Chapter 6
The most intense fear I'd ever experienced—or nearly so.
I'm scared.
I'm so scared I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
What it meant for someone to break into a place like this, just some studio apartment complex...
What it meant for someone to break into a woman's room...
What it meant for that big, burly body to come straight toward me...
My hands and feet—no, my whole body—were shaking violently.
With my trembling body, I forced out as much of my voice as I could.
"W-who... wh-who... are you? Sniff."
...... But there was no answer.
-Step
"Aaaah!!! S-someone! Please help me! Please!"
I bent low and flailed, trying to get as far away from this place as I could, but my legs had gone completely limp and wouldn't move at all.
A hand grabbed mine.
"Ugh... hic... sob..."
The fear was so intense I felt like I was going to stop breathing.
I can't... anymore.
I can't hold on to my senses—
"P-please, come to your senses."
What I heard then, all of a sudden, was...
A woman's voice.
There was bewilderment and disbelief in her voice.
That unexpectedly high-pitched voice brought my fading consciousness back to me.
"Wh-why are you here? Who are you? F-first, calm down."
She was asking me the very questions I should've been asking her.
"A w-woman...? Hic..."
"Stop crying... Hm?"
"Th-then... hic. Who are you...?"
At last, I managed to lift my head and look up at her.
She was very tall, dressed in a tracksuit and carrying a gym duffel bag.
The ceiling light was blocked by her cap, casting her in shadow.
"Me?"
Still looking bewildered, she pointed at herself and said:
"I'm a middle school classmate who was close with Taeyeon."
......
I don't have any friends like that, though?
* *
"Um, I'm really sorry. I didn't know anyone lived here with you. You must've been really startled, huh?"
"...It's o-okay. Sniff."
"Oh dear... Your pretty face is all messed up."
As she spoke, she took out a pack of tissues labeled 'Baby Tissue' and gently wiped my face.
It still felt strange that my body seemed to recover before my mind did.
I'd been that terrified. Yet the fear melted away like cotton candy in water at the touch of her soft hand.
But my sniffles showed no sign of stopping.
Wait, did she carry baby tissues around in her gym bag?
Noticing my puzzled gaze, she gave an awkward smile and answered.
"Ah, they seem a little out of place in a gym bag, don't they? I've got five younger siblings at home... Haha. I always carry baby tissues and snacks around."
A middle school classmate.
Five younger siblings?
...
I did have one friend like that.
Her name started with Song...
Then I remembered her name.
And I remembered what she used to look like.
I compared that image from back then with the sturdy figure standing right in front of me now.
.
.
.
"Song... Song Chaeyeon?!"
I let out a startled shriek, forgetting that I was a woman now.
"Huh? How do you know my name?"
"I-I heard about you from my brother... about you, Song Chaeyeon..."
"Oh, I see..."
Song Chaeyeon and I had been close friends in middle school.
Even now, we made sure to catch up every few weeks.
We hadn't met recently, though.
But she hadn't been this huge before... had she?
She looked about 176 centimeters tall now.
"Um... but why have you gotten so tall? I heard you weren't very tall before..."
"Ah, haha. My growth spurt came really late for a girl. I shot up in high school."
She said that and laughed.
...From the sound of her laugh, it really was her.
The sense that the past and present didn't quite match sent me into a strange reverie.
While I was lost in thought, Song Chaeyeon spoke to me.
"Then could I ask your name, too?"
Even though she could tell I was younger, the delicate respect in the way she spoke reminded me once again that she really was Song Chaeyeon.
"My name? I'm Lee Tae..."
No.
I'm a woman now.
Wouldn't it seem strange if I had the same name?
My name...
I could just make one up.
I cobbled together a name from a few other names.
"Moon Ihyeon."
"That's a pretty name."
She gave me a kind smile, as if to comfort me while the tear tracks on my face still hadn't dried.
...Even another woman could find her heart fluttering at that.
...Hm? Am I into men?
No, there's no way. Even if the body reacts before the mind, that doesn't mean I can feel something that isn't there.
...Right?
"Could I also ask what your relationship is to Lee Taeyeon? Are you his girlfriend, by any chance...?"
