The Awkward Atmosphere a Single Man Feels Sitting Alone Behind a Couple Kissing

"Happy New Year—"

'I won't say it.'

"—and all the best!"

'You finished it by yourself, did you?'

"It's the New Year, and you're being so cold."

'How many New Years do you think you've celebrated by now?'

"Every New Year is different. I'd like to see you in a New Year's kimono, Goddess-sama."

'Unfortunately, this is my only formal outfit.'

"Don't you wash it? I feel like you've left to bathe before."

'Goddess power lets me clean and even iron it while I bathe.'

"That's kind of adorable. Now, speaking of New Year's events, there's otoshidama."

'I'm not giving you any.'

"I'm the one giving it to you."

'I'm older than you. Are you implying that I look underage?'

"I'm older than you by appearance, aren't I? Please don't immediately make gravity twenty times stronger."

'You seem to be enduring it with a straight face, but have you forgotten you're human?'

"I'm just gritting my teeth. Besides, cash is worthless to you, Goddess-sama, so I prepared an actual ball. Here, hold out your hand. Plop."

'A literal dropped-ball gift, then? It's a pretty sphere. What is it?'

"…It's a mineral, rolled into a ball and polished."

'That suspicious pause is telling.'

"No, I was going to make a little joke, but I figured it'd be bad if you accidentally crushed it, so I decided to be honest."

'A sound decision. By the way, what joke were you going to make?'

"A ○ kidney stone, or something."

'I would've crushed you along with it. Anyway, since it's the New Year, it's time for your reincarnation in another world.'

"Then the suggestion box—ah, I'm so excited for my first reincarnation in another world this year."

'This isn't a fortune slip.'

"It's pretty much the same thing. Let's see what fortune the year has in store for me. From Inurouga Kurotsuchi-san: 'The awkward atmosphere a single man feels sitting alone behind a couple kissing.'"

'Should this be called a concept?'

"Oh, this prompt came from the person who was the second hand on the clock tower."

'Now that you mention it, I remember that name. A repeat customer, of all things.'

"They had a grudge against couples when they suggested the clock tower's second hand, too. I wonder what's up with that."

'When they submitted the second-hand prompt, I don't think they imagined the second hand would become an entity that fired magic at couples.'

"Then let's decide on the options. Hmm, how do I tackle this as a concept... This is tricky."

'You should be concerned about tackling something as a concept in the first place.'

"These seem like good options. Anyway, I've got osechi ready, so help yourself."

'How thoughtful. I'll enjoy it.'

◇

'Hmm, on a whim, I prepared a New Year's kimono after remembering what he said, but it's so restrictive. My usual clothes are more comfortable.'

"I'm back. Oh, a New Year's kimono?"

'The gods' gathering decided on a whim that I should wear one.'

"It looks wonderful on you. It's a case of 'even a monkey looks good dressed up.'"

'Was that an insult? I could decorate you as a kadomatsu.'

"I was sincerely complimenting you. Anyway, I'll give my report."

'It was the awkward atmosphere a single man feels sitting alone behind a couple kissing, right? A rather melancholy entity.'

"Yes, so first I tried playing samba music as background music."

'That broke the awkward atmosphere right away.'

"No, when the couple turned around at the sudden music and saw the single man, he felt extremely awkward."

'That was just rubbing salt in the wound.'

"By the way, since I became a concept, I appear whenever a single man in that town finds himself in that situation."

'It's strange to see someone so experienced at being a concept.'

"I felt bad for him if all I did was make things awkward, so I experimented to see if I could improve the situation somehow."

'And you tried samba?'

"I tried death metal too, but got a similar reaction."

'Because it was loud.'

"Playing love songs had the same result."

'To the couple, it was an intrusion. The only couples who'd enjoy that would be from a musical.'

"The sound always made the couple notice, after all. If there was a lonely single man sitting behind them, they wouldn't kiss."

'A couple who'd kiss under those circumstances would be the spiteful sort who wanted to show off, so it might be okay to disrupt them.'

