Chapter 5
Well, I completely bombed it.
So what?
I bombed it in such an uncool way that I haven't gone a night without kicking off my blankets in my sleep.
Two days had passed since then.
The 10,000 won a benefactor gave me had kept hunger at bay.
But it turns out you can't live on cup noodles alone. I ended up spending 10,000 won on dakgangjeong.
It was insanely delicious—the kind of pleasure that came with no responsibilities. Of course, as soon as I finished and had to clean up, I regretted it.
Was this because I'd become a woman, too? I felt like I'd gotten worse at controlling myself.
...No, let's stop blaming gender. If that were true, how hard must women's lives be?
...Wait, wasn't there something I'd forgotten?
There was something important I had to buy.
Dae.
Something that ended in dae.
A mop?
A toothbrush handle?
Ah.
Sanitary pads.
"Ah... you stupid bitch..."
A groan escaped me.
My bank balance was so bare I couldn't afford even one sanitary pad. My account was truly empty.
I'd let myself get distracted by a few seconds of pleasure.
"Phew..."
With a self-reproachful sigh, I covered my face with the arm holding my phone.
I need to make money. I need to make money.
Which means I have to start streaming.
I suddenly rolled over and buried my face in the pillow.
Then I kicked my legs hard, crossing them over each other. The blanket thumped.
...I'm scared!
I'm scared of the insults, of course, and of what everyone who watched my irrational outburst will say to me.
They must've thought I was some emotional woman.
It's like that feeling of not wanting to go to school the day after doing something weird to get attention in middle school.
But I'm an adult. I believe you only become an adult when you do what you don't want to do.
"I have to... Yeah, I have to..."
I sat down at the computer and pressed the power button on the tower.
Then I adjusted the settings in the studio.
"...Hmm..."
Followers: 434
My follower count's gone up quite a bit.
Well... the callout post got over 10,000 views, so I guess that's only natural.
Anyway, I took a deep breath.
Then I pressed the Go Live button.
'The stream has started.'
People started joining right away.
50 viewers
100 viewers
160 viewers
...231.
...Oh...
My troll instincts gave a little thrill.
So many people had come to watch my stream.
Of course, a lot of them probably followed just to mock me, so I couldn't exactly be happy.
The chat started scrolling faster and faster.
---
Crybaby bitch, sup lol
Bet her eyes are all puffy lol
So are you a virgin? A maiden?
---
"Ha... f-fuck..."
Swearing out loud feels different from doing it online, and I end up stumbling over my words.
How do I put it... it makes me a little hesitant.
Anyway, I opened my mouth, trying to act as unfazed as possible.
"...Hey."
This is why I didn't want to turn it on.
---
EvilBellAddict donated 1,000 won.
Was yesterday's explanation all the explanation we're getting?
Expla...nation?
Wasn't it just a hypocritical 'fuck off'?
And then you cried, which was comedy gold lol
---
"......"
My face started to heat up.
It wasn't the prelude to tears like last time; I was just genuinely embarrassed.
---
That's why I like her even more
For real lol, so what, are you not gonna watch? High-school-grad unemployed NEET forever-alone virgin pretty-girl stream? How can you resist?
Is she actually a forever-alone virgin, though...?
For real, where do you even find a female virgin these days? They're all sluts, yeah
---
Then, all of a sudden, the topic shifted to my virginity.
---
So are you a virgin?
If not, I'm unfollowing
---
"Is that, um... really so important? Isn't it enough that I just keep streaming?"
Embarrassed for no good reason, I started dodging the question.
---
So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin?
---
Spam...
Should I kick them?
But it's not even that much...
I just wanted to change the subject already.
"A-anyway, enough small talk. We're playing Bell today. Everyone..."
---
So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin? Are you a maiden?So are you a virgin?
The way she's dodging the question, she's not a virgin, fuck
---
"Fuck! I am a virgin! I am! I've never even held hands! From now on, I'll ban anyone who spams!"
I shouted, slamming the keyboard.
My face turned red again.
My breathing grew ragged.
My eyes shimmered ever so, ever so slightly.
"I-I'll ban you for sexual harassment! And for bringing up virginity!"
