Chapter 13
Frederick: I'm sorry.
Head Mod☆: ?
Frederick: Please accept this.
(A meme of an extremely rusty-looking greatsword)
It is the Empire's officially recognized sacred sword.
If necessary, I can even write you a certificate of authenticity.
“Why is he suddenly acting like this?”
He had truly changed.
He was acting like a completely different person, to the point that I was beginning to suspect him.
At this rate, it was like having a thug point a gun at you and force you to apologize.
Head Mod☆: ?
Frederick: I sincerely apologize for trying to forcefully control and manipulate you.
[‘Frederick’ has requested a barter for ???.]
I ended up accepting an apology bribe.
The enormous greatsword delivered right before my eyes was proof of that.
[Failed to appraise ‘???’.]
The problem was that obscured name.
“This is really supposed to be a sacred sword?”
I narrowed my eyes and examined the greatsword.
It had an extremely rusty, ancient appearance.
Didn't it look like just touching it would imbue you with tetanus?
How could something like this be a sacred sword?
Still, it seemed wrong to leave it stuck in a corner of the storeroom, so while wondering what to do with it, I picked it up.
Vrrrrm.
“What? It's incredibly light.”
No, it was beyond light—it felt like I wasn't holding anything at all.
It was easily as long as an adult man's height and looked viciously thick, so how could it be this light?
Yet it didn't seem hollow, either.
“Huh.”
Crunch!
The greatsword I'd swung by accident shattered an innocent wooden crate into pieces that flew everywhere.
That was when something strange happened.
[‘???’ → changed into ‘Old Sacred Sword’!]
[Old Sacred Sword]
The sacred sword once wielded by Adrian's hero.
Now so ancient that its history is dismissed as a fairy tale, it is an old sacred sword.
Only those granted the qualification can wield it.
Equipped with a Light On/Off function!
Somehow, it sounded exactly like a terribly clumsy advertising slogan.
The moment I thought that to myself, an immense light began bursting from the greatsword!
“Aaargh! Huh, what? It's not blinding?”
It instantly illuminated the dark interior of the storeroom, which had been too dark for ordinary lights alone.
And it even came with an automatic eye-protection function.
“Great. From today on, you're Light No. 1.”
I didn't need any of the other lights.
Besides, it looked like I could use this as an infinite-power light that didn't even consume mana dumplings.
I was debating whether to prop it upright against a nearby wall when I remembered the most important thing.
Click!
“I can't resist a verification post.”
Title: It's Me. Anyone Know What This Is?
Author: Head Mod☆
(A photo of the sacred sword emitting light)
What is this? Anyone know how to use it?
For now, it's emitting light, so I'm thinking of using it as a light, yeah.
ㄴ Aaargh!!!
ㄴ What the hell is this in the middle of the night...
ㄴ All the monsters nearby are gonna come running, fuck!!!
ㄴ Head Mod☆) Didn't realize it was nighttime, sorry lol
ㄴ ??
ㄴ Sir, please, get a life...
- But isn't that Adrian's sacred sword?
ㄴ Huh? Looking at its appearance, it kinda seems like it.
ㄴ No, why do you have that?
ㄴ Head Mod☆) The troll gave it to me as an apology.
ㄴ ???
ㄴ Ah, fuck, that Crown Prince bastard. The Empire is screwed.
ㄴ The Empire's screwed, season 34,234.
Title: Wait, Was Head Mod a Hero?
Why on earth is that glowing?
ㄴ Why is the greatsword that couldn't be used because it had no owner even during the Great War only glowing now?
ㄴ Head Mod, what kind of qualification do you have?
ㄴ Is Head Mod a female hero?
ㄴ Huh?
ㄴ Oh?
ㄴ FullHPElf★: Is that for real?
ㄴ Hmm, kinda hot.
“What? Everyone's reaction is pretty subdued.”
I bragged about it in a verification post while also gauging whether it might cause trouble.
If it really was the sacred sword, it would be a treasure of the Empire, and if it had come into my possession, it could be more trouble than it was worth.
I wasn't a hero to begin with—I was Head Mod.
Yet no one seemed interested.
Of course, there were some who took issue with it.
- But that's the sacred sword, isn't it? Is it really okay to give it away like that?
ㄴ Who cares?
ㄴ No;; it's an imperial relic, at least;;
ㄴ Do I really need to know about something like that?
ㄴ So, does this mean alcohol prohibition is over?
ㄴ I'm hungry. Recommend something for dinner.
ㄴ Adrian's future is looking fucking bright lol
The sacred sword had not manifested even once throughout the Great War.
