Chapter 42
"Minseo Oppa."
"Why... what now?"
After Hyunwoo left the house for work, the two of us were left alone in an awkward silence.
Hyuna broke the silence, and I answered shortly, trembling with unease.
I held the spare phone Hyunwoo had given me in one hand, ready to call him at any moment...
"Aren't you hungry?"
But Hyuna asked something surprisingly reasonable.
I'd been sure she'd say something crazy again.
Surprisingly, she hadn't tried anything weird since we'd been left alone together.
Maybe she'd only been provoking me on purpose when Hyunwoo was around.
Hyunwoo did see me as his, and from what I'd seen over the past few days, he seemed like the type who hated other people touching his things.
"But Hyunwoo made us lunch before he left."
"Come on. A little fruit and some rolled omelet hardly count as a meal."
"I felt full..."
Ever since I became this body, I hadn't had much of an appetite.
"Minseo Oppa, you're really tiny right now, too. You have to eat a lot if you want to grow!"
"...It'd be weird if I grew up looking like this, too."
I was already in a small woman's body, and there were still plenty of things I hadn't fully gotten used to.
Still, when I thought about it, I didn't have breasts or anything like that, so maybe it wasn't too hard to adjust.
Except when using the bathroom or washing up, I hadn't felt any physical discomfort beyond being smaller, so maybe I was lucky.
Of course, I'd always dreamed of getting married, having children, and building a happy family like a normal person, but...
I might as well say all of that went up in smoke the moment I became like this, right?
I had no desire to live as a woman.
"Anyway, don't you want to go outside? It must be boring staying cooped up in here!"
"No. Hyunwoo will worry. I have to take a picture and send it to him every hour."
Hyunwoo had overreacted just because I'd joked about going out.
I didn't want to be any more of a nuisance or give him more cause to worry.
But a part of me had started wanting to go outside and see the world, too.
"We can get back before Oppa comes home anyway. I know the passcode."
Hyuna's suggestion sounded incredibly tempting.
I knew perfectly well that going out like she suggested would mean repeating the nightmare I'd been through...
But the paradise I'd grown so used to had started feeling boring, so empty that even its coziness felt almost embarrassing.
Was that how stories of angels falling from grace came about?
"But... what about the pictures? Hyunwoo will get mad if I'm even a little late..."
"Just take a bunch in advance and send them one at a time."
The words Hyuna whispered to me were so sweet.
"So, are you coming or not?"
"...I am."
Before I knew it, I'd eagerly taken the devil's hand.
I turned my back on the paradise where I'd been comfortable, telling myself that as long as my savior didn't find out, it would be fine.
Of course, Hyunwoo wasn't omniscient or divine, so there was no way he'd find out.
As long as I didn't get greedy and stay out too late, I thought it would be fine.
ㅡ Click.
I took a few pictures and put on my shoes by the front door.
Minsu's shoes, the ones Jimin had given me. I hadn't known they'd come in handy like this.
I was a little surprised myself that, just a few days ago, I'd somehow come into a complete set of clothes and shoes.
It felt as if... the world itself was calling me outside.
"......"
That faint sense of wrongness had to be my imagination.
Deciding that nothing could go wrong as long as I followed Hyuna, I closed the front door behind us.
It's different from that time.
Hyuna's with me now, so I can always come back.
That means nothing strange like last time will happen.
"Minseo Oppa. These stairs are pretty wide. Can you make it down?"
"I'm fine. I've gone down them before."
I gripped the handrail, leaned against it, and descended slowly, one step at a time.
Just like the first time I'd gone outside.
I could feel the impact through the soles of my feet, but this time was definitely different.
"...You look like you're in danger. Are you really okay? Should I at least hold your hand...?"
Had watching me descend one step at a time made her worry?
Had I looked that precarious to other people back then, too?
I didn't know.
"I'm fine, I said. I only have to make it halfway down."
Even so, if I accepted her help, it felt like I'd be admitting I was weaker than I had been when I'd come down these stairs barefoot...
So I didn't take the hand Hyuna offered.
"......"
When I was about halfway down, I turned around.
Then I saw the red marks growing more vivid farther down the stairs.
The blood on the soles of my feet still hadn't washed away.
They were traces of that time.
The marks dug into my eyes, etched vividly there like a warning not to go out into the world.
