Chapter 13
I singled out the people who resisted and punished them with chat bans.
The viewers kept making a racket, but then looked around them.
Once they realized there was a mafia slaughtering them mercilessly every night, they quieted down in no time.
It's finally quiet.
“All right, then, everyone agrees to set some chat rules, right? If you have complaints, speak up now.”
I am merciful. Speak, and I shall listen.
-Fire
(This viewer has been banned.)
-There's water too lol
-Boss;;
-Even department heads don't do that these days
[ㅇㅇ donated 1,000 won!]
Teacher, teacher, they say if you shake your head while a robber has a knife to your throat, he'll stab you. What should I do?
“What do you mean, what should you do? Just nod.”
-Dictatorship! Boo!
-I hate communists
You're being disgustingly disobedient.
“Why-y-y? Help me out here. I need more viewers if I'm going to stream for a long time, okay?”
-What do you call it when she only acts cute when she needs something?
-She shakes down ants like that?
-The face of someone who witnessed an ant purge > ㄱ-
-ㄱ-
-Why are so many watching when everyone fucking bailed?
-ㅋㅋ Someone relayed it to the gallery
-Who the fuck watches that to the end? But I did lol
-Aww, Yookssaem!
Ahem. That's just unfair hate.
“Okay, enough nonsense. Let's decide already.”
-You said just stay within the lines, just stay within the lines
-Don't contradict yourself
-Cut off your dick.
“What do you mean, ‘dick’? Besides, I don't have one anymore, so doesn't that settle it?”
I did contradict myself, which I apologize for, but that's why I'm apologizing.
Can't we be manly and let it slide?
-If it ends with an apology, what about the police and the law?
-You think she's just going to say it and leave it at that? lol
-For real lol
Seeing how unmanly the viewers' hearts were, they seemed to want me to offer up something.
Hmm. What should I do? I do feel a little bad about taking yesterday off, so maybe I'll give a little.
You have to let them win once in a while if you want things to last.
That's a life tip, so memorize it.
“Fine. Then I'll do one thing you want. But only after I do what I originally planned.”
-Kyaaaaaaa
-Restoring public sentiment is Great Jian
-Jiaaan~~
Are they really that happy? I wish they reacted like that when I cook, too.
The road to becoming a cooking streamer is long and arduous.
“Now then, let's make the rules.”
-Let's go
-But is there anything to do?
-For real, let's just copy another streamer's room rules
“I knew you'd say that, so I brought rules I made by cop— I mean, by referring to rules from other rooms.”
Wow, round of applause. Praise diligent me.
-Yep
-Yep
-Tsk tsk (not the usual “tsk tsk” lol)
-Diligent plagiarism
“Focus, focus. Here are the three-line-summary rules you all love.”
1번 No mentioning other streamers.
2번 Stay within the lines.
3번 If you're annoyed, block them yourself.
-This streamer knows how to live
-That's it, that's it, that's it
They were going to like it anyway, so why didn't they listen from the start? What entertaining little friends.
As I watched the positive chat, one donation hit the nail on the head.
[Dr. Yu Jian donated 1,000 won!]
Jian, if this is all you're doing, why did you even make rules?
-For real
-What's changed?
-What a fucking overreaction
You really hit the nail on the head.
But really, there isn't much to it.
“It's basically an official contract. Did you ever get back the New Year's gift money your mom took from you as a kid?”
-Gasp
-Gasp
-Your New Year's gift money has been replaced with Mom's cosmetics.
Of course, I never gave mine away. A second go-round at life doesn't fall for things like that.
What? There were adult circumstances? Well, I was just a baby then, so I wouldn't know.
“That's all because we didn't put it in writing.”
So, now that it's officially a rule, follow it properly.
-Aren't “stay within the lines” rules way too vague?
-This is hard...
-Ttyu-tya-tya-tyu
“The line? Hmm. I did mention it early in the stream, but let's define it again. Keep it simple: have fun, and go easy on the simp behavior.”
-The jam's in the fridge thoughh (This viewer has been banned.)
Good example. No-fun, instant ban.
“We're all just here to have fun, right? It's not like I'm going to do gachi-koi with you guys. Let's just be friends, okay?”
-I grope my friends, though, uh-heh-heh
-Come over here! (friend)
“Um… guys. You mean between guys? What a taste.”
-?
-?? That's not what I meant
Okay, okay, I understand.
Normally I'd shout “Don't kink-shame,” but a friend's sexual orientation deserves understanding.
“Even so, I love you. My son.”
I miss Whitebeard, who embraced even traitors, all the more today.
-You fucking bitch
-🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
-Thanks, thanks
-Gay gay
“For all the fuss, there aren't actually many rules, are there?”
-Yeah
-Isn't this just how things normally are?
“Haha. Right. I won't really be policing things any more than usual. But if I see you gatekeeping when new viewers come in, you're getting your head chopped off immediately.”
Now I have grounds, so just try it. I won't let you off.
-Trust us!