Perhaps that was why the Adrian gallery users valued immediate survival over some useless lump of iron.
The Featured posts that began trickling out as soon as the crisis was over proved it.
Featured) Head Mod, We're Screwed If You Don't Put Alcohol Back Up!!
It's not too late even now!!!
So hurry up and put the booze back!!!
ㄴ Head Mod☆: No, I mean, the sacred sword—
ㄴ Author) Ah lol, I don't know, just put the booze up already lol
ㄴ Booze sword? What'd you say? Did you just say booze sword?
ㄴ Is it something we can drink?
ㄴ Wow; look at those dwarves losing their minds over Prohibition;
Featured) Head Mod, Are You Asking If This Is the Time!!!!
Author: Taldru
Is this a good time to strike Adrian?
Is this a good time to strike that bastard Frederick?
Then will you give us alcohol?
ㄴ Life to the dwarves!
ㄴ Give us back our lives!
ㄴ (A frog emote sobbing while pointing a spear at itself)
ㄴ I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I want to drink, I dream of alcohol even in my dreams, I want to drink, Head Mod, in your thoughts and in mine, I want to drink, for a long—
No one was interested in the sacred sword.
I stared blankly for a moment, then let out a hollow laugh.
Title: It's Me
Author: Head Mod☆
(A photo of the brightly glowing sacred sword)
Seriously, I get to keep this? I get to take it and run?
No complaining later, okay?
ㄴ Fuck, owner!!! Put the booze up already!!!!!!!
“Screw it.”
[Draft Beer 500 cc] - 5 mana dumplings
[Canned Stout 500 ml] - 5 mana dumplings
[Soju Good Day 1 bottle] - 3 mana dumplings
I released alcohol into the gallery, which was packed with alcohol zombies.
*
The alcohol that had been taken away returned to the gallery.
That alone turned the gallery into a scene of utter pandemonium.
- Kyaa lol, finally!
- Kyaa~ This is what I'm talking about~~~~
- I was right on the verge of making a huge decision, but you saved my life, Head Mod.
- My yass is back.
Title: I Survived Another Day Thanks to Head Mod
(A meme of an elf posing with dew resting between their shoulder and neck)
Elves have to live on dew.
Let me leave you a small token of gratitude ovo
ㄴ Wow, kya-pa
ㄴ (An emote of an elf giving a thumbs-up with tears in their eyes)
ㄴ So that was the dew they meant lol
ㄴ Seriously, wow... wow.
ㄴ Then what about WholesomeDemure, by any chance?
ㄴ Is our likable user going to post too?
ㄴ A Dryer post just dropped!!!
ㄴ What!!!
Title: Thank You, Head Mod Oppa!
Author: WholesomeDemure
(A meme showing only a pair of eyes peeking out)
(A thumbs-up meme next to a bottle of high-proof liquor)
Head Mod is our hope!
I love you *^^*
ㄴ Hmm...
ㄴ Tsk, downvoted.
ㄴ You've lost your touch. I'm disappointed, Ms. WholesomeDemure.
ㄴ Author) I don't really understand what everyone means ^^
ㄴ Head Mod☆: You said you loved me! You said you loved me!!
ㄴ Author) ...^^
Title: I'll Post One for You Instead, >v<
Author: LiveAloneDrinkWell
(Something belonging to an obscene man)
I'm embarrassed, but please be satisfied with this at least >o<
ㄴ Ah!!! Fu!!!ck!!! You bastard!!!!
ㄴ ...You son of a bitch!
ㄴ What do you mean, “be satisfied,” you bastard!!!
ㄴ Ouch, it's hot!
ㄴ Gallery user, go into the forest and take a big bite of a deadly plant for me.
- Oh.
ㄴ ?
“Ah, what the fuck.”
I saw it.
This was a tactical nuke, perhaps even more powerful.
I immediately clicked on the member's information and gave him a 999-day ban.
But that alone wasn't enough to calm me down.
I hurriedly grabbed the sacred sword I'd propped up haphazardly, switched on its Light function, and rubbed it against my eyes.
[Holy Light]
Purifies a corrupted and rotten mind.
“Phew...”
Only then did my violently shaken emotions settle down.
The sacred sword had an “unsee what I just saw” function in addition to its lighting function.
“Anyway, I wonder if what I gave him arrived safely.”
What Frederick had given me was at least not something that could be casually handed out like this.
It might be fine for now, but it could cause problems in the future.
Swallowing something like this whole would give me indigestion.
With that in mind, I was thinking about what would be good when I remembered the complaints that usually appeared in the gallery.
