Chapter 11
Two days later, in the morning.
On my day off, all I did was shitpost on the forums.
With my body drained and my mental state a wreck...
I couldn't even think of what I should do.
So before I knew it, it was the day I had to go to work.
Still, I'd learned a lot of useful info from the hot posts, so maybe that wasn't such a bad thing?
Hm.
I got dressed and headed for the dormitory cafeteria.
Every meal was provided for free.
Koreans run on rice, after all.
A spacious building five minutes away from the dormitory building.
With the thought that I'd be using it regularly from now on, I opened the cafeteria door.
As soon as I opened the door, a delicious smell drifted into my nose.
The space inside was unrealistically vast, far larger than the building had looked from outside.
Rows of seats of every kind, from single seats to tables for ten.
Countless trays filled with all kinds of dishes.
It felt like looking at a buffet that cost several hundred thousand won per person.
To think the dorm cafeteria was a buffet like this.
I should have come yesterday.
I had gone to the trouble of ordering chicken, but it had arrived bizarrely cold and tasted awful.
I'd have to come here often from now on.
[Looks like it's your first time here.]
Actually, today might be my last.
When I turned toward the voice, something wearing a chef's uniform was standing there.
Twisted features, bulging eyes, whole body muscles twitching.
It felt like something nonhuman was forcing itself to pretend to be human.
Why on earth is something like that in the dorm cafeteria?
[Please check the notice and enjoy your meal.]
It said that, then staggered off into the kitchen in a zigzag gait.
...Should I just not eat?
I was about to check the forums, but a bad feeling made me look at the notice first.
++++
Welcome to the Bureau Mobile Canteen.
Only Bureau employees may use this cafeteria free of charge.
The cafeteria operates 24 hours a day, and the menu changes at midnight, so please keep that in mind.
To ensure smooth use of the cafeteria, please follow a few rules!
1. Mobile phone use inside the cafeteria is prohibited, except for answering calls.
2. Please don't speak so loudly that the kitchen can hear you. It distracts the chef's concentration.
3. Food is always kept fully stocked, so please do not share food brought by other people.
4. Very rarely, all the cafeteria seats may be full.
In that case, fill your tray first and shout, 'No seats, no seats!' at the top of your lungs, and the chef will make room for you.
5. If anyone is found not following the rules, the cafeteria will be closed until tomorrow morning. We need to eat, after all.
6. Occasionally, a dish on a tray may contain abnormal ingredients. If that happens, please press the bell on the wall. Anyone who reports it will receive one special meal voucher.
Enjoy your meal!
-Mobile Canteen-
++++
As expected, you should trust your instincts.
I had almost become the mobile canteen staff's meal.
Surely the Bureau life hacks I saw on the forums only said that the cafeteria food was good.
Had they left out the rules because they were too hard to violate?
'Though that's hard to believe when rules 2 and 4 already contradict each other.'
Don't make loud noises VS Make loud noises.
It was a truly awe-inspiring set of rules.
Until I knew which rule was correct, if all the seats were full I'd just go hungry that day.
They probably wouldn't start messing with the rules from the beginning, so it was probably rule 4 that was wrong.
I didn't want to gamble with my life just yet.
The coward in my heart was screaming at me to run, but eating cold delivery food every day was pretty miserable.
Ah, humans really are so fickle.
I grabbed some food and sat down at a one-person table.
Even if someone I knew showed up, I didn't have any close acquaintances right now anyway.
Whether I ever would in the future was another matter.
My friends are all on the forums.
After clearing my palate with salmon salad, I sampled the various dishes I'd picked up.
None of them stood out, but all of them tasted above average.
If I hadn't seen the chef's face, I might've cried tears of joy at the fact that this meal was free.
It felt like eating while looking at a pretty unsanitary kitchen.
But it tasted good.
The sweet flavor of braised short ribs spread through my mouth.
Normally I'd have eaten while browsing a humor site or watching NewTube.
Focusing on nothing but the food and savoring it wasn't bad either.
Though that doesn't mean I'd do that in my room.
I finished off one plate and stood up to get the next.
If I wrapped up pleasantly with dessert, it felt like it would make for a good start to the day.
You there, could you press the bell on the wall for me?
That was before the human head perched atop the cake spoke to me.
Scratch that.
Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong?
Oh, it's the new recruit I saw a few days ago.
The head turned out to be Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong, who had been in charge of our new employee training.
To think he remembered me, someone from the human-rights-forfeiture track.
