Chapter 13
They say there’s a rapper overseas who smokes weed every day.
I’m kind of a fan of that rapper.
...Of course, liking the rapper doesn’t mean I like the drugs they smoke.
[ World Tree Leaf ]
- Rank: S
- Details: A leaf of the elves’ sacred tree, the World Tree. Its powerful sedative effect induces a state of mental half-consciousness. Long-term consumption can cause extreme dependence.
“......”
A World Tree leaf that looked suspiciously suspicious.
And its effect was a powerful sedative that came with dependence.
Seriously, what the fuck... Elves are the worst...
Just how much lower can the elves’ reputation sink...
I clutched my dizzying head and stared at the knife-eared bitch before me with an expression of utter resignation.
Iris belatedly began to stammer out an excuse.
“O-of course, there are some mild signs of addiction...”
“......”
“But it’s still a top-tier magical ingredient...!! Humans would kill to get their hands on this...!!”
Well, she wasn’t wrong.
Perhaps because it was an S-rank tonic, the leaf in my hand was brimming with potent mana.
It felt a lot like using my Transmutation skill.
No, maybe two or three times clearer?
“If you’re not going to take it, give it back.”
“Who said I wasn’t taking it?”
“Now that I think about it, I’m the one getting the short end of the stick.”
Maybe she’d come to her senses and realized it was a waste?
As she said that, Iris tried to snatch the World Tree leaf back from me, but I quickly tucked it protectively against my chest.
Whoosh!
“You can’t take back something you’ve already given me.”
Once you give it, it’s mine.
Ever heard of no take-backs? No take-backs?
“Thanks for the smooth deal.”
I gave Iris a friendly smile.
It was the kind of customer-service smile that deserved a 42°C rating for friendliness.
For some reason, Iris looked like she’d swallowed a bug as she muttered:
“...You’re annoying.”
“If you don’t like it, go tattle to your mom.”
“......”
At the mention of her mom, Iris’s expression soured even more vividly.
But regardless, I began happily pondering what to do with the World Tree leaf.
[ World Tree Leaf (S) ]
“What should I do with this...?”
It was an S-rank item I’d gotten by sheer luck, but I wasn’t sure what to use it for.
Sell it to other Awakened... probably not.
But I didn’t know how to make anything else, either.
Could I maybe make candy, at best?
But what would I even do with candy made from a World Tree leaf?
‘Maybe I should just eat it.’
For a moment, I wondered if weed was something you smoked rather than ate, but I wasn’t sure someone like me, who didn’t even smoke cigarettes, could handle smoking it.
Eating it was probably more efficient anyway.
Every cough would mean wasting some of that addiction rate.
“Right. I’ll just eat it.”
“...What?”
Having made up my mind, I turned away from Iris’s stunned face and started chewing the World Tree leaf raw.
Crunch, crunch.
“......?!?! ”
Seeing me do that, Iris stared at me in horror, her face turning pale.
Her reaction was immediate.
“W-who eats the World Tree raw!!!!”
“Munch... What? Isn’t this how you eat it?”
“Of course not!! Use your common sense!!”
Well, you can’t expect that of someone who learned about the Tower from the Gallery...
Just getting into the Tower without taking off my shoes was already impressive.
“...Blegh.”
Anyway, why is this so bitter?
I didn’t expect it to be this bitter.
It tasted like chewing on a raw dandelion leaf.
Except it wasn’t some tender leaf; it was a dandelion that had grown tough in a pit of concrete dust.
For the record, I’m not speaking from experience.
It’s absolutely not because I was broke and tried eating roadside dandelions with ssamjang instead of side dishes.
“And if you just eat an entire leaf like that...”
Iris continued, her face still pale.
It seemed there’d been a touch of concern mixed in with her shock.
And before she could finish, a familiar notification chimed and a System message appeared before my eyes.
Ding!
[ You have consumed an S-rank drug for the first time! ]
[ Addiction rate has increased by 1,000%. ]
“What the...”
My addiction rate had gone up by a whole 1,000% just from eating one little leaf.
That astronomical number made every drug I’d consumed until now look like nothing. Just as a dopamine-fueled celebration was about to break out in my head,
a warning alarm I’d never heard before suddenly sounded, and a string of message windows appeared before my eyes.
