Chapter 34
Pests were a serious problem even on Earth.
No matter how many times you killed them, they kept coming back, damaging food supplies, and their grotesque appearance was an added bonus.
Through memes, I learned that Earth's pests had turned out to be fairies after all.
Full-HP Elf: This is a fairy, yeah.
(Meme of a moth clinging to a tree)
Head Mod☆: Hmm, it's cuter than I expected.
Full-HP Elf: (Comparison meme showing it to be larger than a person's head)
Head Mod☆: Whoa, whoa.
Huge wings and an even bulkier body.
For some reason, it looks like it would make a wet splat if I grabbed it.
Head Mod☆: Are there only ones like that?
Full-HP Elf: There are fairies like this too, yeah.
(Meme of an unknown red bug with ten legs)
Head Mod☆: Whoa~
When an elf approached to capture it, it noticed them from ten meters away and ran off.
The hissing sound was an added bonus.
Head Mod☆: Want some DDT?
“Seriously, Gramoxone might work too.”
They were creatures that should never have existed in this world.
There were so many enormous fairies that even cockroaches could be treated as pets by comparison.
They were the perfect pests: impossible to catch, yet leaving them alone meant the World Tree would die.
Why aren't those things magical beasts?
Full-HP Elf: It's impossible to catch fairies, yeah.
Full-HP Elf: But... are you sure all we have to do is spray this water, yeah?
Head Mod☆: Yeah, give it a spray.
Full-HP Elf: All right, I understand, yeah.
Full-HP Elf didn't look convinced.
It was hard to believe that fairies—or pests—untouchable even by magic could be killed with nothing more than sprayed water.
But my dependable Blue Mod had now become an excellent slave who got to work whenever ordered, even if they still had questions.
Full-HP Elf: ?? What's this??, yeah.
(Meme of all the fairies lying dead)
With a single spray, the fairies could be seen dropping dead in droves.
Full-HP Elf: What on earth is this...?
Head Mod☆: There are even stronger pesticides, so tell me if you need them.
Full-HP Elf: (Meme of an elf saying, “Oh god, I'm so scared.”)
The pesticide's effectiveness was beyond question.
*
Restoring the World Tree.
The amazing Head Mod's pesticide that makes fairies tremble and Low-HP elves jealous!
Joyful! Astonishing!
“How can mere water do this much...?”
Eliana, who had led the operation from the front, couldn't hide her shock.
The Head Mod's products were always mysterious and tended to produce unexpected results.
But this was only the second time she had felt fear on top of surprise.
The first time had been the shotgun and grenades.
The second was the pesticide.
“I-I can't believe this.”
“How can it target only the fairies?”
“Urgh... What have I even been doing all this time...?”
The magic-savvy elves were forced to taste a strange sense of defeat and frustration.
A spell whose effect multiplied against only specific targets was every mage's ultimate dream.
If they could use it properly, they could fire magic indiscriminately across a battlefield and kill only their enemies.
And the Head Mod had done it effortlessly.
By putting the Head Mod's magic into water, no less.
“Gack, gehk.”
“Are you awake?”
“E-Eliana!”
Right then, Mersen, who had been unconscious among the vines, convulsed and woke up.
“That strange way of speaking...! More importantly, how dare you restrain me!”
Mersen shouted as Mersen hurriedly backed away.
Eliana had threatened an elven elder—and not just any elder, but the leader.
This was a grave crime that could not simply be overlooked.
But Eliana shamelessly tilted her head and asked in return,
“What do you mean, my way of speaking is strange?”
“Didn't you fall asleep after drinking some dew?”
When the elves nearby joined in, Mersen's expression grew strange.
“W-Was that it?”
“Didn't you lose your memory yesterday too?”
Elves losing their memories was something that happened from time to time.
It wasn't an illness, but memory loss caused by getting drunk after drinking too much dew.
Since the elves had banded together and were brazenly acting as though nothing had happened without so much as twitching an ear, Mersen wasn't sure what to believe.
That was when Mersen finally looked behind Mersen.
“Good heavens, the World Tree...!”
The World Tree, whose branches had been nothing but bare, was slowly beginning to recover!
