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Chapter 1

Chapter Discussion

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Chapter 1 - Unemployed High School Graduate, Loser, Never Dated, Virgin, Pretty Girl! - Penguin Squad

Chapter 1

I'll admit it. I'm not a normal person.

It's not that I've been turning a blind eye until now. If anything, I've faced it head-on and argued against it.

Even when I was deemed mentally unfit during my conscription physical, when I gradually drifted away from my friends, and when I got into a fistfight with my old man, I called myself normal.

And everyone but me abnormal.

But I can't keep denying it any longer.

When I look at my reflection in the mirror.

When I look at this body of mine, which was remade into a woman's—even its outward appearance—after I kept denying reality.

* *

Today was strangely special.

The air wasn't soaked in alcohol and nicotine like it usually was. It was magically fresh, as if a fairy had just passed through.

I felt unsettled by my slightly lower field of vision and headed to the bathroom to wash my face.

Only then did I realize where that unease was coming from.

"...Huh?"

The voice that came out in confusion was pure as a silver bead.

The person wearing slightly baggy pajamas wasn't me.

Much less anyone I knew.

The tattoos, etched like scars of self-harm, were all gone, leaving behind pristine white skin.

My short, bleached-blond hair had burned away to ash-gray and now hung wild all the way down to my tailbone.

"...Did I become a woman?"

Facing reality wasn't all that difficult.

With the evidence right in front of me, it was hard to find a way to deny it.

I fiddled with different parts of my body, quickly lost interest, then went back and collapsed onto my bed.

"...Phew."

I just don't know.

I really am still myself, right?

What are the odds this is a dream?

I gave my soft cheek a long stretch and felt a little pain.

So it wasn't a dream.

What if I'd actually gone completely insane?

I wondered, running my fingers through my hair and over my body again.

But this body felt too soft, firm, and real to be something I'd made up in my head.

There was no way a woman's body I'd never even touched could feel so vivid.

...I don't know.

My life is full of things I don't know.

One more thing to add to the pile shouldn't make any difference.

My phone, beside my head, began to ring.

Son Taehyeon

He was a guy I'd used to drink with a lot.

I didn't feel like picking up, so I just waited for the ringing to stop.

After ringing for dozens of seconds, it stopped, and a KakaoTalk notification popped up.

Son Taehyeon

- Haven't heard from you lately. What are you up to?

- Let's go hit the club together tonight

- It's Friday night, man

The notifications kept chiming as the messages changed.

I frowned.

It was the first expression I'd made in this body.

It's a crude comparison, but friendship feels a lot like sex to me.

When you're in the thick of it, you're intoxicated by the pleasure and enjoy every bit of it.

But once the excitement wears off, the person clinging to you just becomes a nuisance.

Well, it's not like I've ever had sex.

That fact feels pretty ironic to me, too.

Son Taehyeon - Is something going on?

...The new KakaoTalk message suddenly made irritation well up inside me.

I know. He doesn't know what I'm going through right now, so of course he's messaging me without a second thought.

But that's none of my business.

I'm just... just annoyed.

This whole situation, that bastard who keeps bothering me, and the fact that I have to respond if I want to maintain a relationship with him.

I kept biting my nails until my pretty nails were a mess.

I'm annoyed. I'm so damn annoyed.

I'm fucking pissed.

I wondered if I'd always been this irritable, but given my mental state lately, it made sense.

I suddenly turned into a woman, so what's the big deal about getting a little annoyed?

There were plenty of ways I could vent my irritation. I chose one of them.

I hauled my heavy body to its feet and walked over to my chair.

Maybe my center of gravity had shifted because of the two lumps sticking out in front, but it was hard to keep my balance.

Not hard enough to make me fall, though.

With a practiced flick of my foot, I switched on the computer.

...Or tried to, but I stubbed my big toe against the front of the tower.

I clutched my toe and screamed silently for a moment, then pressed the power button on the tower with my finger.

I'd forgotten that my legs were shorter, too.

I opened Chrome and clicked the site at the top of my bookmarks.

- DC Inside

A site with a blue background and all kinds of trending topics.

I clicked on the post with the highest real-time views.

Prestigious university feasibility-study controversy... Girlfriend gets a ride from her senior after drinks...jpg

Fodder for my stage.

The post was exactly what the title suggested.

