A Misunderstanding

But... aren't you petting me too much?

Pat, pat, pat, pat.

We'd clearly finished talking, and I'd already put the matter to rest, saying I wouldn't have such awful thoughts again.

My body had stopped trembling, and my mind had calmed down long ago. Even though there was nothing in particular left for us to say, Hyunwoo still held me close and wouldn't let go.

Of course, maybe I was the only one who'd recovered from the shock, so I didn't struggle. Instead, I quietly spoke into Hyunwoo's ear.

'...Whispering in a guy's ear at my age. It's a little creepy.'

But it wasn't as if I had any other way to do it.

With Hyunwoo holding me as tightly as he could, even the slightest resistance was pointless. But his ear was right beside my mouth, and I felt bad about shrieking at the top of my lungs.

"Could we... stay like this just a little longer?"

I thought the trembling had stopped.

Unexpectedly, Hyunwoo's voice quivered, and he hugged me even tighter, almost hard enough to take my breath away.

Had I pressed some kind of panic button by saying those strange things that made it sound like I was asking Hyunwoo to hit me?

I didn't know. I wasn't Hyunwoo.

Right. Hyunwoo was the person closest to me.

But even so, we didn't really know each other that well.

At most, we'd hung out together at school and spent the brief period of less than a year before graduation playing board games and drinking.

Naturally, we hadn't been interested in each other's personal circumstances.

My own family situation was nothing but trouble. What good would it do to dig into it?

'Could there be some reason Hyunwoo is so strangely peaceful, too?'

The strength of his arms, hugging me as if he couldn't bear to let me go, seemed to reveal his resolve.

At the same time, his hands seemed to be pleading with me not to leave him, as he searched for warmth.

It felt like I was seeing a vulnerable side of Hyunwoo, who was practically my savior. I had no desire to push those hands away.

So for now, I'd let Hyunwoo have his precious moment of clinginess.

'I could let Hyunwoo stay in my arms as long as he wanted.'

My life was already as good as over.

If I had no choice but to rely on Hyunwoo, I wanted to repay my debt to him little by little, as best I could.

"Yeah. You can hold me as long as you like. Sorry... for saying something stupid."

I decided not to bring up anything about hitting someone or letting myself be hit in front of Hyunwoo again.

I hadn't realized he'd hate it this much.

'Though really, I was the one at fault for assuming on my own that Hyunwoo would hit me.'

Hyunwoo was pure and kind.

I'd said something like that to someone who had all that strength and had never once raised a hand against another person.

Was I unable to forgive myself, and using Hyunwoo in my own delusion to ease my guilt, even a little?

This was the worst. There was no other way to describe the ugliness I saw in myself. I felt so pathetic beside Hyunwoo, with his pure, white heart.

In the end, Hyunwoo had given me everything, been considerate of me, and worried about me. But I'd used him like a get-out-of-jail-free card.

It made me wonder whether I deserved to be loved and cared for by anyone.

'A dirty, selfish, ugly person.'

All I could do was pray that my filth wouldn't reach Hyunwoo, close my eyes, and stroke his back.

"Minseo... Earlier, you told me I could do it, remember?"

"Yeah? Yeah."

"Um... does that still stand?"

Hyunwoo had kept holding me in silence, but now he brought up the subject I'd thought was settled and asked me about it again.

If he meant what I'd said earlier... he was asking if he could hit me, right?

'Yeah. There's no way he could forgive me that easily.'

It seemed that the attack that had nearly crippled Hyunwoo's sexual function wasn't something so minor he could just let it go out of understanding.

At some point, he'd even pulled away from the embrace. He held my shoulders with both hands, leaving only a short distance between us, and breathed a little heavily.

'...'

A fleeting moment of hesitation. Even though I'd already prepared myself for it once, it was still incredibly difficult to agree now that I'd finally relaxed.

But if I could ease the knot in Hyunwoo's heart...

If I could just remove that little sore spot that kept him from forgiving me...

I was willing to offer my body to Hyunwoo whenever he wanted.

"Yeah. Anytime."

I squeezed my eyes shut again.

At the thought that I was about to get hit, I squeezed my eyes tighter and trembled a little.

Then, steeling myself, I lifted my face toward Hyunwoo. That way, it'd be easier for him to hit me in the face.

"Before we do it... I think I should check something. I have one question."

"Yeah."

"Do you really want to do that with me... of your own free will? Or is it just to apologize?"

Hyunwoo's question struck me quite sharply.

It sounded as if he was asking whether I enjoyed being hit, but unfortunately, I didn't have that sort of kink.