-Trust us?
-What gatekeeping? I came here to watch a pure cooking stream.
[ㅇㅇ donated 1,000 won!]
That's not how friends act. Even if Jian introduced me as the man she's marrying tomorrow, I'd still give her a wedding gift, yep.
-Lol, already got one hooked
-Wedding gift (funeral money)
The rules-setting announcement was done, and it was time to hear the suggestions I'd put off earlier.
“Now, give me any good suggestions. I'm not promising to do everything, but if it's reasonable, I'll consider it.”
[ㅇㅇ 님이 1,000원 후원!]
Classic horror game, let's go.
[Angyeon donated 1,000 won!]
Eden, let's go
-Fuck, it's you again, Eden
-Angpyeong lol
-Isn't that game dead?
That guy seems to show up consistently too.
I should make a note and try it sometime later.
-No no no no no no
-Please
Judging by the reaction, Eden is for shaking down the ants. Got it.
Other requests came flooding into the chat as well.
-Face reveal
-Dance dance dance
-ASMR
-Shower stream
That damn face reveal request keeps coming up. Do I really have to do it sometime?
Hmm. I'll leave that for Future Me.
Anyway, what do they mean by dancing and all that, and what's a shower stream?
The requests are starting to sound more and more like things you'd ask for in a female streamer's room.
“Ahem! Guys, this isn't that kind of room.”
I know what you want, but it's not something I can do.
How could I do something that embarrassing? Even if I'm a woman now, no way in hell.
Besides, I never said I'd do everything.
-Since it's a cooking stream on the surface, how about making something and raffling it off?
“On the surface,” you say? What are you talking about? I've never abandoned the path of cooking streams, from the first day until now.
But it was a good suggestion, so I'll make a note of it. Ten people should be enough, including the five who watched Humankind to the end.
Ten might sound small, but there are about forty watching my room now. I'm taking care of 25% of them; if that's not generous, what is?
I sorted through the various suggestions in chat and donations, keeping some and discarding others.
So the roughly usable suggestions were a play-until-you-win stream, a horror game, a weird-food stream, and a food raffle, I guess.
“Doing all of these at once would be a bit much. Shall we spin a roulette wheel or something to decide what to do first?”
-Let's go
-We have to, absolutely
-??? Where did all the better options go?
-Down with dictatorial politics!
Nope, can't hear you.
Ignoring the noise, I opened the roulette.
-You're going to cook anyway, aren't you?
-For real lol, just put it in as one of the slots.
“That's why I can't stand sharp little brats… but I already put it in. Too bad.”
I filled in the rest and spun it, and...
It landed on cooking. More precisely, making homemade food as gifts for viewers.
Nice. See that, you fools? That's what skill looks like.
Viewers complained that it was rigged or boring. Did they really hate it that much? Still, a pretty woman was going to handmake something for them. Maybe I should be a little hurt.
No. I am hurt. Can't you like it a little? Whether you're joking or not, hurt is hurt. If you don't like it, spin again.
“Then spin it again. I don't want to cook for people who don't want it either. If you don't eat it, you're the ones losing out, not me. This is too filthy and petty; forget it.”
Grumbling, I just flicked the blameless mouse around. The pointer went back and forth from left to right in response.
-Pouting?
-Why does she sound so girly lol
-Oh
-Is our Jian pouting? Big bro's gotta cheer her up, huh?
(This viewer has been banned.)
-Look at all the lurkers crawling out of hiding
-Clip it
There had been many twists and turns, but in the end it was decided: homemade food. Since I had to ship it, it would probably be cookies, though!
Everything had gone exactly according to my plan. Truly.
***
“Ahem. Those of you getting up, sit back down. Today is Big Jian mode. The stream isn't over yet!”
-Pig Jian! Pig Jian! Pig Jian!
-It isn't over? It isn't over? It isn't over?
-Damn it, I like you, Jian!
-Heaping bowl! Heaping bowl! Heaping bowl!
“I looked around at other streams and YouTube channels, and apparently there's a rite of passage everyone does after debuting. But I never did it. Can't have that. People have to follow the trends.”
-World Cup?
-Male Streamer World Cup, let's go
-Male streamers are shit
-There really seem to be gays in this room
-That's boring
What the hell is “male streamer”?
I'd called you friends earlier, but don't forget that female-streamer broadcasting is basically just another form of brewing simp stock.
Do you really believe her smiling and saying, “Let's do a Male Streamer Cup,” and go along with it sincerely?
You'd be branded a non-virgin that very day, and the most vicious Unicorn Brigade would come swarming in.
Take back “swarming in.” They wouldn't even spare you a glance. Huh? Would that be a good thing, then?
But I'm still brand-new. Brand-new but secondhand? Out of the question.
I smoothly ignored it and continued with what I had originally planned.
“Even if it's boring, give it a chance. It's my first time doing this.”
-What category is it?
Obviously food. I'm a cooking streamer.
Food worl… no, this is the second easy World Cup.