Beep──
[ Warning! ]
[ THC addiction rate has exceeded the limit! ]
[ Penalties for exceeding the addiction rate will now be applied. ]
[ Status Ailment: Cognitive Impairment (A) applied. ]
[ Status Ailment: Loss of Sensation (A) applied. ]
[ Status Ailment: Nervous Exhaustion (A) applied. ]
[ Status Ailment: Hallucinations (B) applied. ]
[ Status Ailment: Paralysis (B)... ]
[ ...... ]
[ ... ]
“Uh, what the fuck??”
Status ailment messages filled my vision in an instant.
At the same time, the sensations in my body began rapidly fading away.
‘─────!!!!’
I resisted with all my might, trying to hold on to consciousness, but my vision blacked out first, and all sensation vanished as if a circuit breaker had flipped.
But before I had time to panic over the sudden loss of sensation, everything returned to normal, and a System message appeared belatedly.
[ ...You have successfully resisted! ]
[ All status ailments inflicted by the drug have been nullified. ]
“......!!!”
Successful resistance.
And all status ailments nullified.
The meaning was clear.
[ Drug Resistance ]
- Rank: S
- Ability: Grants resistance to all types of drugs.
Bro, Drug Resistance!
You came to save me!!
I knew I could count on you, damn it!!
It seemed Bro Drug Resistance had blocked all the penalties from exceeding my addiction rate.
I’d been undervaluing it because it didn’t seem like much for an S-rank, but its performance was so incredible I felt bad for ever doubting it.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t recognize your greatness, GOAT...’
Thanks to that, I got to enjoy the full 1,000% stat boost without suffering a single status ailment.
[ You can no longer increase your addiction rate by consuming this drug. ]
Of course, with my addiction rate at the limit, I couldn’t grind traits with the World Tree leaf anymore, but who cared?
I’d squeezed 1,000% addiction rate out of one leaf. That was good enough.
Flash─!
[ Drug Addiction ]
- Rank: EX
- Ability: Consuming drugs increases your stats in proportion to your addiction rate.
- Addiction rate: 1,420%
As I opened my trait window to check the addiction rate that had just increased,
Iris, beside me, belatedly asked in a trembling voice:
“Y-you’re really okay...?”
“Seems like it.”
“...You are human, right...?”
“That’s rude. I’m perfectly fine.”
Just like you’d expect from a princess of a foul-tempered race, Iris was a habitual offender when it came to making anti-human remarks.
But I was in a good mood thanks to my addiction rate increasing by 1,000%, so despite her awful behavior, I graciously bestowed a small gift upon her.
[ Caffeine Candy (C) ]
A few candies shaped like lemon drops.
The very same caffeine candy I’d given Hong Yeon-hwa.
“Here, take it.”
“...What is this?”
“Something good.”
It sounded suspicious, but it wasn’t a tonic.
Unlike a certain someone who worshiped weed, I wasn’t a druggie.
...Though its effects were every bit as good as a tonic’s.
“A-and how good can a human-made drug really be...”
Iris put on a tsundere act, but perhaps remembering the sap candy, she accepted the caffeine candy and ate it with a dazed look in her eyes.
Crunch, crunch.
“......!!!”
But it seemed better than she’d expected, because Iris’s eyes widened as she held the candy in her mouth.
Then she looked at me with an expression no little girl should be making.
“...Mm.”
It felt similar to when she’d eaten the candy made from sap, but also, somehow... somethin’... somethin’ different in a rather indecent way.
Like seeing someone you knew watching a dirty video on their computer.
I felt secondhand embarrassment, as if I was somehow sharing in the experience.
Iris belatedly came to her senses and questioned me in an unnecessarily curt, accusatory tone.
“...What? Why are you looking at me?”
“Uh... Never mind.”
Just stay healthy, okay?
*
*
*
After concluding a satisfying(?) deal with Iris,
I left the Tower, went straight home, and posted a short clear-confirmation post on the Gallery.
[ Are these grape smoothie bastards really bosses? ]
[ Posted by: 39.7 ]
< Photo of the corpses of three destroyed Black Sludges >
Even with three of them, they were total pushovers.
As soon as I posted it, reply notifications started going off, but I ignored them and closed the Awakened Community window.
Now, here’s a question.
What starts after you finish climbing the Tower?
“Ah, you don’t know?”
