Chapter 47
Since ancient times, the act of washing oneself has generally been considered sacred.
Especially in religious contexts.
Perhaps because it emphasizes purifying oneself of filth?
It was a matter of no importance to Aria.
After all, a body soaked in filth and defilement could never be made clean, no matter how much she washed.
Hadn't she said so herself before?
A rag is still a rag, even after you wash it.
This body is filthy, disgusting, and ugly.
She had given her body to countless men.
She would have to live with this filthy body for the rest of her life.
To be precise, she should have.
Ain.
It's thanks to you.
Thanks to you, I no longer think this body is dirty.
Every day, I become more and more imbued with your colors.
Because you covered me with them.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
Ain, you are my guiding light, my support, and my one and only……….
“Big Sis, aren't you coming?”
Azazel's words behind her were like a net.
A net that dragged her by force up from the sea of her daydreams.
Aria snapped back to her senses and turned the bathroom doorknob.
Click.
The bathroom was filled with hazy steam.
The pleasantly warm air seemed to loosen her stiff body.
“This is even worse than I expected.”
It seemed Azazel wasn't particularly impressed by the view.
Well, she was dressed in such finery herself.
Perhaps she wasn't fond of such substandard facilities.
“Still, we should wash.”
“I never said I wouldn't.”
The two of them washed up.
Every now and then, Azazel stole a glance at Aria, usually at her chest or between her thighs.
Those blatant looks made Aria's face burn.
‘What could she possibly be thinking as she stares at me?’
Her question was answered almost immediately.
“I'm glad you won't be left with a scar.”
Apparently, Azazel had been checking to see whether Aria had any cuts on her body.
Aria wanted to smash her own head for being so perverted.
Fortunately, the steam meant there was no need to worry about Azazel noticing her flushed face.
“Healing is my specialty. I'm completely healed, as you can see.”
“I would've felt awful if you'd been left with a scar, Big Sis.”
Big Sis.
No matter how often she heard it, the form of address still felt awkward.
“Thank you for worrying about me.”
Aria thanked Azazel as she looked at her.
That gave her an unobstructed view of Azazel's slender figure, completely bare.
Her breasts were on the small side, but her hips and waist were shapely.
Beyond the muscles along her spine, Aria could see her plump bottom.
Her peach-like, pale bottom was beautifully rounded.
Was that what people called a slender figure?
Aria had never seen another woman's naked body before, so she felt strangely embarrassed.
Whether she knew how Aria felt or not, Azazel answered nonchalantly.
“You don't have to thank me. Anyway, Big Sis, are you getting in the tub?”
“……If you want to use it, Azazel, I'll let you have it.”
The inn's bath was small.
It hardly even deserved to be called a bath; it was just a wooden tub filled with heated water.
By any objective measure, it was crude and shabby.
Aria didn't mind, but wouldn't Azazel find a tub like that uncomfortable?
As Aria looked at her with concern, Azazel made a suggestion.
“Let's get in together, Big Sis.”
In that tiny space?
Aria started to ask the question that had risen to her throat, but held back.
Azazel's expression had grown terribly stiff.
Aria knew exactly what emotion that expression held.
She'd seen orphans make that face from time to time while volunteering at the orphanage.
Azazel was afraid of being rejected.
It was a cruel predicament.
“……All right.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Even if it made her a little uncomfortable, Aria wanted Azazel to feel at ease.
They were already bathing together; what was the big deal about sharing the tub, too?
“But let's check the temperature first.”
Azazel gave a small nod.
“Temperature matters.”
Aria tested the water with her hand.
It was pleasantly warm.
“This should be fine.”
“Yeah? Let me know if it gets lukewarm. I'm used to adjusting the water temperature.”
Aria's eyes sparkled.
“You can do that?”
Perhaps she hadn't expected such an enthusiastic reaction; Azazel gave a casual nod.
“Uh, well, of course. I'm a mage, after all.”
That was right.
Azazel was a mage.
It was the best news Aria could have hoped for.
If she bathed with Azazel, wouldn't she always have warm water?
“Azazel, let's keep bathing together from now on.”
Azazel pursed her lips, looking displeased.
“………I wasn't saying that because I wanted to see your calculating side, Big Sis. And call me Azazel, not Miss Azazel.”
“……O-oh, I should call you Azazel?”
“Yeah, that's fine.”
The two of them got into the wooden tub.
Swoooooosh.
