Vegetables

'Whew, that's the end of my work for today. Let's have dinner.'

"Oh, welcome back. Dinner will be ready soon."

'Come to think of it, you're here. It's frightening how I've stopped questioning the fact that you simply stay here as though it's only natural.'

"Well, you can consider me an exception."

'You're about the only person involved in my work who's been reincarnated in another world three times or more.'

"So there are people who've done it twice, then."

'Yes. It's rare, but sometimes someone dies again in the world they reincarnated into and gets another chance. Usually, though, they just start over in that same world.'

"Ah, like they can't forget that world, or something. So much lingering attachment from someone who's already died."

'That's a harsh way of putting it, but more or less. You, on the other hand, don't seem attached to any of the worlds you've been to.'

"That's not true. I can usually remember most things pretty quickly."

'It's true that your memory is far better than average. But isn't that separate from feeling attached to something?'

"Hmm, maybe. At least I try to remember the names of people who made an impression on me."

'Come to think of it, sometimes you just call a Hero “the Hero,” and other times you use their name.'

"I make sure to remember the names of the girls I've spent a long time with."

'I doubt you remember the heroine's name from when you were a rib, though.'

"Ah, I might've forgotten that one. She was someone else's heroine, after all."

'You really don't care about people you're not interested in, do you?'

"Come to think of it, I don't know your name, Goddess-sama."

'It's a little late for that. I'm the Goddess of Reincarnation, so I don't need a name. It would be useless knowledge in the worlds you reincarnate into.'

"Come to think of it, I don't remember introducing myself, either. Or being called by my name."

'I know about you from the records, and since it's usually just the two of us in this space, “you” is good enough.'

"Thinking of it that way makes me a little embarrassed."

'Not in the slightest.'

"How should I put it? It's almost like we're married."

'Then perhaps I should call you “you” or “hey, you” from now on.'

"I'll stick with “you.”"

'Honestly. Once we've eaten, you'll be reincarnating again, so decide what you want to be next.'

"The suggestion box is almost overflowing with prompts, even though it's supposed to be Godiv○'s suggestion box."

'It seems I should show this system to the other gods and have them examine it.'

"For now, let's rummage through it. This one's from UMA Mikatou-san: “Vegetables.”"

'That suddenly became a very tame prompt.'

"No, this one's difficult."

'Is it?'

"The difficulty depends on whether I'm reincarnated as a single vegetable or as the concept of vegetables."

'A world where vegetables are synonymous with you sounds rather terrifying. I think one specific vegetable is fine.'

"I'll decide on the kind of vegetable, but what should I do about the finer options?"

'Vegetables don't last long once harvested. We'll have to do something, or even a long-lasting potato will rot in a few months during winter.'

"I don't want to die by rotting. I'd like to die happily."

'Wouldn't a vegetable's happiest death be to be eaten and enjoyed?'

"That's a cute idea."

'That annoys me a little.'

"Your body gets chopped up with a blade, then boiled or roasted, and salt and pepper are rubbed into your wounds. What a miserable end. Can you really die happily that way?"

'If you think about it too realistically, you'll start questioning most of your past reincarnations.'

"For now, should I come up with a plan to defeat the Demon King?"

'If the Demon King gets defeated by a vegetable, he'll be in line for reincarnation in another world in no time.'

◇

'Come to think of it, perhaps I should've called him by his name at least once... I'm sure his name was—'

"I'm back."

'Who are you?'

"That's a harsh greeting for someone who's just come home."

'My apologies. I was lost in thought.'

"That's understandable. Oh, I brought back lots of vegetables as souvenirs."

'That's a whole cardboard box full of vegetables. By the way, I don't need the body you were reincarnated as.'

"I was a tomato. Here's a picture."

'A ripe tomato. For some reason, it has cartoonish arms and legs and is holding a sword.'

"I was adventuring as the Tomato Hero."

'The Tomato Hero.'

"A tomato who rose up to defeat the Demon King threatening the human world."

'The tomato rose up?'

"My catchphrase was, 'The time is ripe.'"

'The fruit certainly is ripe.'

"I thought there was something wrong with ending my tomato life as an ordinary tomato, so I decided to go out and make a name for myself. I left my home and set off on an adventure."

'Given how proactive you are, I expected you to get up to something, but this time you started off aggressively right away.'

"It's been a while since I walked on my own two feet. Not since the World Tree."

※See Chapter 8.

