The Cowlick of the Weakest (Male) of the Four Heavenly Kings

"Whew, it'll be finished once the varnish dries."

"That's an impressively fine suggestion box."

"Yes. Once it's finished, prompts should automatically start arriving in this new suggestion box."

"When you stop and think about it, that mechanism makes no sense at all."

"But if I don't finish it soon, even Godiv○'s box will reach its limit."

"It's already groaning under the weight of over a hundred prompts."

"Changing the subject a little, how do you spend your days off, Goddess-sama?"

"That's sexual harassment."

"That's a very modern exchange. I wouldn't ask if it was something you couldn't answer."

"I mostly laze around enjoying human entertainment. In particular, I tend to watch and read things that have already ended."

"So you don't touch anything until it's finished?"

"It's sad when something you've been looking forward to gets canceled before it ends."

"When that happens, I fill in the blanks in my head and give it the ending I want."

"I feel sorry for the works you've been involved with."

"That's harsh."

"Most of the worlds you've interfered with have been thrown into chaos, after all."

"I think I've made things turn out nicely every now and then."

"Why not try to make things turn out nicely every time, instead of just now and then?"

"That depends on the prompt."

"That's true, but relying on prompts in the first place seems strange."

"After that, it depends on my mood."

"A protagonist who's an inanimate object, killing Heroes and Demon Kings on a whim, isn't going to be popular."

"The difference between living and nonliving things is a trivial matter."

"I think it's a pretty big difference. Well, it's about time."

"By the way, how do you tell when it's about time?"

"I suppose when I feel like banishing you."

"That's awfully dictatorial."

"I'm joking. You probably can't tell, given your limited senses, but I can feel the signs that the causality of the previous world is weakening."

"Oh, this strange gauge?"

"Why can you see that?"

"I didn't become a system notification for nothing."

※From Chapter Six.

"Is that how it works? Let's say it is."

"All right, the suggestion box... Rattle-rattle, rustle-rustle. This one's from Nindou-san: 'The cowlick of the weakest (male) of the Four Heavenly Kings.'"

"That's quite a cliché. Still, there probably aren't many hits for that particular cowlick."

"Why couldn't it have been a woman? I like those lovable loser girls."

"Can you think of an example where you'd say a man was preferable?"

"Hmm, let me give that some serious thought."

"If you have to think that hard, there probably aren't any."

"Nope. For most things, girls are obviously better."

"I suppose that's true for you."

"Oh, I guess I'd be a little uncomfortable if my dad were a girl."

"A little is all? Well then, let's choose the options."

"One cowlick, and about as hard as diamond."

"If I gave it that much hardness, I can already see you going on a rampage. Denied."

"But I like the Ice Slugger and all."

※From Ultr○ Seven.

"Throwing your cowlick is an old gag."

"There are all sorts of cowlick gags these days. Cowlicks with minds of their own aren't even that unusual anymore."

"It's true that there are already plenty of examples of people reincarnating as cowlicks in another world."

"Coming up with an unconventional cowlick style is a surprisingly difficult challenge."

"There are plenty of other challenges, you know."

◇

"Hmm, so this is the lovable loser type. An attribute a perfect goddess like me could never pull off."

"I'm back."

"Welcome home, you idiot."

"My hair fell out. This time was a failure, too."

"I figured as much."

"Oh? The girl on this TV looks a lot like you, Goddess-sama."

"I don't think so. Anyway, please give your report."

"Well, first I was reincarnated as the cowlick of the weakest man among the Dark Four Heavenly Kings, a subordinate of the Demon King: 'Right-Handed Rarairaimu.'"

"Couldn't he have had a more respectable title?"

"He was so weak that he didn't have any particular distinguishing features."

"Just how weak was he?"

"He'd lose to a goblin, the weakest monster in the world."

"How did he manage to call himself one of the Demon King's Four Heavenly Kings?"

"Connections."

"Connections? Well, I suppose that's not unheard of."

"As for the other Four Heavenly Kings, in order from weakest to strongest: 'Filial Mimirutta.'"

"Sounds like a nice person."

"Next, 'Blood-Coughing Higagasshoi.'"

"Sounds like they have a short life ahead of them."

