The Soil in Front of Sato-san's House Next Door to the Heroine's Parents' Home (Volcanic Ash Soil)

"Dinner's ready!"

'Good work. Oh, is this dried fish?'

"It's ash-dried kibinago. I remembered when a friend sent me some before, so I ordered some."

※ Drying fish using volcanic ash takes time, but it makes the fish taste better. Sakurajima ash-dried fish is highly recommended.

'Hmm... For dried fish, it's surprisingly tender and fluffy.'

"I've prepared tempura as well as salt-grilled fish. This is ash-dried takaebi shrimp; you can eat the heads with the shells on."

'The texture is like shrimp crackers.'

"And here's ash-dried scallop. You can eat it with the shell on, too."

'I won't fall for that one.'

"You saw through me, huh?"

'If I'd been fooled and chipped a tooth, I'd have made you feed shellfish to me for ten years.'

"Should I grill the scallops with just soy sauce?"

'A little butter, too, please. When you eat something like this without any grains, it makes you want a drink.'

"Isn't alcohol off-limits at your apparent age, Goddess-sama?"

'My actual age isn't a problem. Sake—well, I'm a little concerned about your taste, so perhaps a safe ginger highball.'

"That's a pretty moderate drinker's choice. I'll keep the alcohol content low, just in case."

'That'll do. I don't want to get drunk. Come to think of it, you've never had a drink in this world, have you?'

"I don't want to hear you say I smell like alcohol, Goddess-sama."

'I believe I've also called you fishy, earthy, and, more recently, mossy.'

"I just can't enjoy drinking alone. Back when I was on Earth, I'd go out drinking with the neighbors."

'If you don't mind me joining you now and then, I could do that.'

"I'm scared you'll have one of your episodes."

※ The Goddess gets affectionate out of loneliness in every chapter that's a multiple of ten. What chapter are we on, again?

'That has nothing to do with alcohol. I'm generally a very mild drunk.'

"Have you ever done something embarrassing while drunk?"

'Not particularly. Though I do remember getting drunk once and arguing with another god. I don't remember what happened after that.'

"Is the punchline that the other god was nearly beaten to death?"

'Who knows? They're still missing, and I've lost contact with them. Another, please.'

"Guess I can't let my guard down."

'This much wouldn't even give me a buzz. A goddess metabolizes alcohol differently from an ordinary person... Oh, that's right, it's almost time to head to the other world.'

"Then I'll get the suggestion box out. Rummage, rummage, shazam..."

'I've been wondering whether I should finally call you out on it, but what exactly is that weird little chant you make every time you draw a prompt?'

"It feels like I'll draw a good prompt if I do it. From Yocchi~: 'The soil (volcanic ash soil) in front of Sato-san's house next door to the heroine's parents' home.'"

'There's a sense of cause and effect to that prompt.'

"Looks like the lead-in might have something to do with the prompt, too. But a second life as soil, huh? I'm used to it by now."

※ See Chapter 4: The Soil in Front of the Dungeon.

'Not many people get used to being soil. Compared to your previous life as soil in front of a dungeon, though, I imagine you'll fade into the background this time.'

"Aw, come on. I'll be soil, not air."

'If you're going to make me explain something that lame, I'll pump air into your arteries.'

"That's pretty dangerous."

'An ordinary person would die, so don't dismiss it as merely dangerous.'

"With those settings in place... All right, I'm off. Don't drink too much, okay? Considering how you look, it'd be a bad look.'

'I may have some reservations about your wording, but I'll at least drink in moderation when I'm by myself.'

◇

'Good grief. A goddess with a hangover... I really should avoid drinking with the god of ogres.'

"I'm back. Oh, you don't look too good."

'I'm in a bad-status condition similar to a hangover.'

"Isn't that just a hangover?"

'It's a bad status. Another god inflicted it on me.'

"By the way, how do you cure it?"

'The same way as an ordinary hangover.'

"Then I'll make some soup. How about dried cod soup?"

'If it helps with a hangover, I'm sure it'll be fine. Please do.'

"Then I'll give my report while I make it."

'You were the soil in front of Sato-san's house next door to the heroine's parents' home, right?'

"It was a fantasy world. The Hero was born on an island surrounded by the sea, and that's where the story began. The village was built at the foot of an active volcano, and the heroine, Ameiril, lived near the Hero's house."

'It's a little unusual for the Hero to start out in an active volcanic region.'

※ There are ones like P*pu-kun, right?

"Ameiril was the same age as the Hero and secretly in love with them, but to the carefree Hero, she was just someone they chatted with from time to time. Their relationship never progressed, and then the Demon King's forces finally appeared in the village."

'I hope this isn't the kind of story where her hometown is destroyed. Was everything all right?'

"Yes. The Hero awakened their dormant power and drove off one of the Demon King's commanders, so the village was safe."

'I see. And that's where the Hero's adventure begins.'

"Yes. The Hero decided to use their village as a base and return often, hoping to save the surrounding islands first."

'So the heroine didn't join the party?'

"That's right. Ameiril could use a little magic, but she wasn't really suited for combat. She could, however, use simple healing magic, so whenever the Hero came home, she'd visit their house to heal them."

