Chapter 19
It's already been three days since I came to this house.
I couldn't even remember exactly when I'd fallen asleep, but when I opened my eyes, I realized I was lying in Hyunwoo's bed.
"Nnngh...!"
I stretched both arms high above my head, then roughly swept aside the bed-mussed hair obstructing my view.
As I crawled out of the bedroom into the living room, the clock immediately caught my eye.
It was already pointing to twelve, and I could really feel how deeply I'd been asleep.
'I really have been sleeping more...'
Was this another way I was taking after a little kid?
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that spending half the day asleep was a waste.
"Hyunwooo... good morning..."
Then, greeting Hyunwoo, who was probably watching me from somewhere in the living room, I rubbed my eyes, still groggy.
But no answer came.
Hyunwoo might have at least said, "Did you sleep well?" but when there was no response at all, I narrowed my eyes slightly and looked around.
'He's not here...'
Only then did I realize Hyunwoo wasn't in the house.
Come to think of it, that was only natural.
Unlike me, who'd become completely unemployed, Hyunwoo had a life of his own.
Hyunwoo probably went out to hang out with people sometimes, and to do the workouts Hyunwoo was so diligent about.
Hyunwoo would have to live a life of their own, working part-time jobs and such to make a living.
After spending the past two days together in the same house, having fun without a dull moment, I'd naturally assumed Hyunwoo would be somewhere in the house whenever I woke up.
Of course, that didn't mean I felt lonely or sad.
I'd been alone for a long time, and ever since I'd given up on the world, I hadn't felt lonely at all.
On the contrary, for me, who'd always wanted to enjoy some breathing room in life, this was close to the happiest time imaginable.
'I'm bored.'
Right. Everything else was perfect.
"......"
As I stared at the sofa in front of me, an impulsive thought crossed my mind.
A shiny black sofa that looked incredibly soft and cool.
I had no reason to think so, but it seemed springy enough to bounce on.
'No one's here anyway...'
To put it simply, I wanted to throw myself onto it.
Not just collapse onto it, either. I wanted to climb to the end of the sofa and dive onto it.
And once I'd had that thought, my body was already starting to climb onto the sofa.
Before I knew it, I was standing at one end of the bed, and I jumped!
It didn't bounce quite as much as I'd expected, but it was soft enough that I felt the attempt had been worthwhile.
"Hehe..."
On top of that, the impact made the hem of my clothes ride up, exposing the bare skin of my butt to the air.
A slightly cool breeze brushed against it, making me feel chilly and shiver.
The freedom of being able to do things I couldn't when Hyunwoo was around didn't even make me feel particularly bad about that.
'...I wonder if Hyunwoo's working right now?'
I found myself thinking of Hyunwoo.
While I was relaxing comfortably at home, Hyunwoo was outside, dealing with people and getting worn out.
For a moment, my mind went blank at the thought that I was living off Hyunwoo like a parasite, making Hyunwoo shoulder the burden alone.
Hyunwoo said it was fine, that it felt like having a cute pet, but I had no idea how long that feeling would last.
'Hyunwoo will definitely start regretting it more as the days go by, won't they...?'
Taking in a living thing meant putting up with all the inconveniences that came with it.
In other words, a pet was like entertainment—something people spent money on to break up their routine and enjoy something different.
Of course, some people treated their pets as family, but it would be ridiculous to expect Hyunwoo, who'd brought me home on an impulse, to be that committed.
Hyunwoo had taken me in because they felt sorry for me, but as time passed, there was a good chance Hyunwoo would start thinking of me as deadweight—someone who only took up their attention and money.
"...No."
I felt an unreasonable urge to deny it, and vigorously shook my head.
To change my mood, I turned on the TV, and a scene from the news came on, catching my eye.
- At 5 a.m. today, another bizarre murder known as the Doll Murder took place in XX City...
A brief headline scrolled along the bottom of the screen as a photo of the crime scene appeared in graphic detail.
Although parts of it had been pixelated so it was hard to make out their original shape, the vivid red spots scattered everywhere and the flesh-colored mass mixed in with them were enough to bring back the hell from three days ago.