That’s why you newbies... Tsk, tsk.
I’ll tell you just this once.
What starts after you finish climbing the Tower is...
[ Random Skill Box ]
“Gacha time.”
Whirrr!
“Let’s gooooo!!!”
[ ... ]
[ Shadow Summoning (S) ]
[ Forward Blink (D) ] ◀
[ Life Advice (C) ]
[ ... ]
The roulette started spinning rapidly as soon as I opened the Skill Box.
I had a good feeling about today.
For some reason, I felt like I was going to get an S-rank skill.
You know, something insanely cool like Human Transmutation.
[ ... ]
[ Life Advice (C) ]
[ Moon Shadow Step (A) ] ◀
[ Kyoka Suigetsu (S) ]
[ ... ]
And today, the roulette was spinning faster than usual, too.
I was seeing high-rank skills more often, so the skill pool seemed pretty good.
[ ... ]
[ Moon Shadow Step (A) ]
[ Kyoka Suigetsu (S) ] ◀
[ Servant Transformation (A) ]
[ ... ]
The roulette started slowing down little by little.
[ ... ]
[ Kyoka Suigetsu (S) ]
[ Servant Transformation (A) ] ◀
[ Pigeon, Let’s Eat (E) ]
[ ... ]
“Please...!! A-rank at least...!!”
But despite my earnest prayers, an oddly named E-rank skill appeared, and the roulette started slowing down rapidly.
[ ... ]
[ Servant Transformation (A) ]
[ Pigeon, Let’s Eat (E) ] ◀
[ Weak Point Detection (B) ]
[ ... ]
“Uh...?”
[ You have obtained the skill Pigeon, Let’s Eat (E). ]
“Fuck!!!!”
The moment the E-rank skill ended up winning, I immediately let out a string of curses.
Flash─!
[ Pigeon, Let’s Eat ]
- Rank: E
- Ability: Allows you to interpret the language of pigeons.
Pigeon, let’s eat.
An E-rank skill that lets you interpret the language of pigeons.
Not animals in general, not birds in general—the language of pigeons.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with a skill that translates pigeon?
However you looked at it, this was the worst JOAT skill ever, with not a single useful application in sight.
But once you’ve acquired a skill, it’s only fair to test it out.
I opened the window and used the skill on a pigeon cooing away on top of a utility pole.
Fwoosh!!
【Food! Food, mating!!】
“......”
【SEX!!!!】
It sounded like a burly man speaking in falsetto.
Just listening to it for a moment made me feel like my ears were getting dirty.
Feeling nauseated, I quickly closed the window and stopped using the skill.
[ Random Trait Box ]
“Phew... You’re my only hope now.”
Whirrr!
The only hope I had left was the Trait Gacha I’d gotten as an extra reward.
If skills were active, traits were passive.
And as you could tell from the rewards on Floors 1 and 2, traits were a hell of a lot harder to get than skills.
So at the same rank, traits were a little better than skills.
If I got lucky here, I might be able to make up for the off-banner pull on the skill side.
[ ... ]
[ Synesthesia (A) ]
[ Tough Stomach (C) ] ◀
[ Eloquent Speech (E) ]
[ ... ]
And those expectations of mine were betrayed in spectacular fashion.
“Fuck!”
No, seriously, what do you have against me?
Tower-bro, we were getting along so well just now.
You let me get 1,000% addiction rate for free, and now you’re going to screw me over this hard in the gacha?
“Figures. I knew my luck was too good today...”
With a line that made me want to eat seolleongtang for some reason, I put my bitter feelings aside and examined the trait I’d just gotten.
[ Tough Stomach ]
- Rank: C
- Ability: Slightly improves digestion.
A C-rank trait, Tough Stomach.
Its effect was simply to improve my digestion a little.
For someone like me, who ate a lot of weird things, it wasn’t such a bad ability.
Its one downside was that it overlapped with my S-rank trait, Drug Resistance.
Ding!
[ Tough Stomach (C) has been integrated into a higher-rank trait! ]
[ Drug Resistance (S) → Drug Resistance (S+) ]
The System seemed to think so too, because not long after, a message appeared and Tough Stomach was integrated into Drug Resistance.
Seeing that, I immediately opened my status window to check Drug Resistance, now at S+ rank.
