Chapter 45
At my quiet words, the world falls silent in an instant.
Hyunwoo stares at me, eyes wide, as though time has stopped.
...Um. I blurted it out after getting swept up in the moment, but saying only that without any context does sound pretty weird, doesn't it?
His face is bewildered, as if the thought had never even crossed his mind.
At some point, he'd even forgotten to hold me properly. Now he was sitting there with his mouth hanging open like an idiot—and it was starting to look a little cute, too.
Common sense said a huge, muscular man much bigger than me couldn't possibly be cute. I couldn't make sense of it, but...
"...Huh? What did you say?"
I'd never seen him freeze like that with such a dazed expression.
No wonder it struck me as strange.
"I said I like you. And that I'm grateful."
At the same time, I could almost feel as though he was trying to pretend my confession had never happened.
Whatever I'd said, if Hyunwoo hadn't heard me, I could take it back by changing my explanation.
Of course, he was mostly just flustered right now, but...
Anyway, since I'd finally worked up the courage to make the confession of a lifetime, I had to make sure Hyunwoo understood what I meant.
I had to convince him in the clearest, most perfect terms possible, without letting the meaning get distorted or reinterpreted at all.
"No... I get that, but why all of a sudden?"
"I was going to have to say it eventually. I've been thinking about it for a while."
Of course, I had no idea when I would've brought it up if not today.
Even if Hyunwoo and I were treating each other like we were in some strange relationship, hearing it directly from the other person's mouth would feel different.
In that sense, I was nothing if not cowardly.
I chose to bring this up when I was at my weakest and could tug at Hyunwoo's tender heart, putting him in checkmate.
"Honestly, I don't really understand...? Weren't you always struggling and trying to die, Minseo? Because you had no future or anything to look forward to..."
"It's a little different. It wasn't because I was suffering. It was because someone else was getting hurt."
Only now did I feel the pieces in my head slowly starting to fall into place.
Why Hyunwoo had been so excessively considerate of me all this time, overprotecting me and blaming himself over even the smallest things.
Did Hyunwoo think I was living in this house while having nightmares every single day?
He believed I was giving up on life because I was always in pain and suffering, so for my sake...
"Like I said, I'm grateful... I enjoy being here, too! And living with you is nice, Hyunwoo... I only get depressed sometimes."
Hyunwoo had sacrificed and compromised so much for me.
He'd become a godlike being who'd finally made me forget the sadness and even the life I'd lived until now.
If Hyunwoo, of all people, kept worrying about me because of a mistaken assumption, I'd be sad.
"So that's why your answer is that you like me...?"
"Yeah. Honestly, I wouldn't call it love... but I do feel a warmth I've never felt before."
"That's pretty vague."
"It is, isn't it?"
Even in this serious moment, we looked at each other and smiled shyly.
But I couldn't think of a more fitting word than like.
It was an ambiguous expression that could be as deep as love, or as shallow as a casual friendship.
I thought it was just right for what we were now—not ordinary friends, but not romantic partners, either.
"I like you too, Minseo."
"Yeah..."
In the end, once my confession? was over, Hyunwoo gave me his answer.
I wasn't particularly surprised. Hyunwoo's like surely meant the same thing as mine.
We kept a promise that had never been made, as though having this conversation were only natural.
If there was one thing that surprised me...
ㅡ Smack.
It was that Hyunwoo had kissed me back, just like I'd kissed him?
I'd meant to return what Hyunwoo had given me and help him understand how I felt, but there was no reason for him to kiss me, too.
And on my forehead, unlike the kisses he'd given me on the cheek until now.
If my kiss had been meant to convey gratitude and trust toward Hyunwoo... what did his forehead kiss mean?
That alone left my mind so tangled I could hardly think straight.
I'd barely managed to summon the courage to say what I wanted by sheer force of will...
For a moment, I felt like my intelligence had really become that of a little kid from the neighborhood.
I could get used to being petted or hugged pretty easily, but I just couldn't get used to kisses.
"Why'd you kiss me on the forehead this time...?"
My forehead tickled. Maybe because it was right there, where Hyunwoo's breath was hitting me directly from so close?
It felt several times more intense than a simple kiss on the cheek.
".....It doesn't mean anything. Your forehead was right in front of me, and I wanted to kiss you, too."
"What's that supposed to mean..."
"Besides, it's pretty much the same wherever I kiss you, right?"
Now that I thought about it, there wasn't much difference.
