I'm Home

Tap-tap!

As I walked with Jimin, before I knew it, we had arrived in front of Hyunwoo's house.

I knocked lightly, but Hyunwoo didn't respond.

It definitely wasn't anywhere near time to sleep, yet all was quiet on the other side of the door.

Bang, bang, bang!

Wondering if he still hadn't come home, I grew anxious, clenched my fist, and kept knocking with all my might.

The door soon opened, and Hyunwoo came into view, looking down at me with vacant eyes.

His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were haggard.

His forehead was scraped, as if he'd hit it hard against something, and blood was seeping from the wound.

I couldn't figure out what to say, so I decided to start with the most basic greeting.

"Hehe... I'm home..."

There was so much I needed to explain: why I'd left the house, why I was only coming back now, and where I'd gotten these clothes and shoes...

But I'd resolved to face Hyunwoo as I was and do everything I could.

And I'd concluded that this wasn't something to talk about in the doorway.

Jimin, perhaps overwhelmed by Hyunwoo's imposing presence—he was so much bigger than her—could only stare at him blankly.

"......"

Hyunwoo's hollow eyes kept shifting between Jimin and me.

The look on his face, as though he couldn't understand what was happening, felt like a spear driven into my heart.

It felt as if the pain of guilt were washing over me, trying to make my heart pessimistic once more.

"U-Um, hello...!"

Jimin was the first of us to come to her senses. She bowed politely and greeted Hyunwoo.

But before she could finish, Hyunwoo charged forward, dropped to his knees, and hugged me tightly.

"Eek...!?"

Hyunwoo's sudden, unexpected action left both Jimin and me speechless.

I'd expected, at most, a lecture or to get scolded. This was a response I hadn't even considered.

But Hyunwoo didn't seem to care about my reaction at all. He wrapped his arms even tighter around my waist and buried his face against my chest.

The fabric over my chest soon grew damp.

I'd never imagined Hyunwoo—so strong and so indifferent to other people—crying in front of two girls so much smaller than him.

"Sob... ngh..."

'Hyunwoo...'

I realized anew just how worried Hyunwoo had been about me, and how much he cared.

I knew this affection had already gone far beyond the bounds of caring for a pet.

Perhaps because I was someone he could actually talk to, those feelings carried that much more weight.

At least, Hyunwoo was the kind of kid who hadn't shed a single tear even when the cat he'd raised passed away.

"......"

Since I couldn't presume to understand what Hyunwoo was feeling, I realized that his feelings for me were anything but light.

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

The only thing I could do right now was explain the situation to Hyunwoo and apologize.

At least until I was clearheaded enough to do that, I needed to hold him warmly and let him know I was here.

I stroked Hyunwoo's head for a long time, then hugged him tight, sharing my warmth with him.

Fortunately, it seemed to help. In less than a minute, the tears soaking my chest dried, and Hyunwoo's trembling gradually stopped.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

I couldn't think of anything to do besides apologize.

I kept apologizing, remaining like that for a long time.

Then Hyunwoo finally pulled away and stood up.

"...Come inside for now. Let's talk inside. It's cold out today."

Thinking, 'So it's finally come to this,' I gave a small nod and was pulled inside by Hyunwoo, who roughly grabbed my hand.

He gripped my hand as if he would never let go, squeezing so hard it felt like my fingers might shatter.

This, too, was my sin and my karma. I had no right to complain.

Just before I was pulled inside, I caught one last glimpse of Jimin's flustered face through the doorway.

Even so, she realized this wasn't a situation she could get involved in and gave me a small wave.

'She's such a kind girl...'

Quietly, she set down the bag of clothes I'd dropped—the clothes Jimin had given me—just inside the entrance...

...and gently closed the front door.

Her kindness was angelic to the very end.

Thinking about how many people I'd caused trouble for today alone made my brain feel as if it were melting.

"Hyunwoo... It hurts... I said it hurts...! Ngh..."

The closer we got inside, the tighter Hyunwoo's grip became, and I complained of the pain.

When I looked up at Hyunwoo with tears pricking my eyes and my face crumpled, he finally let go.

He roughly sat me down on the bed, then stared at me with a fierce expression. He seemed dozens of times scarier than usual.

