"Well, it's New Year's, isn't it?"
'It certainly is. You've done a splendid job making the Goddess's space feel completely like New Year's.'
"Watching the ekiden like this isn't bad, but let's play a game that's a little more New Year's-like."
'A game the two of us can play? What could we do?'
"Let's fly a kite."
'That's not something you do indoors.'
"So this counts as indoors, huh? Then how about fukuwarai?"
'Something we can play on top of the kotatsu isn't a bad idea.'
"Then behold: the Goddess's fukuwarai set!"
'Oh? Go ahead and try it. For every part you place incorrectly, I'll shift the corresponding part of your face by the same amount.'
"Ooh, that's pretty thrilling. But I'll give it a try. ...There, I'm done."
'Not a single millimeter off, huh?'
"The power of love."
'Then, as a reward for your success, it's time for your reincarnation in another world.'
"You completely ignored that. And you call it a reward? Though, if I think of what we've done up until now as a reward, it's not so bad."
'I appreciate your positive attitude.'
"Now, let's rummage through the suggestion box. This one's from Ryuusui: 'The weapon, a bell, of an honor student at a certain school in a superhuman modern fantasy world where everyone materializes one unique weapon with I-no.'"
'Hmm, that's fairly normal. An intelligent weapon—a weapon with a will of its own.'
"This one seems like a breeze."
'Knowing you, I'm sure you'll cause some kind of trouble. But it's so normal that I feel like there should be a queue.'
"It's fine. I'm sure there'll be an opening. Click, click... See? There's room."
'Don't mess with the Goddess's terminal without permission. But I'm surprised. Has demand gone down?'
"Let's quickly decide on the options, for now."
'You're unusually motivated.'
"There have been fewer battles in my recent lives, so I thought I'd get some exercise for a change."
'This is your new life, after all. It's not a casual hike.'
"I want to work off my New Year's weight, too. Why don't you come along, Goddess-sama?"
'Are you implying that I've put on weight?'
"You leap to that conclusion so fast, and your hand moves even faster. You don't have to crucify people."
'You sometimes make remarks with an ulterior meaning.'
"No, no. I was just suggesting we do a little sightseeing."
'Don't invite me to another world as casually as if you were suggesting a domestic trip.'
◇
'My weight is... That would be within the margin of error.'
"I'm back. You've put on a little weight."
'Perish.'
"Oof, what a rough welcome."
'Naturally. You deserve crucifixion. For starters, how do you even know my normal weight?'
"I spent some time as dirt, remember? I can weigh someone just by feeling the ground they're standing on."
※See Chapter Four.
'I'm surprised you were measuring my weight even back then.'
"By the way, how long was I gone this time?"
'A few years. It was a school fantasy, so I suppose that's about right.'
"If that's all the weight you've gained over a few years, it's within the margin of error."
'If you don't stop talking about my weight soon, I'll end your life.'
"Your eyes are serious. Well then, shall I give my report?"
'It was the bell, the weapon of an honor student at a certain school in a superhuman modern fantasy world where everyone materializes one unique weapon through special abilities, right?'
"No, it was the bell, the weapon of an honor student at a certain school in a superhuman modern fantasy world where everyone materializes one unique weapon with I-no."
'So there was a typo in the prompt. That's why there wasn't a queue.'
"The story takes place in I-no Town, Ube City, Yamaguchi Prefecture."
'How niche.'
"Oh, this is a local sweet called Ube Diamond. I'll make some tea, too."
'That's an extremely normal souvenir.'
"The setting was definitely Japan, but it turned out to be a parallel world with fantasy elements, so I didn't get to enjoy the nostalgia of coming home."
'It's a good thing it wasn't your hometown.'
"I looked up the address where I used to live, and it's for sale now. That's a little sad."
'Instead, let's be glad there isn't another you out there.'
"Back to the main story. In I-no, your rank is determined entirely by your combat ability. The place that embodies that most is a certain school."
'Don't you remember its official name?'