- Ah, food really tastes awful...
- I eat it because I have to survive, at least;
- After eating marketplace food, trying to eat raw meat with plain water is rough.
“Food culture was less developed here.”
More precisely, it had been underdeveloped.
When the Great War broke out and reduced every culture to ashes, the Otherworld's perception of food culture became fixed in one mold.
- Gallery users, are you going to die whining about food?
- If it's filling and nutritious, that's enough.
It was solely tied to survival.
Taste was not an important factor.
So, as something to calm public sentiment, I sent magic powder as a gift to Frederick, who had offered a barter.
- The imperial palace is handing this out, what is it?
- It's a smooth little piece of paper, hmm.
- Seasoning? They say to mix it into food?
That's right: magic powder.
It was MSG.
*
A four-person party crossing over a mountain range.
The knight walking at the front spoke.
“Let's make camp around here for today.”
“Whew! It's over!”
“It was tough, but it feels great.”
“I'll start by preparing the meal!”
It was a party led by Roks, the Kelton Kingdom knight whose life had once been saved by Head Mod's energy drink.
Unusually, its members consisted of an elf, a dwarf, a thief, and a knight, but the party's goal was simple.
“How many did we kill today?”
“Hmm, I think we got around eighty.”
To slaughter monsters.
It was a party that had naturally formed as Roks wandered from place to place, weighed down by guilt over failing to protect the King of Kelton.
Yet it was a strange combination at a glance.
They had each harbored hatred for monsters, and that shared feeling went a long way toward bringing them together.
But that alone would not have been enough to form a multi-race party.
There was one decisive reason that kept the party together.
“So, did the marketplace open?”
It was Head Mod's marketplace.
Marketplace food enjoyed after a grueling journey.
It was truly a heavenly respite.
However, the expression on Gilly the dwarf's face as he opened the gallery was not very bright.
If anything, it was a terrible expression, appropriately painted with despair and pain.
“...It's sold out.”
“Pardon?”
“It's all sold out! Head Mod opened the marketplace an hour early!”
“Whaaat?!”
At Gilly's scream, the faces of all the party members preparing the campsite curdled.
At least, all except energy-drink fanatic Roks.
Nadia the elf, her ears drooping, squeezed her eyes shut and shouted.
“You were in charge of checking the marketplace, Mr. Gilly! Why didn't you check sooner?”
“How was I supposed to know this would happen? Damn it, if I'd known, I would've saved some beer...”
And when the focal point disappears, division comes quickly.
“You stupid dwarf! Thanks to you, soju is out of the question today!”
“W-What did you say?”
“Give me back my dew!”
“I've been listening to this long enough—what did you just call me, you pointy-eared freak?”
The mood turned hostile in an instant.
Fortunately, however, the human thief who also served as their porter, Sophia, had farmed some items in advance.
“You inferior members of other races...! P-Please calm down! I managed to get one of these, at least...!”
“Gnn... Well, if that's the case...”
“But wait, Sophia. What did you just say...?”
“Look here!”
What Sophia pulled from her bosom was the seasoning, MSG, that Head Mod had distributed through Frederick.
Since it had been distributed so freely to calm the dangerous public sentiment, one had made its way into the party's hands as well.
And gathered around the campfire, they each marveled for their own reasons.
Because it was none other than the magic powder MSG that was currently the hottest topic in the gallery.
“Ooh... How could anyone make such a precise packaging material?”
“You just put this in food, and it makes it delicious like magic?”
“As expected of Head Mod. Is he a god...?”
“Now, everyone. Since you're all being so loud...! Please keep quiet, and I'll demonstrate it once...!”
Tap, tap.
Sophia sprinkled the thing called MSG into a stew of monster parts that looked horrifying even at a glance.
Once, twice, and then she went so far as to empty the whole packet in.
“Hmmmm... This really makes it work?”
Nadia's expression turned uncertain.
For all the magical things Head Mod brought, wasn't this a little too unrealistic?
“Enough! Here, Ms. Nadia! You try some first!”
“Eek, me first?”
“Because you're the oldest!”
“...”
Nadia felt conflicted.
Sophia had golden hair and was still too young to have finished growing, making her nothing but cute.
‘I don't know why, but I keep feeling like she's needling me...’
Meanwhile, the three of them stared intently.
Nadia, who had been cowed with her ears drooping, finally summoned her courage and took a sip of the monster stew.
“Hieeeek?!”
“Nadia, are you all right?”
“It's, it's way too delicious!!”
Nadia's pointed ears sprang upright.
It was the moment monster meat became sweet and delicious for the first time in the Otherworld.