Chapter 17
Th- Hyunwoo... I'm sorry...
Creeeeak.
After rushing to the bathroom because I urgently needed to pee, I ended up taking a shower too. I slowly opened the door, peeked out, and cautiously offered an apology first.
At some point, he must have calmed down. Hyunwoo was sitting quietly on the living room sofa.
Even though he wasn't saying anything, he had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths. It was more than enough to make him seem intimidating.
"Umm..."
"Come sit over here first. Let's sit down and talk."
When I stammered a little, intending to keep making excuses, Hyunwoo opened his eyes and looked sharply at me.
His rather forceful attitude and words made my knees feel weak.
'Though it's a hundred times better than a moment ago...'
Even so, given Hyunwoo's size and the fact that I was in the wrong, my body trembled more than usual, like a herbivore about to be eaten.
It was true that this situation was an unavoidable accident, but my bladder was to blame, not Hyunwoo.
My bladder was, without question, part of my body right now.
So that didn't lessen my guilt for inflicting that horrible pain on Hyunwoo.
"......"
I simply did as I was told...
I walked over to the spot right beside him, which Hyunwoo was patting with his palm, and plopped down.
'His hand's tense...'
No matter how soft the sofa was, just putting a hand on it would normally only make a little tapping sound.
The fact that his hand was making a springy, smacking sound against the sofa was more than enough to tell me just how angry Hyunwoo was with me.
"Eep..."
Hyunwoo just stared at me.
It was frightening to see him draw his sharp, almost predatory gaze right up close and glare as though he would swallow my eyes whole.
His gaze blazed as if it held fire. I felt like my eyes would melt if I stayed exposed to it.
The longer he stared without saying a word, the more anxious I became, until tears started blurring my vision.
'W-what if he hits me...?'
Seeing Hyunwoo's hand still tensed, I sank into a dark fantasy.
I imagined that after all the trouble I'd caused him and all the losses I'd made him put up with, he was so angry at me over what had just happened that he might even slap me, and there'd be nothing I could do.
'Eeeek...'
When I squeezed my eyes shut, I began picturing myself being abused, all kinds of horrible things happening to me.
I imagined being slapped and collapsing onto the sofa, then getting punched in the chest and torso, before he gripped my head tightly, lifted me into the air, and kicked me in the stomach.
Since I'd already come close to death once before, it wasn't hard to imagine how horrifying I would look in that situation.
My cheeks would probably be swollen, one side of my nose bleeding, and my whole body bruised as I bled and slowly died.
"Please... go easy on me... Sob..."
Having established a hierarchy in my mind just from thinking about it, I started crying and begging, praying I could avoid that horrible situation as much as possible.
I was too scared to find the courage to open my eyes, though.
Rather than provoke his anger further by showing no remorse, it was more likely to end less badly if I apologized first and begged forgiveness politely.
What might have ended in death could instead end with me obeying everything he said from here on out and only breaking one bone.
'If I had to choose... an arm would be better. If my leg broke, I wouldn't be able to move...'
Once that thought started rolling, it grew like a snowball, passing through all kinds of exaggeration and distortion until it came hurtling toward me like some catastrophe.
For no reason at all, my brain had already half accepted as fact that Hyunwoo was going to beat me.
At least when he was about to slap my cheek for the first time, I had this vague faith that if I let him get it out of his system, he might feel a little better. So I raised my head a little and positioned my face squarely toward his, making it easier for him to hit me.
"...What? You really mean I can...?"
Just as I'd braced myself, I heard Hyunwoo's bewildered voice.
'What...? Is this not how this works?'
The tension continued as sweat slowly gathered on my skin. I thought about opening my eyes, but if the slap coming my way hit me in the eye, that'd be a disaster, so I kept them tightly shut.
I just had to wait a little, and it would be over.
With my eyes closed, after a moment when it felt as if the world had shaken dozens of times, everything would be over.
"I really can...?"
Hyunwoo asked again, his voice trembling slightly.
When I felt one of his arms slowly wrap around my back, my heart started racing even harder.
'H-he's holding me so I can't run away before he hits me...'
