Chapter 39
Though my conversation with the Hero was over, the fact remained that I was deceiving him. Even if loving the Hero right away was difficult, I had decided to stop pushing him away simply because he was a man, as I had before.
From the Hero's perspective, he was doing everything he could to save me, so if I kept pushing him away, I'd be a real bastard. Even if I couldn't approach him, I at least intended to stop pushing him away.
Even if that weren't the case, I still had to love the Hero eventually in order to defeat the Demon King, so seducing him while pushing him away as I had until now was no longer a good choice.
Rather, I would have to actively seek him out from now on. If there was one fortunate thing, it was that his appearance was closer to beautiful than masculine, so I felt a little less repulsed.
If he had been muscular and masculine-looking, it would have been much harder. That was only a relative comparison, though.. It was still difficult even now.
Even so, if I changed the way I looked at things, I would be fine someday. From an objective perspective, there couldn't be a more devoted person than the Hero.. The only reason I hadn't fallen for him was that I was a man. If I had been a woman who knew the whole truth, I would have fallen for him long ago.
I didn't want to say this.. but to be honest, when the Hero said earlier that he would save me, I think I was a little excited.. He had become a wall I could lean on amid the confusion, so I didn't think it was strange for me to feel this way.
For now, I could be certain it wasn't romantic love. If it were, I would already be making a scene out of self-loathing. It hadn't reached that point, and as I had said before, I thought it was closer to admiration.
It should be, though..
What should I say.. I was very confused..
I assumed it was because of my current circumstances, but the fact that I had felt something like that for a man was shocking in itself. I had called it admiration earlier, but the fact that I had been excited at all..
Hmm..
I was this affected even as a man; if I had been a woman, how much worse would it have been?
No matter whether you were a man or a woman, someone who would go so far as to return to the past and struggle to save you was someone you couldn't afford not to hold on to. I could understand, to some extent, why the other heroines had fallen so completely for the Hero.
He really was an incredible guy.
“...”
I couldn't just remain still like this.
It might not be the right time yet, but he was still the Hero.
Cecilia and Ruril could fall for the Hero and try to seduce him at any time, so this was my chance, while neither of them had made a move. That said, doing something right now would be a little..
‘Ah..’
Did I really have to do this..
No matter how sorry I felt toward the Hero, and no matter how well I knew that I would have to love him someday.. now that I was actually trying to approach him and spend time with him, it was difficult. Or should I say I was nervous..
It was hard to explain.
Until now, we had shared a room because we had no choice after getting only one room, but this time I would have to be the one to suggest sleeping together, and that was quite difficult. There was no way my excuse for booking fewer rooms to save money would work now, when we could get as many rooms as we wanted.
That meant I had to be the one to say it..
“The festival's still in full swing. How about we go out together?”
“...”
Oh dear.
I couldn't exactly refuse to go out with him after he said it like that.
I nodded.
My worries from earlier hadn't disappeared completely, but perhaps because I had talked with the Hero, I felt much better than before. Deceiving the Hero had certainly been wrong, but maybe all I had to do was show him my true feelings from now on.
At the very least, I wouldn't push him away without giving him a chance.
And..
Maybe I should be a little more proactive and approach him myself. I looked down at the hand he held out to me for a moment, then carefully placed my own hand in it. The Hero looked surprised for a moment when I did, then smiled and pulled me along by the arm.
For now, maybe I should get a little closer to him at the festival.
Now that I was a woman, wasn't I supposed to be going to a festival with a man?
Since I had been a man before, I had always gone to festivals with men. I had never been to a festival with someone of the opposite sex, so I didn't really know what it was like, but I was going to get closer to the Hero, not seduce him as I had before.
It would probably be no different from usual.
I smiled faintly without the Hero noticing.
Whereas before, I had tried to act like Lumia, this time I planned to act like my original self. If the Hero noticed something different from the Lumia of the past and asked me about it, I would tell him the truth.
I might not be the Lumia you know. I had decided to stop deceiving the Hero.. At the very least, I wanted to face him as myself.
If he was truly the Hero, perhaps..
“...”
No, that was asking too much of him.
I shook my head.
For now, I would just enjoy the festival.
Apparently, Cecilia and Ruril were already enjoying themselves. I wanted to hurry to the festival, eat delicious food, and enjoy all the things there were to do.
I quickened my pace.
.
.
.
It was good that we'd made it as far as the village, but Cecilia and Ruril, who had been nearby only a short while ago, were nowhere to be seen no matter where I looked. Apparently, they had grown tired of waiting because we had taken so long to come out and had gone off to enjoy the festival on their own.
Still, we were party members. Couldn't they have waited a little longer?
If we wanted to enjoy the festival as long as possible, we should hurry, but when I thought about it, this was my fault, so I had no grounds to complain. After looking around, I eventually gave up on finding Cecilia and Ruril.
“This is..”
What caught our attention as we walked down the street was an accessories shop. I wasn't particularly interested in accessories, but apparently the Hero was. The moment we entered, a clerk approached us and showed us around.
“Are you perhaps looking for a wedding ring?”
I almost reacted to the direct question, but Lumia couldn't hear anyone's voice except the Hero's. Even if I didn't act exactly like Lumia, the disabilities the original Lumia had—whether they were merely part of her character settings or not—had existed in reality and couldn't simply vanish.
Everyone around me already knew that Lumia could neither speak nor hear, so I couldn't suddenly claim that I could hear after all. Though I had said I would face things with all my sincerity, I sighed at how pathetic I was for not even being able to reveal this truth.
“No, it’s not a wedding ring..”
The Hero answered awkwardly, seeming to glance at me for a moment before turning his head back toward the accessories. Come to think of it, why had he suddenly brought me here? As far as I remembered, the Hero hadn't been particularly interested in accessories either..
“Well... there’s something I wanted to give her.”
“What kind of gift.. Ah!”
The clerk looked toward me for a moment, then seemed to realize something and suddenly walked over to a display. I wondered what accessory the clerk intended to recommend, but it turned out to be a hairpin.
A hairpin..?
“You always seem to wear that pointed hat. Perhaps you wanted to give her this so she would take it off, at least for today?”
The Hero looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected that. Apparently, that hadn't been his intention, but he nodded with a pleased smile as if it wasn't a bad idea.
Huh..
Did I have to take off my hat?
“This hairpin is a magic item imbued with a spell that will deploy a protective barrier exactly once when danger strikes.”
I didn't need something like that since I was a mage.. However, the Hero apparently didn't see it that way. He said this one would do and asked the clerk how much it cost. It was quite expensive, so I tried to refuse, but he said the money he had received as a bounty made it all right and bought it anyway.
No.. What a waste of money..
“Lumia.”
The Hero turned toward me and held out the hairpin, saying that even a mage would have trouble defending herself if her mana ran low or an attack came from an unexpected direction, and that this hairpin would protect me, even if only briefly.
Normally, I would have complained about wasting money, just as Lumia would have, but why was it different this time? I thought the money was being wasted, but I didn't think the Hero had done anything wrong. Rather, I found myself thinking that he had bought it because he was worried about me..
It didn't feel bad to be cared about.
Could I really feel this way? This was the kind of concern Lumia ought to have received—not concern meant for me.
Even so.. hadn't I decided to accept his sincerity as well?
Yes.. that's right.
Swish.
“Ah..”
When I took off my hat, the Hero stared at me with a dazed expression.
- Thank you, Hero.
With a bright smile, I answered the Hero.
Although my voice could not reach him, I hoped that one day it would.