Chapter 50
Since shampoo barter sales began, purchase requests flooded in.
[I'm proving I'm human..jpg]
[Please look quickly, I'm getting dizzy]
[Shampoo!Shampoo!Shampoo!Shampoo!Shampoo!]
Dozens of verification posts per second began pouring into the barter board.
The junior mods stepped in to review them, but there were far too few of them.
“Should I recruit more junior mods?”
Purchases were limited to one bottle per person.
Someone might deliberately buy shampoo in bulk and then go to Elad to resell it.
As a result, the process was slow but reliable.
[Barter Chatroom]
(‘Nature Lover’ has entered the chat.)
Head Mod*: Send a verification photo.
Nature Lover: Just a moment.
Nature Lover: (Meme of a face zoomed in close, with long hair pulled thickly forward)
Nature Lover: Now sell me the shampoo, please ^^
A whole screenful of dazzlingly white skin filled the image.
It was suspicious already, but at least the long hair was black.
“Tsk... Hard to say.”
Elven spies pretending to be human were usually filtered out at the first stage by their distinctive hair color.
There were cases like this Gallery user where it was hard to tell, but I did have one more method for situations like that.
Head Mod*: Hmm, you do look real, but...
Nature Lover: ^^
Head Mod*: Say, “Fuck the World Tree.”
Nature Lover: ?
Head Mod*: I said say it. Can't? 3...2...
Nature Lover: Thre...
Head Mod*: Three?
Nature Lover: Head Mod, you're the world's biggest idiot! Enjoy plenty of that crappy shampoo by yourself! You stupid bastard!!! Waaaahㅠ ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
(‘Nature Lover’ has left the chatroom)
Head Mod*: Rejected lol
And most of them were identified as elves by this second, highly effective filter.
The elves had even considered that the junior mods would be doing the screening and deliberately tried bribing them.
(‘Genius Elf’ has offered a branch of the World Tree!)
Vampire Till I Die: ?
Genius Elf: Hehe, please accept this and maybe let me have just one bottle?
Vampire Till I Die: (Meme of bared fangs)
Genius Elf: Elphiaaagh!
Needless to say, it didn't work.
The elves' attempts to buy were thwarted every time, and whenever that happened, more purchase reviews kept going up in the Gallery.
[Title: Is This... Me?]
(Before-and-after meme of bathing and shampooing)
- Now that you see them side by side, the difference really jumps out.
- Went from beast to human, yeah.
- At this point, isn't this basically a Great Upheaval?
[Title: I Admit It This Time, Head Mod, For Real, Yeah]
(Meme of shiny hair)
I really had broom hair my entire life, but after using shampoo a few times, I look like a different person.
Head Mod, I normally don't acknowledge people easily, but I'll make an exception for you, yeah;
- Lmaooo, who does this guy think he is, acknowledging the Head Mod?
- Who are you supposed to be?
- He's so damn confident, it's hilarious lol
- Head Mod*) Yeah; thanks, thanks;
ㄴ Lmaoooo
ㄴ Seems like he's reached a state of partial enlightenment now.
Naturally, there were no elves among them.
Whether they'd given up or were planning something, I didn't know, but elf posts stopped appearing for a while.
“It's actually scarier when things get this quiet.”
The elves, who had the second-largest share of the Gallery after humans, suddenly going this silent?
If anything, it made me uneasy.
Just as I was cautiously watching to see if they were plotting something, a new post appeared.
[Title: An Official Statement from the Elves]
Author: Armiion
(Meme of an elf cat turned into a tiny crumpled ball)
(Meme of an elf clinging to someone's hem, teary-eyed)
I believe this incident is an example of the elves picking a fight first by getting carried away.
This isn't the first or second time something like this has happened, but the elves who wrote those posts are reflecting deeply on this incident.
I apologize on behalf of the elves.
Head Mod, would you please sell shampoo to the elves as well?
(Meme of several elves performing dogeza)
(Meme of Armiion lecturing several teary-eyed elves)
“No, this is a normal apology.”
I'd been nervous inside, to be honest, when I saw it was called a statement.
What kind of race were elves, after all?
