Chapter 33
"Your father, Mr. Saigo Kenji, is not a Shinto priest, Ms. Saigo. After graduating from the archaeology department, he has lived as a local heritage site manager. He's also the supervisor responsible for managing abandoned shrines that have become historical relics, and he's the one who came up with the idea of utilizing abandoned shrines as tourist attractions. Thanks to this, the local economy was revitalized, and he gained much trust from the residents."
"N-no. Wait..."
"That was the father you grew up under, Ms. Saigo. And last summer, your father's close friend said you could use his private beach, and you drove there with your close friends. Do you remember? Among your close friends, there was only one person who had a driver's license."
"R-Rena?"
The doctor nodded.
"Yes. Ms. Rena. Ms. Rena insisted on driving since she had just gotten her license. The car was an ordinary sedan, so it was a bit cramped for five people with their luggage, but it was still manageable. But on the way, a truck crossed the center line on a bridge, and the sedan swerved sharply to try and avoid it. Unfortunately, even after swerving, it collided with the truck and fell off the bridge. And you were the lucky one to survive."
"Wait..."
"Fortunately, you didn't have any significant injuries. At most, you just swallowed some water. But your other friends unfortunately died at the scene. One from cardiac arrest, two from drowning, and one from cervical spine fracture."
"Wait a minute...!"
"But perhaps it was the shock of the incident, because you began to show mental issues. At first, it was just forgetfulness, but later it progressed to the point where your memories reset every day, and you started showing signs of distorting the past bordering on delusion and violent behavior. So, unable to bear it anymore, Mr. Saigo Kenji decided to have you admitted to our hospital."
"Wait, wait! Waaait!"
Rise gritted her teeth and shouted at the doctor.
"You're lying!"
"It's the truth."
"It's a lie!"
"It's real."
"No!"
"Please believe me. I'm only telling you the truth."
"No! Nooo!"
"Please trust me, Ms. Saigo. You must face reality."
The doctor spoke calmly while watching Rise scream.
"Your symptoms are serious now. You're now hallucinating and having auditory hallucinations, and your trauma is being recreated in the form of nightmares in your dreams. If this state continues, it might worsen to the point where nothing can be done about it later. Huu... Ms. Saigo, the mind also has homeostasis. It always tries to maintain a normal state, but if it stays deteriorated for a long time, it recognizes the deteriorated state as normal. Then it really becomes difficult to treat."
"I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!"
"Haa..."
The doctor watched Rise's rampage like it was a pain.
"I'm not crazy! Homeostasis?! What's homeostasis! I only know continuity! Dreams are contin...uity?"
At that moment, Rise's body froze.
"Continuity?"
Continuity.
The continuity of dreams.
Dreams tried to continue consecutively.
Therefore, continuity was what distinguished dreams from reality.
『 Rise! You mustn't forget what I told you! 』
『 Rise! Can you hear me! Rise! 』
『 You must do a reality check! 』
Reality Check.
At that moment, Rise's head turned sharply.
The doctor was staring at her face.
"Reality check. I need to do a reality check."
There were three methods of doing a reality check that she had learned.
"I need to... do a reality check... but?"
The first was to block your nose and try to breathe.
In dreams, you could breathe well even if you blocked your nose with your hand.
But her arms, which should block her nose, were tightly bound.
The second was to look at a clock.
In dreams, letters and numbers changed periodically, so if you saw that, you could immediately recognize that it was a dream.
But there was no clock in the room. There were letters written on the notebook and the chart the doctor was holding, but the doctor was holding the chart so that the paper wasn't visible, and the notebook she had just seen was in the nurse's hands. Quite strangely, from Rise's position, it was at an angle that perfectly obscured the letters on the cover.
The third was to bend your fingers back as hard as you could.
If it was a dream, you wouldn't feel pain and your fingers would bend unnaturally.
But now her arms were tied.
So tightly that she could hardly move a finger, let alone bend them back.
