so relax."

"Ah..."

Then the squirrel and the rabbit stared at me.

With the three of them all staring at me, the urge to snatch Lily up again and turn her into a pocket-sized girl surged up once more.

Again, she's insanely cute.

So this was the devilish charm that had bewitched the crown prince.

'Still, these damn squirrel and rabbit bastards are seriously...'

You gobbled it all up and now you want more?

I took another chunk of jerky from my pocket.

Thud.

"Huh?"

A heavy bag of jerky landed on Lily's lap.

"The rest is a bribe. Eat it alone or with those things—your call. Don't go saying anything weird later, got it? Then, take care."

Lily stared blankly at the jerky in her lap.

It was understandable she'd be flustered.

She was a woman the crown prince was obsessed with, after all.

And a saintess, too.

Everyone else would have been bowing and scrambling to curry favor.

A man who asked for nothing, even gave her food, and then walked off so coolly would probably be a first in this life.

But surely not.

'"You're the first man who's ever treated me like this! How interesting!"—she wouldn't start spouting some old-school romance-novel line like that...'

'...Or maybe she would.'

Come to think of it, this setting was damn awful.

It was a world that tossed plausibility to the dogs.

So I decided to put a safety lock in place.

I stopped walking and turned my head slightly.

"Ah, and one more thing."

"Y-yes?"

"That's just some jerky I threw at you so you'd stop saying nonsense. It's not some gift or anything, okay? Don't get the wrong idea and think I have feelings for you. Got it?"

At my firm tone, Lily's eyes went wide.

"...I-I don't think that."

"Good. Let's keep that promise."

Only then did I relax and start walking again.

Perfect. I'd crushed even the spark of any misunderstanding.

Saintess Lily would now remember me not as a kind man, but as some axe-swinging psycho barbarian.

That was enough.

Thud-thud.

Behind me as I moved farther away, I heard Lily's small mutter mixed in with the sound of the wind.

"...de..."

It was too mumbled to hear, but it was definitely an insult.

But I'll take it as praise.

It was easier that way.

* * *

The air in the tiered lecture hall was heavy.

More specifically, the gazes aimed at me were heavy.

Contempt and mockery poured over me the moment I opened the back door and stepped in.

"Look. It's that starving second son."

"Look at his clothes. Isn't he basically a barbarian?"

"Ugh, taking the same class as him? Talk about lowering the standards."

Was this supposed to be said so I'd hear it, or were their ears simply missing a filter function?

They were being blatantly loud about it.

But I turned on the built-in noise cancellation in my skull and let their chatter wash over me.

You get better at it with practice.

'Bark all you want, I'm sleeping.'

I'd already claimed the optimal spot for sleeping.

A perfect nap zone where the professor couldn't easily spot me, where I could flee easily, and where the sunlight was nicely blocked.

I flopped down and buried my head on the desk.

The moment the cold surface of the desk touched my forehead.

BEEEEEEEP—!!!!

"Aagh!"

A shrill mechanical screech that seemed ready to tear my eardrums apart.

Zzzzt!

At the same time, a jolt of electricity from the desk surface struck my forehead.

"Ah, fuck! What the hell?!"

I shot up like a frog that'd been electrocuted.

Damn it!

What the hell, a million volts all of a sudden?!

I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest!

It felt like my hair had stood on end with static.

Looking around, the students were already covering their mouths and snickering as if they knew it was coming.

"Pfft, he actually got hit."

"Guess he hasn't heard the news yet."

"It's not that he can't read, is it?"

Those bastards.

So they knew, huh?

If they knew, they should've said something. Isn't that what camaraderie and patriotism are for?

"Maybe he doesn't know what measures are taken in that professor's class. Someone should tell him."

Ah, right. I was the outcast.

That's when it happened.

Bang!

The front door was flung open roughly.

At the same time, a chill swept into the lecture hall.

The giggling students' laughter cut off all at once.

Click, click.

Regular, sharp heel clicks spread through the lecture hall.

The woman who walked up onto the podium was dressed in a black suit, like someone attending a funeral.

