Chapter 33
Full-HP Elf: We did everything for it.
According to Full-HP Elf, the elves had done everything they could to save the World Tree.
But the World Tree they showed me for diagnosis looked anything but normal.
“This is... the World Tree?”
I could see its gaunt branches.
It looked nothing like the lush, life-filled image I had in mind.
Didn't it look like something that would appear on a map called The Black Marsh or The Barren Earth?
Head Mod☆: What did you do to the World Tree?
But jumping to conclusions was a bad idea.
I knew nothing about the World Tree, so I cautiously asked what they had done, and the answer was absurd.
Full-HP Elf: First, we gather in front of the World Tree every day and perform the spirit dance.
Head Mod☆: ?
Full-HP Elf: We climbed the World Tree, communed with it, and shared our inner friendship.
Full-HP Elf: (Meme of elves climbing the World Tree or dancing)
Head Mod☆: ??
“What is this?”
But one thing was clear: the elves were handling the tree all wrong.
Title: The World Tree's Current Condition...jpg
Author: Lovable Elf Elder Gal><
(Meme of all sorts of animals and bugs clinging to a tree)
(Meme of elves hanging various fabrics and clothes up and praying to the World Tree)
Sigh... it hasn't had much energy lately...
I'm extremely worried because the World Tree can't seem to regain its strength...
Even though so many life-forms are sharing their energy with it, it's still wasting away...
Cough, cough...
- Head Mod☆) What are those moth-like things stuck to it?
ㄴ Lovable Elf Elder Gal><) They're the fairies of Elrad, giving the World Tree strength!
ㄴ Head Mod☆) They just look like pests.
ㄴ Lovable Elf Elder Gal><) How rude.
ㄴ Lovable Elf Elder Gal><) What do you know? You're just the Head Mod.
ㄴ Lovable Elf Elder Gal><) Fairies are the elves' friends!
- Full-HP Elf★) So, Head Mod, do you think you know what's wrong?
ㄴ Look how much effort the elves have put in...
ㄴ Sob, sob ;o; How sad ㅠㅠ
ㄴ Head Mod☆) Yeah, I know what it is.
- Full-HP Elf★) !! What's wrong?!
“The elves were the culprits.”
Torturing the tree by dancing around it.
Interfering with its growth by hanging off it or hanging clothes on it.
Neglecting pests and diseases, and so on...
The elves had been trying to kill the World Tree in every way imaginable.
At this point, it was amazing that the World Tree had survived this long.
“Of course it wouldn't bear any fruit.”
Since the environment was anything but normal, the fruit growing on the World Tree wasn't ordinary either.
Black, rotten apples.
Each one with at least one larva inside.
Grotesque pests clinging to it in thick clusters.
Title: Hang in There, World Tree!
(Meme of elves painting a tree with natural pigments)
We went to great lengths to obtain natural pigments infused with mana, so I really hope it gets better now ㅠㅠ
- The beauty of all this effort is incredible!
ㄴ Yeah, I should work harder too.
ㄴ If we do this, won't the World Tree be moved by our efforts~?
ㄴ Elrad working so hard is truly beautiful~
And then there were the most vile old elf bastards of all.
It was then.
Title: The World Tree Moved!
Author: Full-HP Elf★
(Meme of the World Tree looking at the system)
(Meme of a tree branch reaching beyond the screen as if desperately asking for something)
Could our elves' efforts finally be bearing fruit?
The World Tree is getting healthier!
The World Tree was trembling as it extended its branches, almost as if it were looking at me through the system.
Far from getting healthier, it was making a final plea for help before dying.
I saw that and made a new post.
Title: It's Me
Author: Head Mod☆
I'll help you, so how about doing exactly what I tell you instead?
- Of course! You're helping us!
ㄴ We can fetch anything you tell us to~!
ㄴ I agree! Just say the word!
ㄴ Or should we get more natural pigments?
ㄴ Or do an elf traditional dance?
Within seconds, the elves' comments began flooding the comment section.
Perhaps it was because the World Tree provided elves with food, shelter, mana recovery, and practically everything else.
Seeing how desperate the elves looked, I posted another reply.
- Head Mod☆) Okay, you really have to do exactly what I say.
ㄴ Full-HP Elf) Got it.
ㄴ Lovable Elf Elder Gal><) You're really going to save us, right?
ㄴ Just tell us what to do!
ㄴ What should we start with?!
ㄴ Head Mod☆) First of all,
ㄴ Head Mod☆) Everyone except the Blue Mod, get the hell out.
ㄴ ?!
ㄴ !
Start by eliminating the biggest cause.
*
Maintaining a gallery is hard.
I need gallery users to survive in the end, but these crazy gallery users keep trying to destroy themselves, don't they?
“Head Mod? Not easy...”
And so began the project to save the World Tree.
I recruited the Blue Mod, Full-HP Elf, to be my hands and feet, along with thirty elves who managed the World Tree.
“First, dealing with those pests is the most urgent matter.”
I narrowed my eyes as I looked through the screen.
I wasn't talking about the elves.
The pests clinging all over the World Tree—or, in the elder elf's words, the “fairies.”
Giant moths with grotesque patterns, two-headed caterpillars, four-winged flies, and so on.
They were obviously pests living off the World Tree's vitality.
Head Mod☆: Why the hell didn't you deal with them sooner?
Full-HP Elf: Well...
If they were about to say something like the elder elf's “Fairies are our friends”...
I was planning to throw a flashbang with its pin pulled, obtained through barter.