"Still, if I disrupted them with sound, the single man would be blamed."

'The single man wouldn't expect background music to start playing because of the atmosphere he was giving off, either.'

"So next I tried making the atmosphere more dramatic. Here's a picture."

'A happy couple is kissing, and behind them sits a single man radiating a halo. He looks like a god has descended.'

"I prepared a few other variations, too. First, a horror style."

'A happy couple is kissing, and behind them sits a single man surrounded by an aura of murderous intent. He looks like the mastermind behind the tragedy about to unfold.'

"Then I tried to make it comedic, and this is what happened."

'A happy couple is kissing, and the single man behind them looks like he's about to start a short comedy routine.'

"As it happens, the single man went on to perform a splendid short routine."

'A courageous single man.'

"He was a Hero, after all."

'Oh, it was a fantasy world. I'd forgotten this was a reincarnation in another world.'

"He seemed to have become a Hero in a harem world, but some strange twist of fate made the people around him more likely to form harems."

'I didn't need you to tell me; I had a feeling it was your fault.'

"I barely took any options related to the Hero, though. I did have things like 'Become a Hero's equipment,' but that's about it."

'That must be it.'

"As for the Hero who suddenly performed a short comedy routine behind the couple, they were completely put off by him."

'I can easily imagine that. No, I'm sad at how easily I can imagine the short routine.'

"The single men around them loved it, though."

'So the couple was surrounded by single men. Why did they even think to kiss in that situation?'

"The Hero was amazed by this miracle, and since everyone loved his act, he decided to pursue a career as a comedian."

'I think I've derailed another person's life.'

"But I can't appear unless the conditions are met: I'm the awkward atmosphere a single man feels sitting alone behind a couple kissing."

'Don't let an atmosphere show itself.'

"The Hero was troubled. His jokes only worked in that atmosphere. If things stayed this way, he'd end up as a one-hit-wonder comedian who got thunderous applause for just one year."

'It's amazing that he was confident he could get thunderous applause for even one year.'

"But as you'd expect from a Hero, he used his keen intellect and realized I existed."

'I'm not sure whether I should praise him for being clever or lament that he was trying to make a living as a comedian.'

"The Hero thought: If he could recreate the awkward atmosphere a single man felt sitting alone behind a couple kissing, wouldn't he be able to perform his act whenever he wanted?"

'That's a little long, so please abbreviate it.'

"Jealousy Aura. Let's call it JA."

'The initials alone would be confusing, so just call it Jealousy Aura.'

"The Hero hired a lovey-dovey couple."

'Did the couple who were hired for money have no misgivings about it?'

"They said they didn't mind if they could show off how lovey-dovey they were to all the single people."

'I hope they break up.'

"But now the Hero had successfully summoned the Jealousy Aura he wanted—in other words, me—at will."

'You really went along with that, too.'

"His act was funny."

'So he did have talent.'

"The Single Hero Jokes became such a hit that children and old people started imitating them."

'Single Hero Jokes... I admit, I'd like to see one at least once.'

"By the way, the Hero's name was Jiyoku."

'He had a name like he was born to be a comedian.'

"Jiyoku's jokes were popular. The only drawback was that couples were always kissing right in front of him, which got in the way, but he quickly became famous."

'A comedian performing behind a kissing couple every time is a pretty fresh concept.'

"And since Jiyoku had to perform while sitting down, he spent the whole time in seiza."

'Isn't that rakugo?'

"Incidentally, he debuted as part of a manzai trio."

'What a depressing association chart for a comedy trio.'

"But then someone jealous of Hero Jiyoku's popularity appeared: Demon King Gyaggu."

'So this world really is comedy-themed.'

"By the way, here he is."

'That's the single man with the halo. I did think he had horns.'

"Demon King Gyaggu, who'd been in the comedy business for a hundred and thirty years, was also hoping to start a boom with his halo act."

'What a seasoned comedian.'

"But to do that halo act, he needed the sight of a couple kissing in front of him."

'So he was copying the act.'