A woman with jet-black hair haphazardly pinned up and blood-red eyes that flashed brightly.

Her sharp eyes behind silver-rimmed glasses looked even fiercer than a beast's.

She banged the lectern with her pointer.

"On the very first day, and before class has even started, we already have a brave human trying to sleep?"

There was quite a sting hidden in her calm voice.

Her gaze locked onto me with laser precision.

"Did I fail to announce that my classroom desks are enchanted with anti-sleep magic?"

Ah.

So this is her.

The research maniac, the genius professor those blabbermouths had been talking about earlier.

The one who supposedly skipped the entrance ceremony and stayed holed up in her lab.

There couldn't possibly be two professors at the academy who looked like they were college-aged.

No, seriously, why the hell is this person here?

I didn't even enroll in this person's class.

"Nice to meet you, everyone. Due to the circumstances of the previous professor, I will be taking over the Introduction to Magic class."

What the fuck?

Should I drop it?

Ah, damn it.

Right, they said there was no course withdrawal or anything like that here.

'...I'm screwed. That woman doesn't look like an ordinary psycho, not at all.'

She wasn't just what I'd inferred from their quick rundown; she'd blown past even that.

What kind of crazy bitch lays an electrified mat on a desk?

I stood there awkwardly, clutching my dazed head.

She pushed up her glasses and jerked her chin at me.

"What's your name?"

"...It's Cassian."

"Cassian."

She opened the attendance register and rolled my name around in her mouth.

The way she did it was no ordinary thing. She looked like a mad scientist sizing up experimental material.

"Cassian Del Pharne. Is that correct?"

"...How did you know?"

My notoriety had reached here too?

"There aren't any others here with the same name, so it was obvious."

Ah, right.

I'm an idiot.

The corners of her mouth twisted into a faint smirk.

"And the first student in my class to slam his head on the desk five minutes before class starts."

"...Sorry. Could I get some leniency? Since it's the first day?"

Like hell it would.

I could tell from her face alone that not even a shred of that would work.

"Extenuating circumstances? The first day of class?"

She gave a scoffing laugh.

"This is the academy, Mister Pharne. Sleep at home before you come here. Or drop out and sleep forever."

Isn't that a bit harsh, Professor?

Drop out, she says.

That's my dream, so why does it feel bad when someone else says it?

"And that hair."

She pointed at my head with the pointer.

"It's sticking up like a lion's mane from the static. Very impressive. May I interpret that as your enthusiasm for class manifesting through your hair?"

Damn it. So it wasn't just my imagination?

Suppressed laughter burst out from all around the lecture hall.

"Pfft."

"Heh-heh-heh."

But then.

"I see my disciplining a student is so amusing to you all."

Her frost-laden gaze left me and swept across the entire classroom.

"An unbecoming habit of enjoying the sight of someone being scolded also disqualifies you from being my students."

Immediately, everyone shut their mouths.

As expected.

This woman. Exactly as I'd expected.

The type who's high and mighty and strict with everyone.

The kind who won't tolerate anyone daring to doze off in 'her class.'

The kind who won't tolerate even sneers or mockery being piled onto 'her teachings.'

But there should be a limit, right? You don't run electricity through a desk.

"Cassian?"

"Yes."

What now?

You already embarrassed me enough.

But then, after calling my name, the professor turned around without another word and started scribbling something on the blackboard.

Tap-! Tap-tap-! Tap!

It was complete gibberish I couldn't make heads or tails of.

Basically, it was her saying, "I'm a magic formula."

And then, a moment later.

The female professor set down the chalk and said at once.

"Solve it."

Me?

Me?

Of course, I only thought it to myself and didn't say it aloud.

Because her expression didn't look like she was joking.

"If you solve it, I'll overlook today's rudeness. In return..."

In return?

What? Are you going to cut me from the class or something?

That'd be fine by me.

Because I want to drop the course.

"If you can't solve it, you're expelled. By my authority."

...Okay, so she really is cutting me.

So you meant cutting me from the school?

'This crazy school gave a professor the authority to expel students?'

This goddamn slapdash worldbuilding is unreal.