Chapter 123
The peaceful daily life continued for a while.
The two ate meals together, carefully treated the remaining ugly scars, and stayed by each other's side all night when suffering from high fevers.
The familiarity they felt for each other gradually built up as time passed.
Now they knew the other existed in each other's world.
The days of leaning on, relying on, and supporting each other formed another world.
A faint relationship was growing between the boy and girl.
"Now... winter is passing too."
The season was already wrapping up winter.
When I first met the girl, it was the beginning of winter, but when I suddenly came to my senses, I was in the middle of turning the calendar to February.
It meant I had spent such an intense and dense time.
I smiled.
It was a smile for the blunt girl.
"How is it? Aren't you looking forward to the coming spring?"
"...Not particularly."
There was progress in our relationship that had only been stiff.
Until now, she never opened her mouth first, and barely returned answers, but now we could have light conversations.
Was it the power of familiarity?
Perhaps because her wariness towards me had softened a lot, instances of her sharply putting up thorns noticeably decreased.
Sometimes when I stroked her in a half-asleep state, she would accept it obediently.
Of course, when fully conscious she would run away in disgust...
"It might be a little disappointing."
Anyway,
As the distant gap narrowed, I was getting to know the girl.
It was what I had observed over the past 3 months.
"Hey... isn't it hard?"
"Hmm?"
"Nursing every dawn, I mean. I wonder if it's not tiring to do it every day. It's not like the fever rises just for a day or two..."
"Should I take that as a worry now? Or gratitude?"
"...I didn't say that much."
"Some feelings are conveyed without being spoken."
"Forget it. I said something unnecessary again."
"Huhu... Miss Neria is really deep indeed."
"Insipid words."
The girl was fundamentally kind.
Though she had many clumsy aspects in dealing with others, she fundamentally knew how to worry about others.
She just didn't know how to express it, but her inner self was sufficiently tender.
She wasn't a monster at all.
She was just an ordinary nineteen-year-old.
An ordinary nineteen-year-old who was very lonely, sometimes very scared, and cried a lot at night.
If there was a reason such a girl closed her heart to the world.
It must be because of the curse she possessed.
"No... if I go out."
"If I go outside, someone will get hurt again. That's why I was told I have to stay here..."
The reason the girl tried to distance herself from others wasn't particularly a method to protect herself.
Rather, it was a struggle to protect people from herself.
An enormous power she couldn't control.
The monster feared hurting others far more than being hurt by others.
Perhaps it was because of the despair stemming from loss.
"I don't want to... hurt anyone anymore."
The girl tossed and turned at dawn with guilt.
This personality was evidence of her kindness I asserted earlier, and the sad resolution of a nineteen-year-old to have a human heart despite being a monster.
For me, I couldn't dare fathom the thorny path this fragile being had walked.
During those tattered years.
How many selves did the girl have to give up?
First she abandoned happiness, then she abandoned relief, and later she even abandoned sadness and anger in the cycle of misfortune.
At the end of those emotions lost one by one... only 'resentment' towards the world remained.
I sometimes recalled the girl's end in the original work.
"I never wanted this power in the first place."
"Why did the star choose me?"
The miserable end of the monster.
Despite such a delicate mindset, how much long suffering did the silver-haired girl endure until finally falling to become a villain who burned the world?
When I had such thoughts, I felt pity and wanted to take care of her even more.
I was still weak to children.
I did my best for her to recover to daily life.
I think I gave her all the help I could.
"It's another fun treatment time today!"
Among those, the hardest thing was conducting the treatment.
No... could that even be called treatment?
The star's blessing was contained in her fragile body.
To block that merciless flow and rampage of starlight, I had to periodically suppress her power.
Even this wasn't perfect and was no different from a stopgap measure.
"Cough...!"
As I concentrated while holding hands, suddenly blood-mixed coughing spurted from between my lips.
I wiped the bloodstains on my mouth with severe nausea.
It was always like this.
I don't know if it was because of overload on my ability.
While treating, nosebleeds suddenly bursting or internal organs being damaged were commonplace occurrences, and in severe cases, situations of losing consciousness happened.
It seemed strain was coming from forcibly scraping and using insufficient output.
The existence of stars was truly troublesome.
'Star's blessing.'
A proposition encompassing providence.
It was that much of a tricky power.
Until now I had twisted and deceived various laws while rolling at the bottom, but among them, starlight had a complex and precarious structure.
If evaluated by difficulty, it would be counted among the top three even by the standard of 3 years later in the present.
It was also the reason I couldn't take measures recklessly.
Stars were.
Like gunpowder piled next to a lighter.
If even a slight misinterpretation occurred in the process of interpreting the power, surely that body was destined to shatter in the raging paradox.
This side that formed a connection with the girl would also find it difficult to maintain a decent appearance.
The approach had to be careful.
'If only the output was sufficient... I could boldly try swallowing even starlight.'
There was also a method of erasing providence itself with lies.
But it was close to impossible with the output at that time.