I had no intention of banning them. It was embarrassing, but when I thought of them as potential financial supporters, I couldn't bring myself to ban them.
But as you'd expect from DC users, they weren't listening at all.
---
lol, she's got a temper, must be a non-virgin lol
Guess after someone's popped that cherry, their temper gets popped real easy too lol
I'm a non-virgin now too. That non-virgin's yelling just popped my eardrums, yeah
Definitely got that non-virgin stink. Fuck it, I'm leaving
Guess non-virgins are good at lying too
Kkangpunggi123 donated 1,000 won.
Don't be ridiculous lol How could a virgin have such a filthy mouth lol
For real lol
Now that's a proper virgin
What, virgins aren't allowed to swear?
No, honestly, Chyeo Juk Juk Chyeo's swearing is hard to call simple profanity.
Virgins only drink dew virgins don't talk to sluts virgins only talk to women virgins are only nice to virgins
?
There's a lunatic above
Get out
---
"Y-you... assholes... Anyway, thanks for the thousand won."
They couldn't see me, but I bowed my head to show my thanks.
The comment was a bit much, but right now every bill mattered to me.
...But seriously, what the hell is wrong with these guys?
When I was a man, I'd just looked down on people who were obsessed with virginity and moved on without thinking much about it. Seeing it like this, though, I felt an overwhelming revulsion.
That's disgusting... I mean it.
Just because someone's a virgin doesn't mean they have a clean mouth and live on dew and all that...
Do all female streamers have to deal with this?
"Do you act like this on other women's streams, too?"
---
You think? lol
It's because everyone here came from DC
---
"Ah..."
I guess even though it did get publicity, it was publicity in a muddy cesspool.
Anyway, seeing it from a woman's perspective, all I could do was sigh.
But I couldn't say, just to spite them, that I wasn't actually a virgin.
.
.
.
But... did I have to plead my innocence out loud?
I'd said it in the heat of the moment earlier, but that was kind of embarrassing.
When I stayed silent for several seconds, the chat started splitting into factions again.
---
Can't say it, can you? You're a non-virgin
What the fuck, she was a non-virgin? Why'd you lie? Change the title to “High School Graduate, Unemployed NEET, Forever-Alone, Fucking Slut Pretty Girl”
---
"Y-you fucking bastards..."
I briefly rubbed my face, then wondered how I could prove my innocence.
Then something suddenly occurred to me.
Wasn't I called out because the foul-mouthed Chyeo Juk Juk Chyeo was streaming?
"Hey, but why aren't you bringing up the fact that I swear? Isn't that more important?"
---
Kkangpunggi123 donated 1,000 won.
Are you stupid? We don't give a shit if you have a filthy mouth or whatever. Whether you're a virgin is the biggest issue for us
Damn
Based
Wise sage
That's right lol
Honestly, I don't care if you brawl with Bell addicts lol Whether you have a hymen is what's important
---
"......"
My mouth hung open, and I couldn't close it.
"Wow, you guys..."
I knew DC users were obsessed with virgins, but experiencing it firsthand was on another level.
"...No, but how am I supposed to prove it? Do I have to show you my hymen or something? Then wouldn't I fail your so-called mind-body-spirit test anyway?"
---
What? How do you know so much?
As expected, non-virgin ㄷㄷ
But I think the fact she's a non-virgin makes her hotter
Bicorn has entered the chat lol
Bicorn, get the fuck out already
---
"No matter what I say, it's 'non-virgin, non-virgin.' F-fuck... Forget it. I'm just going to stream Bell."
There was no way I could strip and show them. I shouldn't indulge even this kind of pointless shit.
And so, the controversy over whether I was a virgin naturally died down.
---
Non-virgin confirmed, case closed
Non-virgin
So she's a non-virgin...
---
Of course, it died down with everyone deciding I wasn't a virgin.
* *
I glanced around.
Hmm.
Sure enough, the viewer count drops when I play Bell.
While the number had peaked at 300 during small talk, now it was barely 150.
Of course, I can't just make small talk the whole time, so it can't be helped.
I'll have to think of something.
Of course, 150 isn't a small number.
The chat kept scrolling.
