Chapter 32
The doctor looked very tired. Despite his youthful appearance that made him look like a younger man and his harmless rabbit-like impression, dark circles were deeply set under his eyes, and he exuded a pessimistic atmosphere as if worn down by the harsh world.
Behind the doctor was a woman in a white nurse's uniform, but her features were strangely blurry. She could clearly register information like ‘pretty,’ ‘cute-looking,’ ‘young-looking’, but it was as if a fog was blurring the information, preventing it from being visualized... that kind of strange feeling.
『 SAE 』
It was the same with the nurse's name tag. She could definitely read the front part, but the back part felt like it couldn't be read properly even though letters were clearly there.
Was this how people with dyslexia felt?
"Should we get started now that you're awake? Huu..."
The doctor sat opposite her and asked.
"First... do you remember your name?"
"What? Yes, of course... It's Saigo Rise..."
"Good. Do you remember your age too?"
"Yes... I'm 21 years old..."
"21 years old... Hmm... I see. Understood."
Scribble.
The doctor listened to Rise's words and scribbled something on the chart he was holding.
"Alright... Then what's the last thing you remember?"
"What? The last thing? Well... Well... I was going to the shrine to offer offerings, but... Huh? I can't remember anything after that..."
"Haa... So from there, is it."
The doctor frowned, putting his hand to his forehead like he was tired. Then he let out a very deep and long sigh and said to Rise.
"Ms. Saigo Rise. Although this seems to be the fifth time I'm telling you this... I'll say it again. You are currently a patient with [schizophrenia] (said in English)... or rather, a schizophrenic patient."
"What?"
Schizophrenia.
A mental illness called schizophrenic disorder, split personality disorder, or schizophrenia in other countries.
Rise looked at the doctor like she couldn't believe she had something that serious. But the doctor let out a small sigh as if he was sick of it and explained again.
"And this is the fifth time I'm telling you this. Ms. Saigo, you currently have schizophrenia along with amnestic syndrome. So no matter how much I explain, you forget it again at some point..."
"Memory loss? But..."
"Yes. Your memories might seem clear. The memory loss you're experiencing is anterograde amnesia, so you're having difficulty remembering new information. You seem to recall memories of the past just fine, but... huu. This is really..."
"Anterograde, amnesia..."
The doctor wrote something on the chart he was holding once again. Then he gave a slight nod to the nurse.
Receiving the doctor’s signal, the nurse handed him a notebook, and taking it, the doctor took a brief look and continued speaking.
"It's a rather nasty situation. To explain simply, your past memories are in a distorted state."
"What? Distorted?"
"The distortion seemed plausible that at first, we diagnosed you with delusional disorder. But as time passed, the degree of delusion gradually became unrealistic along with hallucinations and auditory hallucinations . Moreover, look here."
The doctor opened to a section of the notebook.
『 I went out today. As soon as I went out, the sun greeted me, but I didn't respond. Because the sun's words contain curses that can make my blood boil and my brain freeze. As proof, I was sweating while walking, which is the work of a poisonous ant under the sun’s orders. Because metal in the soil mounds sends surveillance of my actions to the doctor, I didn't do anything. God followed me from behind, but the fact that I can't hear footsteps seems like he's sitting on my head and watching the doctor for me. God would keep watch while looking out to see if the nurse was coming, but the nurse is always trying to brainwash me with injections. God hates it when I get drugged, screaming with laughter. The nurse who comes at dawn is a demon disguised in nurse's clothes, and there’s a small chip hidden in the syringe so if I get injected, it can control my body and make my brain move as I wish, which makes my nose smell blood and makes my mouth start to smell. When I quickly avoided the sun and went into the shade of a tree to watch the ants, the ants reported my actions to the doctor. I have no choice but to stop going out and return. Because the doctor is watching me write this with a wiretap. The doctor doesn't love me, but he was better than the nurse. 』
"Wh-what is this?"
What Rise saw were written words packed on one side of the page. Surprisingly, the notebook was written in Rise's handwriting, but the content was so incoherent and filled with unintelligible phrases that anyone could tell it was written by a mentally ill patient.
Rise looked at the doctor with a shocked face, and he, seeing her face turn pale, closed the notebook.
"This is your diary. Look."
On the cover of the notebook the doctor showed, the word 『 Diary 』 was written in Rise's handwriting. And at the bottom of the cover was written 『 Belongs to Saigo Rise. Do not peek under any circumstances. 』
And next to the warning message, there was a very small 『 Except for the doctor 』.
"This, this is my diary?"
"That's right."
The doctor handed the diary to the nurse.
