The Plate Smashed to the Ground for Being a Failure

"Bang-clank, bang-clank, bang-clank!"

'What are those strange sound effects? It sounds like you're making something.'

"I'm building a new suggestion box, as a little DIY project."

'Couldn't you just snap your fingers and make all sorts of things appear?'

"Only mass-produced stuff comes out."

'So mass-produced goods do come out.'

"This should do for the frame. Is it about time for my next reincarnation in another world?"

'Yes, I believe the timing is right.'

"There's a right time for reincarnation in another world?"

'I forgot to explain. If you stay in another world for a long time, your soul adapts to that world. The first time, it isn't much of a problem, but if you reincarnate in other worlds over and over, you might bring unnecessary karmic ties from one world into another.'

"Oh, like how I ended up covered in olive oil after reincarnating into another world while covered in olive oil?"

'It's a little more metaphysical than that, but yes, something like that.'

"So that's why you made me live in this space for a while every time I came back."

'In your case, given how often you reincarnate, I make you pay the price in labor.'

"So that's why you stuck me with cooking duty."

'There's no other work I can entrust to you.'

"There are laundry and cleaning, aren't there?"

'Those aren't jobs I can give to someone steeped in lust.'

"That's a pretty low opinion of me. I could help arrange reincarnations in other worlds, at least."

'That's not a job I can entrust to someone eccentric enough to draw lots to choose his own next world.'

"It's pretty fun, though."

'You're probably the only one who could think that—about as rare as a single grain of sand in the desert.'

"I'm flattered."

'I wish you'd realize I'm insulting you for once.'

"Then, the usual suggestion box."

'Aren't you going to use the new one you made?'

"It's not finished yet, so maybe next time."

'You're already fully expecting to come back again.'

"Rummage, rummage... From valota666: 'A plate smashed to the ground for being a failure.'"

'Sounds like a prompt you'll be back from in seconds.'

"I'll find a way to stretch out my stay. But does this mean I'm playing two roles?"

'It's not two roles—a failure and a plate being smashed. It's a plate that's smashed because it's a failure.'

"So I need some element that makes me a failure, then. I see."

'That's a suspicious look. You don't look like this is going to come together as neatly as a curry plate.'

"Then let me try making a nice face."

'That's an impossibly nice face after that conversation. Now I'm actually afraid because of what we just said.'

"That was my best smile. Anyway, I've finished choosing the options, so I'll pop over and be back in a jiffy."

'I'd prefer you to really take your time.'

◇

'Hmm, I can't quite manage a smile like his. Is it the difference in our facial muscles? I tug at my cheeks.'

"I'm back. What are you doing, staring into the mirror?"

'I was whispering, "Who are you?"'

"Wouldn't that cause a Gestalt collapse?"

※Good kids and bad kids alike, don't try this at home.

'Then, let's hear your report.'

"Well, first of all, I was a famous master potter. What was my name again...? Oh, right, Korewattaru."

'A name that sounds like he'd break things.'

"Yes. He was a man who immediately smashed any work he wasn't completely satisfied with. When I was born, he smashed every plate around him, too."

'He sounds rather hard to please. So what made you a failure?'

"I had a handle, even though I was a plate."

'You mean the kind of handle that makes it easier to hold when you put hot food on it?'

"No, the kind you see on a beer mug."

'That sounds hard to hold.'

"It was attached to the bottom of the plate."

'So it was in a place you couldn't hold once you'd put food on it.'

"And because the handle got in the way, I was always tilted."

'That's not just a failure; it's a disaster. Didn't he notice before firing you?'

"It's what you'd call a mutation."

'Please don't add options like that to pottery.'

"Come on, if I weren't an obvious failure, he might not have smashed me."

'If you were that much of a failure, he must've smashed you, all right.'

"Yes. At first, he'd keep picking me up and looking me over in surprise, but eventually he'd decide I was still a failure and smash me against the ground with a crash."

'He'd certainly be surprised. And you've got great comedic timing. So he broke you?'

"No. When I was slammed against the ground, I stuck fast to it."

'Like a menko card? What happened to the breaking sound?'

"Crash!"

'You were saying it out loud?'

"I made it sound a little more realistic than that, actually."

'There's no such thing as sounding realistic when the sound comes from your mouth.'

【Sound of a plate shattering】

'No way.'

"I'm good at imitating voices."

'I don't think "good" even begins to describe it.'

"Korewattaru picked me up again, looking puzzled."

'He'd be puzzled if he heard a plate break but found it completely unharmed.'

"Thinking he hadn't put enough force into it, he slammed me against the ground again with all his strength."

'Because you're a plate?'

"Huh? Oh, yes. Right, because I'm a plate."

'That attempt at consideration is irritating in its own way. But from the way this is going, I assume you still didn't break.'

"That's right. I bounced off the ground and hit Korewattaru."

'Your coefficient of restitution is all over the place.'

※It's the value used to calculate how much speed an object retains before and after a collision.

"I made it adjustable, within a range of zero to one."

'So it can either stick completely or bounce back completely.'

※At zero, it sticks fast; at one, it loses none of its momentum.

"I struck Korewattaru right in the chin, and he went flying."

'All the force he'd put into slamming you down came right back at him.'

"And then came another crash."

'What an annoying plate, making that sound despite not being broken.'

"After that, Korewattaru tried all kinds of ways to break me."