'World Trees don't usually walk, you know.'

"But I was just an ordinary tomato born into a vast world. One tomato can only do so much."

'Ordinary tomatoes don't try to defeat the Demon King.'

"First, I started looking for companions. I began by talking to the other vegetables in the pantry."

'So you'd already been harvested and put in storage.'

"But nobody answered me."

'You're vegetables. Of course they wouldn't answer.'

"I shouted as loudly as I could, thinking there had to be at least one otherworldly reincarnator among them, but my voice went unheard by everyone except a man making his nightly rounds."

'Hearing a voice from an empty pantry would be pretty horrifying.'

"So I made that man my companion."

'You recruited the man on night watch? How did you get him to join?'

"Well, I'm sociable, you see."

'I doubt even a sociable tomato would inspire someone to resolve to take down the Demon King together.'

"But this wasn't going to work visually. Take a look at this picture."

'The man is holding a tomato. It has that “I made this myself” feeling you sometimes see.'

"I decided that wouldn't do, so I used the black magic I'd prepared as an option to seal the man's soul inside a nearby vegetable."

'That was a pretty brutal thing to do.'

"And so the Onion Warrior was born."

'The Onion Warrior, formerly the man on night watch.'

"He's good at making his opponents cry."

'His own backstory would make anyone want to cry.'

"By the way, here's the onion from that time."

'You brought it as a souvenir? Now I don't feel like eating it.'

"With a reliable companion added to our party, our adventure began."

'I can't imagine one extra onion making you much more reliable.'

"Our first enemy was a cook. He tried to catch us as we were escaping from the pantry."

'I can understand it in a storybook world, but when you think about it realistically, it's pretty horrifying.'

"But the cook was startled when he saw the Onion Warrior's original body lying by the roadside."

'He'd be shocked to see the body of a night watchman whose soul had been removed.'

"I immediately pulled out the cook's soul and sealed it inside a nearby vegetable."

'This time, you're the enemy of humanity.'

"And so the Eggplant Knight was born."

'The Eggplant Knight, formerly the cook.'

"He's good at cooking his opponents."

'He probably never expected to be the one getting cooked.'

"By the way, here's the eggplant from that time."

'Another souvenir? And it's broken in half.'

"Thanks in part to my persuasion, the Eggplant Knight agreed to help us defeat the Demon King."

'What could you possibly say to someone to make them want to defeat the Demon King alongside the person who turned them into a vegetable?'

"I told him that if we defeated the Demon King, he'd return to his original body, and if we didn't, he'd be a good-for-nothing eggplant for the rest of his life."

'That's called a threat.'

"I'll skip over the details, but we recruited more and more companions: a Potato Swordsman, a Cucumber Samurai, and a Cabbage Gladiator."

'Your Jobs are awfully biased toward sword users. Are there no magic classes?'

"Why would lowly vegetables be able to use magic?"

'I'm pretty sure I just heard about a tomato using black magic.'

"By the way, all these vegetables here used to be my companions."

'So this whole box of vegetables is made up of victims of your black magic.'

"You can never have too many companions."

'Thinking that all of them once had someone inside makes me lose my appetite.'

"If you don't feel like eating them, I can cook them for you. You could give them to the other gods as souvenirs."

'Let's do that.'

"Then I'll continue my report while I cook. I didn't recruit so many companions just because I was lonely."

'So you were lonely.'

"Many of my companions died along the way, eaten by wild animals and monsters, so I had no choice but to recruit replacements."

'If a wild animal saw vegetables walking along the road, it would probably eat them.'

"There were some moving goodbyes, too. Want to hear about them?"

'No, thank you.'

"By the time we reached the Demon King's castle, only four of us were still alive, including me."

'I'm more surprised you made it to the Demon King's castle at all.'

"Here are the three members of the party besides me, the Tomato Hero. First, the Onion Warrior."

'I'm amazed the man on night watch survived.'

"Next, the Tofu Martial Artist."

'Now a processed food has joined the party. And you've finally stopped limiting yourselves to swords. Though if he gets punched, won't he break apart?'

"Finally, the Evil Dragon God Baharmetia."

'That was unexpected.'

"And here's a commemorative photo taken in front of the Demon King's castle."

'I can just barely make out a tomato, an onion, and some tofu beneath the foot of a huge, ominous black dragon. With this party, I can see how you made it to the Demon King's castle.'

"Yes. The Tofu Martial Artist used to be a human Hero, after all."

