Chapter 23
"Hyun...woo?"
My body had no strength left in it.
I turned my gaze toward the person holding me, calling the name of the only messiah I knew.
I hadn't expected it, but if possible, I wanted the one who boldly saved me in that moment to be none other than Hyunwoo.
I didn't want to owe someone else, and at the same time, I wanted so badly to see Hyunwoo right then.
After all, Hyunwoo was the only one in this world who had ever taken me in.
Even at a moment like this, my selfish desire to believe in and rely on Hyunwoo as my one and only savior until the very end had flared up again.
"Ngh...! Ugh... Hey! Don't just go limp—at least try to stay alive!"
But when I raised my eyes, I could tell at a glance that the person in front of me wasn't Hyunwoo.
I could tell even through my blurred vision.
The other person's voice was far too high and clear to be a man's, and she was a slender girl with no muscles to speak of.
And a very young one at that... Maybe middle-school age?
Judging by her uniform, she was probably on her way home after school, or heading home after leaving early.
"Let go... I really was trying to die..."
I looked at the girl and spoke clearly, my voice weak.
I was grateful she was trying to save me, but unfortunately, this girl didn't look strong enough to reach over the railing and lift me up from that awkward position.
Even if she could save me, owing someone else would surely double the weight of my life—in other words, the guilt I had to bear—so I didn't want to be saved.
Rrrip!
I saw the buttons on the girl's top scrape against the railing, some of them coming off.
I widened my eyes to see what the noise was and found the girl had stepped onto the railing and leaned farther over it, with nearly her entire upper body hanging beyond it.
Her position was so precarious that if she slipped even a little, her lower body could swing over too, and she could easily fall with me.
Seeing her like that, I began to feel afraid.
'No... No. I should be the only one who dies.'
If we fell together in a double suicide, wouldn't I become like a water ghost, dragging this girl down with me?
She'd die resenting me to the end, asking why I'd chosen to die right there, in front of her.
She'd curse me, and I'd sink to the bottom of that dark river carrying a sin I could never be forgiven for.
'Even in a situation like this, the cars keep driving by.'
In movies or on the news, there's always at least one person who stops their car and saves someone in a situation like this, then gives an interview.
I hated myself for realizing once again how bleak the world was and, in a way, feeling relieved by it.
"Let go. You don't even have the strength to save me anyway..."
"I can do it, okay? I'm the ace of the sports team at my school... Ngh...!"
The fact that she could hold on to a girl just a little smaller than herself for several minutes certainly showed she had more stamina and strength than an ordinary kid.
But that was all.
I realized that superhuman strength beyond all reason didn't exist in reality, and that this girl would never be able to save me.
"What if you fall in trying to save me...? If things stay like this, we'll both..."
"Ugh...! Ngh!"
The girl seemed to be nearing her limit, too, and the strength of her grip on my hand began to weaken.
Fortunately, it seemed my fear of us falling into the water together wouldn't come true; one by one, the girl's fingers began to loosen...
"...?!"
Just when I thought I was about to fall alone again, the girl leaned even farther over and grabbed my arm.
At the same time, the girl's body wavered...
"Huh...? What?!"
We fell together, hand in hand, like the best of friends.
'This was the one thing I didn't want...'
It couldn't have been a worse ending. This girl, whom I'd effectively killed...
Even as we fell, the girl pulled me close and hugged me tight.
She was an innocent child who'd only tried to save and protect me.
If only I'd jumped before this girl noticed me. No, if only I'd jumped so quickly that she never had a chance to save me.
No matter how much I regretted it, this situation wouldn't change.
I let out a sigh, filled with endless self-loathing and emptiness.
'Still... a person's embrace really is warm.'
Soon, once I fell into that water, this warmth would disappear, too.
It would all become cold and sharp, gouging at my heart and stabbing into my chest.
The girl's warm, precious gaze would turn into sharp lasers that pierced my eyes, and her embrace would change from gentle to rough hatred, tearing my body apart.
'This is too cruel...'
I complained to the divine being watching all this unfold—the one who must have orchestrated it.