Whether it was a kiss on the cheek or the forehead, it was still something you could never do unless you cared about the person.
Honestly, I wanted to insist that the two were completely different, but Hyunwoo didn't seem to think so.
"Still, a forehead kiss feels different somehow..."
It made my face feel a little ticklier and hotter, doubling my embarrassment.
I wanted to explain it to Hyunwoo, but I couldn't think of a good comparison...
"Then why don't we take this chance to try them all and see how they're different?"
"...Huh?"
"Your forehead and cheeks and all over your body, Minseo. I'll kiss..."
"......I don't think that's a good idea."
As always, while I was lost in thought, Hyunwoo had wandered off into his own little world.
It was that same side of him that occasionally said the stupidest things with complete confidence.
Last time, he said there was no way to feel safe even inside the house, then suggested we start showering together. I wondered if he'd lost his mind.
I knew he didn't mean anything improper or malicious by it...
But that didn't mean I wanted to use this body as a study aid for comparing how kisses felt in different places.
"...Actually, I don't really mind. If you want to, Hyunwoo, a kiss is fine."
If I gave Hyunwoo any more time to himself, he really seemed like he might lay me down on the bed and carefully analyze every part of my body as he kissed it...
So I settled on an answer based on my own thoughts and gave it to him ahead of time.
I meant, ‘A kiss on the forehead is a little much, but I wouldn't mind if it were you, Hyunwoo.’
"...Really?"
Hyunwoo looked completely dumbfounded. I'd thought he'd just smile casually and say okay.
It was fascinating how many new sides of him I seemed to be seeing today.
Was it because I'd been agreeing too easily?
"Yeah. I mean it."
That didn't mean I was just saying it to be polite or that I didn't mean it, though.
Thinking about it rationally, we already slept cuddled up together in bed at night, so a kiss on the cheek or forehead was nothing.
If anything, I wondered why Hyunwoo had never kissed me, considering all the things he'd done so often.
"Then... can I do it now?"
"...Yeah. I guess."
But there was always a reason why it hadn't happened before.
"Minseo... um, what about... your lips?"
I was once again stunned by Hyunwoo's fixation on kissing me whenever he got the chance.
Even in a situation like this, he still...
And only then did I remember that when Hyunwoo fed me, he was the sort of person who'd say he'd lick the bits of food around my mouth because it would be a waste otherwise.
"My lips... That's a kiss, though..."
"What are you talking about? If our lips touch and then pull apart, that's just a peck."
ㅡ Squeeze.
"That hurts... I said it hurts...! Hyunwoo, let go of my head for a second..."
"It's okay, right...?"
Anyone could see Hyunwoo wasn't in his right mind.
He spread his hands and squeezed my cheeks hard, then lowered himself to meet my eye level.
And then he lunged straight toward me...
"E-Eeaaaah!"
In the end, just before our lips met, I flailed and kicked him, and something else collided as Hyunwoo fell over.
It was a hard yet squishy sensation, much like the one I'd felt last time.
...It's not my fault. Honestly, this was self-defense.
Even if I'd said he could kiss me, that only went as far as a peck. I didn't want to kiss some guy.
I was special to him, sure... but that didn't mean I was Hyunwoo's lover.
Besides, I didn't want to date a man in the first place...
"......Ugh... ngh... You could've just said no... And you hit the same spot as last time..."
...Ugh.
Hyunwoo's unnecessary comment made me briefly imagine something I didn't need to.
Why did it still hurt when that thing wasn't even there anymore?
"Why are you so desperate to kiss me on the lips in the first place...?"
Since Hyunwoo was incapacitated anyway, I asked him about something I'd been curious about for a while.
It was something he threatened me with about once a day, too... It bothered me.
"That's..."
"That's?"
"...An accident."
...I figured as much, right?
Sure, he'd had a pretty colorful track record so far, but it didn't seem like there was any particular connection.
Maybe now that I'd started paying attention to Hyunwoo, I was overreacting.
Well, there was no way Hyunwoo would actually want to kiss me, a guy.
I wasn't sure whether I should take comfort in Hyunwoo being a blockhead or feel sad about it.
"...Sigh."
Hyunwoo, slowly recovering from the pain, got to his feet.
Perhaps because he'd just had a brush with death, Hyunwoo looked like he wasn't even human anymore.
"Hyunwoo, I'm sorry..."
Even though there was no reason I needed to apologize, I couldn't help offering Hyunwoo my condolences.