Chapter 1
1.
They say a man cries three times in his life.
When he’s first born.
When his parents pass away.
And when he loses his country.
“Waaah….”
I was weeping bitterly.
I hadn’t just been born, my parents hadn’t died, and my country hadn’t fallen.
I had my head pressed against the table, shoulders shaking. My tears had pooled on the tabletop, where a green soju bottle and a sheet of paper sat.
On the paper were five short, cruel characters.
[Enlistment Notice]
“It’s not fair….”
I muttered, rubbing my forehead against the table.
“Why do only men have to serve in the military…? What has this country ever done for me…? I should’ve been born a woman….”
I suddenly lifted my head, grabbed the bottle, and drank straight from the neck.
Gulp, gulp—
The bitter smell of alcohol. The revolting taste made me feel like I might throw up, but I forced myself to swallow every last drop of soju.
BAM—!
With my face flushed bright red, I tore open the candy wrapper and popped a piece into my mouth. It was my only snack.
“This is so fucking shitty. Just fucking shitty….”
I cursed for a while, then staggered to my feet.
“Ah….”
I opened the fridge. Inside was a half-finished bottle of water. And a container of kimchi that had been in there so long I couldn’t remember when I’d put it in. That was it.
I stared blankly into the fridge, then slammed the door shut.
“Fuck….”
I rummaged through my wallet. One thousand-won bill. One 500-won coin. It wasn’t enough to buy even a bottle of soju at the convenience store.
After hesitating for a moment, I picked up my phone and checked my bank balance. I had 1,200 won.
“Oh.”
That was enough to buy one more bottle of soju. And if I got a lollipop to go with it…
“Ha….”
I let out a hollow laugh and sank to the floor.
‘What the hell am I even doing….’
I laughed at the fact that I could afford one more bottle of soju.
It was ridiculous that I had to go this far just for that one bottle.
“What business do I have drinking, in my situation….”
Muttering to myself, I crawled toward the bed on all fours, then collapsed onto it. I lay there with my face buried in the pillow, breathing hard for a while before rolling over.
“Ugh….”
The ceiling spun around. I felt like I was about to throw up, but forced it down. I didn’t want to waste the alcohol I’d drunk.
“Haa… haa….”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to fall asleep just like this. But if I opened my eyes, it would be tomorrow. That was why I couldn’t sleep. The thought of tomorrow… terrified me more than anything.
I stretched out an arm and felt around the floor. When my hand found my phone, I picked it up and turned on the screen. A Short began playing automatically.
[The Latest Buzz About the Nova Syndicate Tournament]
The AI voice I’d heard to death began playing.
[The ‘Battle of Ruin,’ a Nova Syndicate tournament hosted by Peanut Man, has been causing a stir lately.]
[One of the members of the big-name streamer group Aura, ‘Bullet,’ is currently under fire for allegedly using hacks during the tournament scrims.]
He forced his eyes open and stared blankly for a moment at the blindingly bright screen. A man with unkempt hair was looking straight ahead.
-Uh, as of right now… nothing has been definitively confirmed about the allegations that Bullet is using hacks. The suspicions are understandable, but for now, please try to stay calm.
He let out a deep sigh, then continued.
-We’ve already contacted the game company about the hacking allegations. We’d appreciate it if you could hold off until we get the results.
The screen switched again. This time, a VTuber appeared.
She had pink hair and slightly grayish eyes, and wore a black-and-purple Lolita-style dress.
[Bullet has yet to make an appearance, now twelve hours after the controversy began.]
[Her last known statement was a single ‘I’m sorry’ left in the chat right after the controversy broke.]
[On top of that, she disappeared during the scrims with the absurd excuse that she had to go buy tofu for her mother, stirring up even more controversy.]
“What a crazy bitch….”
He smirked, the corners of his mouth lifting. Going to buy tofu? She must’ve been in a hell of a hurry.
But the laughter didn’t last long. When the Short ended and the screen went dark, a suffocating silence settled over my studio apartment.
“Hah….”
I couldn’t breathe.
The stillness of feeling utterly alone in the world. Anxiety about the future. The spell of the early morning. All of it twisted together and pressed down hard on my heart.
Thump, thump—
The sound of my heartbeat in my ears.
Clutching my chest, he squeezed his eyes shut. Then he reached out again, groping around for his phone.
[The Latest Buzz About the Nova Syndicate Tournament]
The AI’s mechanical voice began playing again. As the screen lit up, the darkness in front of me seemed to lighten a little.
He slowly raised his head. He moved a finger and tapped the comments. He felt like he needed to look at something, anything. Being left alone in this silence was too frightening.
-What a fucking moron lololol
-“Going to buy tofu,” my ass lol. What a piece of work
-This is why you shouldn’t let nobodies like her in, okay??? There’s a reason you should only use people who’ve been vetted. Yep, yep, yep.
-Not a VTuber again!?!?!?
The comment section was full of curses, insults, and mockery. Looking at them, I felt disgusted and relieved at the same time.