As I keenly felt from when I was struggling at the bottom... what always held me back was lack of output.
How to explain the helplessness of not being able to implement despite having potential.
To give a simple analogy... it was like knowing the perfect solution to a given problem, but not being able to write the answer because the pen's ink was insufficient.
That's how fatal a problem the lack of output was.
"Haa, haa... Is it a failure this time too?"
Failures continued every time.
It seemed research would be needed for a while to fill in the answer sheet.
Just then, I had many concerns about improving output.
I could newly understand how monstrous the Yuda of the original work was.
He freely handled such an unstable power, and played with the world's providence with numerous lies, so his level of proficiency was like a gap that couldn't be easily narrowed.
I swallowed a sigh.
"Oh my, my sleeve is a mess."
"Are you okay...?"
As I was erasing dark red stains from my sleeve, the girl receiving treatment carefully asked.
Her gaze looking this way contained complex wavering.
Over the past 3 months.
There was a slight change in the monster's reactions too.
When she first received treatment, she showed aversion or signs of being wary of contact, but now she seemed to strangely care about this side.
It meant she showed concern for each cough or staggering movement.
It was the basis for thinking our distance had become closer in our own way.
"Blood... it seems like too much came out."
"I did overdo it a bit."
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"I don't feel anything."
"Liar."
"It's true."
Kindness was hidden behind the short sentences.
I smiled faintly.
A smile just before scattering like fog at dawn with muddy water.
The calm silence neatly arranged our relationship.
Soon the girl muttered.
"I don't understand."
"Hmm?"
"I don't understand how to understand you. There's nothing I can do for you, but you keep trying to give me something."
"I think I told you that reason last time too."
"Saying I'm precious to you... I didn't want to hear such words with incomprehensible meaning."
"The value of mercy comes from not seeking its meaning."
"Even though you were coughing up blood until just now?"
"It's not convenient."
"...Strange person."
The girl frowned.
As if not understanding this side's meaning, only confusion was overflowing in her silver pupils.
I glossed over the persistently following gaze with a smile.
"Miss Neria."
The name was called calmly.
A gently outstretched hand carefully stroked her silver hair.
The warmly touching body heat left a tender sentiment.
I whispered quietly.
"Everything will be alright."
By now the girl accepted the touch as if familiar.
I conveyed a promise.
"This time, I'll stay by your side."
The silver-haired monster.
Perhaps the first responsibility my life gained after falling into this world.
It was no different from shackles binding my heart.
"Huhu... it's gotten late. Shall we clean up and have dinner?"
"Do that."
The girl nodded.
Our winter seemed to be passing like that.
But
Why didn't I know?
"...Nothing is alright."
The muttering that brushed past my ear.
The fact that the girl's expression was particularly dark that day.
***
The girl was having an awkward daily life.
A coziness she just couldn't get used to.
The first home she had in her life stayed by her side like a suddenly arrived gift.
A peaceful daily life was more beautiful than the ideal she had hoped for.
Days were no longer painful.
But
A sticky anxiety was creeping up inside the monster.
A thorny rope hung around her delicate neck.
'Should I be here?'
Recently the frequency of having seizures increased.
She couldn't fully control her power either.
The high fevers that came every night became even more severe, and sometimes uncontrolled flames leaked out.
Confirming her body condition worsening more and more, the monster sensed something.
The starlight was becoming violent.
As if about to rampage anytime.
'No...'
Though the boy was suppressing her power in the name of treatment, it was only an effect like briefly pressing down a hard spring.
Even that seemed to be a strain, as the boy coughed up blood every time.
He soothed her saying it was fine with words.
But when she saw his complexion dyed pale, she realized how terribly poor a lie that was.
Because the boy was smiling even though his vitality was fading.
'Why.'
The fundamentally unresolved problem ate away at her heart.
The monster had to keep questioning.
The boy's bright gaze despite being covered in blood made the whisper beyond memory repeat.
It was part of the brainwashing and scars received from none other than the monarch.
"Child full of malice."
"You were born with the fate of misfortune, so you will surely burn everything around you pure white."
"Please don't hope for happiness from the outside world."
That she was a child subordinate to a curse.
That she shouldn't have been born.
That she was chosen to harm others, so she shouldn't dare hope for any happiness, warmth, or tomorrow.
The girl was mentally driven more and more each day that passed.
Accordingly, the starlight also ran rampant.
Her body wasn't well.
At this rate, a big accident was sure to happen.
The girl asked while suffering from anguish.
'What am I doing?'
Not knowing when a rampage might occur, is it okay to spend time so thoughtlessly?
When I've already held so many sins in these hands.
How dare I, a monster.
Have I become too intoxicated by this warmth?
Until now that person has been blocking it with effort, but can such peace continue to be maintained in the future?
As the starlight's backflow worsened, she felt her reason shaking.
Perhaps.
Would everything burn again this time?
The girl was endlessly anxious.
"Miss Neria. Everything will be alright."
No.