So I slowly shook my head and answered.

"As an apology... I don't really want you to do it to me. I'm sorry... for being so selfish."

"I see...?"

A brief silence.

After I answered, Hyunwoo didn't do anything. I felt his hand land firmly on top of my head.

'...My face!'

Probably, fixing my head in place with one hand meant he was going to hit me in the face.

And it seemed to show he didn't intend to stop at one hit. Fear washed over me in an instant.

"I'm not going to eat you... If you're that scared, what was everything you said earlier for? I-I don't intend to force you, either. It's fine. You can open your eyes."

As he said that, Hyunwoo's other hand came toward me. Instead of striking my face, he gently wiped the little tears still clinging to the corners of my eyes.

"Honestly, it still hurts down there... but I can't take it out on your body."

"......"

Facing Hyunwoo's kindness again made me feel as if my own trashy nature stood out even more.

"Let's at least hear why you did it. What exactly was going through your head? Well, I think I can guess..."

"Huh?"

"You woke up with me holding you... right? You thought I was gross and sweaty, so you went straight to wash up."

'What is he talking about?'

Hyunwoo was saying something completely different from what I'd expected.

In other words, he'd misunderstood me.

The real reason I'd attacked Hyunwoo was so far from his assumption that I was turning into a bastard who'd tried to ruin my benefactor's future just because I found him gross.

'No, I did think he was gross, but...'

Still, I wasn't some vicious psychopath who'd maliciously kicked him there hard enough to threaten future generations.

"N-no, that's not it..."

I was so flustered that my words came out as a tiny, mosquito-like squeak.

My voice was so quiet that my denial hadn't even gotten across, and Hyunwoo's expression grew even more serious.

"I'm sorry, too. Since I got smaller, I must seem a lot bigger to you. When you think about that, I must've seemed unbelievably gross."

Even in a situation where I was entirely at fault, I'd somehow gotten Hyunwoo to apologize to me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I looked at Hyunwoo and shrieked at the top of my lungs.

"No...! That's not it..."

"You don't have to spare my feelings. I'll be careful, too."

The reason was simple: I needed to pee.

I only had to say it, but I was embarrassed to put it into words just to correct Hyunwoo's misunderstanding.

I felt my face heat up in an instant, and an inexplicable sense of shame welled up inside me.

'I don't think I was like this when I was a man...'

Maybe it was because my body had gotten smaller, but even saying that I urgently needed the bathroom felt incredibly embarrassing.

'Come to think of it, when I was little, I was embarrassed to say I had to go to the bathroom...'

But now I needed to clear up Hyunwoo's misunderstanding, make him understand that I'd been the one in the wrong, and sincerely apologize.

"S-sorry! I, um... I had to pee...! It was an emergency, and I couldn't help it... I tried to wake you, but you wouldn't get up! I was desperate, and I couldn't get away...!"

I finally managed to get the words out, though they came out in a jumble.

I ended up telling him that I'd kicked him in the groin because I desperately needed the bathroom and was about to have an accident.

"B-but I really had to go... I felt bad about dirtying the bed. I'd heard women have smaller bladders, but I didn't know it was this bad..."

Even though Hyunwoo hadn't shown any particular displeasure, I found myself adding more excuses.

'Ah, seriously! Why is it embarrassing to say I need to use the bathroom...?'

My cheeks were already burning. I didn't even need to look to know my face was red.

And after hearing my excuses, Hyunwoo...

"Pfft... Heh... What? That was why? Did our Minseo need to use the bathroom?"

His serious expression softened in an instant, and he started laughing and teasing me.

I was already mortified to death, and Hyunwoo's follow-up attack felt like it doubled the damage to my mental state.

I was knocked out in an instant, and my embarrassment shot past its limit.

"Ugh..."

In the end, I curled up and buried my face, blocking everything from view.

Should I be glad things had ended peacefully? Or would it have been better to just get hit?

I thought about it, but realized there was no point since it had already happened.

'...So is it all over now?'

The thought suddenly occurred to me, so I made one last check with Hyunwoo.

"S-so you're not going to hit me now...?"

"Huh? Hit you...?"

"Uh... weren't we talking about that this whole time?"

Hyunwoo reacted as if he were hearing that for the first time.

Apparently, Hyunwoo had understood the conversation to be about something other than violence.

"What did you think I meant, Hyunwoo...?"

"Huh? Um..."

Hyunwoo seemed to think for a moment,

"Nothing... Never mind! Yeah...!"

He gave me a very suspicious, forced smile.

"No repetition fixes or pronoun ambiguity decisions were needed."