“Uuuugh….”
Maybe it was the alcohol, but my vision was growing blurrier by the second. I forced my eyes open, trying to read even one more word. That was how much I hated falling asleep. But the harder I tried, the heavier my eyelids became.
“If only….”
Just before falling asleep for the last time, he murmured,
“If only I could be a VTuber like her….”
***
The sunlight stabbed at my eyes, and I frowned. I hurriedly shielded them and woke up.
“Ugh, what…?”
Maybe it was because I’d drunk so much yesterday. Or maybe because I’d kept mumbling nonsense. My voice barely came out. My head felt like it was splitting apart, too.
“Uuuuuugh….”
My eyelids were unbearably heavy. My tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth as if glued there, and the back of my throat felt rough, like I’d swallowed sand.
“Ugh….”
My body didn’t feel like mine. I tried to sit up, but the heavy weight made it difficult.
A wave of nausea surged up, and I hurried toward the bathroom.
“Bleeaaargh….”
Splatter, splatter—
With my face over the toilet, I threw up everything inside me. Along with stomach acid, something like a whitish powder came up. The path the acid had taken burned like fire.
“Cough, cough… ugh….”
Leaning against the toilet, I spat bitter saliva for a while.
‘I shouldn’t have drunk soju on an empty stomach….’
I’d never had a hangover this bad before. But had I really drunk enough yesterday to feel this awful?
“Haa….”
I didn’t have long to think. Something surged up again, and I threw it all out.
“Haah….”
For a while, I kept alternating between throwing up and catching my breath. Only when there was truly nothing left to bring up could I finally stand. Even then, I staggered, unable to keep my balance.
“Ugh….”
I flushed the toilet and grabbed the sink beside it. Looking down, I saw curves so full they were hard to believe.
“Huh…?”
Without thinking, I raised a hand. As I moved my fingers, I felt something soft and supple. For some reason, it seemed to calm me down, so I kept kneading it.
“Th-this isn’t the time….”
I shook my head and finally came to my senses.
“…Huh?”
I stared blankly at the mirror in front of me.
Had I ever seen someone this beautiful from so close in my life? No.
If someone this beautiful were standing in front of me in an outfit like that, wearing such a flustered expression, I would’ve stared at her in a daze.
The problem was that the beautiful person was moving exactly as I did.
“Wh-what is going on…?”
When I touched my hair, the woman in the mirror touched her hair too. When I put a hand on my chest, she put a hand on her chest in exactly the same way.
“Huh?”
My mind went blank.
***
I was confused for a while, but for the time being, I’d more or less accepted the situation. How could I ignore how heavy it felt, for starters?
“Wow, but what the hell is this?”
After washing my face in the bathroom and coming out, I finally took in the state of the place.
Takeout containers and trash were piled up everywhere. The stench and stale cigarette smell made my head spin.
“Ugh….”
Empty soda cans and water bottles were strewn across the table. Beside them sat an ashtray full of cigarette butts and ashes.
A pigsty.
No, even that was too kind. It was nothing but a dump. At least I couldn’t see any cockroaches or anything. If I had, I would’ve abandoned the place.
‘How does anyone live in a place this filthy?’
Along with the question came the overwhelming thought of how long it would take to clean all this up.
“Ah….”
I squeezed my eyes shut. My head spun violently. Clutching my forehead, I dropped into the nearest chair.
“Hm?”
The mountain of trash had been so striking that I’d only just noticed something odd in front of the desk.
There was a monitor in the center of the motorized desk, with one on either side. Beneath them, an iPhone was mounted on a small tripod, and there was a microphone too.
‘There are two computer towers, too.’
It was a flashy, professional streaming setup—far too nice for a place this filthy. Could the person whose body this was have streamed before?
‘Maybe this person was a VTuber, too?’
I thought I’d heard that VTubers used iPhones for face tracking.
‘Why?’
I tilted my head. Why would someone with looks and a figure like this become a VTuber? Was there some reason?
I reached out and turned on both computers. One was probably for gaming and the other for streaming, but I had no idea which was which.
“This one must be for streaming.”
The monitor on the side was crammed with all kinds of streaming software. The one in front, on the other hand, had all sorts of games installed.
‘What’s what…?’
I scratched my cheek as I fiddled with this and that. Then, when I opened one particular program, a character appeared on the screen.
Purple hair and slightly grayish eyes. She wore a Lolita dress and a garter belt.
“She’s pretty.”
I murmured without thinking. As I stared blankly at the character, a memory and a sense of déjà vu suddenly crossed my mind.
“Huh?”
I pulled my chair closer. Grabbing the mouse, I hurriedly opened the streaming platform ‘Jibjik.’
I’d never streamed before, so I fumbled around for a bit, but eventually managed to find the account.
[Bullet]
I realized what the déjà vu was. She—meaning the person whose body I was in now—was that VTuber who’d been caught up in the hacking controversy.
“Fuck?”
What a fucked-up start.