"'A Certain' is its official name: Toaru School."
'At least it's not written in hiragana.'
"It's an unusual combination, so, as the setting dictates, everyone can materialize one unique weapon of their own. There are some individual differences, but people can start materializing them in middle school."
'And you were the weapon of an honor student?'
"Yes. I was the weapon of a girl named Pressera."
※The author currently has a cup of espresso coffee on hand.
'Wasn't the setting in Japan?'
"She was a returnee."
'That does sound like an honor student. No, wait—returnees are Japanese, aren't they?'
"I think she was half Japanese and half Chinese."
'That's a very Western-sounding name. It even sounds French.'
"Oh, her mother was a former Frenchwoman—a spy with Chinese citizenship."
'That's complicated.'
"And her father was a Japanese man who used to be a ninja."
'Do you think that setting will come into play later?'
"Not much."
'Then get on with it.'
"Pressera was a fairly typical class-representative-type psycho heroine."
'The moment you add psycho, she stops being typical.'
"She had a black belt in martial arts, mastered several languages, and excelled in both academics and athletics. She was beautiful, sociable, and popular with both boys and girls."
'A textbook honor student.'
"And her hobby was making stuffed animals filled with raw meat."
'She's a psychopath.'
"They had a nice heft to them."
'That's information I didn't need.'
"Pressera and I first met shortly before she started middle school, when she successfully materialized her unique weapon for the first time."
'Was it at least a little dramatic?'
"Yes. I put on Dies Irae as the background music."
※A famous piece of classical music.
'Too dramatic.'
"By Mozart, incidentally."
'Verdi's version has more of a sudden-turn-of-events feel to it.'
※Mozart and Verdi are the best-known composers of it, and both pieces are excellent.
"Pressera was a little surprised when I appeared, a massive temple bell about 4.5 meters tall, but she picked me up."
※Searching for images of a great temple bell should make it easier to picture.
'A massive temple bell appearing to the sound of Dies Irae, and she was only a little surprised?'
"I weighed nearly thirty-eight tons, by the way."
'That's not something a girl who hasn't even started middle school can lift.'
"Well, I had an option that reduced the weight she felt."
'Japanese fantasy tends to feature boys and girls wielding weapons bigger than themselves, but this seems too big even for that. How was she supposed to hold it?'
"I had a four-meter pole attached to the top, so she could hold me like a handbell."
'That makes you over eight meters tall. If a girl who's about 150 centimeters tall holds you up, you'd be around ten meters high.'
"When Pressera grabbed me, she smashed through the gym floor and sank into the ground."
'You reduced the weight she felt, but you couldn't fool the actual weight.'
"Pressera was devastated that she'd looked so heavy in front of the boy she liked, and sealed me away until she started high school."
'From that boy's perspective, seeing a girl wield an 8.5-meter bell to the sound of Dies Irae must've been even more shocking.'
"I felt bad for her, so I erased the boy's memory of that moment."
'You brought along another useful option.'
"No, I did it physically."
'I'm worried about the life of a boy whose memory was physically erased by a thirty-eight-ton bell.'
"He had protagonist plot armor, so he was fine."
'I see. Come to think of it, that honor student was the heroine.'
"By the way, here's a picture of what happened afterward."
'There's a boy in the hospital with bandages around his head and the light gone from his eyes. He doesn't look fine at all.'
"Pressera still remembered what happened, and for some reason, that boy looked at her with terror in his eyes, so they barely interacted during middle school."
'Doesn't that mean you failed to erase his memory? Even if you did erase it, you've still instilled terror in him.'
"And so we skip ahead to when Pressera started high school. The story takes place at a certain school in I-no Town, Ube City, Yamaguchi Prefecture."
'You don't need to force in the Yamaguchi Prefecture angle. It probably won't matter later.'
"The story centers on ability battles fought by the protagonist, a boy named Nodoguro."
'A local specialty made an unnecessary appearance.'
※Nodoguro is a fish.
