Chapter 151
I built them a sewer.
Then they left it unattended, and monsters erupted in the city.
My house was blown away.
And I locked eyes with the submod, Yongyongi.
“They say life is decided in one shot.”
That included a reverse one-shot, too.
Should I pull out the shotgun?
A dwarf’s famous sword was also lying behind the rubble.
But the distance was too close for that.
I was just wondering what to do.
“Ah! Um...”
But Yongyong’s reaction was unexpected.
“I apologize for my sudden rudeness.”
I stood there stiffly staring at them, so Yongyong cleared their throat and backed away.
“I was only passing along this road by chance, checking on the monster damage and taking a walk?”
Wasn’t Yongyong looking at me with an extremely stiff and awkward expression?
Could it be that Yongyong didn’t recognize me?
Yongyong was said to be able to see people’s colors.
I was wearing new clothes for this outing, but could that really be working?
Yongyong was flustered, then urgently asked me something as if they had just remembered.
“Mmm, right. What do you plan to do now?”
I turned my gaze toward the collapsed ruins.
It seemed like having a building to disguise the bunker would be a good idea.
The streets were packed with buildings, so if there was nothing but empty land above my bunker, anyone would find it suspicious.
“A café.”
“Huh?”
“I’m thinking of opening a café.”
Before the building was destroyed, it had originally been an inn.
Of course, the owner never appeared, so it had remained empty for a long time.
A medieval coffeehouse.
I described it in a way similar to its previous purpose to avoid arousing suspicion as much as possible, and Yongyong nodded.
“That’s a good idea.”
“Yes, then...”
“Huh? Ah, right. I was on my way somewhere anyway, so I’ll be off. Take care!”
Scurry, scurry.
Yongyong, whose eyes kept darting around, quickly disappeared into the distance.
“Something feels off.”
I couldn’t say why, but Yongyong didn’t seem to recognize me.
I uploaded the photo I hadn’t gotten around to posting, then checked the featured posts.
[Title: I Brought a Solution...]
[Posted by: Lloyd]
And right then, the solution I had demanded arrived.
*
[Proposed Solution for the Sewage Monster]
1. I gathered the soldiers in the city and herded them into a corner.
2. We will investigate the damage to the destroyed buildings and streets, then repair and restore them. In the meantime, we will arrange places for everyone to stay.
3. (Selfie GIF of Lloyd doing a dogeza)
[Upvotes 5931] [Downvotes 503]
- lol, the angle of that pose is perfect
- Look at him carefully adding even the period lol
- Whew... I’m fucking pissed, but I’ll let it slide this time. Yeah.
“They work pretty fast, all things considered.”
I thought things would be slow because this was the Middle Ages, but they were faster than modern times.
At least there seemed to be some sort of plan, even if it was only words.
In fact, the sewage monster had been herded into a corner on the outskirts.
The problem was that all they had done was herd it there.
- Sewage monster ← how the hell do we catch this bastard?
- No, fuck, this isn’t a slime?
- Wasn’t this supposed to be the weakest among slime monsters?
[Title: Ah lol, It Was Arrogant, So I Destroyed Everything]
(GIF of an iron sword broken in half)
(Selfie GIF of a knight knocked down far away)
[Upvotes 302] [Downvotes 0]
- Ah lol, are you the slime yourself?
- As expected, the Gallery Emperor is a riot
- The Gallery Emperor is seriously such a fucking idiot. He’s really not reassuring at all. It’s a damn waste of my taxes to fund a guy like this.
ㄴ Posted by) Just fucking insult me outright, asshole
ㄴ A joke pretending to be sincere while pretending to be a joke
The sewage slime couldn’t be harmed by attacks.
Normally, slimes were weak monsters, and even variants could be defeated easily.
But the slime destroying downtown Kellierton was different.
[Title: You’re Not a Slime, Are You?]
(GIF of it remaining unharmed after being hit by a grenade)
(GIF of a sword going soft and bouncing off)
This is bullshit lol
- What do we do if grenades don’t work?
ㄴ Posted by) Yeah, just beat the shit out of it
ㄴ A walking “quit the Gallery” button, damn;
It hadn’t been eating medieval garbage.
It had eaten modern garbage as its staple food for several months.
“Disposable products, Styrofoam, glass bottles...”
The fastest decomposition took several months.
Usually, it took several years to decades.
In severe cases, it took more than five hundred years.
[Title: Yeah]
One vicious slime that had eaten dozens of people vs. one sandworm that hadn’t eaten anyone yet
- Obviously the first one
- ?
- This is no longer a slime
- You suck at versus games
It was something masquerading as a slime.
Its danger had become so extreme that it could outmatch any monster.
- Ah lol, physical attacks don’t work, huh. Yeah.
- Even this bastard’s level is high
- Are there any Gallery users at the scene right now?
ㄴ Me.
ㄴ Yeah, why?
ㄴ Can you see a knight rolling around in the corner, dodging piles of rubble?
ㄴ Yeah.
ㄴ It’s me, save me, fuck
“How the hell are we supposed to catch this?”
If it were in an empty field, we could shoot various things at it like it was a laboratory, but this was inside the city.
The sewage monster was a mass of bacteria.
But magic didn’t work on it, so artificially produced fire was useless.
Was there any way to completely kill the sewage monster without causing casualties?
“There is.”
A sterilizing disinfectant spray was visible just by turning my head while lying down.
I had only used it for cleaning or sanitizing my hands, but it might work.
“It’s cheap anyway, so it’s worth a try.”
