On the Way to Court

After eating lunch with Mr. Minsu and talking for a while, around 4 p.m., I found it hard to sit around alone any longer, so I turned on my computer and tried launching a game. When I logged in, I received a message from the warrior I'd friended.

'Are you fully recovered and discharged?'

'Yes, I was discharged, organized my things, rested for a while, and then turned on the game.'

I sent a message and went to the bathroom for a moment. In the past, even when I needed to go while doing something, I could grit my teeth and hold it in for... five hours? I think that was about my limit. My high school was on a university campus, so our graduation ceremony was held at the university. I missed my chance to go to the bathroom and decided to hold it in, which I regretted like crazy. Wouldn't it have been fine just to go? I thought so too, but I had been sitting near the front and didn't have the confidence to endure the gazes of so many people, so I held it in. I really, really almost had an accident, but I barely managed to hold it.

But now... I can't. The good thing is that my original body would get the urge very quickly whenever I drank something. (That might have been because I drank so quickly.) There were times when I went to the bathroom three times while the people with me went once. Well, now that I'm a woman, I don't go quite that often, so maybe things have become somewhat normal. But once I start needing to go, it's better to get to the bathroom quickly, which isn't particularly convenient. I can hold it in for a long time, but I need to go frequently; you could say it's the opposite of before, when I couldn't hold it as well but didn't need to go as often.

The physical change I can endure—or that doesn't cause me much trouble—is the change in my size. The parts that changed only mean that my clothes have changed, so I don't think I'll pay much attention to them once things start feeling more natural with time. Of course, when I sit in a chair, my wider pelvis makes it feel like... the chair fits me exactly? I experienced something similar on the subway when I was a man. During rush hour, when a woman sat beside me, she didn't look particularly large, but her butt would lightly touch my shoulder. If it had happened once or twice, I could have let it go, but it wasn't just once or twice... It happened quite a lot. If someone of an ordinary size took up that much space, then wouldn't I inconvenience the person beside me every time I rode the subway? But I couldn't keep standing with these even more delicate legs...

"Haa... Even just peeing takes longer now..."

No matter how quickly I wipe, it inevitably takes time because of my anatomy. It had been so convenient when I was a man. Even when I sat down, I only had to wipe a few times with toilet paper and stand up. Now I have to wait a little until everything has finished draining, and I have to wipe much more carefully and thoroughly... I can't just dash in and dash back out like before.

'Are you all right?'

'If you have time, would you like to run a dungeon together?'

'Or would you like to chat?'

'Or maybe we could... go on a trip together?'

A ton of messages had piled up even though I'd only gone to the bathroom. I'd been chatting that I was going and then suddenly felt like I was about to have an accident, so I went right away...

'Sorry, I took a little while. I went to the bathroom.'

'Ah~ I see.'

The player with the nickname poiuy12 continued asking me various questions. 'What kind of illness did you have?' 'Was it very serious?' 'Was the hospital far from your home?' What was with this person...? Why were they so obsessed? Like most online games with real people, this game could become full of arguments and other ugly behavior if you went to a crowded area and stood around chatting. After experiencing things like that, some people did come to value anyone who treated them kindly and not want to lose that connection, but...

'It wasn't that serious. Is something wrong?'

'Huh?'

'No, you just seem a little... obsessed, so I'm kind of scared...'

It was true. If I'd still been a man, I would have thought, 'Is this asshole mentally ill? What the hell?' and ignored them, but my body was now that of a woman even weaker than a man who didn't exercise, so I started to feel afraid. This game was said to have more female players than other games, but most online gamers were men regardless. If they became any more obsessed, I would block them and leave without giving it much thought.

'I'm sorry. It's just... Can I tell you my story?'

I enjoyed chatting enough that I had once stayed up all night chatting in this game, so I decided to listen to everything. In short, they'd once been picked on while running a dungeon that even beginners could do. Since being helped by me when they first started the game had left a positive impression, they had actively asked passing players for help afterward, but some of them had cursed at and mocked them. Well... anyone who took games seriously or was mentally fragile could have been hurt by that.

'I was discharged only recently, so it's difficult to play right now. I'll log in again once I'm feeling better.'

I left that message and shut off the game. If I stayed offline for a while and came back later, they'd probably have forgotten me. Otherwise, I could log in during the daytime on a weekday and block them...

"Oh? Unnie's calling me?"

[Jia!]

"Yes."

[Are you free tomorrow or Tuesday?]

"Yes, I'm going to court tomorrow morning, so I'm free in the afternoon, and I'm free all day from Tuesday onward."

[I have a lot to talk to you about, Jia, so let's meet on Tuesday. You can come to the hospital.]

"Okay~ See you Tuesday~"

After the call ended, I checked the time and saw that it was already around dinner, but I wasn't particularly hungry, so I decided to wash up and lie down. A quick wash and drying my hair would probably take about an hour, right?

"Yaaawn~ I'm sleepy..."

