Chapter 38
Uh... well... no, I mean, I already knew that from the start.
The Hero spoke with a serious expression, as if he were revealing some tremendous truth, but since it was something I had known from the beginning, it didn't make much of an impression on me.
If we're talking about secrets, what I'm hiding is a tremendous secret too.
I wanted to reveal it, but I was too afraid of what might happen, so I couldn't bring myself to say it. I kept thinking that if even that kind-hearted Hero learned the truth, wouldn't he shudder with betrayal?
Even though this was a truth I clearly needed to reveal, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The Hero was speaking with a face full of guilt, saying it was his fault, but the one who should feel the most guilt here wasn't the Hero. It was me.
Still, I couldn't act as though I had known from the beginning, so I put on an expression of feigned surprise. I worried that my acting might seem awkward, but judging by the Hero's expression, that thankfully didn't seem to be the case.
“I'm sorry for hiding it from you all this time.”
I shook my head.
Even I was in this situation because I couldn't tell him my own secret; just because he was the Hero didn't mean he could easily tell me his, either. If the original Lumia heard this, how would she react?
The Hero was confronting me with his own truth, while I was still wondering how I should act.
Feeling disgusted with myself once again, I lowered my head. Shouldn't I tell him the truth too, even if I took advantage of this situation to do it? I kept thinking that maybe the Hero would forgive me.
But,
There was no way that could happen.
He had come back to the past to save Lumia, but the Lumia the Hero knew did not exist in this world. Sometimes, when I saw myself thinking like Lumia, I wondered whether Lumia might exist somewhere in my heart, but if that were the case, wouldn't she have come out by now?
And if that were true, I would be no different from someone who had stolen the body of a healthy, happily living Lumia, so I couldn't bring myself to face the Hero. I had simply been living a normal life until I ended up in this body, but if Lumia came demanding to know why I'd stolen her body...
Ah...
I was overthinking things again.
I shook my head.
Right now, it was time to talk with the Hero.
“Lumia...?”
“...”
What should I say in response?
At first, thinking that I only needed to survive, I had planned to toy with the Hero's feelings.
I wanted him to look only at me while telling him that no one else would do—but that I wouldn't accept him either.
However, after realizing that the Hero had saved me this time, that his concern for me was sincere, and that those feelings were unbearably heavy, I became terribly confused.
Was it really right to continue living like this?
Was it really right to keep misleading the Hero about my feelings while living only for myself? The Hero thought I was Lumia and was devoted to me, while I pushed him away simply because I didn't want to let him embrace me, yet I stopped short of rejecting him entirely under the pretense that it was for the sake of the world.
Now that he had revealed himself to be a regressor, he knew what was needed to defeat the Demon King, so he wasn't the sort to back down just because I pushed him away, but...
Hadn't I been trying to take advantage of that?
I looked up at the Hero.
There was a very easy way.
If I simply gave myself to the Hero, I could bring about a peaceful world where no one died. I would only have to abandon myself and love him.
But that wouldn't be true love, so... I probably wouldn't be able to win his acceptance.
I...
What am I supposed to do?
“...”
Right, first... I should answer him.
- It did seem strange. You solved things as if they were nothing, even though they couldn't have been dealt with without knowledge of the future.
“As I thought... You had noticed, at least to some extent.”
‘..?’
What?
What did he mean by saying I'd noticed?
Had I let it show on the outside?
At least, I'd only suspected in my own mind that the Hero was a regressor; I hadn't shown it outwardly. So how did he know that I'd noticed?
“You must be wondering why I'm revealing this.”
I nodded.
“There's no other reason. It's just... I thought you didn't trust me, Lumia, so I thought I had to do this to earn your trust.”
So that's why.
It wasn't that I didn't trust the Hero.
No—considering my position, I had no choice but to trust him.
Judging by everything he had done until now, he had taken care of me and tried to protect me to an almost suspicious degree.
As I had said earlier, he responded perfectly even to things that couldn't have been handled without knowledge of the future, so I couldn't help but assume that he had returned to the past to save Lumia.
It made no sense.
That he had returned to the past to save a party member.
Did that even make sense?
“And there was something I wanted to hear from you, too. Earlier, when I saved you, you looked as if you were wondering why I was here.”
Ah...
I thought I'd hidden my expression as well as I could, but apparently the Hero had been pondering the expression I'd made in that moment.
As the Hero said, I had made a face that asked why he was here, but that wasn't why I distrusted him. The distrust I had wasn't directed at the Hero; it was distrust of myself, so there was nothing for him to worry about.
I couldn't tell him why I'd become distrustful, so I remained silent.
But that silence didn't last long.
“So... I wondered whether you might have returned to the past as I did.”
The reason he gave was extremely shocking.
It was strange that the Hero had suspected I was a regressor.
Was it because the Lumia he remembered from before his regression resembled the person I was now? Maybe the Hero had simply been fooled because I was good at acting, but even so, the details of Lumia's character that I remembered weren't all that extensive.
Though we'd spent only a short time together, it was long enough for him to see through me. Even so, the fact that the Hero thought I was Lumia was strange, now that I thought about it.
I didn't know how things had come to this, but there was only one answer I could give here.
“...”
I shook my head.
For a moment, I wondered whether I should tell him I was a regressor, but I was already hiding more than one or two things from him, and I couldn't add another lie here. Besides, if I said I was a regressor and he asked me about things that had happened in the past, I wouldn't be able to answer, and that would only make me seem even more suspicious.
More than anything... I didn't want to deceive the Hero anymore.
When I shook my head to indicate that I wasn't a regressor, the Hero let out a sigh of relief.
“That can't be... right? Yeah, thank goodness.”
I didn't know what he was relieved about, but seeing the Hero looking genuinely relieved made it clear that whether I—or rather, Lumia—had regressed was extremely important to him.
What on earth was making the Hero react this strongly?
I racked my brain for anything in the setting I knew, but I couldn't find a reason he would be relieved that Lumia hadn't regressed.
- What... made you return to the past?
“Because I failed to defeat the Demon King... I returned to defeat the Demon King.”
That was exactly how it was in the game.
The Hero had regressed to defeat the Demon King.
“This time... I will defeat the Demon King.”
As he said that, the Hero turned to look at me with a wistful expression.
This guy, seriously...
“And... I'll definitely save you. That's why I came back.”
He really was insane...
He probably meant “save” in both senses.
Saving the world was one thing, but the one the Hero wanted to save was none other than Lumia.
If I were the Hero, could I set out once again on a journey to defeat some great evil in order to save someone? It was hard to imagine that he could have gone through that journey without regressing, which meant he must have watched his party members and Lumia die or be brutalized over all those long years, yet he had never broken.
And even so, he was still moving forward to save them.
If his regression was anything like what I knew, he hadn't regressed only once or twice.
How many times had he repeated the past?
It wouldn't have been strange if he had broken, so how could he still have such clear, unwavering eyes?
I felt admiration for him.
‘He's amazing...’
I genuinely thought so.
Then, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
When the Demon King was sealed or defeated, the holy sword granted one wish.
What wish had the Hero made after seeing Lumia sacrifice herself?
I wondered for a moment whether to ask, then shook my head.
I didn't think he'd answer even if I asked.
The one thing I knew for certain was... at least, it probably hadn't been anything material.