They'd already used a fair bit of the water, but when two women climbed in, it naturally overflowed from the wooden tub.
There wasn't much room, either.
They managed to squeeze themselves in, just barely making space for two women.
“This is uncomfortable. What an awkward position.”
The way Aria had to tuck in her knees and curl up was quite uncomfortable.
It was because her ample breasts were being squashed against her knees.
Azazel, meanwhile, couldn't help feeling a little pathetic about the fact that she had no discomfort from her breasts at all.
“………It is cramped.”
Aria gave an awkward smile.
“Should I get out, after all?”
“Stay right there, Big Sis.”
Azazel muttered something under her breath.
The wooden tub's shape gradually twisted, and it grew two or three times wider than before.
“Wow, what was that?”
“I expanded it with magic.”
The world of magic was amazing.
The tub was roomier than before, but the water level had dropped because its area had increased.
The water that had reached their chests now barely came up to their navels.
“There's not enough water.”
“I'll fill it up.”
Azazel snapped her fingers, and a stream of warm water appeared in midair.
Aria blinked as she watched the strange phenomenon.
Mages really are convenient.
Are you Doraemon?
But, you know.
Wouldn't it have been better to expand the tub first?
Aria thought Azazel must be too tired to think straight.
“……Big Sis, are you thinking something rude?”
Caught off guard by Azazel's question, Aria gave a sheepish smile.
“I was just thinking how convenient it is to be a mage.”
“It is convenient.”
Splash, splash.
Before long, the tub was full.
With the tub's space expanded, they had much more room to move around.
Azazel yawned and stretched.
“In the end, I couldn't confess to Ashtein.”
“A lot of bad luck piled up.”
Who could've imagined Ashtein would be attacked by a stranger?
Neither Aria nor Azazel could have seen that coming.
Splash, splash.
The sound of water echoed around them.
“Big Sis, you're so cruel. When I think about it, you're telling me to confess, get rejected, and give up.”
“……L-let's not assume it'll go badly.”
“That's ridiculous, too. Wouldn't it be a problem for you if things worked out between me and Ashtein, Big Sis Aria?”
“A problem?”
“Say I ended up sleeping with Ashtein. Could you stand it?”
Ain, with Azazel?
Would he whisper words of love to Azazel the way he had to me?
Aria's body went rigid.
“I don't think I could handle that.”
“Dummy. How could you take a joke so seriously?”
Azazel pressed her index finger firmly against Aria's brow.
“I-it was a joke?”
“Ashtein wouldn't even be interested in doing that anyway.”
“Y-you never know. Azazel, you're an attractive woman.”
“I don't think you have an objective view of your own looks, Big Sis.”
“Pardon?”
“I was talking to myself.”
Azazel turned away with a huff.
Aria didn't know what to say, so she stayed silent.
The silence lingered.
“You know, I'm going to confess tomorrow morning.”
“Are you?”
“Big Sis, do you still want my confession to go well?”
It was a cruel question, a harsh one.
Azazel deserved to be called a nasty bitch for asking it.
Even so, Aria answered gently.
“Yes.”
Ha. Seriously, what an idiot.
They're rivals in love.
They were supposed to be tangled up in a messy, ugly relationship.
What was this?
It made her feel like she was the only bad person here.
“Silly Big Sis.”
“Even you think I'm foolish, Azazel?”
“Yeah, completely foolish.”
“Hehe.”
Don't tremble like that, Big Sis.
This confession is doomed to fail.
Azazel watched the droplets fall from her fingertips.
In one of those droplets, she saw Aria smiling softly.
It hurt her heart.
People shouldn't be so foolishly kind.
* * *
The sun rose.
She slipped away from Aria, who was fast asleep, straightened her clothes, and left the room.
She carefully made her way to the room where Ashtein was staying.
It was right next door, so it didn't take long to get there.
She came to a closed door.
She gripped her trembling arm with her other hand.
She would confess, just as she'd told Aria she would.
It would be a lie to say she wasn't scared.
Her feelings would be rejected.
She would hear the person she loved say that he couldn't love her.
A chance?
None.
Not even the slightest one.
Ashtein already loved Aria.
There was no way he would leave any room for her to squeeze in.
Remembering that hurt.
Her heart felt heavy.
Even so, nothing would ever change if she stayed like this.
She would only remain shackled to these feelings and fall apart.
I have to move forward.
I can't stay here.
