Chapter 14
Before we started, I explained the criteria I would be using.
“Just so you know, this is based one hundred percent on my own standards. Some of your opinions might be, like, ‘Huh?’”
I figured that would at least reduce the amount of complaining.
No, wait.
Wouldn't it actually be better if they complained?
Isn't the whole point of doing a World Cup to set the viewers against one another and watch them fight?
No? Okay, let's say that's true.
When I started the World Cup, the first matchup was yokan versus spicy chicken ramen.
A matchup where the result was obvious without even looking.
-Definitely the latter.
-2222
-You tasteless idiots, expensive yokan is incredibly delicious.
-Boomer.
-Insanely expensive yokan vs. ramen that fills you up, drink included, for 3,000 won.
-A 3,000-won feast? Oh.
The chat was going exactly as I expected.
Judging by the chat, ramen was clearly the safe pick.
It's understandable. I wondered whether kids these days had even tried yokan.
But I had said I would be judging by my own standards, so I wouldn't be taking the viewers' opinions into account.
I chose yokan without a moment's hesitation.
Spicy chicken ramen. Honestly, take away the spiciness and isn't it just an ordinary ramen?
I absolutely did not choose yokan because I can't handle spicy food.
-?
-The spice wimp is doing this again.
-That's crossing the line.
-You made the right choice.
-Boomer.
-Fuck, Yerim, show us your ID.
“Guys, there's no need to go all the way to expensive yokan. I know ramen is delicious, but in the end, you're just comparing instant ramens with each other.”
I searched for premium Japanese yokan online, put it on the screen, and displayed a picture of the yokan in yellow packaging beside it.
“But Korean yokan that costs less than a thousand won can go toe-to-toe with the Japanese stuff that costs tens of thousands!”
Korean yokan is. REALLY. DAMN. WELL. MADE.
“Someone said earlier that expensive food tastes different, right? But if you go to Japan and try premium yokan, the words ‘Huh, is that all?’ just come out automatically.”
I moved the mouse pointer over the Korean yokan and spun it around in circles.
“That's only because our yokan is so unbelievably, unbelievably, unbelievably, unbelievably well-made that the comparison makes it obvious. Okay?”
Another example is chestnut ice cream and the French dessert Mont Blanc.
Once you eat Mont Blanc, the first thing you think is ‘expensive chestnut ice cream,’ so that tells you everything.
And these are my standards, so I'm right. I won't be accepting any objections.
Next up was chicken breast versus chicken thigh.
How do they keep giving me matchups like this? Still, this one's easy.
I clicked chicken breast without hesitating for even a second.
“I told you before, didn't I? Chicken breast only turns dry when you throw it straight onto the fire.
“Well-cooked breast versus well-cooked thigh? Definitely the former. No objections. If you object, I'm right anyway. Thanks for playing.”
-You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
-Come fight me, you bitch.
-So if I date you, all the thigh meat is mine, right?
-For real lol.
-She's already my girlfriend, though. (pushes up glasses)
-Tasteless, tasteless, tasteless.
Before I knew it, I had acquired a boyfriend (pushes up glasses). What is this? I don't need one.
“I'm not planning to date any of you. And I'm talking about well-cooked meat. If you order fried chicken, you eat the thighs. Who eats the breast?”
-?
-??
-Then for fuck's sake, choose the thigh.
-You're doing it on purpose just to piss us off lol.
-Triggered?
Sure, keep talking. It's my room, and it's my world—the one I made.
Leaving the chat in flames behind, the next matchup was steamed buns versus tteokbokki.
Whoa, isn't this one pretty evenly matched?
Thinking that, I looked at the chat.
-111111111
-1111
-2
-2? Is this an estrogen-type?
Steamed buns seemed to be slightly more popular than I expected.
Thinking back, even when I was in school, the girls liked tteokbokki more than the boys did.
Let me correct that. It wasn't merely that they liked it; they were crazy about it.
But the boys ate it pretty well too.
At first they had this ‘Why me?’ attitude, but after I fed them a few times, they started eating it just fine among themselves.
They probably all liked tteokbokki; they just didn't show it.
You bunch of dishonest bastards.
“Hahaha.”
A laugh escaped me before I realized it.
-Pick 1 already and move on.
-Ugh.
-Why is this bitch giggling?
-Oh, apparently she has to eat tteokbokki because she's a girl.
-Hearing that laugh, yep, she's definitely an estrogen-type. Mm-hmm.
-Honestly, tteokbokki over steamed buns any day.
Yep. Number 2.
“I'm choosing tteokbokki not because I'm a woman, but because I have a sad memory.”
An incredibly sad memory. The kind of sad memory that no one could hear without bursting into tears. Just imagining it already made my eyes well up.
-No melodrama.
-?
“It was when I was in high school, I think. One winter day, I bought a vegetable steamed bun at a convenience store. I blew on it in the cold and took a bite, only to find nothing but bread inside. So I thought, ‘Well, that happens,’ and took another bite—but lo and behold! Another tragedy: nothing but bread again.”
-‘Lo and behold,’ my ass.
-But sometimes you really do get ones like that.
-For real, it is fucking infuriating.
“I ate it four times, and there still wasn't any filling inside, you know? If the person who made it had been standing in front of me, I would've slapped the steamed bun right across his face.”
-?
-Is that it?
-Jian, I'm getting an urge to slap you. Where do you live?
Now that I'd said it out loud, it didn't seem very sad. What a shame.
That's roughly the story. Let's move on.
Seafood bibim sauce versus cafeteria curry.
“Long time no see, Haebimso. It tasted better than I expected.”
