Chapter 27
“Man, it’s cold.”
“Please don’t turn the Goddess’s space into a snowy landscape without permission. I’ll burn you.”
“Now, now. You don’t usually go outside, Goddess-sama, so I thought I’d set this up for you to enjoy once in a while.”
“It’s only chilly. There’s nothing charming about it.”
“I’ve made a snow hut, too.”
“You’re pointlessly good at getting things done. Let’s see... It’s surprisingly warm inside. And you even have a kotatsu.”
“I’ve set up a portable gas stove and a pot over there. Today’s hot pot is soy milk soup.”
“Aren’t you just trying to distract me with food in the end?”
“Then I’ll put a token aurora outside.”
“I can’t see it from inside the snow hut.”
“Then let’s take off the roof. There we go.”
“Now that it’s better ventilated, you’ve lost the insulation it was supposed to provide.”
“I guess that’s what they mean when they say if you chase two rabbits, you’ll catch neither.”
“That’s right. But it’s not much of a problem when we’re warm from the kotatsu and hot pot.”
“Wow, the aurora is beautiful.”
“Just knowing it’s an artificially created aurora halves the wonder.”
“Even twice as beautiful, it couldn’t compare to you, Goddess-sama.”
“Please make the rice porridge for the end of the meal.”
“That was quick, and so cold. Want me to add egg?”
“Two, please. Oh, it’s almost time for your reincarnation in another world.”
“Hmm, I spent all that time preparing the food and didn’t get to enjoy the atmosphere at all. Well, I did get to sit under the kotatsu with you, Goddess-sama, so I’ll call that a win.”
“Why don’t you hurry up and get the suggestion box?”
“It’s a little cramped in here, so I’ll call you outside... And I’ve drawn one. From Saru no Soukutsu-san: ‘The mug used every day to drink protein by the magical girl (male) in love with the Demon King.’”
“That reminds me of the premise of a certain manga.”
“Pretty Cure, maybe?”
“That’s the one.”
※ Search for “Magical Girl Muscle” and it’ll come up. Search at your own risk.
“But a mug is fine. Given the setup, I guess I’m going to play Cupid?”
“The fact that you consider a mug perfectly fine makes me realize your capacity is beyond measure.”
“I’m going to be an ordinary-sized mug.”
“That’s not the kind of capacity I meant.”
“If it’s love advice, I don’t need much combat power. It’d be sad if I accidentally defeated a Demon King who seems like a heroine.”
“You’re harsh on couples, but kind to people who are about to become one.”
“It’s not a jack, so I think I’ll be okay. All right, I’m off.”
“I wonder what you’re planning to lift to drink protein. Have a good trip.”
◇
“There’s something rather charming about sitting under a kotatsu while snow falls indoors. Though I vaporize it immediately because I don’t want to get wet.”
“I’m back. Brr, it’s cold.”
“Please don’t slide right into the kotatsu where the Goddess is sitting. If your feet touch mine, I’ll use them as decorations for a snowman.”
“You’re going to make a snowman grow feet?”
“I’ll stick them in as its arms.”
“Just imagining it is a little horrifying. Let me sit properly... Now, I’ll give my report.”
“You were the mug used every day to drink protein by the magical girl (male) in love with the Demon King, right?”
“That’s right. It takes place in a fantasy world, and the story begins just after the Hero is defeated by the Demon King.”
“Oh? The Hero is out of the picture right away?”
“Yes. The battle between Hero Red Salmon and Demon King Beara was fierce enough to go down in history.”
“So he was eliminated before you even had a chance to get involved.”
※ I’m starting to wonder where I should point readers for Master Red Salmon’s reference. Maybe Chapter 2 is fine.
“Hero Red Salmon had the upper hand, but right as he was about to land the finishing blow, he suffered an attack from his chronic illness. The Demon King took advantage of the opening and defeated him.”
“What terrible luck.”
“No, apparently that was part of the setup for my reincarnation in another world.”
“Hmm. What do you mean?”
“I reincarnated after fighting and losing to the Demon King, then transferring into a transformation wand and going on an adventure.”
“That’s a pretty elaborate setup. I see—you planned to become an inanimate object after your defeat, then go on an adventure while keeping your Hero identity intact. Clever.”
“So, if you use the wand that holds Red Salmon’s soul, you can transform into a magical girl and fight. The one who picked it up was a boy named Carlton from a certain town.”
“A boy picked it up? Well, I could have guessed that from your prompt.”
“Red Salmon was shocked when the boy transformed into a magical girl, but decided, ‘This works,’ and set off with him to defeat Demon King Beara.”
“That Red Salmon is pretty broad-minded.”
“With an otherworldly reincarnator as his wand, the protagonist was practically guaranteed to be unstoppable. Carlton defeated one powerful enemy after another and charged right into Demon King Beara’s castle.”