---
Wow, you can really tell the difference with a Grandmaster
Heard you used to be Challenger
Why not go pro?
---
"My family situation wasn't great."
I'd dreamed of going pro once, too.
It wasn't a very happy memory.
---
Oh...
So she was poor ㅠ
Sniffle ㅠㅠ I'm crying ㅠㅠ
Poor as dirt lol
Poor girl lol
---
"......"
That kind of bothers me.
Is this how streamers feel when they complain that their viewers keep pushing their buttons?
But one comment caught my eye.
--
What a dumbass. Why didn't you go pro back then? The outlook for pro gamers is so good these days lol Your foresight sucks. And even if you were just a benchwarmer, as a woman you could've put out for your teammates to boost morale and guaranteed yourself a 100 million won salary lol Didn't your mom or dad say anything? Or are they dead? Dumbass lol
---
At those words, my brow furrowed sharply.
Sexual harassment, and insults about my mom, too.
Tap—
The sound of my mouse lightly dropping echoed through the room.
---
Bro...
lol, sounds right, why you mad
For real lol
That's a bit much...
---
...Should I ban him?
...No.
I used to dish out family insults all the time in-game, too.
That'd be hypocrisy.
Though it's not like I've ever been anything but a hypocrite.
I kept playing, and the enemy kept poking me, chipping away at my health.
I normally don't get hit by stuff like this. I kept thinking about that comment and got hit.
Irritation suddenly flared up.
My head grew hot.
"Ah..."
The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got.
Fuck...
Who does he think he is?
What gives him the right to say that shit?
---
Why'd the streamer go quiet?
Guess she's focusing, dangerous moment right now
Is she pissed off because of that comment?
---
...No. If I throw a fit over someone like that, I'll just be the one in an awkward position.
I shook my head to clear it and opened my mouth.
"...It's nothing—"
'You have been slain.'
......
"Huh? Ah, fuu—"
---
We're fucked lol
The game's over now;
---
"Ah... where's that bastard?"
I scrolled through the chat, searching for that comment.
"I died because of you, y-you... you b-bastard."
As I spoke, I clicked the kick button.
"Insulting my mom and giving me life advice are an instant ban. Insulting my dad, backseat gaming, s-sexual harassment... I can tolerate a little, but those two are an instant ban. F-fuck, seriously... this is so damn shitty..."
---
She's scary when she's mad;
Why her dad?
Yes ma'am
---
That's when it happened.
Beep beep beep—
The sound of a door lock came from beyond the partition.
"Huh?"
---
?
Is it her boyfriend?
It's her boyfriend
---
Did someone get the room wrong?
My heart sank for a moment, but I quickly calmed down, thinking they must have come to the wrong place.
Beep-boop!
"H-huh?"
It opened?
I was dumbfounded.
My place was a studio apartment, but there was a partition between the kitchen and the bed.
So I couldn't tell who the taller-than-me silhouette beyond it was.
But I didn't think I'd be any less startled even if I knew who it was.
I hadn't given anyone my passcode, had I?
"Huh? Wait? What? What is this?"
---
What? Is that her boyfriend?
So she was a non-virgin
No, that reaction is weird if that's the case
Are the guys still making non-virgin jokes completely clueless or what
Is it someone she knows?
---
"W-wait..."
The silhouette came closer. I got up from my chair and backed away from the partition.
The headset I hadn't managed to take off was yanked out of the tower, and it made a sharp popping sound.
It suddenly came back to me.
The lecherous looks I'd encountered from men a few days ago.
My fear of that old man.
A locked room.
Somewhere I couldn't escape.
The silhouette stopped in front of the door.
The figure looked a full head taller than me.
Creak—
"Aaaaaaaah!!!!"
A genuine scream tore out of me.
I remember thinking, So people really can scream like that.
My legs gave out, and I slid down the wall, covering my head.
W-what do I do?
Tears started streaming down my face.
My own scream left my ears ringing.
My vision turned white.
My thoughts went blank.
My mind went completely empty.
The person in front of me was only about five steps away.
The person just stared at me as I trembled all over.
"...W-who... wh-who... are you? *sniff*"
I couldn't lift my head.
As if a weight of ten thousand geun were attached to the crown of my head.