But unlike the elven council, the young elves—self-proclaimed young elves, that is—knew that the fairies were pests.
Full-HP Elf: We know they're pests, but we can't catch them.
Head Mod☆: ?
Full-HP Elf: It's forbidden by law.
Head Mod☆: What does that mean?
Full-HP Elf: The elder council made it illegal to kill the fairies.
It was all because of elven law.
The elder elves, who had lived for an extremely long time, hated the idea of killing fairies.
Even after the passage of time revealed that the fairies were actually pests.
Even after they had subconsciously realized that the fairies were the source of the World Tree's death.
- Oh, you little rascals! Fairies are living things, living things!
- Goodness gracious, the world's gone to ruin...@! What wet-behind-the-ears brat is killing fairies?
The elder elves' stubbornness would not bend.
And one of them was the biggest problem of all.
Full-HP Elf: (Meme of Lovable Elf Elder Gal>< glaring from a distance)
Full-HP Elf: Even though she looks like that, she has the most clout in the elven council... so there's nothing we can do...
Full-HP Elf: Those Low-HP elves are fucking annoying!!!
Vampire Till Death: Elves, I don't understand. Idiots.
Vampire Till Death: The Blue Mod elf too. Same. Low-HP bastard.
Full-HP Elf: Shut up!!!
Vampire Till Death: Change your name. How about Low-HP Elf? lol
Full-HP Elf: Kyaaaak!!!
That was none other than the beloved gallery user Lovable Elf Elder Gal><.
The way she glared viciously from a distance made it clear that she would never let anyone harm the fairies.
“She's the elf who threatened me with a liquor ban last time.”
On top of that, Lovable Elf Elder Gal>< had lectured me long ago.
The problem was that I was the sort of person who remembered things like that.
“The time has come for a gentleman's revenge...”
I'd save the World Tree and keep the gallery users alive.
And get my revenge at the same time.
Before carrying out the plan, I asked Full-HP Elf for confirmation.
Head Mod☆: Are there any elves among you who like the elder elves?
Full-HP Elf: Would there be? We absolutely hate them!
Head Mod☆: Right. And just now, if I said I could save the World Tree, you said you'd do anything, right?
Full-HP Elf: Isn't that obvious? Nothing is more important to an elf than the World Tree!
Head Mod☆: Okay, then let's proceed.
Full-HP Elf: ?
I began explaining the details of the plan to Full-HP Elf.
Full-HP Elf: !
Full-HP Elf: Hehehe.
With the Blue Mod's participation, the plan began.
*
Mersen, chairwoman of the elven council.
Her gallery nickname was Lovable Elf Elder Gal><.
She glared sternly at the elves participating in the Head Mod's project and kept interfering.
“Hey! Handle the World Tree more carefully!”
“Eek! You're hurting the fairies! More, more delicately!”
Since Mersen did nothing but fold her arms and supervise them, her brow naturally furrowed.
“What are these young elves going to amount to, handling the World Tree so carelessly...”
Shaking her head, Mersen seriously worried about the future of elven society.
Of course, she knew that the fairies were harming the World Tree.
But weren't fairies the friends of elves?
‘Can't we save the World Tree without hurting the fairies?’
Mersen intended to stay by the Head Mod's side and watch exactly how the Head Mod planned to handle things.
At that moment, Eliana, the elven knight commander, approached.
She was the most promising knight commander, as well as something close to a leader among the young elves.
Though it was somewhat awkward that she absolutely refused to reveal her gallery nickname, she was a trustworthy elf.
“What is it?”
Mersen's eyes softened a little.
Eliana gave Mersen a gentle smile and pointed toward the shade beneath the tree's vines.
“It's hot and humid, and you look like you're having a hard time, so I came to give you some cola.”
“Cola?”
“There's dew too.”
“Hmm. Out of consideration for your sincerity, I'll have some.”
I can't resist soju.
Mersen innocently followed Eliana beneath the vines.
But there was a glass of cola waiting there instead of soju.
“Where's the dew?”
“Ah, it's being prepared right now, but you can have some cola first in the meantime.”
“Hmm... all right for now.”
Mersen brought the cola to her lips without a hint of suspicion.
Then a question suddenly occurred to her.
‘Come to think of it, where did the other elves go? They were all here just a moment ago...’
It was eerily quiet.
She found that strange and was just about to pull her lips away from the cola when—
“Grab her!”
“?!”
As Eliana shouted, elves hiding among the vines came rushing out.
They grabbed Mersen's arms and legs in an instant and snatched away the glass of cola.
“W-What are you doing?!”
“We're sorry. But it can't be helped.”
“Eliana, what is with that way of speaking?!”
Mersen couldn't understand.
But the young elves weren't expecting her to understand.
If words had worked, they wouldn't have resorted to this method.
“Feed it to her.”
“Y-You...! You wet-behind-the-ears little brat! Mmph, mmmph!”
One of the elves forcibly poured cola into Mersen's mouth.
The cola's signature fizz.
But as the fizz continued tormenting Mersen, Eliana slowly took something out.
[Mentos]
“Mmph, mmmph!”
“Everything is for the World Tree...”
Glug, glug, glug.
Without hesitation, Eliana poured dozens of Mentos into Mersen's mouth.
“Gack, cough—kyaaaak! Kyaaaaaak!”
As Mersen collapsed, drenched in tears and mucus, the last thing she saw was—
Head Mod☆: Proceed.
The Head Mod's one-word command visible through the system, and—
the pesticides and insecticides the elves began taking out one by one.