The Demon King's Castle Door (Right)

'Whew, Mito Komon really does have its own charm in every generation. ...Speaking of which, shouldn't I let him reincarnate again soon? Which box did I put him in?'

"..."

'Oh, here it is. Now then, your next destination for reincarnation—'

"..."

'No response. It appears to be nothing more than a taxidermied hermit crab.'

"..."

'...'

"Aha, the Goddess-sama is about to change her clothes."

'What a base desire.'

"If you look down on my base desires, won't we both end up seeing each other upside down?"

'Hurry up and say goodbye to your hermit crab body.'

"I've grown rather fond of this body. Even being a crustacean specimen in eternal darkness has a certain wabi-sabi to it."

'You've really come a long way toward perfecting your perversion.'

"The noises I occasionally heard from you, Goddess-sama, gave my imagination plenty to work with, too."

'You haven't grown much, have you?'

"No, no. I've lived three lives, believe it or not. That's a huge amount of growth."

'You died as a young man, lived as a rib, and spent fifteen years as a hermit crab. Even generously, that's barely two lifetimes.'

"Still, I'd say that's plenty."

'It's impressive in a way that you haven't changed at all.'

"My lust for you, Goddess-sama, hasn't changed either."

'Thank you for that. In return, I'll grind that body of yours to dust once, then put it back together.'

"Crustaceans can feel pain, you know— Still, I feel more at home in this body. A human body really is the best."

'It's rather astonishing that you didn't make so much as a groan while your body was being ground to dust.'

"I was a taxidermy specimen. Dead bodies can't feel pain."

'Then what was all that pointless trivia you brought up earlier? And please don't let dead bodies get aroused or talk.'

"Even the dead have human rights."

'You're a hermit crab.'

"Hermit crab rights sounds like the name of a martial art from some third-rate fighting manga."

'I won't comment on that. So, where should we send you next?'

"Hold on. I'll check the suggestion box."

'I told you, there won't be anything in there.'

"Oh, there is!"

'That can't be.'

"Let's see... It's from someone with the pen name G."

※We'll revise this if we get permission to use the person's name.

'Did we reincarnate someone by that name? I don't really remember.'

"Don't sweat the small stuff. Anyway, they've written down a destination for reincarnation."

'Well, compared to the destinations you and your friend suggest, I suppose this one is relatively sensible.'

"The Demon King's Castle Door (Right)."

'I can't even compare them.'

"What's wrong with the Demon King's Castle Door (Right)?"

'Take responsibility for what you said just a moment ago about how a human body is best.'

"But I think I'd have a much bigger role than the back door of the shed at a villager's house in the third village the hero visits."

'I can't argue about how often you'd be used, but I have a hard time understanding how you could be satisfied with a life as an inanimate object.'

"Well, you never know until you try, do you?"

'I can't imagine there's any doubt, but knowing you, I suppose we'll just have to let you try.'

"But the right side, huh? I bet the left side is more popular."

'It shouldn't matter whether you're on the right or left... Oh, there's already someone on the left.'

"Left-handed people have a cool image, you know."

'That might be true in Japan, at least.'

"You know, there's something wonderful about a big iron door bursting open when the hero or Demon King makes their entrance."

'I understand why those scenes are great, but I don't want to understand why you'd want to be the door.'

"If I get featured on a two-page spread, I'll take up most of one whole page."

'Any manga author who used a two-page spread for a scene like that must be desperate for material. Anyway, what options should we give you?'

"I don't need anything too extravagant, but I'd like to be able to open and close under my own power."

'A door that opens and closes by itself is only scary in a horror story.'

"Since I can't walk, it'd help if I could level up easily."

'Why would a door need to level up?'

"I should learn from last time and rule out becoming the hero's legendary equipment or a cursed weapon."

'Right. The Demon King would be dissatisfied enough with the world to want to reincarnate if he got defeated by the door to his own castle.'

"What else... Maybe we can give you some settings for being a door, too."

'Don't start operating my terminal without permission. I don't mind if you fuss over the interior, but let's make it Western-style.'