Nothing was alright.
She was anxious to the point of madness.
'Strange person.'
It was because of you.
Because you were here, I couldn't erase this anxiety.
A person who found me even in darkness.
The kindness I received so far, the warmth that melted my body, the unbelievable devotion, and even your noble character.
Despite receiving all those miracles, I'm afraid I'll harm you.
Afraid I'll hurt you.
Such assumptions were endlessly frightening.
"This time, I'll stay by your side."
However,
Despite the gloomy anguish, the boy only repeated that everything was alright.
Rather, that assertion crumbled her heart.
'There's no way it could be alright.'
Though she had so earnestly wished for the word stability, now it was rather killing the girl.
Reality hurt more than the harsh torture she had suffered until now.
The warmth she held in her hands for the first time.
Was better than.
Better than she had imagined.
Because it felt like she might cry not wanting to lose it suddenly.
At the same time, afraid of destroying such warmth.
She hated that.
'I'm scared.'
She was scared of herself.
She didn't want to hurt another person again.
Despite having a clear will, the fact that she couldn't escape from fate in the end, the scene of the world being dyed white after being devoured by starlight, the girl hated to the point of being disgusted.
Such obsession and fear ate away at the flower's insides like a parasite.
A precarious mental state like standing on the edge of a cliff.
Finally,
"Haa, haa...!"
The girl ended up running away.
To distance herself from the only warmth she had, to imprison herself again in that terribly deep basement, her pitiful steps staggered out of the mansion.
The fierce wind swallowed her silver hair.
Wheeee-!
The harsh scenery.
Was even the ending winter throwing stones at the monster?
A blizzard not in the forecast was raging.
Despite the weather roughly striking her cheeks, the girl crossed the snow-covered field spread pure white.
Perhaps because her tension loosened, the suppressed starlight leaked out stealthily.
Hot heat spread around.
Drip drip-.
The light falling like dew contained the star's power.
The girl staggered without time to mind.
'Why am I...'
A question that scattered immediately.
As she fell several times on the snowy path difficult to walk, suddenly hatred for fate gradually boiled up.
Flames spurted here and there following her tightly clenched fist.
'Why did it have to be me?'
This power... I never wanted it in the first place.
Why did the star choose her?
Why did it have to be her, that damn star?
She was born holding a cursed fate.
She didn't even pray for other wishes, she only wanted the ordinary life of ordinary people.
The girl wished and wished for even that boring peacefulness.
But
'I didn't want much.'
What returned from her wish was only fishy mockery.
Resentment was visible in the overflowing starlight.
Tears flowing down her cheeks.
The girl muttered while chewing on that lukewarm temperature.
It was a single phrase melting all her resignation.
"...Should I just die?"
Though she had lived a long time shouldering the curse, she no longer had the courage to move forward.
Perhaps it was because she already knew about warmth.
That basement she had lived in like home for half her life felt particularly frightening.
To the extent that she thought rather than returning there, it would be better to tie up her cold life now while some warmth still remained.
The girl stopped her steps.
'Yes...'
Die.
Let's die.
Since living on would only bury her in pitch darkness again, let's let go here.
Her thin fingers drew something she was wearing at her waist.
It was a dagger.
More precisely, a symbol of this life.
The girl gripped the handle tightly.
"Take it... this is your fate from now on."
"You were born holding starlight to aim arrows at others, so don't forget that this sword is your negation from now on."
"You will become a beast of terrible hatred following the destined fate."
The monarch gave her the dagger with such words.
Since that day when brainwashing and torture began, the girl had lived holding a single negation.
Shing-.
Now was the moment to finish all life with her own negation.
She tried cutting her right face as a test.
Perhaps because starlight was transmitted, it was coated with high temperature on the outside.
Sizzle... As she brought the boiling surface close to her snow-white skin, a flower bloomed on her small face along with the sound of flesh burning.
She frowned at the burn searing like a brand.
It was a terrible pain.
"Ah... ugh, hic..."
Groans mixed with crying.
Though it was painful.
She didn't stop her hand for the liberation that would be beyond.
She prayed with the sharply raised tip.
'Please.'
May there be complete rest at this end.
May she enter eternal sleep where she would no longer hurt or be hurt.
Now the girl aimed the sword at her neck.
Tears falling drip drip.
This was the end.
The last of the fate that became a curse beyond blessing.
The end of the monster who should have died.
The starlight contained in the sword sparkled particularly brilliantly.
Holding the dazzlingly beautiful scenery in her hand, the girl was committing the last murder of her life.
The blade bared its teeth and.
Just before death finally pierced her delicate breath.
Thud-!
There was a hand blocking the execution.
A palm that suddenly appeared before her eyes was holding the dagger, and holding the girl's body that had been staggering here and there.
Golden hair with a dull light was visible through the swirling blizzard.
Following that, a call touched her ear.
"So you were here. Miss Neria."
"You...?"
Beyond her raised eyelids.
Those half-open white eyes were looking at the girl.