Hyunwoo's behavior was crueler than I'd expected, and I couldn't stop the tears that burst out in my panic.
At this point, even if I tried to run away, there was no way I could escape.
All I could do was quietly accept the fate I'd been given and recite, in a barely audible voice, the last thing I could say in this moment.
"Yeees... hic... snif... do whatever you want until you feel better..."
The words left my mouth completely.
Just as I'd finally prepared myself to face Hyunwoo's anger head-on and let go of my lingering hopes, I heard him take a deep breath.
Whooo... haa.
Hyunwoo probably hadn't ever hit anyone in his life, either.
Maybe he was preparing himself thoroughly because he was worried that if he struck without being ready, he'd be tormented by guilt for the rest of his life.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
Just meaningless apologies.
Even though I knew Hyunwoo had already steeled himself, I couldn't stop my lips from apologizing, and I kept at it through my tears.
Then I felt a slight stir in the air...
"...Huh? Yeah?"
Soon Hyunwoo's arm loosened, and I felt his body move away from mine.
"No... Actually, no. Just because you made one mistake, you shouldn't be offering your body to me. It's too soon. It'll only leave us both hurt."
He started admonishing me in a tone that sounded like something you'd say to a lover blindly following an impulse.
Then Hyunwoo hugged me tight and gently stroked the back of my head over and over.
He seemed to have changed his mind, probably because this body was too frail for him to bring himself to hit me, and because Hyunwoo was kind at heart.
"Minseo. I just... I don't mean I want to do that today. I waited without saying anything because I wanted to hear your explanation. Treat yourself a little more carefully. That body belongs to you now, doesn't it?"
His breath brushed my ear.
His soft breath and sweet, concerned voice slowly melted my heart.
It felt as though the frozen shard of ice that had been waiting for pain and suffering was melting away.
It was a little strange how sweetly Hyunwoo was speaking, almost as if he were overdoing it, but I still felt relieved.
"I'm sorry... I thought if I just closed my eyes and let you do whatever you wanted, you'd calm down..."
I confessed my honest feelings to Hyunwoo.
And I realized just how naive that idea had been.
Hyunwoo had never resorted to violence, even when he had the strength to, and here I was, a woman who looked so small...
Not to mention a woman at least fifty centimeters shorter than him. He might not even realize how painful it would be to hit someone like that...
'I just thought I could take one hit and be done with it.'
Even knowing that, inside, I was still a 21-year-old man, what had my reaction looked like?
I'd trembled with fear, tearfully repeating my apologies, and offered my body up to him.
In other words, even a light slap would make him look like a piece of trash.
"Don't think like that. Please. There are lots of ways to apologize. You don't have to offer your body to someone like that... Well, firsts are precious, after all."
"Yeah..."
I started to feel like something was off, but Hyunwoo was probably talking about the same thing I was, right?
Was being beaten for the first time considered one of those precious firsts these days?
I couldn't understand it at all, but since we'd always lived in different worlds, I had no choice but to accept it.
"That's something you do with someone you love, when you both truly want it, with mutual consent. It's not something to lose so easily."
Hyunwoo's face looked terribly grim as he delivered that lecture with such gravity.
"I-is that so...?"
"Yeah. We're not that kind of relationship, are we? So... don't do something that devalues you like that."
To think being beaten was something you did with someone you loved, with mutual consent...
I started seeing Hyunwoo in a new light. A bad one, of course.
So once Hyunwoo found someone he truly loved and started dating her... would he abuse her every day?
It was also the first time I'd heard that being beaten meant losing your self-worth.
'I mean... if the beating left you disabled, then I guess that would be a loss...'
But the way Hyunwoo said it made it sound as though the act of being beaten for the first time itself had some kind of value.
Of course, there were probably people who liked being hit. But they were a tiny minority.
It absolutely wasn't something to be cherished, like Hyunwoo was saying.
'Could Hyunwoo be a lot more dangerous than I thought...?'
And, feeling relieved that Hyunwoo had never had a woman he liked until now, I silently made a firm resolution.
'Hyunwoo... I'll make sure you can never date anyone.'
This was for the good of the world.