"Could I be an automatic door?"

'If I start interfering with the world's power supply, the setting will become a serious problem. And if you can open and close yourself, there'd be nothing automatic about it anyway.'

"All right, I'll add a few more options like this... Good. I'm off, then."

'I just hope you find satisfaction and pass on peacefully.'

◇

"I'm back. I'm hungry."

'Welcome back. There's curry in the fridge, so eat it without heating it up.'

"You're cold in every sense. I'll fry it up and make pilaf, then."

'That smell is practically a weapon. Make some for me, too.'

"Got it. By the way, surprisingly enough, the Demon King's Castle Door (Right) didn't work out."

'It's no surprise that it didn't work out. Anyway, I'll hear your report.'

"Well, at first I was the door to the Demon King's throne room..."

'The words "at first" tell me I can already expect things to get weird.'

"No, no. At the beginning, I really did my best to be a door."

'You were really dooring it? That's a short phrase, but an exact search doesn't turn up anything.'

"I matched the force people used when opening and closing me, opening and shutting with no wasted movement. I focused every nerve on conveying the very essence of being a door."

'I think you could've opened and closed freely if you'd just gone with the flow.'

"I did pinch someone when I sneezed, though."

'That place sounds like a shoddy building.'

"The Demon King's castle was dusty."

'Demon Kings tend to seem like neat freaks in stories where they're the main character, but an ordinary Demon King probably wouldn't clean.'

"I also sneezed because I was allergic to cats."

'Why would the Demon King have a cat when you're just a door?'

"He didn't. One of the Demon King's generals was a lion monster."

'Oh, one of those powerful enemies with a lion's head. Lions are felines, after all.'

"His name was Garenza, the Invincible General."

'That's a pretty cool name, but if he ever lost even once, he'd be stuck with it.'

"I feel bad about it. Every time he walked by, I sneezed and pinched him over and over."

'At first, Garenza probably thought the Demon King was picking on him.'

"He alone reached level fifty."

'You kept crushing the Invincible General, didn't you? Didn't he learn?'

"No, he learned to defend himself, but my damage increased faster as I leveled up."

'It's a sad story when a door has greater growth potential than you.'

"It was pretty incredible. A door strike that crushed him along with his steel armor."

'That's more impressive than I imagined. More to the point, how did he not die?'

"He really was strong. I heard people passing by say that once he gripped his battle-axe, the general would race alone through the heart of the enemy lines, never stopping until they were all dead or fleeing. A true beast of slaughter."

'You couldn't go outside, since you're a door. Still, it's a sad story that such a beast of slaughter got pinched by a door over and over.'

"By the way, he died from being crushed."

'So you did finish him off.'

"Well, let's set his story aside as a tragic incident."

'Indeed. If he died in an accident involving a door, then the name Invincible General is still just barely intact.'

"It was pretty horrifying to see him crushed by a level-ninety door, though."

'How many others did you crush to death?'

"I took out most of the Demon King's generals."

'So you were on the Demon King's enemy's side?'

"Fectorlunder, the Invincible Knight; Dragresgo, the Invincible Dragon Demon; and Reyvebro, the Invincible Priest. They were all mighty warriors feared by humanity."

'They never thought to add some variety to their epithets, did they? And they all lost to a door. How were you not removed after causing so much damage?'

"As it happens, a special power was at work. The Demon King's army was unable to distrust the door."

'Isn't that because of your option? You did that, didn't you?'

"No, I didn't choose any option like that."

'Then what kind of power was it?'

"It was an option the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) had."

'Oh, right. I'd forgotten about the other weirdo.'

"He was a sentient door, too, but we couldn't get along... He was a piece of furniture loyal to the Demon King."

'You're supposed to be a loyal piece of furniture, too. But if that was the case, why didn't you use the left side of the door?'

"The Demon King's Castle Door (Left) slid sideways, so pushing or pulling it didn't open it."

'So you made it Japanese-style. It'd be hard to notice in Western architecture.'