Honestly, it wouldn't have been strange if they'd challenged me to a duel right then and there, so this was unexpected.
“Come to think of it, the Elven Queen hasn't trolled us even once, has she?”
Even in this incident, all the Elven Queen had done was apologize on behalf of the elves.
Is it just my imagination, or did that post strangely remind me of parents apologizing for their spoiled child?
- When elves troll, the queen shows up.
ㄴ For real, this is an old tradition...
ㄴ Ugh, you elf, give it a rest!
- The Elven Queen—what kind of position must that be...
- Elf representative? Not an easy job.
- With a troll den like the Council of Elders, it must be a truly hellish position lol
It got to the point that public opinion even started feeling sorry for the Elven Queen.
But the apology wasn't the end of it.
At the very end, Armiion had attached a certain flower crown as well.
(Meme of a crown made of moonlight flowers)
This is just a small gift, offered as an apology.
I hope you'll accept it.
- Wait, holy crap, she's giving us this?
- Wow, I'm insanely jealous of the Head Mod lol
- Last time he became friends with the dwarves, and now this?
- Are these really those elf bastards? They're giving him that?
At the same time, the comments began exploding with reactions.
“What's this?”
Of course, all I could do was wonder.
*
It was the rejection of shampoo.
The Council of Elders had exerted considerable influence over that decision.
The elven elders were particularly displeased with the Head Mod, mostly because of incidents involving the World Tree and the fairies.
“Eek... I hear the young elves have been indiscriminately capturing and killing fairies these days?”
“They're making a huge fuss about calling them pests and whatnot, even saying the name should be changed from fairies to pests.”
“Elves shouldn't do that... Elves, honestly, tsk tsk tsk...”
Ever since the pesticide incident, the young elves had started running wild.
The problem was that, as a result, the World Tree had actually been normalized in a very positive sense.
If things had gotten worse, they could at least have loudly said, “See? We told you so!” But they couldn't even do that.
More than anything, the incident had strengthened Queen Armiion's position.
“Now Her Majesty barely even cares what we think...”
“Her baptism isn't even dry yet, and she says whatever she wants and pushes through policies, eek...”
“She doesn't know how to respect her elders!”
Armiion could be called the leading face of the Full-HP Elf faction.
The queen of young, capable elves.
The Council of Elders gradually began losing power, and the elven elders didn't like it.
So, after gathering to discuss the matter, the elders stared intently at one elf.
“So, what will you do, Lady Mersen?”
“Hmmmm...”
Mersen, who operated in the Gallery as Elder Elf-chan.
As befitted the elder whose influence in the council was greatest, everyone waited for Mersen's decision.
She had been listening while fiddling with her long black hair, but now narrowed her eyes and fell into thought.
‘For some reason, I still have a bad feeling about what happened last time.’
She had gone to supervise the World Tree during the pesticide incident, only to end up with a gap in her memory.
For some reason, she had the unpleasant feeling that she'd been force-fed Mentos Cola and lost her memory... or something like that.
Her body instinctively told her to back out, but her rigid mind urged her to press on.
“For now, let's make our refusal to accept the shampoo known.”
“An excellent choice!”
“Exactly. Cleanliness? How impure for the soul!”
Thus, under Mersen's decision, the Council of Elders announced its refusal in the Gallery, and...
Head Mod*: Yeah, selling to everyone except elves.
“Huh...?”
A ban had been imposed on shampoo sales to elves only.
Exactly one hour later.
“L-Lady Mersen!”
“What is it?”
“The elves have gathered outside and are holding a protest!”
“Eek.”
A rebellion had broken out in elven society.
Feeling a cold sweat run down her, Mersen looked out the window, where many young elves really were protesting with pickets in hand.
“The Council of Elders needs to wake up!”
“Do something already!”
“Let's force-feed them Mentos and Cola!”
“Hieeek.”
Thud.
Mersen closed the window again, sweating coldly, and secretly slipped outside through the back door.
She went to Armiion's office.
Meanwhile, the Gallery continued to burn with a low, steady heat.
[Title: All You Low-HP Elves Die!]
(Meme of an elf with fierce eyes)
Nothing gets done because of those low-HP elves!