[Sterilizing Disinfectant Spray, 4L, 1 bottle] - 9p
[You have purchased 100 units. The products will be delivered to your address!]
So I bought it without giving it much thought.
Without knowing that it would have a far greater impact than expected.
*
[Title: How to Eat Sewage Slime Like It’s Cheese...jpg]
(GIF of disinfectant being applied to a steel sword)
(GIF of the slime bubbling when disinfectant is thrown at it)
(GIF of the slime being cleanly split by a steel sword)
I just sprayed it on the sword the Head Mod gave me, but why is it so easy to kill?
- Huh? What is this?
- How did you do that, you son of a bitch?
- It’s not just water, is it?
“No way, it actually works.”
The sewage slime was a mass of bacteria.
A mass of bacteria whose magic resistance had been maximized by eating modern trash.
So I sprayed it with alcohol disinfectant without thinking, and it split apart far too easily.
-Gurgle!
“If it had appeared in Elad, it would’ve been dealt with ages ago.”
It fell victim because it was up against humans.
If it had been elves who reached for a liquor bottle at the first sign of trouble, it would’ve been dealt with immediately.
Its departure was far too anticlimactic for something that had even bounced steel swords away.
[Title: No, What the Hell Is This?]
(GIF of a sword sparkling clean)
(GIF of the filthy street becoming clean after disinfectant was sprayed over it)
I accidentally got some on a person and the ground while fighting.
I thought, “Oh, shit,” for a moment, but instead they became clean as if they had washed themselves?
Head Mod, what exactly is this for?
[Upvotes 5832] [Downvotes 12]
- Head Mod*) That? It’s disinfectant that kills germs.
ㄴ Lloyd) What?
ㄴ Germs?
ㄴ Don’t use difficult words. Speak Imperial.
“Ah.”
People in the Middle Ages lacked the concept of microorganisms.
I wondered how I should explain bacteria, then shook my head.
“No, I’m a civil official, too, you know?”
I don’t know either.
Do I really need to explain it?
- Head Mod*) It kills harmful things that can’t be seen with the human eye. Yeah.
So I explained it roughly enough for them to understand.
ㄴ Invisible bad things?
ㄴ There are as many visible bad things here as there are Gallery users.
ㄴ No, this really works amazingly well. It completely wipes away traces of filth and everything. Damn.
[Title: Isn’t This Holy Water?]
(GIF of a frog resting its chin on its hand)
Invisible bad things ← evil spirits, ghosts
Harmful things ← filth, disease, and so on
The sewage monster actually went into convulsions as soon as this touched it, but people were perfectly fine when it touched them.
Is this seriously holy water that drives away ghosts?
[Upvotes 4923] [Downvotes 4]
- Oh?
- No, but when I sprayed a little on my hand and wiped it off, the traces of filth really did disappear.
- Seems like a reasonable suspicion?
- Bacteria ← isn’t that the name of a demon?
ㄴ Oh, that sounds plausible
ㄴ Head Mod*) Fuck.
“Hmm...”
But as always, the Gallery went one step further.
I was just about to comment on this completely unexpected idea.
“Yes, Mr. Malphite. I’ve confirmed the paperwork.”
“Ah.”
Just then, the man who had finished investigating my collapsed ruins approached and handed me some documents.
“From now on, this land officially belongs to you, Mr. Malphite, and you must put it to practical use within six months.”
“Oh, yes, yes.”
“What did you say the purpose of the land was?”
“A café. I mean, a coffeehouse.”
After confirming the purpose of the land with me again, the man nodded and stepped back.
The man was an investigator sent by the Kingdom of Kellierton.
He had been going around the collapsed ruins, assessing the damage and providing compensation.
But not even a full day had passed since the incident.
Even so, there was only one reason medieval officials were working this hard.
“The Head Mod posted a notice, you know.”
Because I had written the notice.
Thanks to that, Lloyd, who had become a knight of the Queen, hounded his subordinates.
And the subordinates he hounded hounded the people below them...
“Well, I suppose that’s true?”
“That’s why we’re working like this... They say it’s better to die than get banned from the Gallery...”
The investigator gave a weary little greeting and left with an even more exhausted expression.
“The impact is bigger than I expected.”
I was always looking at the Gallery, so I knew that intellectually, but it felt strange.
I watched the investigator walk away, then turned to look at the ruins.
“I said café for now so I wouldn’t arouse suspicion, but...”
There were cafés in the Middle Ages, too.
Coffeehouses, beerhouses, alehouses, and so on—it depended on what you wanted to call them.
“I guess I need to hire part-timers first?”
[Title: Part-Timers Urgently Wanted in Kellierton]
Posted by: SecretOfALiberalArtsGhost
(GIF of the building that had become a ruin)
Hourly wage: 7 rice cakes
Work: Clear away rubble
No gender preference
“Will this do?”
I had almost written ten rice cakes per hour and added “meals provided,” but stopped myself.
From what I’d heard, I was the only person who paid wages like that—the Head Mod, me.
There was no point putting that in the post for no reason.
Of course, I wasn’t actually planning to pay that much.
“I can just surprise them with food.”
I should probably add the difference later as a bonus when they finish the work.
“If I post it like this, I should be able to find some part-timers, right?”
Just as I was about to upload the job posting...
“Ahem, ahem!”
“?”
Just as my muttering ended, a familiar voice reached me.
“Are you perhaps looking for a dragon to work—no, I mean, a person?”
The one who poked their head out from among the rubble was Yongyong Must Be Dying, whom I had seen that morning.