"Ugh..."
Of course, it wasn't an especially gruesome photo.
It was only moderately pixelated around the wounds and blood, so you could still tell what had happened to the victim.
Cute, adorable clothes, as if someone had stuffed a person...
A strange photo of a chest pierced through, the victim dressed in flashy clothes that seemed suited only to a doll.
And the victim's body was so delicate and small...
It was easy to tell the victim was a child.
I couldn't stop imagining what the scene would have looked like if I'd been that child, and the thought tormented me relentlessly.
'It's just the news...'
I knew it could never happen to me, but seeing blood itself had become traumatic, and I felt a throbbing, ringing pain in my head.
Thinking that if I kept watching, I'd panic again and want to die, I hurriedly turned off the TV with the remote, then curled up on the sofa and trembled.
'Would Hyunwoo ever think... that it would be nice if I suddenly died in an accident?'
Something like that bizarre murder, or a traffic accident, or anything.
I knew it, too.
I knew perfectly well that I couldn't rely on Hyunwoo forever.
But I had no intention of leaving first, so in the end, I was just waiting for the day Hyunwoo would abandon me, putting off my misery and living on while burdening Hyunwoo.
It was hard to imagine anything more ironic.
I'd hated that so much I'd resolved to die, and yet now I wanted to shamelessly keep living again, moved by a brief act of kindness from Hyunwoo.
Just by being alive, I caused trouble for the people around me.
Whether they liked it or not, the people around me were bound to end up unhappy in one way or another.
Even though I'd realized that long ago, I was shamelessly living in someone else's home, without a care in the world.
'In the end, I can't change my nature of using other people until the very end.'
I'd hoped that, without any more hardship, I could live happily alongside Hyunwoo, smiling as I paid back my debt...
But in the end, I'd only been trying to deny that I was piling up debts while prolonging this meaningless life.
Even though I knew better than anyone that I was useless, I'd attached so much meaning to the one thing Hyunwoo had said to me—that I was cute—as if it really were for Hyunwoo's benefit...
'I was happy. After looking in the mirror, I'd finally found my only value, and thought I might be able to give Hyunwoo even a little comfort.'
In the end, it was all selfishness.
A filthy ploy to turn a blind eye to reality and twist someone else's words to suit myself, just so I could find a reason to keep living.
Feeling sick again, I hurried to the bathroom, knelt down, and grabbed the toilet.
When I looked at the clear water in the toilet up close, I even began to see an illusion of red spreading through it, turning it into blood in an instant.
"Ugh... bleeegh...!"
Even though my stomach was empty, I finally retched, bringing up only the sour fluid in my stomach.
"Ugh..."
I vividly felt the burning pain as it surged back up my esophagus.
My whole body burned as if scalded, and my abdomen repeatedly contracted and expanded violently.
Since nothing was coming out, I couldn't get the feeling of having fully emptied my stomach, which only made me retch harder.
"...Huh?"
It was only after I realized blood was mixed in with what came out of my mouth that I could finally stop.
I dragged my barely steadied body to the sink, took some water into my mouth, and spat it out to clear the foul feeling before returning to the living room.
It had only been a few minutes since I got up, but my body was already exhausted. As I forced it to move, something glinting in the far corner of the living room entered my sight.
'Was that always there...?'
A mirror.
A full-length mirror, the same height as the one we had at my house, stood there.
It was exactly the same product, with the same shape and design.
It was so similar that I wondered how I'd never noticed it until now.
If it had been in my line of sight, there was no way I could've overlooked it, but the mirror stood upright as if mocking me, insisting it had been there all along.
It wasn't facing the window, and since it was tucked away in a corner, it couldn't reflect the light or call attention to itself, but...
It seemed to reflect a phantom from that horrible memory, one that kept poking at some corner of my heart with unnerving insistence, so I walked straight toward it without thinking.
In the mirror, I was standing there. Just as always.
"Hello...?"
I called to the girl on the other side in an uncertain voice.
But there was no answer.
Of course. That girl was none other than myself.