'That was unexpected, too. And what have you done?'

"Huh? Were you talking about the Onion Warrior?"

'I meant the Evil Dragon God Baharmetia.'

"Baharmetia was the weakest of the bunch."

'This Evil Dragon God Baharmetia was weaker than the onion who used to be the man on night watch?'

"Baharmetia was only level 72."

'What level is the onion?'

"98. By the way, the level cap in this world is 99."

'The man on night watch has really mastered being an onion.'

"Speaking of onions, I'm sautéing one right now."

'Do you think you're clever?'

"I seasoned it well, so I'm sure it'll taste good."

'It does smell good.'

"By the way, the Tofu Martial Artist was level 92."

'So the man on night watch was stronger than the former Hero. How about you?'

"871."

'You slipped in a level-cap-break option without even mentioning it.'

"Even if a vegetable reached its level cap, it would still just be a vegetable."

'The onion is almost at the level cap and is stronger than the Evil Dragon God, though.'

"Well, the Onion Warrior was originally the creator of this world."

'How could you do that?'

"You wouldn't expect the man on night watch to be the creator of the world, would you?"

'I certainly wouldn't expect the onion I'm sautéing right now to be the former creator. Have you gotten any complaints?'

"No. The Onion Warrior (God) said he had fun being part of the story."

'I see. But “Onion Warrior (God)” is a little hard to make sense of.'

"Anyway, back to the story. At last, the battle against the Demon King, the Potato Swordsman, began."

'So you'd turned the Demon King into a vegetable somewhere along the way.'

"There was a moving goodbye, too. What a sad twist of fate."

'I regret skipping over so much. I never would've guessed.'

"I never would've guessed that the guy I hit it off with at the tavern was the Demon King, either."

'I never would've guessed you'd use black magic to pull the soul out of the Demon King you hit it off with at the tavern and turn him into a vegetable.'

"The Demon King Potato Swordsman vented his anger on me. Even with my level cap broken, I struggled against him."

'He must've been furious about being turned into a vegetable.'

"No, he was angry because I'd lured away the Evil Dragon God Baharmetia by feeding it."

'You recruited him by feeding him?'

"His favorite food is eggplant."

'Is that why the cook isn't here?'

"And he has a small appetite."

'Now I understand why the eggplant was broken in half.'

"The Demon King Jagaimotia wielded a terrifying sword technique that could slash through space-time, but I had my reliable companions."

'Could that actually be his real name?'

"The Tofu Martial Artist put his body on the line to block the sword."

'The sword can cut through space-time, but it can't cut tofu?'

"The Onion Warrior used a picture-story show he'd created to make the Demon King cry and block his vision."

'That seems like the kind of thing an onion would do, and also somehow not.'

"And then the Evil Dragon God Baharmetia burned everything to ashes."

'Let's not mix a genuinely powerful one into this farce.'

"Finally, I, the Roasted Tomato Hero, delivered the decisive blow."

'The Evil Dragon God Baharmetia really did burn everything to ashes.'

"We defeated the Demon King, and the world became peaceful, though part of it had been reduced to a wasteland."

'The Evil Dragon God Baharmetia certainly left its mark.'

"Slash-and-burn farming became popular, so it all worked out."

'That's not what slash-and-burn farming is for.'

"With the Demon King defeated and peace restored, all the people around the world who'd been turned into vegetables returned to normal, too."

'That had nothing to do with the Demon King. You were the one causing all that damage.'

"I'm the only one who stayed a roasted tomato. Being cooked made my expiration date come much sooner, too."

'Once it's cooked, it should be eaten promptly.'

"I felt bad about letting myself rot, so they buried my body in the ground. It's still being grown under the name Hero Tomato."

'As a plant, you had a proper ending by leaving behind seeds.'

"That's why I left behind the body I was reincarnated as. Maybe it'll arrive someday as a year-end gift."

'I can't decide whether I want to eat it or not.'

"All right, that's the cooking done."

'Mm, it smells good. I feel bad knowing these vegetables once held souls, but maybe I should at least try a taste.'

"If you feel that bad about it, I got some ordinary vegetables, too. Shall I make something with those instead?"

'Why didn't you say that sooner?'

◇

'The other gods absolutely loved it. Thanks to you, I feel terribly guilty.'

"Oh, by the way, the Hero Tomato has arrived. Want to eat it?"

'...I'll have some.'