“So far, there’s been no sign of you at all.”
“Carlton hasn’t drunk any protein yet, so that can’t be helped.”
“That’s true.”
“Carlton backed Demon King Beara into a corner, but then a problem arose. Just as he was about to deliver the finishing blow, the helmet the Demon King was wearing broke, revealing the beautiful face of a mature, big-sister-type Demon King underneath.”
“Hmm, so that’s when he fell in love.”
“Yes. Carlton stopped trying to defeat Demon King Beara and boldly confessed his feelings, but she rejected him, saying, ‘I won’t have anything to do with a weak man who turns into a magical girl.’”
“I can finally see how you’ll come into the story. The magical girl (male) started training and taking protein to build muscle and dispel the image that he was weak, right?”
“Just as expected of you, Goddess-sama. You’re so perceptive.”
“Of course I am.”
“You’re beautiful, and your bare legs are so alluring.”
“Stop peeking under the kotatsu.”
“Having a mandarin orange peel shoved into my eyes really hurts. I’m the slightly oversized mug Carlton bought for drinking protein. I hold a whole liter.”
“It certainly is on the large side.”
“As a greeting, I startled him with a loud shout. Carlton sprayed protein everywhere.”
“That’s a pretty lame greeting. It’s just harassment.”
“I asked Carlton how serious he was about being in love with Demon King Beara. If he was some half-hearted guy, I’d have to rebuild his backbone from the ground up.”
“You’re awfully full of yourself for a mug.”
“I’m for protein, you see. Don’t compare me to a beer mug.”
“Would you have been more humble if you were for beer?”
“Carlton said, ‘It was love at first sight. I can’t even see any woman other than her anymore.’”
“He’s fallen pretty hard for her.”
“I saw the sincerity in Carlton’s eyes and realized he was the real deal. So I decided to join forces with him and help.”
“By the way, did you grow real hands?”
“They sprouted with a little pop.”
“With a little pop.”
“I left my legs behind, at least.”
“I see. And what does that have to do with anything?”
“I only need hands to get around, weight-wise.”
“That reminds me of the yokai Teke Teke.”
“There wasn’t much of a problem with Carlton’s training. He was full of motivation. But there was one major issue. Yes, Red Salmon.”
“He’s a wand meant to create a magical girl who can defeat the Demon King, after all.”
“That’s right. He kept scolding Carlton, telling him, ‘Those feelings of love are an illusion. You have to defeat her to save the world!’”
“The story is already losing its serious tone, but if you think about it sensibly, the Demon King is the enemy of humanity and ought to be defeated.”
“Carlton refused to listen, but without Red Salmon’s power, he couldn’t protect people from the Demon King’s army, which was resuming its invasion. He could accept being unable to defeat the Demon King because of his own selfish feelings, but he wasn’t irresponsible enough to put unrelated people in danger for his own sake.”
“He was caught between a rock and a hard place.”
“Red Salmon took advantage of that and plotted to gradually take over Carlton’s sense of self.”
“You’ve had so many reincarnation destinations connected to former Demon Kings that you’ve learned to get creative. Did you do anything about it?”
“Yes. I fought back by activating the option I’d brought with me: ‘Protein poured into you tastes delicious.’”
“That’s no defense at all.”
“It’s amazing! Even bad protein becomes so delicious that you want to drink it again.”
“That is impressive, in a way, but so what? If you don’t do something about the wand soon, the protagonist will be taken over.”
“If I resorted to violence, I could snap a transformation wand like that in a second. But I wanted to challenge Red Salmon fair and square, with nothing but our influence over Carlton. That wasn’t easy, though.”
“It’s true that whenever you’ve tried to solve things with brute force, you’ve usually steamrolled everyone. It’s admirable of you to take on a challenge for once.”
“So I made Carlton unable to live without protein.”
“You managed to lower my opinion of you in a single second.”
“I decided that to fight the invasion of Red Salmon’s mind, I should invade Carlton’s mind even more.”
“That’s like treating a gambling addiction by getting someone hooked on drugs.”
“But it worked. Carlton resisted Red Salmon’s mental interference and became a full-fledged protein addict.”
“That’s not something to be proud of.”
“But protein should only be taken alongside meals as part of calorie control, or after exercise.”
“You should be able to take it whenever you want.”
“You can only eat three meals a day. In other words, to drink lots of protein, you need to exercise frequently.”
“You should be able to take it whenever you want.”
“Carlton began working out nonstop because he craved protein.”
“You should be able to take it whenever you want.”
“He started defeating the Demon King’s army without a problem, treating it all as exercise so he could drink protein afterward.”
“The Demon King’s army probably never imagined they were being defeated so Carlton could have post-workout protein.”
