Chapter 9
I handed Ms. Popo the bag containing the almond water.
I was going to carry it myself.
But it was too heavy, and my shoulders hurt.
If I'd still been as sturdy as before, it would've been no problem.
But now I'm not firm and hefty—I'm soft and squishy, so it's too much.
“Leave all the heavy lifting to me from now on, miss. Understand?”
“Mm-hmm. I understand.”
“And you don't have to speak politely to me.”
“But...”
“Miss, speak to me like an employer and give me orders. With authority!”
“Ugh.. Yes.. No, I mean, got it.”
“Great! Then let's go~!”
So I followed Ms. Popo into the alley,
and before long we were moving through places that made me wonder if these paths had always been here.
How should I put it? I can't explain it exactly.
It felt like we were walking somewhere along the border between reality and its hidden side.
“Um, Ms. Popo. Are we sure we're going the right way?”
“Yes~ Of course! Don't worry, miss!”
No, how could I not worry?!
The alley's getting weirder and weirder!
I kept feeling strange eyes on us, too.
And there was some kind of fishy smell.
It felt like we might run into a genuine monster, not a murderer or robber...
‘Oh! Right!’
I was going to find an entity, wasn't I?!
This definitely feels like the sort of place where a man-eating entity would show up.
So we really are going the right way.
“Oh! There she is!”
“That person is...”
“Yes. She's a friend of mine.”
In the middle of the alley,
a figure that looked like a woman stood beneath a flickering streetlamp.
[The antipsychotic filter activates.]
A bright-red coat and a bright-red mask.
And scissors in one hand.
“Could that be...”
That's totally her, isn't it!
The crazy woman who asks if she's pretty and slices your mouth open with scissors no matter how you answer!
So Ms. Popo... in other words, was the Red Mask a friend of the Eight-Foot-Tall Ghost?
That's a lineup of supernatural horrors that would make any man die of joy!
But I'm a woman now...
“How have you been?”
“.....”
The Red Mask didn't respond to Ms. Popo's greeting.
She just stared at me intently.
“Oh, this is my employer.”
“...Hmm.”
The Red Mask leaned toward me without a word.
The sound of her scissors snipping at the air was creepy as hell!
“Am... I pretty?”
“E-eh..!?”
It came! That question!
If you say she's pretty, she cuts your mouth open.
If you say she's ugly, she gets mad and cuts your mouth open...
“...I asked if I'm pretty.”
“W-well, I-I mean... You're pretty!”
“Then... you should become like me, too...”
Just as the scissors came toward my face,
Ms. Popo gave the Red Mask a hard flick on the crown of her head!
KWAANG-!!!!
Can a human head really make a sound like that?
Oh, right. These weren't humans. They were entities.
“Ugh...”
“Hey! You're scaring miss!”
“Don't make such a fuss over a little joke... More importantly, what are you doing here? And bringing a human, too. Planning to eat her?”
“Miss isn't some emergency ration!”
“...Is that so? Then why are you calling her ‘miss’ all the time?”
What the hell! This conversation is scary as hell!
You crazy monsters, stop eating people!
“She's not food, and she doesn't look particularly special, either. Is she here to be bullied? You do like teasing kids.”
“Hey! Shh..! Don't say weird things in front of miss..!”
“Hee~ You want this little girl to like you, huh?”
“Of course I do! Um, miss. May I show this friend what's inside the bag?”
“Ah, yes.”
At my permission, Ms. Popo unzipped the bag and discreetly showed her what was inside.
A glass bottle shining brilliantly.
And ivory-colored liquid sloshing inside it.
“....This. Don't tell me...”
“Eleven bottles of almond water. They're all yours, miss. And she's the Basement Administrator.”
“....!!!”
Ms. Popo introduced me as if she were showing me off.
I felt kind of proud.
“She's currently collecting vagrant entities who've been kicked out of the Tower.”
“What? Really!?”
“Yeah. I felt sorry seeing you wander around, so I came to find you a job. And you were rude to your prospective employer? You're no good. Just live on the streets for the rest of your life. Miss, let's go find another entity.”
“Yeah. Let's. I don't much like someone who holds her head up so high, either.”
“W-wait!!! No!!! Don't go!!! Give me one more chance, please!!! I'm begging you!!!”
Once the Red Mask understood the situation, she immediately bent at the waist almost ninety degrees.
Apparently that wasn't enough, because she flopped flat on the ground!
Had she thrown away her dignity?!
That's right. This was what I wanted.
How dare she hold her head up so high! Yeah!
“I'm so sorry for my rudeness!!! Please give me one more chance!!! I didn't know this was an interview!!!”
“Hehe. Apologize some more.”
“I was so foolish I failed to recognize a great benefactor and dared to be rude...! I-I'll tear my own mouth open right now... It's the best apology I can offer...”
“Wait! No! Not that! Hey! No blood!”
“Hey! Miss doesn't like seeing blood.”
“Th-then I'll crawl on all fours and bark like a dog! Woof! Woof woof! Woof!”
“.....”
No, how did she fall apart this completely in an instant?
What on earth did almond water mean to entities?
What was it about this savory liquid that could make her crawl on all fours and bark like a dog?
“Sniff... Sob... I-I don't want to eat people anymore... People... They actually taste awful... Every time I eat one, it's like drinking filthy water... I feel like throwing up... I've been pretending to be an emotionless psychopath... but honestly, I can't even keep up the act anymore... Please take me in... I want to go back to the basement... The streets are dirty and cold...”
What was she, a stray cat?
This was too pitiful.
Of course, since she'd eaten people, this entity was bound for hell no matter what.
“Um, Ms. Popo.”
“Yes? I guess she's not to your liking. I'll get the next entity ready right away, miss.”