"I-I can't do it... I can't do a reality check..."
Rise's face turned pale.
The doctor, seeing this, said:
"Why, is something not going well?"
* * *
The treatment continued.
With her body thoroughly restrained, Rise could do nothing but receive treatment.
"Ms. Saigo. I'll say it again, but your father is not a Shinto priest. Think about it carefully. If your father were a Shinto priest, he would be serving a god, but can you correctly say the name and history of that god? You can't. Because your delusion is not based on logic and calculation, but on simple belief. That's the contradiction in your memory, and evidence that your past is false."
The doctor said this over and over again.
"The same goes for your friends' deaths. Death is something that humans can't escape from, something we all must face. But it was a tragedy that an accident like that happened while traveling with you. Of course, it's probably a huge tragedy that isn't easy to find even if you looked at your entire life. But think carefully. If you believe in a god and that god is giving you strength, why couldn't it prevent that tragedy?"
The doctor spoke like he was denying her past over and over again.
"You seem to have trouble believing the accident, but here's evidence. Look at this newspaper article. 'Fall from ㅁㅁ Bridge... 4 women in their 20s dead, 1 slightly injured.' The date is exactly last year. Yes. Ms. Saigo, you're not 21 years old. You're 22. After the accident, you couldn't remember properly, and you were admitted to our hospital a few months ago."
Rise could only listen to the doctor's words while thoroughly tied to the bed.
"Please believe me. I'm here to treat you, Ms. Rise. Reality check? I can show you. I can show you as many times as you want. But how can you be sure that it's not a hallucination caused by the schizophrenia you're suffering from? I know a little about reality checks too. It’s something that lucid dreamers do to distinguish reality from dreams, no? Nurse! Prepare a top and a clock!"
The doctor thoroughly denied Rise's words.
He shattered her thoughts, her beliefs, and her mind.
Spin.
The top the nurse brought spun on the table. The top spun and spun without falling to the floor. But the doctor looked at Rise as if it was no big deal and said:
"The top spun. Its rotation is gradually slowing down, and... Ah. It's stopped now. But Ms. Saigo. How does that top look to your eyes? Has that top stopped, or is it still spinning?"
"It's spinning! It's spinning! This is a dream!"
"Haa... Ms. Saigo. I'll say it again, but you're currently suffering from schizophrenia. The typical symptoms of schizophrenia are hallucinations and auditory hallucinations. You're seeing hallucinations right now."
"No! You said my brain was fine!"
"That's what the test results showed recently. But it's clear that you have mental issues, and it's a fact that you're showing symptoms that exactly match schizophrenia. You can have hallucinations even if your brain is fine, and if we do a test now, there's a high probability that there is an excess of dopamine. So, the spinning top you're seeing now is not reality."
"No! It's... It's spinning like that... Huh?"
When Rise looked at the table again, the top had stopped.
"Huu... This is severe. It might take a while... Nurse! Hand me the clock as well."
8:45
2:13
9:54
1:11
Every time Rise blinked, the numbers on the digital clock changed erratically.
She opened her eyes wide, thinking she might be seeing wrong, but the clock numbers changing every time she shifted her gaze seemed to clearly say this was a dream. But as if reading such thoughts, the doctor opened his mouth again.
"How is it? Does the time seem to be changing wildly now?"
"Yes! It's changing like that, see!"
"It looks turned off to me, Ms. Saigo."
The doctor flipped the digital clock over.
"Huh?"
The battery compartment of the flipped digital clock was empty.
"You must believe me. Recognizing the problem is the first step in treatment."
The treatment continued.
"Now, look at this. This is the diary you've been writing all this time. Can you see how it's getting worse and worse? It mainly shows circumstantiality and incoherent thinking, and if it gets worse from this state, word salad can also occur. It’ll become very difficult to treat if it reaches that point."