Mersen staggered to her feet and shouted with a radiant smile,
“A festival. We need to hold a festival!”
“Lady Mersen, please calm down...”
“Calm down? Really calm down? How can I calm down at a time like this? The World Tree is getting healthy!”
Mersen jumped around happily, her mouth practically stretching from ear to ear.
“We have to help it recover even faster through natural pigments and communion!”
The World Tree was the center of nature.
If that was the case, then surely applying the natural pigments we'd gone to such lengths to manufacture would let it absorb nature's energy faster and recover more quickly.
“No! We need to show it even greater devotion than that!”
There was no time to listen to the elves trying to stop Mersen.
Mersen was just about to run with long hair flying, without even having time to grab the hem of the garment hanging from Mersen's shoulders, when—
Smack.
“Gasp.”
Someone slapped Mersen across the cheek.
Mersen tumbled backward, eyes round as a rabbit's, and rubbed the cheek.
“W-Who dares touch my face?!”
It was the moment Mersen opened blue eyes wide and looked around.
There was a branch.
A branch extending from the World Tree had smacked Mersen across the cheek.
“H-Huh?”
Before Mersen's dumbfounded eyes, the enormous World Tree seemed to be saying—
Enough already.
*
The World Tree had regained its health.
“Did we get it?”
I thought that meant the elves' problem had finally been solved.
Featured Post) Hieeek, save me! Save me!
(Meme of the World Tree beating away approaching elves)
(Meme of the World Tree using the pesticide on its body to swat pests dead)
Hieeek, no! We were wrong!
Hieeeeeek!!!
Upvotes9921 Downvotes432
The World Tree had gone dark.
Was it because it had nearly died once?
The first thing it did after recovering its health was take revenge on the elves.
Comments[942]
- Lol, serves them right.
- Damn lol, look how vicious the World Tree is.
- Take it like a champ lol.
- The divine tree of peace that loves elves (not).
- The truly scary part is that those elf bastards knew they'd done wrong.
ㄴ ? Fuck, they really did.
ㄴ They say they did wrong and still run away; they really knew.
- Elf-pilled.
- Yeah, it's just elftribution~
ㄴ What the hell is “elftribution” supposed to mean?
ㄴ (Meme of an elf giving a thumbs-up)
ㄴ Ah, it was elf-pilled lol. I thought you were human lol.
ㄴ Lol, that's some incredible survival instinct.
- Myoran) Ah lol, serves them right~!
ㄴ ?
ㄴ Myoran) I'm translating the World Tree's words, nya.
ㄴ I thought that was what you really meant lol.
The problem was that it wouldn't even give them the World Tree's fruit, which had been the elves' staple food.
Right then, an urgent message arrived from Full-HP Elf, the Blue Mod and an elf.
Full-HP Elf: Emergency! Emergency! We've got a huge problem, yeah!
(Meme of the World Tree hiding its fruit)
(Selfie meme of the poster covering their mouth in shock)
Full-HP Elf: The World Tree is only giving fruit to the few elves, including me, who sprayed it with that thing called pesticide, yeah.
Full-HP Elf: At this rate, all the elves are going to starve, yeah!
Full-HP Elf: W-What should we do, yeah?
Head Mod☆: Move it.
Full-HP Elf: ?
Head Mod☆: Try moving your hand out of the way.
Full-HP Elf: (Meme of slowly removing one's hand)
(Meme of the poster actually grinning broadly)
Full-HP Elf: Lol, do I care, really?
Full-HP Elf: We told them over and over, but they wouldn't listen. Whew, that feels great lol.
(Meme of someone eating a plump piece of fruit)
Full-HP Elf: As long as it's not me, who cares eeeek, yeah lol.
At that moment, the World Tree's branch behind Full-HP Elf, who was filming live, could be seen approaching.
Then, as if it suddenly recognized me beyond the system, the branch nodded at me.
Head Mod☆: What is this? Does it recognize me?
Full-HP Elf: Huh? I can hear the World Tree's voice, yeah.
Head Mod☆: What is it saying?
Full-HP Elf: Head Mod. Love. Thanks. Affection?
“What?”
Even so, perhaps it really was a divine tree after all.
Although it wasn't registered as a gallery user, it seemed to recognize the gallery and look beyond the system.