“N-no, no! That's not it. I was thinking I'd choose her.”
“I'll follow your decision, miss.”
If I left her alone, she'd just eat more people.
And I was short on time, so hiring her was the best for everyone.
“All right. Ms. Red Mask? I appoint you as my bodyguard.”
“Ooh...!!! L-loyalty! I swear my loyalty to you, Administrator!”
Ms. Red Mask naturally bared her forehead and drew blood so I could leave a fingerprint.
I still hate blood!
I should just stamp it quickly and get it over with.
“By the way, what should I call you from now on?”
“I'm Kusukusu... Just call me Kuku for short. And you can speak casually to me.”
“Got it. Kuku.”
Great.
That fulfilled the minimum requirement for the quest.
But how was I supposed to take the two of them to the basement?
“Since we're currently employed by you, we can enter the basement freely.”
“That's right, Administrator!”
So they could go down to the basement on their own.
Then, while we're at it...
“Um. Could you go to Floor -1 first and deal with the entities there?”
“You mean the entities on Floor -1?”
“Yeah. There was something kind of creepy about the entity there.”
The entity on Floor -1.
The doppelganger monster I first encountered in the basement.
It had gradually begun to imitate my voice and appearance.
I guess you could say it left me with a bit of trauma.
It'd be great if Ms. Popo and Ms. Kuku could give it a proper tune-up.
“Oh, of course we can, miss. We'll make sure to teach it a lesson.”
“The battle for seniority with a full-timer... I'll win for sure. Watch me, Administrator!”
Ms. Kuku's a little too tense, isn't she?
She's putting so much force into every word and action.
Is she afraid I'll abandon her?
This feels a bit like adopting an abandoned dog.
“Then you two go wait on Floor -1 first.”
“Yes. We'll be waiting, so take your time, miss.”
“I'll be waiting with bated breath, ma'am!”
After giving them a bottle of almond water each, I headed home again.
I still had 22 hours before my leave ended.
Since I'd used a whole day of leave to come home, I wanted to laze around the house a little longer before going back.
Yeah, I might as well browse the forums and gather some information.
Obviously, the most valuable and precious information is on Constellation Gallery and Babel Gallery!
I'm capable of lurking on two forums at once.
Let's find out about the basement raiding party.
====
Title: Anyone Get a Summons?
Posted by: VikingDescendant
They suddenly told me to head to the basement two days from now. Is it okay to accept?
My Constellation affinity drops if I refuse.
But if I accept, I don't really care about the basement.
[Comments]
└Some of us would love to go but can't. Are you bragging?
└There's always someone who manages to humblebrag in the most subtle way
└Must be nice getting called by your Constellation
└Call me too, damn it
└Feels good to be your Constellation's favorite, huh?
====
What? They're already fighting amongst themselves?
People who got summoned by their Constellations,
and people expressing jealousy toward those chosen by Constellations.
They're biting each other to pieces!
The gallery's turned into a total shitshow.
This won't do. I have to put a stop to it.
====
Title: All Climbers, Pay Attention!
Posted by: BasementAdministrator
You people seem to have gotten something wrong.
If you enter the basement, you'll all die.
I definitely warned you.
If you come in carelessly, you won't get an easy death.
The basement isn't a place humanity can trespass in yet... Don't do it, brats.
====
Hehe. With a warning like this, surely they won't come, right?
I definitely warned you.
If they still come down after this, it'll be their own fault.
====
└What is this guy?
└He says he's the Basement Administrator
└Can someone ban this Basement Administrator impersonator?
└BasementAdministrator: No, I'm the real deal...
└If you're the Basement Administrator, then I'm the owner of the White House
└Prove you're the administrator, you idiot
└It's hilarious that nobody believes him wwwww
└Even a passing dog would laugh at that.
└Suddenly declaring yourself the Administrator lol There are a truckload of liars like you
====
What? Nobody... believes me?
But I really am!
I'm really the Basement Administrator.
What on earth do I have to do to make them believe me?
A way to give my words some weight...
“Ahh. I really didn't want to use this method, but... Mod, I'm sorry.”
There's no helping it.
I'll just have to use the power only I possess.
The ability to create multiple accounts.
Should I pull out the burner accounts I've been making whenever I had a chance?
[BasementAdministrator2]
[BasementAdministrator3]
[BasementAdministrator4]
[BasementAdministrator5]
·
·
·
[BasementAdministrator108]
From now on, I'm going to use every burner account I've saved up and spam posts.
This is the kind of trolling only I, with the [Lurking Feature – Guest Account], can pull off...
What? I'll get banned for spamming?
If one of my accounts gets banned, I'll make three more burner accounts.
Your crime was doubting my identity.
Let's see you try to survive this.
Aja-ja-jat-!
=====
[If You Enter the Basement, You Die (11)]
[If You Enter the Basement, You Die (21)]
[He Really Was the Administrator, Fuck (22)]
[Fuuuck, Mods, What Are You Doinggggg (39)]
[If You Enter the Basement, You Die (19)]
[Why Does This Same Post Keep Coming Up? (53)
[Who the Hell Pressed the Panic Button? (77)]
[If You Enter the Basement, You Die (7)]
[I'm Sorry, I Won't Doubt You, Please (42)]
=====
Naturally, I won.
This incident sharply raised the threat level of the Basement Administrator.
I preemptively shut down the young idiots who, trusting their Constellations and acting cocky, might've come into the basement and lost their precious lives!
Even after all this warning, you still come into the basement?
Then you're just asking to die.
There's nothing more I can do for you.
I don't have time to persuade every would-be suicide.
Well, go ahead and come in if you want.
I'll punish any uninvited guests!