What do you think about my girlfriend getting a ride in some older guy's car after a drinking party I wasn't at?

Am I being oversensitive...? It just doesn't sit right, and I can't stop thinking about it. Am I being pathetic?

Likes 33 Comments 78

Yeah. You're the pathetic one.

Likes 29

Lots of women trying to gaslight him lol. Dump that girlfriend. Listen to me and dump her. The problem is that she's doing anything to make her boyfriend worry in the first place.

Likes 12

"Hmm..."

I got the gist. It was the usual post stirring up conflict between men and women.

I skimmed through it, then let my fingers tap away at the keyboard, following wherever my thoughts led.

I wanted to write something as vile and humiliating as possible.

I poured all my feelings into something that didn't exist.

Pleasure and anticipation of what was about to happen seeped into it.

With my index finger.

Enter.

PongpongIsSin: Fuck, she's a slut. They 100% fucked. By now she's probably texting the senior pillow talk on KakaoTalk, right?

...

I started bouncing my leg as I refreshed only the notification window in the upper-right corner.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

It wasn't long before I saw a notification pop up.

ㄴ Anonymous (117.111): Oh, this shit-stirrer's back again

Those words brought a smile to my face.

It was the second expression I'd made since my body changed.

About ten more notifications came in.

Ordinary people couldn't draw this much attention, but I'm a prominent regular with a fixed username, known to everyone on the site.

The messages were full of all kinds of insults.

ㄴ Lee Ji (118.111): Is this NEET loser camping here 24/7?

ㄴ Anonymous (112.211): For real, this loser shows up in every post stirring up gender wars. His life's a fucking wreck.

But the insults directed at me weren't the only responses.

ㄴ Anonymous (123.133): But isn't this guy right? Why's a woman getting in some guy's car in the middle of the night?

ㄴ Anonymous (117.211): For real. I gave my girlfriend that kind of freedom once, then she fucked some guy and cheated on me.

ㄴ Anonymous (117.122): The guys above calling PongpongIsSin names are either future cucks or actual henpecked husbands, just saying.

But you'll find people who agree with you anywhere.

I don't understand all of their motives, either.

Maybe they're like me and want to see someone get angry. Or maybe they have some vague resentment toward women and want to feel superior by dragging them through the mud.

Well, either way, I don't care. I'm happy to have them.

I need them to make more replies pile up under my comments.

The approving replies were enough to reignite the interest that had begun to fade.

ㄴ Yukgaejang: Are you people out of your minds? You're defending garbage like that?

ㄴ Anonymous (118.111): You can really feel DC has gone to shit, yeah. I'm just gonna leave the board.

ㄴ Anonymous (141.182): The 293,234th time you've announced you're leaving lol. You fucking idiot, just go die.

As I kept refreshing the comments and enjoying the reactions, one caught my eye.

ㄴ Anonymous (147.47): Why do you talk so filthy? Could you say that to my face?

"Oh?"

A silvery voice rang bright and clear through the room, where only the sound of my mouse could be heard.

Probably the person herself. The IP matches, too.

ㄴ Anonymous (141.111): Hey, is this the person in the post?

ㄴ Anonymous (222.121): Just ignore him. You don't need to engage with that total fucking loser.

This was exactly the situation I'd been hoping for.

My lips stretched into a broad smile.

I didn't bother hiding my exhilaration as I let it spill into my voice, then put my fingers back on the keyboard.

Like a virtuoso pianist playing a solo, I let my fingers move wherever my feelings led, and then...

Enter.

ㄴ PongpongIsSin: Mmm... ah... Oppa... ah... You're pounding all the way to my cervix... I'm gonna come so fast... I'm so glad I got in your car... That guy? Ah... I'll break up with him soon... So don't be mad at me...

ㄴ Anonymous (223.222): LMAOOOO this guy's fucking insane lol

ㄴ Anonymous (112.223): Holy shit, that's so fucking foul lol. He's got a real talent for making people feel like shit.

ㄴ Anonymous (226.233): You bitch, now I took psychic damage too.

"Hee! Ngh!"

The wave of pleasure that hit right after made me hunch my shoulders and writhe.

Why did I get such a thrill out of doing this?

Of course I knew this was wrong.

But so what?

I don't hold the belief that justice is the answer. That notion was wiped clean from my mind a long time ago.

