Chapter 12
Welcome Party
"Could it be—the 'gal who's kind to otaku' really exists?"
With an expression that would have turned into a dramatic manga-style face if this were a manga, Inoue Riko-san began to speak.
"Um, who exactly is she...?"
"For now, let's hear her out."
I gestured to the bewildered Takanashi-san to keep quiet.
No, I wasn't exactly sure what was going on either. But Master was looking at us with an extraordinarily apologetic expression, so I decided to wait and see what happened.
"There are certainly gals who treat otaku kindly. But they're gals who are kind to otaku, too. They're genuinely good people, not the idealized beings otaku long for."
Inoue Riko-san clenched her fist tightly.
"These days, the barriers around subcultures are lower, and tolerance for otaku culture is spreading! But that doesn't mean discrimination has disappeared! That's precisely why we need one! The mythical being known as the gal who's kind to otaku!"
That myth probably has a remarkably thin Bible.
"That's why I thought... I should become the 'gal who's kind to otaku' myself."
What are you even talking about?
What should I do? Even after hearing her out, I had absolutely no idea what she meant. I recognized every word, but I couldn't understand the sentence as a whole at all.
However, there were two things I had to say.
Summoning my courage, I gently raised my hand.
"Inoue Riko-san."
"You can call me Riko-chan or Riko-chan-senpai, otaku-kun...!"
"Then, Riko-senpai. First of all... I'm not an otaku."
Takanashi-san gave me a look that said, 'Is that really the point you should be addressing?'
However, this was important.
"I don't know enough about Gundam, Getter, or tokusatsu to claim that I'm well-versed in them. I'm hardly someone who can call himself an otaku."
If I called myself an otaku with knowledge this shallow, I had no idea what the veterans online would say to me.
All of her earlier questions had been extremely basic. It was like deciding that someone had completed elementary education just because they could do addition.
I hadn't even completed the otaku equivalent of compulsory education.
"No, no, that's not it, otaku-kun."
With a pained expression, Riko-senpai shook her head.
"What do you mean, it's not?"
"First of all, that very way of thinking proves that you're an otaku-kun...!"
What...!?
As I stood there in shock, she solemnly declared,
"The 'otaku threshold' imagined by otaku and the 'otaku threshold' imagined by ordinary people are as different as pole vaulting and a line drawn on the ground!"
"!?"
The shock was so great that I staggered backward.
"Th-that's an exaggeration, no matter how you look at it...!"
"Listen, otaku-kun. My grandma... well, she can't even tell the difference between a Zaku and a Gouf."
"Aren't they both just Gundam...?"
"I-it can't be...!?"
I involuntarily widened my eyes at Master, who wore a bewildered expression.
N-no, wait. Despite appearances, that person was supposed to be elderly. If so, it would be wrong to use that person as the standard.
"Also, I asked my classmates, and apparently it's rare for someone in their teens to know V3. Normally, people don't know V3. Even when I shouted 'V-Slasher!' nobody knew what I was talking about."
"N-no! I only saw it in a video! I never actually watched it!"
"By the way, who's the person in this image?"
"Huh, Riderman?"
"My classmates reacted by saying, 'Pervert,' 'F*** Captain cosplay,' and 'Why is his mouth sticking out?'"
"N-no! I only saw that in a video too! It was just a game commentary video, by chance...!"
"So you admit it, otaku-kun...?"
No! I didn't want to be judged as the same kind of person as those self-proclaimed otaku who said things like, 'I'm totally an otaku! I read One Piece!'
As I trembled in fear, Riko-senpai told me with a pained expression,
"You are... an otaku-kun...!"
Nooooooooooo!
The shock was so great that I almost dropped to my knees right there... but I felt a little too self-conscious, so I braced myself against a nearby table instead.
"Riko... I'm glad you're having fun...!"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Master wiping away tears with an extremely happy expression.
You really have it rough, Master.
"W-well, that's enough with the skit. Let's have a welcome party, otaku-kun. And Miyu-cchi."
"Ah, yes."
"...Am I allowed to talk now?"
"Oh, yeah. Go ahead..."
Riko-senpai clapped her hands and led us to a table.
Then Master placed a hand against her cheek and furrowed her brows in an apologetic frown.
"Sorry, Yahiro-kun. Takanashi-chan. Riko's a little unusual."
"You said that in front of her?"
"No, it's all right..."
"You won't deny that either, otaku-kun?"
Well, I was starting to feel that worrying about her feelings was pointless.
If she had been a real gal, I would have become like a newspaper soaked by the rain. But Riko-senpai was merely a weirdo... or rather, someone who was a little strange.
Since she was such a pathetic creature, I could avoid becoming excessively nervous around her.
Oh, right.
"Um, Riko-senpai."
"Hmm? What's up? Ask me anything, okay-dokey, bro."
"You're not actually a gal, are you? If anything, wouldn't you be a 'self-proclaimed gal otaku girl'?"
"You know there are things you can and can't say!"
Wow. I had no idea a person's eyes could bulge out that far.
As Riko-senpai yelled with her eyes wide open, Takanashi-san asked her a question.
"Um..."
"Yeah, what is it, Miyu-cchi? You say something to this heartless otaku-kun too!"
"First of all... what do the words 'otaku' and 'gal' mean?"
"...What?"
"Oh, Takanashi-san apparently lived in America, so..."
"I more or less understand."
I hadn't lied. Strictly speaking, she had lived in America's future, but saying that much would naturally make people suspicious.
...Although Riko-senpai was by far the most suspicious person here.
"Um... otaku is what Americans call a nerd, right? And a gal is... a flashy girl?"
"Ike-ike? Do you mean someone who charges in first?"