No, come to think of it, that whole training session was the human-rights-forfeiture track.
We'll talk later. For now, please press the button first.
Yes.
Ee-eeeng-!
When I pressed the red button, a sound like a rich house's doorbell rang out.
[Oh, a bad ingredient has been mixed into the dish.]
The familiar chef came pounding over.
[Thank you. Here.]
He held out a single sheet of coated paper.
[Special Meal Voucher (up to 2 people)]
Don't leave; just wait a moment.
As soon as I took the paper, the chef picked up the cake tray bearing Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong's head and thundered back into the kitchen.
This is dizzying as hell first thing in the morning.
A little later, Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong walked out of the kitchen in one piece.
Thanks to you, I was able to get out faster than usual.
Isn't this the first time?
I go in at least once a week.
Why?
Don't look at me like that. It's all part of the job.
Part of the job?
It's not like I enjoy volunteering to have my head put on a cake.
There was still whipped cream around Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong's neck.
I handed him a tissue, and he wiped his neck before downing a caramel macchiato.
Whew, there are employees who come here to eat and end up getting swept up in it.
His gaze drifted toward the cafeteria.
Fortunately, that thing is the sort that stays quiet once it's fed one person, so if you feed it ahead of time, it'll stay quiet.
He lets himself become the cafeteria's meal so nobody else gets dragged in...
The moment you use an entity to run a cafeteria, doesn't that take you further from normal?
You're still a rookie. At times like that, you should think, 'Why does the Bureau have no choice but to use entities?'
From the company's point of view.
Do you have to think that way once you become an assistant manager?
Ask your superior later. It's not information I'm supposed to be teaching you.
Aren't you my superior, Assistant Manager Gwak?
I'm not part of the on-site response team, after all.
After emptying his cup, Assistant Manager Gwak Chunbong stood up from the bench.
It was just about time to start work.
Then let's see each other again next time. Though it'll probably be at the cafeteria.
Assistant Manager.
What is it?
I asked the assistant manager, who was about to leave, about something I'd been wondering.
Which rule is wrong, 2 or 4?
No comment on that either.
The conflicting rules on the cafeteria notice.
Don't make loud noises VS Make loud noises.
I had a guess as to which was right, but it'd be better to know for sure.
But it seemed the assistant manager had no intention of giving me an answer.
If you think about which rule would be natural for a cafeteria, you'll get your answer.
Having said that, Gwak Chunbong waved and walked toward the company building.
Oh, Assistant Manager.
What a kind-hearted man.
There were only four fingers extended on his right hand.
A pleasant? start to the morning.
***
Good morning.
Nice to see you, Park Seong-bin.
Is it just the two of us again today?
When I got to the office, Team Leader Lee Mina greeted me with her usual languid smile.
No, the other team members will be coming today.
I see.
Are you disappointed?
No, I just haven't had a chance to greet the others, so I was wondering when they'd come.
What would I have to be disappointed about?
I don't have any feelings for Team Leader, after all.
We've only... held hands for a bit, that's all.
Is that so? I'm the one who's disappointed~.
The team leader slumped across the desk like a slug.
Team Leader, we've only known each other for four days.
And even then, we've never spent more than an hour together at a time.
Suspicious behavior like that was a problem.
As I sat down, it was exactly 9 a.m. — work time.
So what do we do when we're not managing entities?
Work?
Yes. If we're getting paid, shouldn't we be doing something?
Not really right now? We don't have any information on new entities either.
So the on-site response team really had no work unless there was an actual field dispatch?
Mostly, you do personal training or study, and when a call comes in, that's the job. Honestly, you don't even have to come to the office.
Why didn't you tell me that sooner?
I forgot.
Oh dear.
Good grief, so this was a department where you didn't normally have to come in.
If you'd told me sooner, I could've slept in without even eating breakfast and spent more time shitposting on the forums.
It feels like I've wasted my morning.
How cruel~. It's lonely being by myself.
Seeing the team leader still in her slime-monster form, I got curious.
Isn't she the most capable person in this department?
Why were the others sent out while the team leader stayed behind?
Team Leader.
Yes?
Why are you the only one left in the on-site response team?
Is that strange?
I mean, from the way things look, the on-site response team must be extremely busy, but only the most capable team leader is left here.
Aha.
With the corners of her mouth lifting, the team leader shifted back from slime monster to slug.
Because when entities cause trouble in the Bureau, someone has to clean up the mess?
...Alone?
Probably.
I made up my mind.
No matter what happened, I would never mouth off to the team leader.