Magical Girl Black (All Alone)

After vomiting in the back alley as usual, I returned home to wash the monster's blood off my body.

I'm home….

The sight of the clean house, so different from usual, felt unfamiliar, so I unconsciously muttered a greeting as I came in.

But no answer came back, no matter how long I waited.

'What were you expecting? Stupid….'

I don't know if I should call it obvious, but the angel had not been in the house.

The angel had said they would let me stay only that one day, so of course they weren't here.

As I smiled bitterly and started to enter, I suddenly noticed the blood on my body.

If I went inside like this, the whole house would end up covered in blood…?

No, was that too much of an exaggeration?

Still, everything my feet touched and everything I touched would be covered in blood.

Once I'd thought of it that way, I couldn't bring myself to step inside even though I'd reached home.

If I walked around inside covered in blood, the house that had only just been cleaned would get dirty again.

I hated that, so I stood hesitating outside for a long while.

But the stench of blood emanating from my body urged me on.

Were you not going in? Were you really going to stay like this? Couldn't you wash it off?

….

Right. It couldn't be helped.

I couldn't keep wandering around looking like this.

It couldn't be helped.

I could just clean it again later.

Thinking that, I stepped inside.

Bright-red footprints remained along my path, but I forced myself to ignore them and headed to the bathroom.

I turned on the water and stood there blankly as it poured over me.

Sticky blood ran down my body and dyed the bathtub red.

…Urk.

For a moment, I gagged as nausea surged up.

I squeezed my eyes shut and washed the blood off my body as I always did.

Ugh, it stings….

It stung. It hurt.

It was something I always did, but for some reason, it seemed unusually painful today.

My skin was only a little red and flushed, without even bleeding, but it stung when the water touched it.

I frowned involuntarily as I used my hands to untangle the hair matted by congealed blood.

Just when I finished bathing, barely enduring the pain that made tears prick my eyes—

Squelch――…

Ah.

I looked down at the unpleasant sensation and saw bright-red footprints.

It was blood I'd failed to wipe earlier, stuck to the flooring.

…Seriously.

I had a lot I wanted to say, but held it in, went back into the bathroom, and washed my feet.

I came out again and wiped the floor with a rag.

But in that brief time, the blood stuck to the floor showed no sign of disappearing, no matter how much I wiped.

I scrubbed and scrubbed like crazy until I was sweating.

The sticky feeling was gone, but the floor still seemed to have a strange reddish tinge.

Of course, from a distance it looked no different from anywhere else, but that didn't make the unease disappear.

Haa….

Don't let it bother me.

It was a stain that wouldn't come off anyway.

Just as I sighed and was about to go sit on the bed—

The accessory glowed, and Myo-a popped out.

Myoong….

I frowned at the sight, and the moment our eyes met, Myo-a flinched and furtively looked away.

…Didn't we agree that you'd stay out normally on the condition that you devote yourself to magical girl work?

I know that, but this is really important, so I came out, myong!

I had a lot I wanted to say.

That it was only important to you and had nothing to do with me.

But whenever Myo-a said something was important, it was usually related to magical girls.

Since we'd already agreed that I'd devote myself to magical girl work, I kept the thought to myself and nodded.

What is it?

That angel we saw earlier…. No, the angel. Where did you meet that angel, myong?

Myo-a's question brought back what had happened earlier that day.

This one had trembled like an aspen the moment they saw the angel.

Why are you asking all of a sudden?

I don't know where Seo-ah met that angel, but they're dangerous, myong!

I blinked at that.

That somewhat foolish angel who laughed readily at everything and tried to help people without asking anything in return was dangerous?

I can't speak for anything else, but they didn't seem dangerous.

That's what makes them even more dangerous, myong…! Human-type monsters are more dangerous than beast-type monsters――

Grip!!

Uup…! Mmph…!!

――You. I clearly told you. Not to bring that up in front of me.

As I applied enough force to make the veins stand out on the back of my hand, Myo-a began to cry.

In the past, I would have been fooled by those tears and let go, but not anymore.

Mascots come back to life even after they die.

A separate body, not the main one.

They were essentially interactive holograms.

This is your final warning. If that subject comes out of your mouth one more time, I'll tear you apart until my cost runs out, so understand. Nod if you get it.

Myo-a shook their head.

Just as I was about to squeeze harder and burst Myo-a's head—

I'm saying this for your sake, myong!!