"On top of that, his halo was so bright that even the couple became silhouettes, so it didn't go over well."

'You could've adjusted it yourself, couldn't you?'

"Driven mad with jealousy, Demon King Gyaggu plotted to break up couples so Hero Jiyoku would lose his tried-and-true act."

'Has he lost his mind?'

"Hero Jiyoku bravely stood up to stop him—while remaining seated in his chair."

'If he stood up, the effect would be lost.'

"And so the comedy battle between the Hero and the Demon King began."

'What an incredibly peaceful conflict.'

"Both of them tried to make the most of my power, trading jokes behind kissing couples and getting the audience worked up."

'What a sight.'

"I instantly recreated the scenes and music they imagined in their minds, leaving the outcome to their respective sense of humor."

'In a way, you're the most competent one here.'

"Partway through, I started giving them prompts, and it became a battle in the style of an o-giri contest."

'Was this supposed to be Shō○? And the atmosphere just casually started talking.'

"The contest was decided by whoever told a funny joke first, then stacked ten cushions awarded for it. They traded blows back and forth."

'It's Shō○, with an o-giri contest behind a couple kissing, isn't it?'

"The Hero and Demon King both had the power to rule the world, so the cushions kept piling up."

'I didn't know the power to rule the world applied to comedy, too.'

"Then, suddenly, a cushion was taken away."

'Was Yama○a-kun there, too?'

"Well, that was me."

'You were doing backstage work, then.'

"But at last, the decisive moment arrived. Hero Jiyoku unleashed his signature joke, Myurupohhechokuchon."

'This is the first time I've ever heard of Myurupohhechokuchon.'

"Myurupohhechokuchon's impact was immense, and it completely captured the audience's hearts. Riding that momentum, Hero Jiyoku stacked ten cushions and won his contest against Demon King Gyaggu."

'What is Myurupohhechokuchon?'

"The defeated Demon King said cheerfully, 'I lost. I can't win if you pull out Myurupohhechokuchon here.'"

'What is Myurupohhechokuchon?'

"The battle became a legend, and a bronze statue of Hero Jiyoku was even erected in the pose he struck after delivering Myurupohhechokuchon."

'You don't intend to tell me, do you?'

"I can't explain Myurupohhechokuchon very well."

'It's the signature joke that defeated the Demon King, Myurupohhechokuchon.'

"As for what happened afterward, the couple broke up in the end."

'Before I say good riddance, what happened?'

"They'd wanted to show off how lovey-dovey they were, but everyone watched the single man's act behind them. That made them wonder if their love had grown stale."

'To people who came to watch comedy, the couple's kiss was just an obstacle. But doesn't that mean the Hero could no longer perform his act properly?'

"He hired a new couple."

'If the Demon King had reached the same conclusion, they wouldn't have needed to fight.'

"And so Hero Jiyoku became a worldwide hit and a popular comedian, but at last my final moment arrived."

'How could the awkward atmosphere a single man feels sitting alone behind a couple kissing have a final moment?'

"Kissing in front of a single man sitting alone had become established as the world's common prelude to a joke, and couples stopped flirting in public."

'The Hero's influence is nothing to scoff at.'

"Hero Jiyoku sensed I was in danger of disappearing and muttered in the dressing room."

'It's impressive that a Hero could sense such a nonsensical existential threat.'

"Why the hell did you get reincarnated as a concept like this?"

'I never expected him to make a sensible retort.'

"But in a bizarre world like this, where the Hero and Demon King competed through comedy, you were a nice change of pace."

'I wonder if this Hero was an otherworldly reincarnator, too.'

"After that, the Hero apparently formed a comedy duo with the Demon King and managed to stay popular with new material."

'You could say it all came together in the end.'

"Oh, right, as for your souvenir: a live performance video of Hero Jiyoku and Demon King Gyaggu."

'I'm still in my kimono, but let's watch it later.'

"Myurupohhechokuchon is on it, too."

'What are you doing? Get the kotatsu and TV ready. We're watching it together.'