"And finally, 'The Strongest Cowlick.' That's me."

"So the cowlick of the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings is the strongest?"

"It's a weak opening jab, but I went for it."

"A jab isn't the same as slashing someone."

"Come on, if you get the chance, you'd want to be one of the Four Heavenly Kings, wouldn't you?"

"I can understand that."

"I wanted to say some lines befitting one of the Four Heavenly Kings, too."

"A classic would be, 'Looks like ○○ has been defeated. They're the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings, and to think they lost to mere humans... What a disgrace to the demon race.'"

"That bit's from a gag manga. Well, I did it anyway."

※From Gag Manga Biyori.

"You did?"

"First, Higagasshoi says, 'Looks like Rarairaimu has been defeated.'"

"It sounds like they found out a little late."

"They found him three days after he was taken out."

"A little late is an understatement."

"And Higagasshoi said it while coughing up blood."

"Isn't the illness the one taking Higagasshoi out?"

"As for Rarairaimu, he was taken out by a sudden torrential downpour while waiting for the Hero."

"A torrential downpour sounds powerful, but it's just weather."

"Then Mimirutta says, 'They're the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings. Let's go visit them in the hospital.'"

"Mimirutta really is a nice person."

"Mimirutta even folded a thousand paper cranes and brought them along."

"Why is someone like that working for the Demon King?"

"Finally, I say, 'To think a mere weather event could take them out. What a disgrace to the demon race.'"

"At least you understood that a torrential downpour was weather."

"Well, I was there, too, but seeing Rarairaimu go down made me wilt quite a bit."

"You're a cowlick, after all. Of course you'd wilt if you got wet. More importantly, how did you join the conversation?"

"Well, I can be detached."

"I want to point that out, but that's pretty standard."

"If I'm detached too long, though, I die."

"So you're battery-powered. That does happen sometimes."

"Rarairaimu does."

"The main body dies?"

"He'd die right away if I didn't protect him."

"He's supposed to be the weakest, after all. But he didn't have to be the weakest in the entire world, even if he was the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings."

"Actually, his strength was worthy of a Four Heavenly King, but I was sucking away his nutrients."

"Aren't you more like a parasite than a cowlick?"

"No, I'm a cowlick, 99 percent pure."

"And the other one percent?"

"Split ends."

"Men tend to neglect taking care of their hair."

"Rarairaimu had been a regular Four Heavenly King thanks to his connections, but then I grew on him and he got weaker."

"Connections don't make you regular. And you're sounding more and more like a parasite. But if that's the case, wasn't there originally another one?"

"He evaporated."

"Where on earth to?"

"No, I mean physically."

"But why?"

"A lot of people wanted to take the title of strongest Four Heavenly King, so he was targeted every day."

"From the sound of it, you're the one who made him evaporate."

"He was strong: 'Fresh Benishakke.'"

"That person always reincarnates into a great role, only for someone to ruin it."

"While one of the Four Heavenly Kings was laid up with a cold, the Hero arrived at the Demon King's castle."

"So the cold took them out after all."

"We wanted to meet the Hero with the remaining Four Heavenly Kings, but I couldn't move because I was blow-drying my hair."

"You'd gone limp from the torrential downpour."

"And Higagasshoi had stopped moving while still coughing up blood."

"You shouldn't have been playing Four Heavenly Kings. Did Mimirutta end up fighting alone?"

"No. Mimirutta was taking care of Higagasshoi, so we sent Rarairaimu out."

"How could you make someone who'd been taken out by a cold go fight?"

"By any reasonable standard, someone who was coughing up blood and had stopped moving was in more critical condition."

"I won't argue with that, but I don't want to hear about common sense from someone in the middle of blow-drying their hair."

"But Rarairaimu was the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings. He could only hold the Hero off for eight hours."

"That seems more than enough. How did he last that long?"

"He collapsed right away, and the Hero took care of him."

"The Hero's a good person, too, if they took care of him for eight hours."

"Next, Mimirutta came out after stopping her care of Higagasshoi."

"What were you doing?"

"I was in the middle of blow-drying my hair."

"A total of eight hours had passed."

"The title 'Filial Mimirutta' is no empty boast. The Hero was forced to struggle."