All I could do to resist was raise my freed fingers, extend my middle finger, and curse at the empty air.
It really was cruel. This damned world.
After taking everything from me and isolating me completely...
It would even burden me with the guilt of having killed someone else with my own hands, just because I'd come to have one precious person.
And that someone was still a young, tender sprout.
Splash!
Still held in the girl's arms, I finally completed my fall and plunged into the water.
My body, frozen from being exposed to the cold wind with almost no clothes on, felt as if it were cracking and shattering as it hit the icy river.
It was an insane sensation, as if my whole body were being chopped into pieces, each one dragged off in an opposite direction.
Thanks to that, my mind cleared up again, but it hardly felt like a blessing. My vision sharpened, and I saw the girl struggling in the water, too.
The impact of hitting the water seemed to have knocked her body out of my arms.
"Pwah... Ha...!"
The girl seemed to be desperately trying to reach the surface and steady herself.
As I slowly sank underwater, I watched her to the very end.
'Still, at least I'll die first. I won't have to watch that girl die...'
Thump!
Just before my face was completely submerged, I felt the girl latch onto me again and pull me into her arms.
Maybe because we were underwater, even the slightest force lifted my body back toward the surface.
The girl pressed me close to her and wrapped one arm around my back.
'...?'
I hadn't thought it was possible. I was sure it was all over.
I was certain there was no way to survive this.
But as if scoffing at my weak spirit, the girl moved her other arm freely and began cutting through this enormous river.
It was so incredible that it felt as if an angel's wings were cleaving through the world.
To me, it felt as if the water had parted completely, like the parting of the Red Sea.
I should have been sinking by now. That should have been the ending already, and yet this girl was showing me a miracle and trying to save me.
The sight of a girl who was barely middle-school age accomplishing what my 21-year-old self had given up on was so beautiful that...
Before I knew it, I found myself praying.
'Please save me. Please...'
There in the middle of the river.
In this cruel place, where it would normally be too much for two small, frail girls to survive after falling in, this girl fought hard to swim toward safety.
She didn't abandon the girl in her arms, the burden weighing her down.
If anything, she chose the worst possible option of all, taking on even more weight by holding me close.
Even so, steadily, little by little, she was nearing the far bank. The distance was shrinking.
The girl climbed onto land, still holding me.
Her determination to save me finally bore fruit, overriding my will to die.
Maybe that's why the smile of this child, who should have seemed younger and smaller than me, began to look like that of the kindest mother.
"See? I told you I could do it. I'm the ace of the swimming team at my school, you know?"
The girl held up a V sign to me, full of confidence.
At the sight of that, I reflexively fell to my knees.
"I'm sorry. I was wrong... because of me..."
"Ah... It's okay! You're alive, that's what matters. I'm fine, sis."
She forgave me so easily and wiped the tears flowing from my eyes.
Though wiping them didn't get rid of the water, since we'd been in the river just moments ago.
"Um... First off, you look a little exposed, so put this on, at least! You're a girl, and everything's showing through..."
Then she took off the thick blazer she was wearing and draped it over my shoulders.
It was the same jacket whose buttons had already been torn off earlier, so it couldn't be fastened in front.
Besides, the girl was wearing an ordinary blouse under her blazer, and her underwear was visible through it, so it felt awkward to accept the jacket while seeing her like that.
If I accepted this and put it on, it felt like my dignity as a human being would be shattered, so I tried to take off the blazer... take...
"I said put it on! Why are you trying to take it off again?"
"Y-Your body is showing through, too..."
"Hey. It's still better than you, with your whole body showing through. And these aren't underwear. It's a swimsuit, so it's fine."
"That's not the point..."
In the end, the girl silenced me by pressing a finger to my lips, then forced my arms into the sleeves of the blazer. Only after she'd taken off her shoes and socks and put the socks on me, too, did she let me go.
"...Honestly, I have a lot I want to ask you. First, I think staying here like this will just make us both depressed. It's close by, so why don't you come to my house?"
With that, she ended the conversation unilaterally and, without even waiting for an answer to what was clearly a question, took my hand and started leading me along.