“As the months and years passed, the slender boy Carlton built himself an impressive physique.”
“That’s what happens when you train single-mindedly.”
“This transformation even made Demon King Beara’s heart pound.”
“That Demon King is pretty easy to win over.”
“But by then, Carlton could see nothing but protein.”
“You’ve even erased his devoted love.”
“Then another problem arose. He realized that while using me limited the times he could drink protein, he could drink it whenever he wanted if he used another mug.”
“Of course he would. But wouldn’t it taste worse?”
“For Carlton, now a protein addict, the taste no longer mattered.”
“This has gotten worse than I expected.”
“Still, without exercise, he wouldn’t get hungry, so Carlton grabbed Red Salmon, transformed into a magical girl, and went on a rampage.”
“At least he was diligent about exercising.”
“I could have handled Carlton if he’d just become a muscleman, but going up against a magical girl transformed by an otherworldly reincarnator’s wand was another matter.”
“Couldn’t you just talk to the wand and ask it to end the transformation?”
“Carlton’s devotion to protein had eaten away at Red Salmon’s mind, so even Red Salmon’s own will couldn’t do anything about it.”
“You’ve created one terrifying monster.”
“If things continued like this, Carlton might become a greater threat to the world than the Demon King. So I asked Demon King Beara to help me.”
“Oh? This time you took the Demon King’s side?”
“Carlton had started working out and drinking protein because he wanted Demon King Beara to notice him. So I was certain that she could bring him back to his senses.”
“The so-called power of love? The Demon King was attracted to his muscles, but what did she think of the protagonist?”
“After hearing Carlton’s story, she blushed and said, ‘W-well, I guess he’s not bad...’”
“What an easy Demon King.”
“And so, I teamed up with Demon King Beara to stop Carlton. But it wasn’t going to be easy.”
“He’s empowered by the wand of an otherworldly reincarnator, after all. He won’t be easy to stop.”
“So I made Demon King Beara unable to live without protein.”
“What the hell have you done?”
“All I can do is make protein taste good.”
“Didn’t you bring any other options?”
“My hands sprout. With a little pop.”
“With a little pop. And what does that let you do?”
“Obviously, I used them to restrain Carlton.”
“I’m surprised you used them in such a sensible way.”
“While I held him down, Demon King Beara spoke to Carlton. ‘You were working out to enjoy delicious protein. So why are you satisfied with the disgusting stuff? How can you lose sight of what you were aiming for?’”
“The person he was aiming for was the Demon King, though.”
“Then she poured the protein from me into Carlton’s mouth.”
“What good is giving protein to a protein addict?”
“At that moment, I made the protein taste better than ever before and had Carlton drink it. That brought back his memories of delicious protein.”
“There’s so much protein in this story that I’m getting confused.”
“Carlton came to his senses and bowed his head to Demon King Beara. ‘I built up my body for you. I was devoted to you, and yet I gave in to protein. I was controlled by the power of protein. I don’t deserve to have feelings for you.’”
“Because of you, a boy’s love has been crushed.”
“Demon King Beara replied, ‘I know the taste of this protein now, too. And you’re amazing for finding your way back even after being controlled by it. Even with protein still in your system, you’re able to think of me.’”
“They’d both become protein addicts, after all.”
“In the end, Demon King Beara accepted Carlton, and even though their relationship was awkward, they started dating.”
“It feels like a happy ending, but the damage you left behind is awful.”
“After that, the two of them kept their protein intake to a minimum and followed the directions for proper use and dosage.”
“So they couldn’t give up protein after all.”
“And they decided to throw me away—the mug that turned ordinary protein into something that drove people mad.”
“When you think about it calmly, you were the cause of everything.”
“At the end, Carlton said, ‘You taught me that my devoted feelings weren’t unchanging, and that love isn’t absolute. You taught me that those things are something I have to protect for myself. I’ll follow your advice and cherish my feelings for her and for protein.’”
“He hasn’t gotten over his protein addiction.”
“And that’s how I ended up back here.”
“By the way, what happened to the wand of the otherworldly reincarnator?”
“Oh, it was in the way when I was restraining Carlton, so I snapped it.”
“Well, it would’ve been pitiful if it stayed under his control. I suppose we can hope for better in its next reincarnation.”
“By the way, my souvenir is some popular protein from that world.”
“You’re telling me this right after a story about protein shaking a boy’s feelings of love.”
“It’s just protein. It’s not like anyone could get addicted.”
“Well, if you haven’t tampered with it, I suppose there’s no problem... Oh, this is easy to drink.”
“It can even make a quick meal when you’re busy.”
“That’s true, but I’d still like to eat proper meals.”
“Then shall I make hot pot? Would protein hot pot be okay?”
“Of course not.”