"The castle itself was Western-style, so it didn't even work as a proper fusuma..."

'A double door that only opens on one side is just a wall.'

"But when I opened it, I could move over to this side."

'That's an outrageous design flaw. You could've at least added a frame.'

"He and I were always arguing. I said the Demon King was no good for the world, and he said the Demon King would save the world from foolish humans."

'Wouldn't the Demon King have gone insane if his doors were always arguing?'

"Well, you see, he had the option that kept him from distrusting us."

'Oh, right. He had that function, too.'

"So the Demon King processed our arguments as mysterious words that popped into his head."

'He was bound to go insane.'

"The Demon King was a pathetic fellow, wavering over his position."

'That's probably because he took your words against him as his own inner monologue.'

"Honestly, he was awful. He sided with the Demon King right to the very end."

'I don't think you can take someone's side when you're a door. Still, in your previous life, Red Salmon, the Demon King's successor, saved you. How could you be so sure the Demon King was evil?'

"Because the Demon King kept trying to get his hands on me."

'You're a door.'

"He'd open me as soon as he thought I'd opened my heart, then shut me right back up. It was cruel."

'You're a door. If anything, that was polite.'

"All the other subordinates ganged up on me and kept putting their hands on me, too."

'You're a door. The other side was defective and wouldn't open.'

"Everyone looked at me with cold eyes, as if I were an object."

'You're a door. You'd be a pervert if you put emotion into every look.'

"Garenza was a door fetishist, so he was always smiling."

'So there was a pervert. Given how he died, perhaps he was happy to go.'

"But the others were different. In the latter half, they treated me like I was something dangerous to touch."

'You were a door that had killed your own allies and leveled past ninety. They should've distrusted you, so I have to admire them for managing to act that way despite the option.'

"They couldn't distrust me as a door, but rumors started that the throne room was cursed."

'The throne room must've been annoyed, too.'

"How can a room be annoyed?"

'A mere door dares to say that.'

"Now, let me tell you how it all ended. The Demon King's army had been fighting a war with humanity, but eventually the humans began to push them back."

'That was bound to happen if the generals were all getting crushed by the door on the right in their own castle.'

"And then, at last, the hero Yuralectfullet arrived."

'You actually have a pretty good memory.'

"This was it for the Demon King. His days of getting away with one blunder after another were over. A miserable end for a miserable ruler."

'His biggest mistake was not moving house.'

"But the Demon King was the Demon King, and his battle with the hero was fierce. His Demon King-exclusive cheat Skill was formidable, too. In particular, he had a Skill called 'Infinite Growth,' which made him stronger and let him regenerate the closer he got to death. Even when the hero landed his finishing blow, the Demon King immediately recovered."

'That's an incredibly powerful Skill.'

"The Demon King was in a whole other league compared to the rest of his army. He'd activated it thousands of times in the Demon King's castle, after all."

'You pinched him a lot. I'd been wondering why there were no reports of the Demon King being injured.'

"Even the hero, who'd expected to overwhelm him, was astonished by the Demon King's strength."

'He really should've been able to overwhelm him if you hadn't been leveling up the Demon King.'

"But then the hero was suddenly put in a desperate position when the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) launched a magic attack from behind."

'I'd almost forgotten about him again. Even the hero wouldn't expect to be ambushed by a door.'

"The hero was going to die, but all I could do was open and close, so I kept flapping around."

'From the hero's point of view, you moving around probably looked more dangerous. I also didn't expect the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) to be able to attack.'

"Using magic when you're a door is just wrong. I told him to learn some common sense."

'He probably didn't want to hear that from you.'

"Then the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) tried to kill me, too, and fired a spell at me."

'Why hadn't he used it before now?'

"Well, I had the option 'Absolutely Indestructible,' so I was fine."

'So that's where the cheat Skill comes to light. Now I understand how you could defeat those battle-hardened warriors.'

"I magnificently repelled his Darkness Gravity Ancient Jerrick Neo Phantom Terra Cocytus Eternal Dimension Lightning Flame Fire."