Having gathered my thoughts, I knocked with the back of my hand.
Knock, knock.
Click.
The locked door opened.
I turned the handle and stepped into the room.
A man with black hair stood inside.
It was Ashtein.
His black eyes turned toward me.
“You're up early.”
He was neatly dressed.
He was always diligent and responsible.
“Yeah. I have something to tell you.”
I tried to sound calm.
I tried to steady my trembling voice.
I didn't know how I looked to him.
“Yeah?”
His tone suggested he was willing to listen.
I studied his face.
I'd meant to confess right away.
But I couldn't seem to get the words out.
Was this what it meant for words to get stuck in your throat?
After a long silence, he asked me,
“What did you want to tell me?”
It was only three little words.
I love you.
That was all, and yet I couldn't say them.
Even with my mouth open, only a murmur echoed inside it.
I can't do this.
Am I going to run away now?
“Ashtein.”
“Yes.”
“……I…”
Almost there.
All I had to do was say one more thing.
That I loved him.
Just those words, and this painful moment would be over.
Say it.
Say it.
Don't run away.
My lips trembled.
My eyes trembled.
My whole body trembled.
What do I do?
The words won't come out.
My feelings.
My words.
They seemed to have a will of their own.
As if they were telling me not to express them.
As if they were telling me not to say them.
They clung to my tongue and wouldn't come loose.
I was sick of it.
Of pining for him.
Of watching him hold another woman.
Was it wrong for me to love you?
Was it so bad?
It was only natural for one person to love another.
I grew heated.
I choked up.
I knew speaking in the heat of the moment wouldn't end well.
But without that emotional push, I felt I might never say the words.
I might never be honest with myself.
At last, I managed to say the difficult word.
“I love you.”
It was over.
It was the end.
The end of my confession.
Silence fell.
Everything grew quiet.
Everything fell still.
Was this what it felt like for the world to be bleached white?
It was like the midnight sun.
I wished time would stop forever.
I looked up at him, drained.
His brows drew together, and he grimaced.
He looked troubled, unsure what to do.
I know.
I know what you're about to say.
I know how you'll react.
“Azazel.”
I could guess what would come next.
He would reject me.
He had to reject me.
“I'm sorry.”
I know.
I knew you'd say that.
I knew you'd apologize.
“I love Aria.”
And yet my heart still felt tight.
My eyes still stung with tears.
My heart still hurt.
My heart creaked.
I began to ramble.
“I know. I knew you'd say that. I expected it, too.”
“……….”
“I don't mind being your second choice. Even if your love isn't whole, that's okay. You can just look my way once in a while.”
“I can't do that.”
Once again, he rejected me coldly.
It felt as if my heart had shattered into pieces.
I'd expected it, but it hurt so much.
“Why? Second place isn't okay? Ah, so there's someone besides Big Sis Aria? That's fine. I'm very open-minded. Third place is fine, too.”
Ashtein put on a deliberately angry expression.
“Azazel.”
“What?”
I gritted my teeth.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
They traced my jaw and fell to the floor.
My composure shattered as easily as a glass cup.
How could I possibly not care?
“…Am I not good enough?”
Ashtein gave a heavy nod.
“That's so cruel. Really.”
I loved you first.
I saw you first.
I came first.
“I'm sorry.”
You apologized.
You're a bad person.
You, too.
And Big Sis Aria, too.
You're both bad people.
But the worst person of all…
Was me, for not being honest with myself.
Knowing that, I couldn't blame him.
If only I'd realized my feelings a little sooner.
Then I could've received all of your love.
It was a foolish what-if.
If only this, if only that……
You only get one chance, don't you?
You can't turn back time, can you?
“Why are you apologizing? It makes it sound like you did something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Idiot, stop. You're going to make me cry.”
That wasn't true.
I was already crying my eyes out.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
They stung my eyes.
So I blinked.
“What a shame. I really liked you, and now it turns out you're taken.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Is that all you can say? Try saying something else for once.”
He fell silent.
So stubborn.
“Hey, Ashtein. Could you hug me just once?”
Pathetic.
Shameless.
Filthy.
Petty.
Cowardly.
I knew that.
But it was all right to ask him for a little comfort, wasn't it?
“All right.”
His arms wrapped around me.
He was infuriatingly warm.
His solid chest was something I could lean on.
My heart should have been pounding.
Why did it only feel so heavy?
Love was drawing to a close.
It was a young girl's unrequited love.