Only then did it sink in.
What I was doing now was repeating the mistake I'd made back then. I shouldn't go outside.
"Ugh..."
For a moment, nausea rose in me. I bent forward and fought back the urge to throw up.
My vision began to fill with red...
As if warning me. Warning me... Don't go. You can't go out. It'll happen again, just like then. You might die. This time, for real...
That uneasy feeling became a premonition, then took shape and settled in my mind as an established fact.
I'll die. This time, for sure... Hyuna isn't Hyunwoo. She isn't my savior.
The world might kill me again, just like last time.
There was no guarantee Jimin would save me again.
Could I still keep walking...?
I kept asking myself, over and over.
I didn't even know whether I was speaking to myself or to someone else inside me.
"Hah... ha..."
I was starting to choke.
The pressure was so intense, it felt like my heart was about to burst.
Why? Those were just marks now.
These were only stairs, and beyond them was just an ordinary city in the ordinary world.
The same place where I'd walked hand in hand with Hyunwoo, then with Jimin.
It was definitely the same place, and yet I...
"Minseo Oppa...? Aren't you coming down?"
"Ah... Aaaaahhh...!"
"Minseo Oppa...? Oppa?!"
For a moment, my vision turned completely red.
Unable to see even an inch ahead, I heard hurried footsteps rushing up the stairs.
I was beginning to lose the ability to tell what was making that sound or even where I was.
There was no warmth. The air was stifling, and the space around me was dark red...
It looked no different from hell.
"Oppa...! Oppa, please come to your senses, okay...?"
I heard someone saying something, but I couldn't make out the words.
I could tell that a sound had echoed and that it was an urgent voice, but I couldn't understand what it was saying.
My ears, eyes, and mouth were all open, yet none of them worked.
I felt like a broken, defective product.
Alone in an isolated space, I kept shouting without end.
"Hyunwoo... Hyunwoo..."
His name came to me unconsciously.
I cried out for the name of the savior who could shamelessly rescue me from this hellish situation.
But no answer came.
Of course. Hyunwoo wasn't a god.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry...! I was wrong... U... uaaa... Hyunwoo..."
Even so, I didn't stop.
Was this how prisoners felt when they repented for their sins, knowing they would never be saved?
Even though the mistake I'd already made was slowly numbing my senses, I shamelessly hoped to be saved.
It was nothing short of selfish.
And then, I felt something embrace me, and my body seemed to rise into the air.
It wasn't warm. A chill so cold it could never save me washed over me.
A sharp sensation, so cold it seemed it would jolt me awake if I tried to fall asleep.
Goosebumps covered my whole body.
"Hyunwoo...?"
No. This wasn't the feeling of Hyunwoo.
Even though I knew it, I didn't want to accept it, so I convinced myself that the arms holding me belonged to him.
If Hyunwoo wasn't beside me at that very moment, I felt like I'd suffer until I went mad.
"Huaa... haa..."
Even breathing had become painful, so I raised my hand and started choking myself.
It hurt, but for some reason, it felt like I had to do it.
I felt so far gone, as if I could die at any moment.
My breath seemed to stop. Then, when I let go, it came back all at once and began to return to normal.
But even that didn't last long, and I had no choice but to put my hand back around my neck.
I'm going crazy. I'm going to die. It hurts. I'm in pain.
I kept mumbling the words, faintly voicing them—words more like curses than anything else.
I believed Hyunwoo would hear me and save me.
No, even if he couldn't, believing that would at least give me something to hold on to.
Where had things gone wrong?
No one could give me an answer.
Maybe I could figure it out by going over the memories and tracing the chain of events, but that was impossible now.
"Rest for a little while, Minseo Oppa."
Once again, an indistinct reverberation reached me.
My head throbbed for a moment, and I felt as if my body had been thrown to the floor.
Whatever it was, I felt myself sinking little by little into sin.
The creepy sensation of countless hands groping me and finally dragging me underground took over my whole body.
"......"
Through the endless stretch of time, I kept crying out for Hyunwoo.
No matter how many times I called, Hyunwoo didn't answer.
Even by a rough count, I felt like I'd repeated his name a hundred thousand times, but no warmth came to me.
Had I repeated it a million times by then?
"Fuck...! Minseo. Where is Minseo...?"
Hyunwoo's voice came from far away.