The doctor showed her the notebook–
"This is Mr. Saigo Kenji's certificate of employment. He belongs to the national civil service. See? This is his civil servant ID. And this is the diploma Mr. Saigo Kenji received when he graduated from the archaeology department, and this is his degree certificate. Nowhere is there any connection to being a Shinto priest. Mr. Saigo Kenji wore Shinto priest attire to greet tourists, he's not someone who serves a god. Have you ever heard of a Shinto priest holding a concurrent position as a civil servant? Have you?"
–showed all sorts of documents and denied that her father was a Shinto priest–
"This is a news video. I didn't want to show this if possible, but it seems I have no choice. See this sedan here? This is the vehicle you and your friends were riding in. And from the opposite side, a truck came across the center line, and the sedan tried to avoid it with a sharp swerve. But unfortunately, it collided with the truck even after swerving, and this is how it fell off the bridge."
–and said over and over again that her friends had died.
The process was terribly long and enough to exhaust Rise.
"Huu... It's meaningless to continue beyond this point. Let's take a nap and start again. Ah, don't worry. I'll be in this hospital room until you get better. Until you're free from the brainwashing. Don't forget, I'm here to treat you. Please believe me. I’ll be here when you open your eyes."
And when she closed her eyes from being completely exhausted, the doctor gave permission to sleep.
She tried hard to fall asleep, blanketing her complicated thoughts with deep sleep.
* * *
Rise met her friends.
"Hello, Rise?"
『 Don't be deceived by illusions! 』
"Nice to see you again!"
"We didn't finish our Hyakumonogatari!"
"Let's travel together!"
"God called us!"
『 Do a reality check! 』
"This isn’t a dream! God exists!"
"We're alive! Huh? Why is my mouth torn like this? Is that important?"
"Why does water keep flowing from my face, you ask? Ahahahaha! Rise, you're funny!"
"By the way, Rise!"
The friends she met in her dream all tore their mouths with both hands, opened their mouths wider than their heads, and shouted.
"It's time to go back in!"
* * *
When she opened her eyes, the doctor was there.
With a handkerchief, the doctor wiped Rise's forehead, which was dripping with cold sweat, and said:
"Are you awake? You seemed to be having a nightmare."
The doctor's face, worn with fatigue, looked even more emaciated. The dark circles under his eyes had become darker and wider, and they seemed to reach his feet to exaggerate a bit. Rise felt a strange sense of guilt and gratitude at the sight.
"Th-thank you..."
"Don't mention it."
It was a short conversation.
But Rise at least thought that there had been a longer exchange of emotion than conversation.
"Then shall we continue the treatment?"
And the treatment resumed.
"Ms. Saigo. Your treatment starts with recognizing reality and accepting facts. First, you need to admit it. Even a little bit is fine. Your father is not a Shinto priest, and your friends died last year. And you are 22 years old. Please accept this. If you can't trust your memory, then trust me. I'm here for your treatment, and I need your trust to treat you. I want to cure you."
.....
....
...
* * *
She had another nightmare.
This time, Rise's father appeared in her dream, opened his mouth wide, and bit off her head.
* * *
The doctor said:
"The root of your brainwashing is 'god'. A non-existent god. It's the culprit that's deeply embedded in your heart like a dash cam, polluting your mind. If you don't deny that, the disease can recur at any time even if you register reality. Trauma is not something to overcome or remove, but to accept. The mind is so delicate that if one part breaks down, other parts can break down as well. It falls apart, like that, in a chain reaction."
"Breakdown..."
"I've seen many such patients. I've seen people who took their lives because of simple depression, and people whose brains were damaged due to phantom pain and had to live on medication every day. I don't want you to become like that. I mean that."
How long will this treatment continue?
She didn't know how many days had passed.
Rise closed her eyes again.
* * *
She had a dream.
A passerby on the street bit off Rise's neck.
The doctor said:
"Deny the fabrication and face reality. You might think god is a great being, but it's just a fictitious being. Like the saying 'what you thought was a ghost turned out to be dry silver grass', if you check, it's all just you. Even if you attach a different name and turn away, the essence doesn't change!"