I paused at the shrill scream.

For my sake?

That's right, myong! They're dangerous, myong! If you stay by their side, you'll stop being a magical girl, myong!

What do you mean? Stop being a magical girl?

A magical girl is someone who rises above adversity and gives hope to people, myong…. That's why the heart of a magical girl has to be firm and strong, myong! That's why you mustn't stay by their side, myong! They'll indulge all your childish whims and melt your heart into mush, myong!

There was only one thing I thought after hearing Myo-a.

What's so dangerous about that?

I couldn't understand.

No matter how I turned it over, it sounded like a good thing, so what was dangerous about it?

Seo-ah, you're an idiot, myong!! Even if I don't tell you, you're already feeling the change, aren't you, myong!!

Nothing about me has changed.

Nothing's changed, myong? Then why did you wash until you bled today, myong? And why didn't you smoke even one cigarette after you came back from going out this morning, myong!

I washed until I bled because it hurt.

I didn't smoke after coming back because cigarettes didn't even cross my mind.

…No matter how I think about it, it feels like nothing but a good change.

Then you'll change your mind after a few more days, myong. It won't take long, myong. Exactly three days—after three days, you'll understand why I said this, myong.

Myo-a said that and folded their arms.

They wore an expression that said they were certain to be right.

You're awfully worked up over a meeting that only lasted a day.

Think of it the other way around, myong. It's only been a day, and you've already become like this, myong.

You really won't let me have the last word…. Fine, I get it, so go back inside now. I don't want to hear those irritating myong-myong sounds anymore.

Keep this in mind, myong. Pain creates hesitation, myong. Hesitation is a deadly poison to a magical girl who is supposed to overcome adversity, myong. A magical girl's hesitation means the deaths of powerless citizens, myong. Think again about why Seo-ah wanted to become a magical girl, myong.

Myo-a said that, then turned into light and seeped into the accessory.

Why I wanted to become a magical girl….

―I don't want to lose anyone anymore…!

I clicked my tongue as I mulled over what Myo-a had said.

What a pointless thing to say.

I just had to keep doing things as I had until now.

It was something I'd done until I was sick of it, and the pain was familiar by now.

I should just go to sleep.

I lay down on the bed on an empty stomach and closed my eyes.

But no matter how much time passed, sleep wouldn't come.

The longer I lay in bed, the clearer my mind became instead of sleep coming.

―■■■, leave me ■■■■■■■. Your ■■ is ■■■■■■■.

It was enough to make me remember the past I'd barely managed to forget.

Hngh…!!

I abruptly sat up and looked around.

The room was still bright.

It wasn't morning; less than five minutes had passed since I lay down.

…Right, it must have been because of the sunlight.

I got up, drew the curtains, and lay back down.

But even after tossing and turning for a long while, I still couldn't sleep.

―Run…!

―It hurts, I don't want to die…!!

―Sob, h-hic…. Mom….

Ngh…! Shut up…!!

What's different?

What's different from that night?

―You have to eat to live.

Right, let's eat something.

Just like yesterday, I'd eat something and go to sleep.

I immediately got out of bed, grabbed and ate whatever food was in the refrigerator, and lay back down.

I ate about as much as yesterday, but I didn't feel full.

My stomach just felt bloated.

Maybe because of that, acid rose up when I lay in bed, making it even harder to sleep than before.

Right. Cigarettes. I should smoke.

I hurriedly rummaged through the drawer, took out a cigarette, and put it between my lips.

Just before lighting it, I caught sight of the clean room and hesitated.

Right, if nothing else, I should go outside to smoke.

Thinking that, I looked toward the front door, and the bright-red footprints stretching to the bathroom caught my eye.

Not one, but hundreds, thousands of footprints.

The thousands of lives I'd trampled.

….

After hesitating for a long while, I finally sat on the bed and lit the cigarette.

Just as I always had. Just like usual.

But no matter how much I smoked, sleep wouldn't come.

I didn't know what was different from that night.

I didn't know why I couldn't fall asleep like I had that night.

Why I couldn't feel the same warmth as that night….

Fuck….

No, I already knew what was different.

The angel.

The one and only presence not beside me now.

That presence had shaken me this badly.

It had only been one day, huh….

At least this time, I think Myo-a was right.

I'd drunk poison.

Poison called warmth.