I was still processing that surprise when a trade request came from the Blue Mod.
[Full-HP Elf has offered ‘Golden Apple’!]
Full-HP Elf: The World Tree says to give this to you, yeah.
A meme of the World Tree gently waving its branches beyond the system caught my eye.
When I saw the apple delivered by courier, it was gleaming as though it had actually been painted gold, which was fascinating.
Head Mod☆: Thanks, thanks. I'll enjoy it.
If someone gave me something, I had to accept it for now.
It was clearly special compared to the fruit that normally grew on the World Tree.
But that aside, the problem still hadn't been solved.
- W-We're all going to die at this rate!
- The World Tree is healthy now, so have a drink~
- Anyway, it bears fruit, so that's good enough~
ㄴ Humans, don't say things so casually when it's not your problem!
ㄴ That's exactly why we're saying it casually lol.
ㄴ It's great when elves get mad!!
ㄴ It's great when it's not our species' problem!!
ㄴ Aaagh! So annoying!!
ㄴ What trend is this now?
Whenever they approached to eat the fruit, it raised its branches high.
If they climbed the tree with their teeth clenched, it would either drop them or even make the fruit wither.
The helpless elves eventually had no choice but to ask me for help.
- Head Mod! Help! Help!!!
- Head Mod, please help us!!
- We'll give you anything, so please!!! If this keeps up, we're really going to—!!!
ㄴ Rider lol
ㄴ of the girl lolol
ㄴ Please just die already!!!!
The elves' source of mana came from the World Tree.
This was somewhat troublesome for me too.
Head Mod☆: Can you tell the World Tree to share some of it with them?
Full-HP Elf: It seems really angry right now, yeah...
Of course, I didn't expect it to forgive them easily.
If I were lying in a hospital bed while people danced around me, painted me, and released mosquitoes, I'd want to kill them too.
Full-HP Elf: Hmm, I'll ask it, at least, yeah... Huh?
(Meme of the World Tree crossing its branches like arms)
(Meme of it reluctantly sharing its fruit)
Full-HP Elf: It agrees, yeah.
Head Mod☆: What?
Full-HP Elf: H-How did you do that, yeah?
Title: We're Saved for Now!!!
(Meme of the World Tree plucking off an apple)
(Meme of elves receiving fruit with relieved expressions)
The Head Mod—is the Head Mod a god?!
The Head Mod even ignored the elves managing the divine tree. How did the Head Mod do it?!
“All I did was drive off some pests.”
All I had done was something perfectly ordinary.
I just stopped them from applying pigments and drove off the pests, that's all.
I never dreamed I'd receive this much goodwill for something so minor.
“Isn't it enough just not to act like elves?”
The problem was that the elves, who still didn't know much about pesticides, were about to eat the fruit whole without the slightest suspicion.
Title: Fruit for the First Time in Ages...jpg
(Meme of plump fruit hanging from a tree)
(Meme of fruit with a strangely glossy surface)
Why is the surface so smooth?
It also seems strangely sticky...
There aren't even any marks where bugs have eaten it!
Anyway, it looks tasty, so that's good enough!!
I'll enjoy it, Head Mod!
“Oh, no.”
I had forgotten to tell them about the pesticide precautions.
I urgently left a comment.
- Head Mod☆) Never eat it without washing it.
ㄴ Head Mod☆) What if you put that straight in your mouth?
ㄴ Lol, Rider, is this what you're trying to do?
ㄴ The Head Mod sure is something lol. Those pranks won't work on us elves~
ㄴ I'll enjoy it, thanks, Head Mod!
ㄴ (Meme of someone taking a huge bite)
ㄴ See? It's so delicious... kheek.
ㄴ Hieeek.
ㄴ Grrrk...
“Oh dear.”
By the time I told them, it was already too late.
The elves clutched their stomachs and collapsed onto the ground.
But wouldn't the World Tree have realized what the pesticide contained after seeing the pests run away?
A new comment appeared on the post.
- 137.7.32) (Emote of the World Tree giving a thumbs-up)
- 137.7.32) (Emote of the World Tree laughing mockingly)
I could almost smell a familiar woody scent coming from that unfamiliar IP.