'Like a wife who comes over to take care of them.'

"The whole village was hoping for the Hero to succeed, so they supported them in all sorts of ways. But Ameiril still couldn't win enough of the Hero's affection, so she went home dejected. And on the way, she stepped on me."

'Did she pass by Sato-san's house on her way home?'

"Ameiril was always sighing, so I complained to her: 'You keep sighing and stepping on me, like you're doing it out of obligation. It makes me sad!'"

'You're not a person. You're a clod of volcanic ash.'

"Ameiril was surprised at first, but eventually she understood I was soil that could speak, and we became friends."

'It's a strange story, a heroine becoming friends with a patch of soil.'

"It was better for her to have a chance to get her feelings off her chest than to carry her unrequited love for the Hero all alone. As I listened to her worries, we grew quite close."

'From the outside, it must have looked like a dangerous woman sitting on the ground and talking to it.'

"Even if I don't understand a woman's heart, I'm an expert on men's hearts. I ended up cheering Ameiril on in her love life."

'Your matchmaking has a high success rate, but it never seems to go well, so I'm worried.'

"The first thing I did was make the Hero think more about Ameiril. Their main point of contact was when she used healing magic on them, so I focused on that."

'You didn't make the Hero dependent on healing magic like you did with that mug, did you?'

※ See Chapter 27: The Mug Used by the Magical Girl (Male) in Love with the Demon King to Drink Protein Every Day.

"No. If I made the Hero dependent on healing magic, the others would notice."

'That's a relief.'

"So I shot the Hero from long range and brought them to the brink of death."

'What have you done?'

"Heh, I never had much chance to try a long-range sniping spell, so I figured my odds of success were about fifty-fifty. But it worked out."

'I doubt the Hero expected the soil in their own village to fire long-range magic at them.'

"I did hit the village chief once, though."

'So it didn't exactly work out half the time!'

"The Hero needed more healing magic, so they spent a long time with Ameiril. They grew a little closer, but even so, the results were underwhelming."

'It's sad to call it underwhelming when the Hero was nearly killed.'

"Ameiril's crush was so strong she couldn't talk to the Hero properly. So next, I helped her practice talking to people. I shaped myself into the Hero and had her practice a conversation with me."

'Would practicing with a dirt model of the Hero really help?'

"She was nervous at first, so it helped quite a bit."

'If she was nervous even around a clump of soil, then I suppose the practice really was worthwhile.'

"The only problem was that Sato-san saw this happening every day and was extremely worried about Ameiril."

'Of course they would be worried if they saw a woman practicing talking to a dirt version of the Hero in front of their house.'

"But after Sato-san learned how devoted Ameiril was, they supported her quietly from the sidelines."

'Sato-san sounds like a good person.'

"Once she'd gotten used to it, we moved on to practical exercises. I brought the Hero to the brink of death again to make time for the two of them."

'Please don't casually bring the Hero to the brink of death.'

"It's fine. The closer the Hero gets to death, the stronger they become."

'Even so, if the Hero found out the soil in their hometown was nearly killing them, I feel like they might leave the village.'

"Maybe thanks to the practice, Ameiril learned to talk to the Hero reasonably well, and the Hero started paying a little attention to her."

'I wonder if it was worth nearly killing the Hero. That's what I'm curious about.'

"Sato-san, who'd been watching from the sidelines, pumped a fist at this progress."

'Sato-san seems to have a lot of free time.'

"Now that she could talk to the Hero, it was time to plan how to win them over. I wrote down all sorts of plans on a nearby wall and went over them with Ameiril."

'You weren't writing graffiti on someone's wall, were you?'

"Sato-san saw us and worried that we'd written on the wall with permanent marker."

'They were worried about their own wall, then. By the way, was it permanent?'

"No, I burned the writing into it with fire magic."

'Even delinquents who spray graffiti would be appalled by that.'

"Of course, I couldn't leave the information there where someone might find it, so in the end I burned the surrounding area down, too, to destroy the evidence."

'So Sato-san's wall burned down completely? I hope the house was all right.'

"Sato-san was delighted, saying the wall had taken on an antique look."

'It's all in how you look at it.'

"I launched a plan to get the Hero to wonder whether they saw Ameiril as a woman by casually asking them in conversation. By the way, here's how it went."

'I imagine it went exactly as you just described.'

"First, I sniped the Hero with long-range magic and brought them to the brink of death."

'I'm worried you'll accidentally finish them off one of these days.'

"Then I left the Hero alone with Ameiril and sniped anyone who tried to interfere."

'That's way too dangerous. You could've just put up a barrier.'

"Unfortunately, I only brought options for offensive magic."

'Why not try acting more like soil?'

"I'd thought of that, too. I gave Ameiril some ash-dried fish I'd made from myself to take as a gift."

'That was barely an ash-related element. By the way, are there any other ash-related elements?'

"Every time the volcano erupted and ash rained down, my body grew in volume."

'That's just a physical consequence.'

"My plan worked like a charm, and the Hero started seeing Ameiril as a woman, sometimes even blushing around her."