"Hmm... How should I explain it...?"
"Takanashi-san, I don't think Riko-senpai knows much about gals, so you probably shouldn't ask her about it too deeply..."
"What do you mean, I know plenty! I know everything! Why? Because I'm a gal! A gal who's kind to otaku! I'll be kind to you, otaku-kun! I'll have your favorite character drawn in latte art, otaku-kun! Grandma will do it!"
"What? Um, I can only draw anime characters like Doraemon, you know?"
"Ah, no, it's all right..."
Please don't drag Master into this any further. She was genuinely troubled.
"Anyway, why are you two speaking so politely? We're the same age, aren't we? We're totally peers! Totally turmeric! We're gonna have a Fifteen's Night!"
This self-proclaimed gal was speaking fake gal-speak by reflex, wasn't she?
"Well... I suppose I'm just a little nervous about speaking normally..."
"Even though the way you treat me has become this much more careless, like a ball rolling downhill?"
"I learned Japanese from my grandmother this way."
"Oh, could it be that Miyu-cchi is a sheltered girl? A box lady? That's so cho-beri-ba!"
"A box...? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it a tube? That's what I was inside."
"Hmmm?"
"Ah... well. Takanashi-san has various circumstances to consider, you could say."
"...Okay-dokey."
For just a moment, Riko-senpai's expression turned serious.
But she immediately gave us a dramatic wink.
"Anyway! Let's drink, make merry, and have fun! Let's crank the energy up for a night of fever!"
"Oh, and Yahiro-kun, Takanashi-chan. As for the welcome party, it seems the other clan members can't make it. Sorry..."
"Ah, no, it's fine, really..."
"I'll introduce you properly another day! Wait until then, okay?"
"Y-yes."
I hurriedly shook my head as Master apologized with her hands clasped together.
Personally, I preferred it when there weren't too many people around.
"You know how something like that happened in Tokyo yesterday? The people who also have jobs besides adventuring seem to be busy with all sorts of things."
"Ah, well, that's understandable..."
"Also, there's a girl whose 'urge to serve is about to run wild.' She's holed up in a dungeon, so the person accompanying her seems to be busy too."
"What?"
Could there be another person in a maid outfit besides this fake gal?
...Was this café actually a seedy place?
"Hey, otaku-kun! Just so you don't get the wrong idea, this maid outfit of mine isn't the uniform here... It's my everyday clothes!"
"How is that any better...?"
"You don't need to use honorific speech, otaku-kun! We're friends, aren't we?"
"No... I'd rather not have you think we're that close."
"Huh!? Could it be your opinion of me is heading into negative territory!? That means it can only go up from here! PON! PON!"
What is with that pointless positivity?
As far as favorability alone goes, it's actually fairly high. For someone like me, all it takes is for a person to talk to me cheerfully without teasing me too much, and my favorability rises on its own.
My trust level just doesn't increase.
As I sat there with a blank expression, Master gave me an awkward smile.
"Yahiro-kun, I know you don't have to force yourself, but I'd be happy if you and Riko could get along..."
"I understand. It's nice to meet you, Riko-senpai."
"Hey, isn't the difference between how you treat me and how you treat Grandma, like, totally huge? Just so we're clear, Grandma isn't a romanceable character, okay? She's faithful to Grandpa!"
"No... It's simply a matter of social skills."
"You named the one thing a gal absolutely shouldn't be asked for!?"
"Takanashi-chan, you too, okay?"
"Yes. A unit's cohesion being suitably strong increases the probability of mission success. I will work hard to get used to this 'gal' thing."
"No, please don't let Takanashi-san become 'that' too..."
"Otaku-kuuun!? I'll take that as familiarity, but I get hurt too, you know!? It gives me a splinter in my heart!"
"Ah, I'm sorry."
"It's all good!"
What is with this person?
"I can speak seriously if I want to. Normally."
"Ah, yes."
Riko-senpai suddenly put on a serious expression, and I was a little startled.
"But if you're going to aim to become a gal, you should start working at it as soon as possible. Practice is what matters in everything. It's rare for a temporary fix to work. Building things up day by day is the shortest route to your goal."
"I see..."
Takanashi-san nodded with an expression of deep understanding.
What she was saying was correct, but I felt she'd completely lost sight of the direction she was going in.
"So let's have fun, otaku-kun! Miyu-cchi! I even prepared games for today! It's time for an energy-boosting tapioca party!"
Riko-senpai thrust her fist into the air while shouting in some mysterious language that probably wasn't gal-speak.
At the same time, her ample chest moved slightly. ...The facial beauty score and bust score in this room were both getting completely ridiculous, weren't they?
...Was I going to die tomorrow?
Master watched the scene with a fond smile and headed toward the counter.
"Well then, I'll make you some latte art while we're at it. What should I draw for Doraemon?"
Oh, so Doraemon was the only thing she could draw?
"Then, Doraemon, please..."
"I'll have Dekisugi-kun!"
"...I'm sorry. First of all, what is Doraemon?"
"What...!?"
After that, we watched a Doraemon movie and played video games, spending a surprisingly enjoyable time together. Takanashi-san in particular seemed unable to stop laughing and crying during the Doraemon movie.
Whether or not she was a gal who was kind to otaku, Riko-senpai was a kind, outgoing person.
It was a welcome party that made me glad I'd joined this clan.
But it wasn't all fun and games.
After the welcome party ended.
"Um, Master. I'll help clean up."
"Oh, would you? Then could you carry the dishes for me?"
"And one more thing..."
I placed the empty dishes on a tray and spoke to the clan master.
"Tomorrow, after school, I plan to go to a dungeon."
For the sake of the future... or, more precisely, for the sake of my future self.
I had to make preparations.