After washing up and drying my hair, I started to feel sleepy. 'It's only a little past eight, but I'm already sleepy... How strange...' I was so exhausted that I didn't even feel like touching my phone, and I fell asleep just like that.

*

This time, Minsu got up before dawn, prepared himself, and called Ms. Jia around six. The documents were ready, but since they had to go to court, he decided it would be best to leave as early as possible.

'Brrring~ Brrring~'

No matter how many times he called, it went to voicemail. He only heard the automated message, and she didn't answer. Could something have happened? She might simply have set her phone to silent because she didn't want to receive calls from people she knew, but she had gone to bed early and still hadn't recovered, so she should have been sleeping soundly. It was early, but there was no reason she wouldn't answer at this hour.

"I hope nothing's wrong..."

Minsu immediately got into his car and set off for Jia's home. Since it was still early in the morning, he arrived very quickly. He parked, went to the front of Unit 307, and rang the bell.

"Ms. Jia~ Are you inside?"

Could something have happened...? Why wasn't she responding...? When he kept ringing the bell, he heard footsteps from inside.

"Who is it...? Yaaawn..."

"It's me, Ms. Jia."

"Ah~ It's you, Mr. Minsu. Hello~"

Jia looked extremely sleepy, even yawning as she opened the door. It seemed he had woken her from a deep sleep. Jia said she would wash up and get ready right away, so Minsu decided to wait inside. Even though there was a reason for it, he still felt strange waiting alone in the living room of a woman who lived by herself. Perhaps because the building was mostly occupied by one- or two-person households, the soundproofing wasn't very good, and he could hear a little water running. After some time passed, Jia came out wearing light clothes and rubbing her hair dry.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I'll dry my hair and get ready to leave right away."

"Yes, take your time."

"You haven't had breakfast, have you?"

"Ah, no, I haven't..."

Minsu was flustered. Jia was fully dressed, though her clothes were thin, but with breasts that size, there was no way her cleavage wouldn't show. He deliberately turned his head away and sent Jiyeon a text.

'I'm at Ms. Jia's place right now. She wasn't answering her phone, so I came over, woke her up, and am waiting here with her.'

'I see. Please take good care of Jia today.'

Minsu checked Jiyeon's reply and put his phone away.

"I don't have a toaster, so I can't toast the bread, but I'll make you toast with some jam."

"Thank you."

As he ate the toast and drank the beverage Jia brought him, Minsu thought. Even if she was [still] mentally a man, her body was a woman's... Was it really all right for her to be so defenseless in front of another man? He spent some time with Jia while thinking about it.

*

Yesterday, I fell asleep a little after eight, but I didn't feel particularly refreshed when I woke up. In the past, even if I had a dream like this, my unconscious mind would have thought, 'This is definitely a dream. It isn't real at all.' But after my body changed like this, even a slightly realistic dream—or a dream that resembled reality to some degree—was enough to shake my mind.

"Where is this...?"

It was definitely the neighborhood where I had lived in the past. When you woke up from a dream, the streets in it were always different from reality, but I didn't recognize that while I was dreaming. That was why the situation in the dream had been so frightening. It was similar to the previous dream, but this time every passerby was staring intently at me. Their gazes weren't merely curious; some of them even seemed to carry murderous intent. When I looked around, I couldn't see anyone actually looking at me with malice. They all just stared at my body, then hurriedly looked away whenever my gaze shifted even slightly—just like I had been until last week.

"This feels strange..."

I was definitely a woman now, but mentally, I still believed I was a man. As long as my memories remained intact, I would probably continue to feel that way, but they said the human mind followed the body, didn't they? Every time I recognized that I was unquestionably a woman, I felt a discrepancy between my memories and my body. It was the same in dreams. Whenever I dreamed about the military before, I would merely sigh inwardly and endure it. But I couldn't do that anymore. I had clearly enlisted as a soldier, yet this country had no female enlisted soldiers, and when I looked at my body, I saw a woman's. It felt as if even my life had been rejected.

"Ding~ dong-, ding~ dong-"

"What... is it...? The doorbell...?"

I was groggy. Where was my phone...? I needed to check the time, but my mind wouldn't clear and it was hard to get up. I could also hear someone banging on the door... Who was it...? I struggled to sit up, rubbed my eyes, and made my way to the front door. I heard Mr. Minsu's voice. I opened the door and let him inside, but as I gradually woke up, I became quite embarrassed. 'This... looks a little strange, doesn't it?' A woman living alone letting a tall, solidly built adult man into her home... It sounded like the opening of some erotic comic...

I pulled myself together once more, asked Mr. Minsu to wait a little longer, and went into the bathroom to shower. My breasts were still sensitive to the stream of water hitting them.

"Hngh..."

How many minutes passed? After showering and washing my hair, I pressed a towel against it to soak up the water so it wouldn't drip, then dried my whole body with another towel. Once I had dried myself thoroughly, I put on my underwear and light clothes, wrapped the towel around my head, and left the bathroom. Today was the day I had to go to court... With Mr. Minsu's help, I could receive a new identity and live under it. He said all the preliminary work was finished, so all I had to do was go to court and submit the documents. But how was that even possible?