I just enjoy making them angry with what I say.

I wandered around the pristine blue site again.

Come on, get angrier.

Let me taint your feelings, let me drag you down to my level.

All Chapters Chapter 2

Chapter Discussion

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I'll admit it. I'm not a normal person.

It's not that I've been turning a blind eye until now. If anything, I've faced it head-on and argued against it.

Even when I was deemed mentally unfit during my conscription physical, when I gradually drifted away from my friends, and when I got into a fistfight with my old man, I called myself normal.

And everyone but me abnormal.

But I can't keep denying it any longer.

When I look at my reflection in the mirror.

When I look at this body of mine, which was remade into a woman's—even its outward appearance—after I kept denying reality.

* *

Today was strangely special.

The air wasn't soaked in alcohol and nicotine like it usually was. It was magically fresh, as if a fairy had just passed through.

I felt unsettled by my slightly lower field of vision and headed to the bathroom to wash my face.

Only then did I realize where that unease was coming from.

"...Huh?"

The voice that came out in confusion was pure as a silver bead.

The person wearing slightly baggy pajamas wasn't me.

Much less anyone I knew.

The tattoos, etched like scars of self-harm, were all gone, leaving behind pristine white skin.

My short, bleached-blond hair had burned away to ash-gray and now hung wild all the way down to my tailbone.

"...Did I become a woman?"

Facing reality wasn't all that difficult.

With the evidence right in front of me, it was hard to find a way to deny it.

I fiddled with different parts of my body, quickly lost interest, then went back and collapsed onto my bed.

"...Phew."

I just don't know.

I really am still myself, right?

What are the odds this is a dream?

I gave my soft cheek a long stretch and felt a little pain.

So it wasn't a dream.

What if I'd actually gone completely insane?

I wondered, running my fingers through my hair and over my body again.

But this body felt too soft, firm, and real to be something I'd made up in my head.

There was no way a woman's body I'd never even touched could feel so vivid.

...I don't know.

My life is full of things I don't know.

One more thing to add to the pile shouldn't make any difference.

My phone, beside my head, began to ring.

Son Taehyeon

He was a guy I'd used to drink with a lot.

I didn't feel like picking up, so I just waited for the ringing to stop.

After ringing for dozens of seconds, it stopped, and a KakaoTalk notification popped up.

Son Taehyeon

- Haven't heard from you lately. What are you up to?

- Let's go hit the club together tonight

- It's Friday night, man

The notifications kept chiming as the messages changed.

I frowned.

It was the first expression I'd made in this body.

It's a crude comparison, but friendship feels a lot like sex to me.

When you're in the thick of it, you're intoxicated by the pleasure and enjoy every bit of it.

But once the excitement wears off, the person clinging to you just becomes a nuisance.

Well, it's not like I've ever had sex.

That fact feels pretty ironic to me, too.

Son Taehyeon - Is something going on?

...The new KakaoTalk message suddenly made irritation well up inside me.

I know. He doesn't know what I'm going through right now, so of course he's messaging me without a second thought.

But that's none of my business.

I'm just... just annoyed.

This whole situation, that bastard who keeps bothering me, and the fact that I have to respond if I want to maintain a relationship with him.

I kept biting my nails until my pretty nails were a mess.

I'm annoyed. I'm so damn annoyed.

I'm fucking pissed.

I wondered if I'd always been this irritable, but given my mental state lately, it made sense.

I suddenly turned into a woman, so what's the big deal about getting a little annoyed?

There were plenty of ways I could vent my irritation. I chose one of them.

I hauled my heavy body to its feet and walked over to my chair.

Maybe my center of gravity had shifted because of the two lumps sticking out in front, but it was hard to keep my balance.

Not hard enough to make me fall, though.

With a practiced flick of my foot, I switched on the computer.

...Or tried to, but I stubbed my big toe against the front of the tower.

I clutched my toe and screamed silently for a moment, then pressed the power button on the tower with my finger.

I'd forgotten that my legs were shorter, too.

I opened Chrome and clicked the site at the top of my bookmarks.

- DC Inside

A site with a blue background and all kinds of trending topics.

I clicked on the post with the highest real-time views.

Prestigious university feasibility-study controversy... Girlfriend gets a ride from her senior after drinks...jpg

Fodder for my stage.