"N-no! Um..."
I'd almost said, 'I'm his younger sibling,' but then I remembered that I'd given her a different last name. She'd wonder why I had a sibling, too.
"W-we're half-siblings, from different mothers. We lived apart for a while."
"Ah, um. I see..."
That should make it hard for her to ask any more questions.
"Um... would it be okay if I spoke casually? You're younger than me, after all."
"Ah, y-yes."
I didn't know my age, but judging by my appearance, I was definitely younger than either she or my old self had been.
I didn't mind being spoken to casually, and I didn't mind using polite speech either, so I readily nodded.
"...Ihyeon, do you know where your brother is?"
...... Right here.
Though she probably wouldn't believe me even if I said that.
"A friend of mine named Son Taehyeon told me Lee Taeyeon had been out of contact, and asked me to come check on him, just once. He said he couldn't come himself right now... But since the passcode here is the same... Ah, I'm really sorry again, Ihyeon... I made sure to confirm that he lived alone."
"I-I'm okay."
As she kept apologizing and comforting me, I started to feel a little calmer. I forced a smile and nodded.
Song Chaeyeon was the one who'd made me cry, but foolishly, the fact that she'd come out through the door made me feel grateful to her and grow fond of her.
How strange.
"I know I shouldn't have, but I heard he'd been in a really unstable state... And when he didn't answer my knocks, I started getting worried."
I heard the door lock, but not the knocking.
I'd thought something was strange, but maybe high-pitched sounds were just easier to hear.
So she really had been worried about him.
My heart felt a little warm.
"Yes, I understand completely."
"I wanted to check on how he was doing. If he was thinking of hurting himself, that really wouldn't be okay... Could you tell me where he is?"
As she spoke, she carefully glanced just a little at the rooms around us.
She was nervous.
Of course she was. Anyone would be, seeing the state of my room.
The room was full of all kinds of trash I hadn't taken out, and the fact that its owner wasn't there was enough to make her imagine the worst.
"...Lee Taeyeon oppa is okay..."
"H-he is? Then...?"
Wh-what should I tell her?
"He... ran away from home."
"...What?"
I'd done it.
"He got a little rebellious... and ran away from home."
At this point, I had no choice but to keep pushing the lie.
"And you can't get in touch with him?"
"I-I can. At least, he hasn't done anything drastic."
"Could you call him for me?"
"Ah, he told me not to pick up when people call him. Maybe he wants to be alone."
"I see... It's too bad. I wanted to see him."
She lowered her head slightly, then raised it again and spoke brightly.
"Anyway, if he's okay, that's a relief."
Song Chaeyeon smiled as she spoke, then looked around the room.
"Um... how long has he been gone?"
"Uh, uhh... a day..."
It felt a little bad to talk as if I were throwing Lee Taeyeon—my past self—under the bus.
But I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I'd made myself like this...!
"Good grief... He's really gone off the rails. I was so shocked when I heard that such a tenderhearted kid was dyeing his hair, getting tattoos, and smoking. What could've happened while I wasn't seeing him...?"
"Ah, haha..."
"Well, at least I heard indirectly how he's doing."
Song Chaeyeon turned around and looked over the room as she spoke.
Thinking she was about to leave, I got up and followed her to see her out.
"Ah, yes. You're leaving—"
"Let's clean up first, okay?"
"H-huh?"
"Hm? What's wrong?"
"I-I thought you were leaving."
"I can't leave after seeing this."
Song Chaeyeon rolled up the sleeves of her tracksuit and said with a bold grin:
"Don't worry, you're just worried your brother would be embarrassed, right? It's fine. I went to wake that guy up and even caught him watching porn—"
"Waaah!"
"W-what is it? What's wrong?!"
Fuck!
She still remembers that?!
Well, it'd be weird if she didn't.
My face turned bright red.
My fists clenched and trembled.
At this point, I felt like I could measure my shame with litmus paper.
"Ah, sorry. I guess you were embarrassed that I brought up that side of your brother."
Song Chaeyeon apologized with such a serious expression that I felt bad, as if she thought she hadn't been considerate enough.