She had a dream.
Rise was happily talking with her friends in a cramped car. But there was a deafening sound that pierced her eardrums, and everything went dark.
The doctor said:
"Ms. Saigo... No. Rise. You're getting better. You're improving bit by bit! Just hang in there a little more!"
She had a dream.
Rise's father was giving young Rise a piggyback ride.
"Rise! Do you like being a shrine maiden?"
"Huh? Yeah! I like being a shrine maiden!"
"Really? Then from now on, you can wear shrine maiden clothes as much as you want! You can even show off!"
"Why? Am I a shrine maiden now? Are you a Shinto priest, Dad?"
"No! I'm not a Shinto priest, but... I'll be managing a shrine!"
The doctor said:
"Ms. Rise. You've finally admitted it... But there's one last hurdle left. Huu... You know that words carry power, right? Words are a kind of self-declaration. They serve to embed the declaration more strongly in your mind. Now, please repeat after me."
"Okay."
"My father is not a Shinto priest."
"My father is not a Shinto priest."
"My friends are dead."
"My friends... are dead..."
"There is no god. God was one with me, and was another self of mine."
"There is no god. God was one with me, and was another... self of mine..."
"Hmm... It's a bit lacking. Shall we try saying it with the name of the god and your name? I think that would be more effective."
Rise hesitated for a moment at the doctor's words, then said:
"Mukurikokuri no Inugami does not exist. Mukurikokuri no Inugami was one with Saigo Rise, and was another self of Saigo Rise."
The doctor clapped his hands and said:
"Well done! I'm very, very happy. You've been cured, Ms. Saigo Rise! You've broken free from the spell of the past, accepted your trauma as it is, and can now move towards the future! I'm so moved. And, thank you so much for believing in me!"
He was so overcome with emotion that he hugged Rise tightly. Rise was startled by his action and trembled slightly, but soon smiled with her eyes.
"Thank you for everything. You've worked hard to treat me. And... thank you for not giving up on me."
"It's nothing."
The doctor said with a broad smile.
"Now then, to celebrate Ms. Rise's complete recovery, shall we shout out loud the self-declaration you made at the end?"
"Eh? Loudly? That's embarrassing..."
"Hahaha. Don't worry. The hospital room is soundproofed. No matter how loudly you shout, it won't be heard outside."
"Th-then... shall I... try?"
Rise took a slight breath and said:
"Mukurikokuri no Inugami does not exist. Mukurikokuri no Inugami was one with Saigo Rise, and was another self of Saigo Rise!"
"Too quiet! Louder!"
"Mukurikokuri no Inugami does not exist. Mukurikokuri no Inugami was one with Saigo Rise, and was another self of Saigo Rise!"
"Let's try one more time!"
"Mukurikokuri no Inugami does not exist. Mukurikokuri no Inugami was one with Saigo Rise, and was another self of Saigo Rise!"
* * *
When Rise opened her eyes, the doctor was in front of her.
"That's right. The name of the sacred object is Mukurikokuri no Inugami, and it will now disappear."
The doctor was wearing a suit. And with the long hair of a terribly disfigured ghost draped around him like a curtain, he pressed down on the head of a ghost kneeling on the floor like a loyal dog and twitching its body, and said:
"And Saigo Rise will serve a new god. How about that?"
The suit.
The terrifying ghost.
Her father tied to a log.
The memories come back.
All the memories come back.
"Ah."
Rise could finally recall the memories she had lost while wandering in a dream within a dream.
"Ah... Ah!"
And she realized what she had done.
"Aaah! Aaaaargh! Aaaaaaaaah!!!!"
"I am truly grateful. In return, I shall bestow blessings upon you."
"Aaaaargh! Aaaaaah!!!"
The main hall was filled with Rise's screams and the sorcerer's joyful laughter.
Only Saigo Kenji, tied to the log, was in deep despair.