'I'm starting to worry about the Demon King's Castle Door (Left)'s head.'

"And the Darkness Gravity Ancient Jerrick Neo Phantom Terra Cocytus Eternal Dimension Lightning Flame Fire bounced off and hit the Demon King, who vanished in an instant."

'That's terrifyingly powerful. If he'd fired it at the hero first, he would've won. Also, if you use that spell name again, please shorten it.'

"The hero and his twelve unique heroines were stunned by the sudden turn of events."

'The harem element appeared out of nowhere.'

"But the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) had lost the Demon King he was supposed to protect. Blinded by rage, he tried to unleash Dark—(abbreviated) on the heroes, too."

'You could've at least said "Dark," but there's no way the hero could withstand a spell that erased the Demon King in one hit.'

"But the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) couldn't cast it because he was out of MP."

'That was quite a spell name. He must've hated you a lot.'

"A door that doesn't level up is only so strong, after all."

'Not many people think to give doors a way to level up.'

"Then the hero counterattacked the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) with Dark—(abbreviated)."

'The hero could use it, too? Aren't those two reincarnators from the same world?'

"Dark—(abbreviated) was a spell that burned away even the soul. Even with the option 'Absolutely Indestructible,' the Demon King's Castle Door (Left)'s soul wasn't unharmed."

'How did you manage to reflect it?'

"Instant-death spells don't work if there's a level gap."

'So it was an instant-death spell.'

"And so, absolute evil was completely vanquished."

'Having the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) as the final boss is going to cause some problems for the history books.'

"The hero embraced the heroines and celebrated their victory. I was moved, too, and applauded wildly."

'It must've looked like a poltergeist.'

"The hero asked me to come with him, since I'd helped him."

'That's beyond generous. He's downright crazy.'

"But I was the Demon King's Castle Door (Right). I couldn't leave this place, given my position."

'It would've been a problem if you could leave.'

"The hero was moved by my words and gave up on recruiting me. He left, looking disappointed."

'I'm not sure what there was to be moved by.'

"But one of the heroines hugging the hero had cat ears. As she passed by, I sneezed and accidentally crushed the hero to death."

'You really messed up.'

"The sight of the dead hero with his shoulder caught in the Demon King's Castle Door (Left) was pretty gruesome."

'You took the hero's side after he died.'

"The heroines blamed me. But the cat-eared heroine was the one at fault."

'Let's say that's what happened.'

"But no one would listen to me. They treated me as if I had no human rights."

'You probably don't have any human rights.'

"I decided to turn my murderous intent on the people who discriminated against doors. I couldn't let them live."

'You've really gone off the deep end.'

"The heroines asked if I'd gone door-mad."

'That's enough.'

"And so began a terrifying escape story: me, able to teleport to any Demon King's Castle Door (Right), versus the eleven remaining heroines."

'What happened to not being able to leave? And the great evil was still around. Also, you took out the cat-eared heroine, too.'

"Anyway, the surviving heroines managed to escape, and the Demon King's castle collapsed."

'Was there at least a halfhearted scene of it collapsing?'

"I guess I shut it a little too hard."

'The castle couldn't withstand a door with a level over ninety that could kill even the hero?'

"With the Demon King's castle gone, I lost my identity, and my reincarnation in another world came to an end."

'You did whatever you wanted, then came back.'

"I couldn't get a happy ending with my lover."

'That was never going to happen as a door.'

"The Demon King's Castle Door (Left) was a man, too."

'I don't think it would've worked even if he were a woman.'

"Now I'll put the finishing touches on... I'll set the plates here."

'It smells wonderful. Oh, I haven't seen this table before.'

"It's a souvenir: the Demon King's Castle Door (Left). It was useless on its own, so I turned it into a table."

'I'll give you credit for not wasting things. Now then, let's eat.'

◇

'A certain world's Demon King was defeated by the door to his own castle and became dissatisfied with the world, so he was selected for reincarnation in another world.'

"Huh. What an unusual world."

'...Yes, it is.'