That's not it...!
"N-no, it's okay..."
"Haha, good. Then, shall we get started? You don't have to help. Leave it to your big sister."
"Ah, ah... wait..."
"Let's start with the stuff on the floor..."
As if she hadn't heard me, Song Chaeyeon strode around, picking up all kinds of plastic bags and bottles and piling them in one place. I stared at her blankly.
A female classmate I hadn't seen in a while was cleaning my room for me.
This is so fucking embarrassing...!
"I-I'll help, too!"
As I spoke, I hurried over and gathered up various pieces of trash, sorted them, and put them in one place.
"You don't have to... but if you really want to, go ahead. Thanks."
Trying to feel as little embarrassment as possible, I quickly helped Song Chaeyeon.
But I'd overlooked the most important trash—the stuff I absolutely had to clean up myself.
Song Chaeyeon went over to the bedding spread on the floor...
The dried-up tissues...
She nudged them with her foot.
At that, my gaze—which had been looking elsewhere—snapped around.
I remembered what those tissues had been used for...
And my spine turned ice-cold.
"......."
"These tissues..."
"Ah..."
"That guy... Even though he has a younger sibling, he does this... Good grief."
"Ah, ah... haha..."
There weren't just a few tissues.
They were scattered around the bed, thrown out in every direction as if someone had lain on the mattress and tossed them aside.
From above, they looked like flowers blooming around the mattress.
Pure white flowers.
......
Those were...
...... tissues I'd used for weeks.
I clamped my mouth shut and lowered my head.
That thing women do...
It felt better than I'd expected.
For someone who'd only ever known male pleasure, it was a pleasure so intense it felt like it could destroy my brain cells.
A pleasure that made my mind go blank. It was enough to make me wonder if all women felt this way.
After that, it had become my main way of relieving stress.
But now that I had a woman's body, I couldn't exactly say the tissues were left over from masturbating.
With tears in my eyes, I sacrificed my past self's dignity.
"Good grief... Keep this up and your bones will get brittle."
"Haha... Right? He should take it easy. But I'll clean these up. So please..."
Please don't nudge them with your foot like that.
Please...
* *
And so, the cleaning was more or less done.
Song Chaeyeon took all the trash bags outside at once, threw them away, then came back, dusting off her hands.
I thought she had incredible strength.
"Ihyeon, good work. Thanks for helping me.
"Ahaha, it's okay. It's my trash, too, so of course I should help."
"What a good girl."
Song Chaeyeon smiled, came over, put her hand on my head, and patted it.
Her touch was gentle.
I didn't know if it had anything to do with having five younger siblings, but she was incredibly kind.
That was why I'd gotten along so well with her.
I quietly enjoyed the feel of her hand.
For some reason, I felt guilty, as if I were deceiving her.
Anyway, her hand made me feel warm inside...
Song Chaeyeon took her hand away and turned around to say:
"Ihyeon, I'm going now."
"Ah, yes. Goodbye."
I said that and followed her, but Song Chaeyeon waved her hand and stopped me.
"Ah, you don't have to walk me out. It's the thought that counts. I'll come by again, so see you then, Ihyeon. Here! Let's say goodbye like this."
She held out her hand as she spoke.
I smiled and took it.
Song Chaeyeon was still a good person.
She hadn't changed at all.
While I'd changed like this.
I was lost in that kind of sentiment.
"......"
But Song Chaeyeon still hadn't let go of my hand, even after some time had passed.
"...Noona?"
When I looked up, puzzled...
There...
She was staring at the back of my hand.
"......Huh?"
Song Chaeyeon let out a dumbfounded sound.
Only then...
"Ah."
I realized what she was looking at.
I slipped my hand out of hers and quickly hid it behind my back.
...Or tried to.
With a quick motion, Song Chaeyeon caught my hand as I pulled it away and stared at it.
Her eyes were different from usual, holding a hint of fear.
"......Ihyeon."
"...Y-yes."
"What is this?"
Song Chaeyeon held my slashed-up wrist so tightly it hurt and stared at it. Then she looked straight into my eyes as if trying to see right through me, and spoke.