"Mr. Minsu, there's something I've been wondering about..."

I said as I got into the car and fastened my seat belt.

"It's a question about your identity, right?"

Mr. Minsu said this while watching me fasten my seat belt.

"Yes, that's right.

"There are many confidential aspects, so I can't tell you much, but what I can say is that, on the surface, we're only changing the name and sex shown on your current ID."

"Then what about my date of birth...?"

"...I'm afraid I can't tell you that part."

"I see... Then I have one favor to ask..."

"You want me to deliver the letter, right?"

"H-How did you know...?"

"Of course. Since you've decided to say goodbye, I assumed you had written a letter. It would be emotionally painful for you to deliver it yourself. And even if you hadn't wanted your identity scrubbed in the first place, I would have stopped you. Since you're the first case, you could be subjected to all kinds of rumors and discrimination without a new identity."

"You know people can be strange, don't you? You might be stalked or even fall victim to a crime."

"..."

"Jiyeon and I can't always protect you, and if someone decided to overpower you, Jiyeon would have a hard time too."

"Yes..."

We continued silently toward the courthouse. Once we arrived, we submitted the documents and agreed to return to the court when we heard back around the middle of March. Since it was lunchtime, Mr. Minsu suggested that we eat together, and I silently nodded. Perhaps because I looked dispirited, he encouraged me to cheer up and led me to a gukbap restaurant. When he said, 'Is gukbap all right? I don't think you should eat greasy food yet...' I could only nod.

"How's your appetite?"

"It's fine. There's a lot of meat, so I think it'll give me some energy."

I was only saying that to thank Mr. Minsu for his kindness. Even if I was someone assigned to him, there probably weren't many people who would take care of someone this well. Wait, something occurred to me after we'd finished eating. I had definitely, definitely felt a gaze following us as Minsu and I entered the courthouse. Who was it?

"Ms. Jia, it does seem as if someone is following us."

"As I thought... Could it be stalking?"

"It's possible, but since this is the first time we've seen him here, he's probably just a lust-crazed bastard."

"I've felt someone watching me for a while now, and it's... frightening."

Even when I was a man, I had once been watched continuously by the same person. It was on the subway, but even when our eyes met, the man kept staring at me. Even when I looked elsewhere and tried to think about something else, telling myself, 'No, it can't be,' he continued staring. I wanted to hit him and ask what the hell he was doing, but only a mentally ill person would do something like that, so I endured it. But this situation was terrifying. If that man, who kept looking me up and down and following us, deliberately cornered me in an alley, I would become the victim of a crime... And after that...

"Ms. Jia."

"......"

"Ms. Jia!"

"Ah, huh? Yes?"

"The fact that he's still following us even though I'm right beside you proves that he's crazy. I've called the police, so we only need to wait a little longer."

Mr. Minsu lightly placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled me toward him. It was embarrassing—very embarrassing—but without him, I would become a victim right there, so I decided to endure it.

"Hey, miss."

"...!"

Minsu whispered that I should ignore him, pretend I couldn't hear him, and not pay attention. He seemed extremely dependable when he said, 'I'll protect you.'

"Hey! Are you ignoring me? You look like a whore with tits that huge! I'm talking to you!"

"What did you just say?"

"Who the hell are you, you lanky bastard?!"

"What is this lust-crazed criminal babbling about?"

"Acting tough because you've got a woman beside you!"

The man hid one hand inside his coat and threatened Mr. Minsu, telling him to move if he didn't want to die. 'The way he keeps one hand hidden inside his coat... Does he have a weapon?' Would we be all right?

"It's disgusting seeing criminals like you walking freely down the street. You look like you've been convicted at least three times."

"Ha, exactly three times. If you know that so well, why are you blocking my way?!"

The man ran at Mr. Minsu with a knife, pretending to stab him before throwing it at me. My legs gave out and I sank to the ground, while blood splashed from Mr. Minsu's hand.

"Ah, aah...!"

As I trembled while watching, I began to hear a police car's siren. The police subdued the man, and a female officer helped me up.

"Are you all right?"

"I-I'm fine, but Mr. Minsu's hand...!"

I answered the female officer in a trembling voice when she asked whether I was all right. When I looked at Mr. Minsu's hand again, thankfully, it had only been grazed slightly, and the bleeding had already stopped. The man was arrested at the scene and taken away by the police. We gave a brief statement and returned home.

"Mr. Minsu... I'm sorry. It's because of me..."

"Saying it was because of you isn't right. You did absolutely nothing wrong, Ms. Jia. That criminal was the one at fault."

Mr. Minsu emphasized once again that I should call him first if anything happened, then drove me home. He said he would look for a place for me to move into, so I should hold out at home a little longer. I could only nod and thank Mr. Minsu.