"Minseo."

"......"

I couldn't speak.

What was I supposed to say now?

No matter what I said or what excuse I made, it wouldn't change the fact that I'd caused Hyunwoo trouble, so I couldn't lift my head and just stared at the floor.

"Hey. Kim Minseo!"

When I didn't answer, Hyunwoo grew even angrier and shouted louder.

"Y-Yes...!"

Seeing this beastlike side of Hyunwoo for the first time in my life, I trembled without meaning to and squeezed out an answer in a quavering voice.

Hyunwoo looked at me, then let out a long sigh.

I felt like a herbivore just before being devoured by a predator.

"...Sorry. For yelling. I scared you, didn't I...?"

After staring at me for a long moment, Hyunwoo was the first to lower his voice, easing the sharp tension.

"Hah... huff..."

Only then did I gasp for breath, unable to breathe freely until now, and let the tears I'd thought had dried up fall.

'Huh...'

I was the one who should be apologizing.

I was the one who'd run away without a word, tried to die, and made him worry.

The tears streaming down as if I were the one who'd been wronged only made me hate myself more.

I was scared. Terrified out of my mind, but...

More than that, I felt so sorry to Hyunwoo that I couldn't move, as if my arms and legs were bound.

I couldn't get the words out.

I needed to tell him that wasn't it, that I was sorry...

"I'm sorry... I got scared when you suddenly disappeared..."

"......Hic."

It wasn't me who was saying sorry. It was Hyunwoo.

No. This was wrong.

I should've apologized on my knees, begging him and promising that Hyunwoo hadn't done anything wrong, and that I wouldn't make him worry like this again.

Thump.

I couldn't understand why it was Hyunwoo who'd lost all strength and collapsed to the floor.

"N-No... That's..."

I barely managed to part my lips and let the air escape.

Before I could get my stumbling words out into a complete sentence...

My small leap of courage was swallowed up by Hyunwoo's actions.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... for not understanding how you felt, Minseo..."

Hyunwoo looked up at me where I sat on the bed, wearing the mask of a sinner, like someone making a confession.

Kneeling and bracing himself with his hands on the floor so he wouldn't fall, he apologized to me more abjectly than anyone could.

"I would never... I didn't..."

"...Could you give me... just once... one chance...?"

As Hyunwoo kept cutting off my excuses, I began to feel frustrated.

Why couldn't I just say it plainly?

It wasn't your fault. It was all mine.

I should've helped Hyunwoo to his feet, then stretched myself out on the floor and apologized in a pathetic heap.

Hyunwoo couldn't hear my voice at all.

Of course.

How could he make out a voice that was barely louder than a mosquito's, barely audible as it trailed off?

"I'll pay more attention to you...! If something makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, and I'll... I'll..."

I didn't know why Hyunwoo was being so desperate with me.

There was no reason for him to worry about someone like me.

And in the moment I thought deeply about that reason, I finally understood.

"I don't want to lose you anymore... Okay...?"

Hyunwoo, too. Even Hyunwoo, who'd seemed so perfectly fine, was just as broken as I was.

It didn't have to be me, specifically.

He simply didn't want to lose anyone anymore.

Had Hyunwoo's heart, like mine after losing my parents, remained frozen on the day he lost his cat?

Hyunwoo's words drifted through my mind once more.

I was something like a pet, so I wouldn't cause him any trouble.

'So... that's what you meant.'

You, who'd treated me so coldly and expressionlessly at the spot where you buried your cat...

You must have sealed your sorrow away in the direction you turned to look at the grave.

"......Yeah."

After I gave a short answer, Hyunwoo slowly climbed onto the bed.

At last, he was right in front of me, staring at me blankly, and I felt him slowly push me down onto the bed.

Realizing I'd been pushed over by Hyunwoo, I felt strangely unsettled.

As his body gradually overlapped mine and he collapsed on top of me in an embrace, Hyunwoo's body didn't feel disgusting at all, unlike usual.

"...Just sleep like this tonight. I don't want to let go. I don't want to lose you..."

Hyunwoo's quiet sobbing and childlike pleading felt completely unfamiliar.

For some reason, I had a feeling tonight... would be a long one.