I want to try some shampoo too!
- Y-you insolent elf!
- Youngsters these days don't know how to respect their elders?
ㄴ Author) I don't know about respect, but I can attack you ^^
ㄴ How dare someone whose baptism hasn't even dried yet say that!
ㄴ What do you want me to do? Die! Go eat some red ginseng candy!
ㄴ What?! Have you said your piece?!
This was how the Full-HP Elf faction and the Low-HP Elves split into two sides and began biting and tearing at each other.
The problem was that the Full-HP Elves had overwhelming firepower.
The Full-HP Elves, with their high Gallery-addiction rate and strong muscles from loving meat, had typing speeds on another level.
- I, I have lived since before you el ves,,,
ㄴ What do you want? You're slow at chatting and do nothing, yet all you ever do is lecture us.
- I've lived since... before you were born,,,
ㄴ Is being born early something to be proud of? You tell us to go to the library every time, so if you love it that much, why don't you go alone! I really feel like dumping you in the mountains!
- You should at least preserve the traditions of the ancestral elves,,,
ㄴ Do traditions feed us? Is now the same as back then? This is a ruined world, so what are you talking about fairies this and temperance that~
ㄴ Let me,, speak,,@!!
“No.”
If this continued, Mersen might lose her own position as well.
Before long, she was able to meet Armiion, who was waiting for her with a broad smile.
“You've come.”
“...You knew I would come?”
“Of course. How could I not, with all that noise outside? You're here to discuss a solution, aren't you?”
Mersen nodded weakly.
Even if she wanted to post an official statement in the Gallery immediately, it required the permission of both herself, as the elders' representative, and the queen.
“I came to get permission... to make an official statement...”
“Yes, and what will it say?”
“Here, I wrote it down.”
Armiion looked at the official statement with a smile.
Then her expression slowly soured.
“Is this a challenge to a duel? How is this an apology?”
“It's not exactly a duel... If we can't narrow our differences, we'd settle them with our fists...”
Mersen trailed off as she looked at Armiion, whose expression had gone cold, and Eliana standing beside her.
When Mersen clamped her mouth shut, Armiion spoke with a small sigh.
“Even if we write an apology like this, the Head Mod definitely won't accept it.”
“What?! Then...”
“The elves will definitely lose patience, start a rebellion, and end up chopping down everything from our kingdom to the Council of Elders... all of it!”
At Armiion's gesture of drawing a finger across her throat, Mersen's face turned pale.
“T-Then what would be a good way to handle this?”
“A more heartfelt apology than that.”
“Pardon?”
“We need a bigger apology. To do that, we have to do this.”
In the meme Armiion handed her was the so-called dogeza meme.
Mersen thought it was absurd, but soon imagined a distant future in which she was truly driven out by the elves and forced beyond Elad.
‘It's not just a fantasy. Clearly even that crown prince named Fredrick...’
Mersen had no choice but to grit her teeth and agree.
“I'll take a good picture for you, so hurry up.”
“Uuugh...”
As Mersen performed the dogeza, Armiion smiled wickedly.
She believed this was the first step toward making the queen's authority surpass that of the elders.
*
“Well, the cleanliness issue has been solved to some extent...”
After the elves' apology.
I lay in bed, idly scrolling through the Gallery.
I had succeeded in changing the Gallery users' perception of cleanliness, but the fundamental problem had not disappeared.
- Ah, fuck, another Filth Monster appeared.
- Ah; I don't want to hunt it this time;
- Fuck, it's filthy. I just took a bath;
Even if individuals were clean, the streets were still a paradise of filth.
Solving this problem seemed to require a fundamental approach.
I stared blankly at the ceiling, then thought of something.
“Then shall I build a sewer first?”
If I built a sewer to gather the filth in one place, at least we could avoid the catastrophe of having shit all over the streets.
But where would we send the filth we'd gathered?
- Ah, shit, a Filth Slime appeared.
- Ah;
- GG, Kelliarton service is shutting down.
Just then, a new monster appeared.
It was none other than the infamous Filth Slime from before, the one that devoured everything indiscriminately.
My eyes lit up as I stared at its hideous form.
“This is it.”