"I don't see how that title would make the Hero struggle."

"If Mimirutta went down, her elderly parents would have a very hard time."

"So it was a psychological struggle. They're both nice people."

"Mimirutta was caring for them even then."

"Were her parents in the Demon King's castle?"

"The decisive blow was when the Hero arranged for a home-care aide."

"That's an extremely sensible way to handle things."

"Mimirutta's efforts succeeded in holding the Hero off for twelve hours."

"The Hero really did their best."

"Next, Higagasshoi, who'd been receiving care, went out."

"What were you doing?"

"I was in the middle of blow-drying my hair."

"A total of twenty hours had passed."

"The title 'Blood-Coughing Higagasshoi' is no empty boast. The Hero was forced to struggle."

"I don't see how that title would make the Hero struggle."

"It was hard to take care of Higagasshoi, who was lying there coughing up blood, when the Hero entered the room."

"Higagasshoi had been left alone for twelve hours since they stopped caring for them."

"It got pretty thrilling, since they had to start with CPR."

"No one would expect the strongest of the Four Heavenly Kings to be blow-drying his hair in the next room."

"The decisive blow was when the Hero called an ambulance."

"That's an extremely sensible way to handle things."

"Higagasshoi's efforts succeeded in holding the Hero off for eighteen hours."

"The Hero stayed by their side and did their best."

"And at last, the Hero and I faced off."

"So you'd finally finished blow-drying your hair?"

"No, it still wasn't dry."

"A total of thirty-eight hours had passed."

"So I had Rarairaimu go out again."

"Are you a demon?"

"Rarairaimu thought he might be able to put up a good fight, but as you'd expect from the Hero, they immediately called an ambulance and broke through."

"After looking after people for so long, the Hero was bound to get good at it."

"Rarairaimu's efforts succeeded in holding the Hero off for six hours."

"Even though the Hero called an ambulance right away, they were delayed for six hours?"

"The Hero took a nap while they were at it."

"After looking after people for thirty-eight hours, it's no wonder the Hero was sleepy."

"At last, the Hero reached me. My blow-dry had just finished, too."

"You spent a total of forty-four hours blow-drying your hair."

"At last, the fierce battle between the Hero and me began."

"A fierce battle between a cowlick and the Hero?"

"By the way, the fight was decided four seconds later."

"That's awfully short. You can't call that a fierce battle."

"Because I'm the strongest cowlick belonging to the weakest man among the Four Heavenly Kings."

"You'd have to say that two or three times to explain it to someone."

"The Hero, defeated by a cowlick, had their path to defeating the Demon King closed off."

"After doing their best for people for over a day, then getting taken out in seconds by a cowlick, it's no wonder they'd give up."

"So the Hero decided to make peace with the Demon King at the negotiating table."

"That's an extremely sensible way to handle things."

"And so, while I fulfilled my duty as one of the Four Heavenly Kings, the world ended up at peace."

"You don't sound too happy about that."

"My plan was to defeat the Demon King and take over the world."

"If a cowlick took over the world, the complaints would come pouring in."

"By the way, at the very end..."

"I can't picture a cowlick that can defeat the Hero in seconds getting taken out."

"Rarairaimu's girlfriend pointed out his cowlick, so he combed it flat."

"That's an extremely sensible way to handle things. And suddenly there's a girlfriend."

"It was Mimirutta."

"A workplace romance, huh? I hope they're happy together."

"Once the weakest man among the Four Heavenly Kings no longer had a cowlick, I couldn't exist. So I passed the title of strongest to the axolotl the Demon King kept as a pet, then left that world."

"The axolotl who inherited the title must have been surprised."

"He said, 'Huh? Me?'"

"So he was an otherworldly reincarnator who'd been reborn as the Demon King's pet axolotl."

"Axolotls are popular, after all."

"I don't think there's much demand for reincarnating as one, though."

"Anyway, here's your souvenir: the hair-drying set I used all the time."

"I don't need something that takes forty-four hours to use."

◇

"When I tried it out, it was surprisingly high-performance. I can get my hair into exactly the style I want."

"You can't help wanting to fiddle with it."

"So that's what you did for forty-four hours. Are you a narcissist?"