The post was exactly what the title suggested.

What do you think about my girlfriend getting a ride in some older guy's car after a drinking party I wasn't at?

Am I being oversensitive...? It just doesn't sit right, and I can't stop thinking about it. Am I being pathetic?

Likes 33 Comments 78

Yeah. You're the pathetic one.

Likes 29

Lots of women trying to gaslight him lol. Dump that girlfriend. Listen to me and dump her. The problem is that she's doing anything to make her boyfriend worry in the first place.

Likes 12

"Hmm..."

I got the gist. It was the usual post stirring up conflict between men and women.

I skimmed through it, then let my fingers tap away at the keyboard, following wherever my thoughts led.

I wanted to write something as vile and humiliating as possible.

I poured all my feelings into something that didn't exist.

Pleasure and anticipation of what was about to happen seeped into it.

With my index finger.

Enter.

PongpongIsSin: Fuck, she's a slut. They 100% fucked. By now she's probably texting the senior pillow talk on KakaoTalk, right?

...

I started bouncing my leg as I refreshed only the notification window in the upper-right corner.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

It wasn't long before I saw a notification pop up.

ㄴ Anonymous (117.111): Oh, this shit-stirrer's back again

Those words brought a smile to my face.

It was the second expression I'd made since my body changed.

About ten more notifications came in.

Ordinary people couldn't draw this much attention, but I'm a prominent regular with a fixed username, known to everyone on the site.

The messages were full of all kinds of insults.

ㄴ Lee Ji (118.111): Is this NEET loser camping here 24/7?

ㄴ Anonymous (112.211): For real, this loser shows up in every post stirring up gender wars. His life's a fucking wreck.

But the insults directed at me weren't the only responses.

ㄴ Anonymous (123.133): But isn't this guy right? Why's a woman getting in some guy's car in the middle of the night?

ㄴ Anonymous (117.211): For real. I gave my girlfriend that kind of freedom once, then she fucked some guy and cheated on me.

ㄴ Anonymous (117.122): The guys above calling PongpongIsSin names are either future cucks or actual henpecked husbands, just saying.

But you'll find people who agree with you anywhere.

I don't understand all of their motives, either.

Maybe they're like me and want to see someone get angry. Or maybe they have some vague resentment toward women and want to feel superior by dragging them through the mud.

Well, either way, I don't care. I'm happy to have them.

I need them to make more replies pile up under my comments.

The approving replies were enough to reignite the interest that had begun to fade.

ㄴ Yukgaejang: Are you people out of your minds? You're defending garbage like that?

ㄴ Anonymous (118.111): You can really feel DC has gone to shit, yeah. I'm just gonna leave the board.

ㄴ Anonymous (141.182): The 293,234th time you've announced you're leaving lol. You fucking idiot, just go die.

As I kept refreshing the comments and enjoying the reactions, one caught my eye.

ㄴ Anonymous (147.47): Why do you talk so filthy? Could you say that to my face?

"Oh?"

A silvery voice rang bright and clear through the room, where only the sound of my mouse could be heard.

Probably the person herself. The IP matches, too.

ㄴ Anonymous (141.111): Hey, is this the person in the post?

ㄴ Anonymous (222.121): Just ignore him. You don't need to engage with that total fucking loser.

This was exactly the situation I'd been hoping for.

My lips stretched into a broad smile.

I didn't bother hiding my exhilaration as I let it spill into my voice, then put my fingers back on the keyboard.

Like a virtuoso pianist playing a solo, I let my fingers move wherever my feelings led, and then...

Enter.

ㄴ Anonymous (223.222): LMAOOOO this guy's fucking insane lol

ㄴ Anonymous (112.223): Holy shit, that's so fucking foul lol. He's got a real talent for making people feel like shit.

ㄴ Anonymous (226.233): You bitch, now I took psychic damage too.

"Hee! Ngh!"

The wave of pleasure that hit right after made me hunch my shoulders and writhe.

Why did I get such a thrill out of doing this?

Of course I knew this was wrong.

But so what?

I don't hold the belief that justice is the answer. That notion was wiped clean from my mind a long time ago.

I just enjoy making them angry with what I say.

I wandered around the pristine blue site again.

Come on, get angrier.

Let me taint your feelings, let me drag you down to my level.