[ Drug Resistance ]
- Rank: S+
- Ability: Grants resistance to all types of drugs.
“Nothing’s changed.”
Its rank had gone up to S+, but the description hadn’t changed at all.
Still, it should help a little more in dangerous situations like when I chewed on the World Tree leaf.
Though honestly, how many more insane situations like that were going to come up...
“Wait. Don’t tell me it gave me this because I chewed on the World Tree...?”
It was a reasonable suspicion, but I soon shook my head and let it go.
If the Tower gave out rewards just because I ate some leaves, it wouldn’t have given me a motherfucking skill like Pigeon, Let’s Eat in the first place.
Why the hell is there even a skill that translates pigeon language?
“...I’ll just browse the Gallery.”
In a bad mood, I immediately opened the Awakened Community and checked the post I’d just uploaded.
And sure enough, the post had already made it onto the top page in the short time since I’d posted it, with dozens of comments piling up.
[ Are these grape smoothie bastards really bosses? ]
[ Posted by: 39.7 ]
< Photo of the corpses of three destroyed Black Sludges >
Even with three of them, they were total pushovers.
- Anonymous Climber: Holy shit;;
- Anonymous Climber: Three Black Sludges??? Aren’t you on Floor 3???
└ Anonymous Climber: Three mid-bosses on Floor 3 is fucking insane;;;
- Anonymous Climber: “Grape smoothie” lmao
- Anonymous Climber: Apparently Lunatic Floor 3 has three Black Sludges
└ Anonymous Climber: There are three bosses!!
└ Save the Newbies: Three Black Sludges is a hell of a wall;;
- Speed Vegan: ?????
└ Speed Vegan: A swordsman took down three Black Sludges...?
└ Anonymous Climber: Aren’t you a melee type?
└ Anonymous Climber: Swordsman (while slicing up three Black Sludges)
└ Anonymous Climber: Vegan Vegan, were you lying to us...?
└ Speed Vegan: I failed? No, that can’t be. My analysis can’t be wrong. Unless there’s been some grave misunderstanding, this is impossible...
└ Anonymous Climber: Uh-oh, he’s going full menhera
- Great Hero: Mmm~ The fresh scent of a newbie~
└ Great Hero: Ahohohohohohohohohohoho
└ Anonymous Climber: New?bie
└ Anonymous Climber: Please get a grip, old man...
└ Child Enthusiast: Squishy squishy squishy squishy squishy squishy squishy
└ Loli-Daisuki Gentleman: N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ng, nu-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ng
└ Saintess: Please, everyone, die for the sake of humanity...
“...Hehe.”
I spent a while soothing my gacha-battered heart by watching the shocked reactions from the Gallery regulars.
Ding!
But that didn’t last long. A notification suddenly popped up.
Along with it, a message arrived from a familiar verified user.
- Sogatamyeontanso: You busy?
Sogatamyeontanso, Hong Yeon-hwa.
I immediately replied to her.
- 39.7: Nope
- 39.7: Why?
- Sogatamyeontanso: Oh
- Sogatamyeontanso: You used formal speech when we met at the Association
- Sogatamyeontanso: But you’re immediately speaking casually here?
- 39.7: ;;;;;
- Sogatamyeontanso: You’re an internet tough guy...
Nitpicking about polite speech in the Gallery? What a Confucian power level...
Just what you’d expect from an old hag of the Land of Morning Calm.
The old hag continued typing.
- Sogatamyeontanso: Anyway
- Sogatamyeontanso: Come to the Association
- Sogatamyeontanso: I’ve got something for you
“Huh? Out of nowhere?”
The unexpected summons put a question mark above my head.
She had something for me—what?
Hadn’t I already been paid for the candy when she bought me alcohol last time?
But it didn’t take long to figure out what Hong Yeon-hwa was really after.
- Sogatamyeontanso: And...
- Sogatamyeontanso: Uh...
“......?”
- Sogatamyeontanso: Bring some candy when you come...
“......”
It seemed like she’d gotten a taste of the candy last time and gotten thoroughly addicted.
Not that it was actual coke or anything. It was just ordinary, highly concentrated caffeine...
- Sogatamyeontanso: Hurry
- Sogatamyeontanso: It’s urgent
“...Seriously, this woman.”
Why does everyone I know end up acting like this...?