'So it worked, at least a little.'

"If they weren't blushing enough, I'd snipe them with long-range magic."

'That's blood.'

"But then a problem arose."

'Was it something to do with Sato-san again?'

"No. Sato-san was having trouble with a wisdom tooth, but that's a different story."

'I don't think we need to hear about Sato-san's wisdom tooth.'

"The villagers figured out that someone was sniping the Hero."

'After all the trouble happening in the village, you'd think they would've figured it out sooner.'

"They even pinpointed where the shots were coming from, and a large crowd gathered over me. Then one villager said that Ameiril had been there when the Hero was sniped."

'You'd had her wait at the sniping spot?'

"The villagers pressed Ameiril, asking if she'd ambushed the Hero while they were trying to save the world. She could have told them about me, but instead, she tried to protect me and take the blame."

'You'd helped her build her relationship with the Hero, after all. And she was involved, too, I suppose.'

"But if Ameiril was held responsible, her relationship with the Hero would be over."

'It was all a setup, so it wouldn't leave a good impression.'

"So I couldn't help shouting, 'I did it!'"

'That was noble of you. Still, even if you survived by abandoning the heroine, you wouldn't have a very good life afterward.'

"I shouted it in Sato-san's voice."

'You're completely rotten.'

※ The protagonist of this work is talented at changing his voice. See Chapter 5.

"Sato-san was surprised at first, but after thinking about Ameiril, they admitted that they had done it."

'Isn't Sato-san too good a person?'

"But if Sato-san was held responsible, their house would be gone, and my life would be over."

'That reason makes you sound even more rotten.'

"So I couldn't help shouting, 'I did it!'"

'Whose voice did you use?'

"The village chief's."

'Your scapegoat choice is awful.'

"The village chief was surprised at first, but when they were questioned, they confessed."

'Aren't you creating way too many false accusations?'

"Actually, the village chief had been replaced by one of the Demon King's commanders."

'That's quite a sudden turn.'

"According to the Demon King's commander, the village chief happened to be resting at home, making it the perfect opportunity to take their place."

'They'd been sniped by someone's long-range magic, after all.'

"And so, all my actions were attributed to the Demon King's commander. Then, after one thing and another, the Hero defeated them."

'It was awful for the Demon King's commander, having to pay for crimes they had nothing to do with, too. Was this connected to Red Salmon?'

"No, that guy's name was Left Chopper."

'Oh, that one.'

※ He appeared around Chapters 3 and 9.

"He was pretty strong, but the Hero had come back from the brink of death so many times that they'd grown quite powerful."

'I doubt anyone could have predicted that repeatedly coming back from the brink of death for a rom-com would lead to defeating an otherworldly reincarnator.'

"After that, Ameiril and the Hero's romance proceeded smoothly, and they got together. Since the Hero had grown so much stronger, they saved the world without much trouble."

'That should've been the main story, but you skipped right over it.'

"I can't exactly tell the story of the Hero going on adventures outside the village."

'That's true.'

"After bringing peace to the world, the Hero and Ameiril had a wedding."

'I suppose you could call that a happy ending.'

"Sato-san was the matchmaker."

'They supported those two even when it meant taking the blame.'

"And that day was also the day I met my end."

'Oh? That seems like an odd time for it.'

"Ameiril tossed her bouquet, and I caught it by accident. That's how the entire village found out I existed."

'She was throwing the bouquet in front of Sato-san's house?'

"The wedding venue was Sato-san's house."

'They must trust you quite a lot.'

"An arm suddenly rose from the ground, and everyone panicked, thinking a monster had appeared. The Hero immediately fired an attack spell at me."

'That was revenge for everything you'd done up to then. People do say you reap what you sow.'

"But Sato-san shielded me."

'Now, that's unexpected.'

"Sato-san took a direct hit from the spell and was on the brink of death. Ameiril rushed over and said, 'Why would you do that?'"

'Seriously. After all the trouble you'd caused them, too.'

"Sato-san said, 'I knew there was something strange about the soil in front of my house. I also knew you were the one who helped the love between the two of you, whom I wanted to support, go well. The least I could do was put my own life on the line.' And then they died."

'And yet they still protected the soil.'

"After they'd gone that far, I couldn't live with myself. I used resurrection magic that cost me my own life to bring Sato-san back. 'My role is over now. Ameiril needs someone to watch over her from here on. Sato-san, no one is more suited to that than you.'"

'The soil that had been so rotten said something good at the very end.'

"I left my final words: 'Cremate my body and scatter me into the sea.' Then I breathed my last."

'You were volcanic ash to begin with.'

"Sato-san and Ameiril followed my words and scattered the volcanic ash around them into the sea."

'Didn't that leave a sinkhole in front of the house?'

"And that's how I got back. Here's your soup."

'Thank you. ...Ah, this is soothing. My headache's gone.'

"By the way, about the bouquet I caught as a souvenir..."

'It's made of artificial flowers. I don't see flowers like these very often, so perhaps I'll put it on display.'

"Here you go."

'Why are you tossing it to me?'

"No particular reason."