'He still kept trying to break you. He really lived up to his name.'

"He tried every possible way to destroy me, but naturally, I came out without a scratch."

'I've never heard of such a plate.'

"I didn't fly, though."

'Enough! Continue.'

"Korewattaru gave up on breaking me, but he didn't want a plate beside him that had put him out of commission for six months."

'He kept trying to destroy you until he needed six months to recover?'

"So Korewattaru gave me to a Hero."

'What a nuisance.'

"As it happened, I could also be used as a shield because I had a handle."

'That's right, I forgot about that. And you had the option to adjust your coefficient of restitution, too.'

"I was a failure as a plate, but a fine shield."

'Why would a Hero choose a ceramic shield?'

"Korewattaru was a world-famous master, after all. I was valuable."

'Even if you were valuable, I don't think you were the kind of material one should choose for armor.'

"But once the Hero got a shield like me, his life as a weakling changed completely."

'He was a weakling?'

"His stamina, speed, and defense were all about on par with a villager's."

'That is weak.'

"But he put every single one of his growth points into attack power, so he could pierce a boulder with a toothpick."

'So he wasn't exactly weak. And this was a system-based world?'

"Once he could make up for his fatal lack of defense, the Hero's exploits took off."

'Impenetrable defense and specialized firepower. That sounds like a good combination.'

"The only flaw was that just two fingers could fit through the handle."

'Wasn't it still a failure as a shield?'

"He always held me like he was making a fox with his hand."

'Looking through the plate, that must've been quite a surreal sight.'

"And here's a picture of him with my stealth option activated."

'The Hero is holding a sword, while making a fox shape with his other hand.'

"He tried different fingers, too, like this."

'That's a peace sign.'

"By the way, this high-performance stealth option only makes me undetectable to the Hero."

'What a pointless prank.'

"It made the enemies facing him wonder what on earth he was doing."

'I can see the logic.'

"There were plenty of battles where the enemy froze for a moment, and the Hero took them down. It was a top-tier combo."

'Only weaklings would be caught off guard by a trick like that.'

"The Demon King fell for it."

'My comment didn't just jinx it, did it?'

"Still, the Demon King was impressive. Even after taking the Hero's full-power attacks, with all his points in attack, he was still going strong. They really traded some ferocious blows."

'It's strange to call it a ferocious battle when the Hero was blocking everything with a plate.'

"To start, the Demon King cast a spell that made meteorites rain down, but an attack like that couldn't break me."

'It would normally break you.'

"Besides, Korewattaru had already tried that method."

'Why could a potter cast a spell to summon meteorites?'

"Next, the Demon King brought out the world's strongest spear, which could pierce anything, and thrust it at me. But it couldn't pierce me."

'That reminds me of the paradox of the spear and shield.'

"And Korewattaru had already tried that method, too."

'Why did a potter have the world's strongest spear, which could pierce anything? This was his second one, too.'

"The Demon King panicked when he couldn't get through the Hero's defense. He tried all sorts of things, but none of them worked. They were all things Korewattaru had tried."

'It's a mystery how a potter could reproduce every method available to the Demon King.'

"Oh, he was the form taken by the god who created that world when he transformed into a human."

'You put the god who created the world out of commission for six months?'

"The battle was nearing its climax. The Hero leaped high into the air, and wings sprouted from me."

'It looks like there's a plate that can fly.'

"And so the battle was decided. The damage from the Hero's attacks had piled up, and the Demon King was finally defeated."

'If no attack could get through, then I suppose it couldn't be helped.'

"Afterward, the Hero became so famous for his achievement that statues of him were erected all around the world. Here's a picture of one."

'It's a statue of the Hero in that mysterious pose, making a fox with both hands. He never deactivated your stealth, did he?'

"After all, he defeated the Demon King in that pose. It was later recorded in history as the Hero's stance."

'The Hero accepted that?'

"My role as the Hero's shield was over, and my ordinary life as a plate began."

'Even though you're a failure that tilts and can't hold food because of your handle.'

"I still tilted even when I was left alone, so I was Insta○-worthy."

'There was Insta○gram in a fantasy world?'

"Yes. The Hero's hobby was taking Insta○-worthy photos, so I was fairly useful."

'Now I can sort of understand why he didn't mind the statue.'

"By the way, I finally broke when I was left at the edge while the Hero was trying to get a good angle for a photo."

'So a plate that withstood a meteorite and the world's strongest spear was broken by a fall.'

"Well, while my coefficient of restitution and other options were active, I could deflect any attack. But when I let my guard down, I was just a plate. I sure let my guard down."

'An ordinary plate can't block attacks from a Demon King or a god.'

"As for souvenirs, I brought back a photo book of the Hero and some of Korewattaru's pottery."

'I don't really want either of those... Oh, but the pottery is pretty nice.'

"The Hero's photo book is pretty good, too."

'Let's see... Oh, it's not a book of photos of the Hero, but photos taken by the Hero. These are beautifully composed. It's a wonderful collection.'

"I also brought back the handle from my remains as a souvenir."

'I don't need that.'

◇

'The god from the world you visited last time sent a complaint. Here's the letter.'

"Let's see... 'It's fine that it doesn't break, but make the handle bigger. You should've designed it so it could sit flat.' That's what it says."

'I didn't expect a complaint about a plate.'

"If there's a next time, I'll take that into consideration."