"His unique weapon was a versatile multi-weapon that could change shape at will."
'That's fitting for a protagonist.'
"And for some reason, it was shaped like a fish."
'It's hard to tell whether that's an otherworldly reincarnator I recognize, or if it comes from the origin of the protagonist's name.'
"The weapon's name was 'All-Things Red Salmon.'"
'So it was the former.'
"By the way, my name as a weapon was 'That Thing You Hit People With.'"
'Couldn't you at least have included the character for bell?'
"I forgot to give it a name."
'Come to think of it, I've never seen you give anything a proper name.'
"Nodoguro was afraid to fight during middle school, but after starting high school, he overcame that trauma and made a spectacular high school debut."
'You're undoubtedly the one who gave him that trauma.'
"Pressera watched Nodoguro from the shadows during middle school, day after day, as he avoided her."
'All because of someone.'
"But when he started high school and began distinguishing himself, she watched him from the shadows and was happy for him."
'That's nice, at least.'
"Well, her unrequited love got a little out of hand, and her house was filled with countless dolls of Nodoguro."
'That's horrifying. And those were filled with raw meat, weren't they?'
"And after skipping ahead a little, the day finally came when Pressera broke my seal."
'Did anything unusual happen during the days you skipped?'
"Not especially. Pressera tried to confess to Nodoguro, but his instinctive fear made him run away."
'You skipped over a disaster.'
"To save Nodoguro, who was in danger after struggling against the student council that ruled the school, Pressera materialized her own weapon."
'The heroine awakens when the protagonist is in a pinch. It feels backwards, but I suppose it works.'
"As it happens, the enemy at the time was someone who materialized countless deba knives and filleted their opponents with them."
'That's a tough opponent for a fish character.'
"Dies Irae began to play."
'You were still playing that?'
"Faced with me, a giant bell, the student council underling faltered."
'Well, anyone satisfied with a deboning knife's size would be overwhelmed by you.'
"And Nodoguro's trauma came flooding back."
'After he'd finally overcome it, too.'
"It seems all his old wounds started hurting."
'What did you do when you erased his memory?'
"But, true to their role as a boss-level member of the student council in a battle-school story, they activated their secret technique: an automatic defense system that surrounded them with countless deboning knives."
'I can see how this ends.'
"With a single swing from Pressera, the student council member was blown away along with all the deboning knives."
'Of course.'
"Nodoguro's trauma came back in vivid detail."
'What did you do to that boy before he'd even started middle school?'
"And so Pressera joined the group fighting the student council that ruled the school."
'How did the protagonist accept her?'
"There was a little romance and violence, and somehow it worked out."
'I don't think violence should be part of the equation.'
"The most effective thing was when Nodoguro was invited over to her house."
'He must've resigned himself to death when he saw countless life-sized dolls of himself filled with raw meat.'
"Still, Pressera didn't seem to think very highly of me after learning what I'd done, so she only materialized me about three times a week."
'If she uses you three times a week, I'd say she's forgiven you to some extent.'
"And then the story took a sudden turn, with Pressera crushing one student council member after another."
'You could probably crush most weapons without any tricks.'
"And at last, the battle against the student council president, Kurokashiwa, began."
'A Yamaguchi specialty... Chicken, is it?'
"Their unique weapon was a pair of wings growing from their back, making them look like an angel soaring through the sky."
'With a name based on a chicken, I have a hard time imagining them flying.'
"But they were strong. The feathers from their wings could pierce steel plates, and perhaps because of their unique ability, they could take Pressera's full-strength swing head-on and remain standing."
'That's strong. I'm a little relieved that an enemy has finally appeared who can't be defeated by weight alone.'
"Nodoguro's tricks were almost completely shut down, and the two of them were in a pinch."
'His weapon suits the protagonist. Don't call his abilities tricks.'
"Feathers flew toward Nodoguro, who could no longer move. He was like a carp on a cutting board."
'He's a nodoguro, though, and his weapon is a red salmon.'