"Now that you have a rough idea of the situation, I'll continue with the explanation. Right now, Ms. Saigo, you're in a state of schizophrenia. As you can see from that diary, you're showing symptoms of unrealistic delusions."
"That can't be..."
"But the problem is, we can't see any issues in your brain."
"What?"
"Usually, schizophrenia patients tend to show increased dopamine, but you were normal. Not only that, but your frontal lobe, cerebral cortex, basal ganglia, lateral ventricles, third ventricle... everything was normal. Moreover, it's the same for memory loss. Your hippocampus and diencephalon were all normal. What this means is..."
The doctor paused for a moment and then said:
"...Neither medication nor electroconvulsive therapy will work."
That’s quite a problem, isn't it?
That was what the doctor said.
But Rise couldn't properly respond to the doctor's words. Her head was too confused by information she had never even imagined.
It felt like it was spinning round and round.
Her brain went blank like it got bleached from the shock, and she couldn't think properly as if it had stopped.
But the doctor, seemingly unconcerned about what state Rise was in, continued to spout information that Rise didn't really want to know.
No, information she never wanted to know.
"If we look at the symptoms, it should be normal for there to be effects on the brain... So we were pondering what to do for a while and sought advice from a skilled counselor. And from them we heard about a treatment method that might be effective for you."
Said the doctor.
"Right now, Ms. Saigo, there's a high possibility that you've put yourself under self-suggestion to escape from [trauma], that is psychological trauma. In other words, you've brainwashed yourself. Therefore, rather than the traditional... Yes. Rather than the electroconvulsive therapy and medication traditionally used in our hospital, we assessed that a method of naturally breaking free of the brainwashing and recognizing reality through deprogramming would be more effective, and we're going to cure you using that method."
"B-brainwashing?"
"That's right. Ms. Saigo, to escape from a shocking reality, you created a fictional being called 'god', and you bound yourself, became fanatical, and blindly believed. And you distorted the past and changed your memories around that fictitious being."
The doctor continued speaking and then looked straight into Rise's eyes and said:
"Ms. Saigo. Most of the reality you remember now is different from the actual reality."
"That, that can't be..."
"Ms. Saigo. Please trust me. Trust me, the medical staff of our hospital. You must believe in us. We will spare no effort for your complete recovery. We will definitely cure your illness."
"No..."
"The process of deprogramming can be painful and difficult. But we will never leave you to suffer alone. We'll undo the brainwashing together, suffer together, and cure the illness together. I will never give up on you, Ms. Saigo."
"No! I'm not crazy!"
"Huu... We'll begin. Let’s get ready."
At the doctor's words, the nurse who had been standing behind him quietly approached Rise. She subdued Rise with a strength that was hard to believe came from her seemingly fragile appearance, put her in a straitjacket, and firmly tied her to the bed.
In the process, Rise tried to resist while screaming, but the nurse subdued her easily and put the straitjacket on her as if she had multiple arms, and eventually, Rise ended up not being able to move at all with her body tightly bound.
"Untie this! Untie me!"
"This is a measure to prevent self-harm or violent behavior."
"What is this?! Untie me! I said untie me!"
Suddenly bound, Rise twisted her body feeling a sense of crisis and fear, but the tight restraints didn’t even let her shake the bed properly, let alone escape. The doctor watched quietly until Rise calmed down.
Soon, when she became exhausted and went still, panting, he finally opened his mouth.
"We'll start with family first. Ms. Saigo. What is your family relationship?"
"Sob... Untie this..."
"I can't do that."
"Untie me...!"
"If you cooperate with the treatment, you can be released soon."
"Sob... Hic..."
Rise shed tears like she was terribly sad about something.
But soon, as if accepting reality, she answered the doctor's question in a sobbing voice.
"It's just my father and me... Sob... Hic..."
"Mr. Saigo Kenji. Is that correct?"
"Yes... Sob..."
"Then what is Mr. Saigo Kenji's occupation?"
"Shinto priest... Hic... He's a Shinto priest..."
Scribble.
The doctor listened to her words and recorded something on the chart.
"I see. Next is about your friendships. I heard you have close friends who you've been with since school days, is that right?"
"Yes..."
"How many?"
"Four..."
"What are their names?"
"Munakata Airi... Hojo Mahiro... Takamura Shiori... Nishikawa Rena..."
"I see. When was the last time you met these friends?"
"A week ago..."
"What did you do when you gathered with your friends?"
"We all met at a cafe and talked..."
Scribble.
The doctor scribbled something on the chart once again.
Then he raised his head, looked Rise in the eyes, and said:
"Ms. Rise. Listen carefully. Your father, Mr. Saigo Kenji, is not a Shinto priest."
"What?"
"And all of your close friends are dead."