Curry had an enormous gap between its low points and high points in my mind.
It was like our team's top laner meeting us again on the Sabaody Archipelago twenty minutes later while going 0/8/0, compared to the enemy top laner going 10/0/0.
Still, we won the game. Top diff, top carry.
The former did taste fishy, but I still mixed it with rice and ate it pretty well.
-?
-??
-What? Not going to take the bait?
-How would Brother Namgung know that?
Haebimso...? Ah. I misspoke. At times like this, don't panic—bring out the invincible internet shield.
“I only bought and tried it out of curiosity because people kept talking about it.”
-Info: Haebimso can no longer be eaten because of corruption in military food procurement.
Really?
I searched it, and... it was true. So that was the taste of military procurement corruption? No wonder it tasted bad.
“You mean someone ate it recently? I said I tried it back when it was famous.”
-Hmm.
-Try catching her.
If you catch me, what can you do? Besides hissing and raiding the gallery, what can you do?
I continued the tournament while avoiding the people poring over every detail.
Mint chocolate versus Hawaiian pizza.
This one's really easy. Let's move on—
-Yellow mutt, blegh, spit.
-You're talented, keep it up like that! You're talented, keep it up like that!
-Please lose, please lose, please lose.
-Better than toothpaste: pineapple pizza.
-Hawaiian hate is the norm lol.
-阿. 绝绝伊亚. 阿. 绝绝伊亚.
-Striking you from my list of brides.
-What's with the forced hate? What's with the forced hate? What's with the forced hate?
-Name your favorite soccer player already.
-This is a tit preference.
-An ass preference pretending to be a tit preference lol.
Why? I was admittedly trying to provoke you a little in the earlier rounds, but isn't this one genuinely the choice I made?
Anyone who seriously eats pineapple pizza should check whether their tongue has gone bad.
Who thinks to eat fruit meant to be refreshing while it's hot?
Combine two perfectly normal ingredients, and voila—garbage.
This is miracle alchemy. Wrong answer, alchemist!
-Jeez, Teacher Boomer, what era is that manga from?
-Still, hmm, you know it too.
-This room's average age is fucked lol.
-My. Peers. Around. Me. All. Like. It.
-Anyone whose age ends in 1, kindly fuck off; you smell musty.
Handle your geronticide among yourselves later.
Now it was mint chocolate's turn.
Many people curse it as toothpaste flavor, but that's completely untrue.
Toothpaste tastes like mint, that's all.
And surprisingly, lots of people haven't even tried mint chocolate; when others throw rocks, they often throw rocks too, like some card from a stone-flipping game saying, ‘A fight? Count me in!’
What? The former is the same? Shut up.
Looking at it that way, I don't like mint chocolate, but at least it's not food waste, right?
-?
-Toothpaste squad, noted.
-This is discrimination against Hawaiians, yep.
-Info: Hawaiian pizza was first made in Canada.
-Jian is right. Mom was eating Hawaiian just now, so I snatched it from her and threw it away.
-Breaking your mom's heart is so Jian lol.
***
Contrary to what I thought would be a low-effort stream, the chaotic World Cup ended just like always.
Someone teased me that I'd added another line to the controversy list today, but I, Kim Jian, can swear before heaven that there is no one as clean and innocent as me.
“Right?”
-Spicy chicken ramen is massively overhyped.
-Anyone who eats Hawaiian is an idiot.
-It's fucking annoying when soldiers complain while eating Haebimso.
-Wow, not a single one of these can be let through lol.
-Is this actually real?
If you keep twisting what someone said into something weird, won't other people misunderstand?
Time for a brief language correction~
Click click click.
“Well, we worked hard on today's stream, right?”
-Yep.
-Working our asses off setting fires~
-For real lol.
-Domain Expansion! Silence!
When did I start a flame war? You guys just have low ignition points. It's so unfair, so unfair.
-Blaming us again.
-This bitch is a habitual offender lol.
Yeah, yeah. Just the usual forced hate.
-Right, when are you going to cook?
-Decide before you go.
“That's right. I had something else to say about that.”
Wait a moment.
As I said that, I first put the five usernames I'd organized last time on the screen.
-Isn't this a favoritism ban?
-For real lol.
-Hey, aren't named regulars forbidden? lol
“These are the Five Red Guards from last time. I'll give them prizes without putting them in the draw.”
I've got to take care of these people.
They were grateful customers who didn't run away from the shop and kept coming back until the very end. You have to look after your regulars.
What? Wasn't I the one who chased them away? Wanna die?
-Why only you guys? Why only you guys? Why only you guys? Why only you guys?
-It's hell. It's hell. It's hell.
-Then please write down an address where we can receive the prize. ^^
-Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
-This is what a country should be!!!!!
“Calm down. I'm picking five more people, too. It looks like there are about fifty viewers in my room right now, and if I exclude the five of you and pick five from the rest, that's pretty generous, isn't it? Do you agree?”
-What a bargain.
-Hee hee, Manager, please go die already.
-That fucking dad-joke bastard is really consistent.
I'll escort our manager home safely and won't go any farther.
“Anyway, I'll do the draw in the café.”
At first, I thought I'd just pick people at random, but then I had a great idea.
I put the newly created board on the screen.
“Can you see this?”
-Yep.
“Write down why you deserve to receive a homemade dish here. Then I'll give it to five people, starting from the top by recommendation count.”
-Okay, rigging incoming.
-I made a group chat. Get in.
-Fifty servings, yar~ Fifty servings, yar~
The viewers were planning to rig things among themselves so all fifty of them could take first place.
Sigh. Rigging or not, you lot sure are good at banding together.