"But Pressera threw herself in front of him to shield him, and a feather pierced her chest."
'Oh? Is this the route where the protagonist awakens after the heroine dies?'
"Pressera crumpled to the ground, but it was a substitution technique."
'The ninja ancestry setting suddenly came back.'
"The student council president couldn't hide their surprise at seeing a life-sized substitute doll stuffed with raw meat."
'Were they surprised by the substitution technique, by the life-sized doll stuffed with raw meat, or both?'
"Then Pressera used a clone technique, placing countless life-sized dolls all around them before hiding in the shadows with Nodoguro."
'The student council president's having a rough time, surrounded by life-sized dolls stuffed with raw meat.'
"They'd escaped immediate danger, but they had no effective way to strike back. At that point, Pressera relied on me for the first time."
'She trusted you, even though you'd ruined her middle-school years with the boy she liked?'
"Since she'd asked for my help, I couldn't refuse. For the first time, I explained my ability to her."
'So you weren't just 'That Thing You Hit People With'?'
"It was an ability I'd come up with on a whim, but it was a little underwhelming, so I'd refrained from using it."
'That's a rather sad setting.'
"It was the power to interfere with recognition: the ability to make someone perceive one thing as something else."
'That is powerful, but it doesn't quite pack a punch.'
"At best, I could make someone mistake cotton for raw meat."
'So you're the one who turned a girl's hobby of making stuffed animals into something psychopathic.'
"It seems some of it leaked out even when I wasn't materialized."
'The heroine is still suffering serious harm as we speak.'
"Then Pressera had an idea. If she could make Kurokashiwa mistake the cotton stuffing flying everywhere as they destroyed the dolls for raw meat, perhaps she could throw them off."
'It was raw meat from the start, though.'
"She shook off Nodoguro, who was trying to stop her, and used my power on Kurokashiwa."
'They were trying to stop her because there was no point, I'm sure.'
"Then Kurokashiwa started seeing all the feathers from their own wings as chicken breast meat."
'Wings would've been better than breast meat.'
"Kurokashiwa panicked."
'Because they were a chicken?'
"Huh?"
'Hurry up and continue.'
"As it turned out, Kurokashiwa was allergic to chicken."
'How convenient.'
"In their panic, Kurokashiwa dispelled the wings they'd materialized. Nodoguro didn't miss the chance and unleashed his secret technique: Purgatorial Blazing Thunderclap Netherworld Kick."
'The protagonist's weapon is definitely an otherworldly reincarnator, too. Wasn't that the technique that disintegrated people at the atomic level? That's a bit much.'
※See Chapter Two. It's that special move that came out of nowhere; apparently, anyone hit by it gets disintegrated at the atomic level.
"A normal person like Nodoguro, who only had protagonist plot armor, couldn't use the technique perfectly. It was just a powerful strike."
'I could've sworn the red salmon and the hermit crab used it perfectly.'
"And so Nodoguro defeated the student council president, Kurokashiwa, and won peace for the school."
'That's settled, then.'
"At last, the time came for us to part. Since the battle was over, Pressera decided to seal me away for good."
'I think there are more serious reasons than that.'
"She sealed Nodoguro's weapon away, too. He'd concluded that materialized weapons only brought conflict and other terrible outcomes."
'He proved that firsthand. And the red salmon got sealed away along with them.'
"After that, Pressera went back to being an ordinary honor student, and it seems things worked out nicely between her and Nodoguro."
'It was mostly your fault, after all.'
"I guess making too big an impression at the start is a bad idea. It was a pain when my wielder grew distant and held a grudge against me."
'It was a perfectly justified grudge.'
"Oh, right. I brought back all sorts of Yamaguchi specialties as souvenirs, in addition to those sweets from earlier."
'After your previous souvenirs, these seem so normal that they're a little underwhelming. But I'll gladly accept them.'
"And I brought back the bell I'd possessed, too."
'It's a little late to use it as a New Year's Eve bell.'