Chapter 48
A variant monster, a mass of filth.
Literally, a variant monster made up of all sorts of things mixed into filth, including flies and parasites.
Its enormous, profane appearance could cause serious illness to anyone it touched.
It was the sort of thing no one would ever want to approach or touch, but...
- Ah lol, can't resist free dumplings
- Cleanliness? Is that something you eat?
- Why submerge your body in water and defile your soul??
It wasn't a problem at all for medieval humans.
[Title: Ah lol, what do you mean, free dumplings!]
(Meme of a mass of filth shrieking in the middle of the city)
(Meme of nearby knights, hunters, and soldiers charging in laughing)
(Meme of the mass of filth being normalized)
Made enough for lunch, sweet lol
[Recommendations512] [Dislikes52]
- Tch, having all the fun by yourself
- Ah fuck, I want to hunt a variant monster like that too
- Aside from looking a little dirty, it's a grateful bastard handing out dumplings...
- How are they going to kill that?
ㄴ The smell of a bathroom is practically coming through the picture
ㄴ Lol, cleaner than my bedroom
ㄴ For real lol
“Oh, right. This is the Middle Ages.”
The Middle Ages, an era when cleanliness didn't exist.
An era when cockroaches were simply cute.
Contrary to my worries, the variant monster that appeared in the city was promptly normalized by the knights.
“It makes my heart swell with pride.”
Of course, in the process, filth splashed everywhere, soaking the houses and streets, but no one cared.
If anything...
[Title: Mass of Filth, I'll Eat Well]
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
(Meme of someone entering an inn)
(Meme of someone picking up meat with hands covered in all kinds of filth)
Not as good as chicken, but...
Pretty edible, lol
- Head Mod*) Your hands are fucking filthy
ㄴ Author) It's fine, it's fine. Once it's all inside your body, it's the same
ㄴ Head Mod*) No, if it's filth, it's shit
ㄴ Ah; Don't talk about food while I'm eating shit
ㄴ As long as it tastes good~
ㄴ Does cleanliness feed you?!
They were so indifferent it was almost absurd.
No, come to think of it, hygiene was like that everywhere.
Pouring liquor straight into a cup someone else had been drinking from and handing it to the next customer.
Taking a dump by the roadside and getting up without wiping.
Washing their hands only once every other day.
- Washing your hands is for beta males, yeah
- For real lol, is washing your hands just because there's a little blood on them manly?
“Wait, wouldn't people get sick like this?”
Even considering this was the Middle Ages, where only the naturally tough survived, this was going too far.
Just as I was wondering how they had stayed healthy this long, a new post went up, almost as if summoned by the thought.
[Title: Fuck, I Have a Fever]
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
My forehead's fucking hot. What's going on?
I'm so dizzy I can barely walk straight;
Anyone know why this is happening?
- When did you last bathe?
ㄴ Author) A week ago—or, no, two weeks ago, yeah
ㄴ What the fuck, that's super clean.
ㄴ That's insanely hygienic. What the hell, why did he get sick?
- Maybe you're just weak because you're a beta male? lol
ㄴ For real, he gets sick lolol
ㄴ Hey! I've gone a whole year without bathing and I'm perfectly fine, I tell you!
ㄴ Author) Ah;; I have a party to go to, but I'm too embarrassed to leave the house, for real
“Well, that can happen at first.”
Fine, I could chalk this up to eating without properly washing due to ignorance.
But the real problem came next.
[Title: I Fucking Love the Head Mod!!!] - 1 day ago
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
I took cold medicine and Tylenol, and my head feels better lol
[Title: Yep, This Is My Lunch Today] - 12 hours ago
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
(Meme of cooking meat soup with the water used to wash one's hands)
It's fucking delicious lolol, this is the stuff
[Title: Ah fuck; I Think I'm Gonna Die...] - 6 hours ago
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
(Meme of someone laid up sick)
My stomach hurts so fucking bad, but I don't know why, fuck
[Title: I Fucking Love the Head Mod!!!] - 1 hour ago
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
Took some stomachache medicine and feel better lol
Eating with dirty hands and getting sick → taking medicine and recovering → eating again and getting sick: an endless cycle.
In the end, I had no choice but to open the Gallery user's latest post and leave a comment.
- Head Mod*) You son of a bitch
ㄴ Cola Lovers' Club) ??? Why are you cursing at me?
ㄴ Head Mod*) Take a fucking bath
Season 4, failure to hold back profanity no. 4
I ended up hurling another string of curses.
*
Bathing had been a luxury enjoyed by the upper classes since ancient times.
People couldn't even imagine a warm bath; at best, all they could do was wash in a cold stream.
- A bath?
- What's a bath?
- It's almost winter. Washing in a stream is a bit much, lol;
Far from bathing occasionally, most people had never bathed even once in their lives.
In their memories, bathing meant washing in cold water, so it felt practically like a punishment.
Evelyn, who had become busy after becoming queen, was secretly browsing the Gallery in her office when she discovered a new item.
[Folding Bathtub] - 26 Mana Dumplings
“What is this?”
It was a uniquely shaped tub, complete with the image of a smiling person giving a thumbs-up inside it.
Had any item the Head Mod had handed out ever been so trivial or meaningless?
Besides, after becoming queen (by force), she had more than enough Mana Dumplings to spare.
Since it was cheap, she set down the can of tuna she had been eating and ordered the bathtub.
[Delivery complete!]
Plop, a wooden crate appeared inside the office.
When she opened it after unwrapping it, she found a small panel made of an unfamiliar material.
Following the instructions and fiddling with it, she somehow managed to assemble the bathtub with ease.
“...I'm supposed to get in this?”
Of course, if merely having a tub solved everything, anyone would have bathed.
To take a bath, she needed water.
But that problem was solved with the tap water the Head Mod had handed out during the food shortage last time.
After filling it to the brim with tap water bought from the marketplace and placing heat stones discarded by the Magic Tower after being used for experiments inside...
Bubble, bubble...
“Waaah.”
Soon, a bathtub full of steaming water was ready.
Evelyn had never enjoyed a bath, even when she was a noble young lady.
This was mainly because of superstition: people believed diseases were transmitted through water.
But now that the Head Mod's shop stocked medicine, there was no longer any reason to avoid bathing.
Evelyn quickly took off her dress and tentatively dipped her feet into the tub.
“Ugh. I-I feel weird.”
The very thought of immersing herself in water felt awkward.
But she gathered her courage and sank in little by little, until finally she submerged her whole body.
“!!!”
Evelyn's eyes opened wide.
An indescribable warmth.
A coziness that seemed to embrace her whole body, and a comfort that melted all her fatigue away.
“Aaaah...”
Evelyn's eyes slowly began to glaze over.
She had become someone who could no longer live without the Head Mod's bathtub.
*
She had become someone who couldn't live without the Head Mod.
In fact, that was a meme the Gallery users were fond of pushing.
- I could make a really big decision if I didn't have tuna cans, for real
- How did you even survive until the Head Mod showed up?
[Popular Post: If You Like Things Better Now, Recommend This lol]
(Thumbs-up frog-con)
Hot take: if you think things are better now than before the Great War, recommend this lol
Starting with me
[Recommendations9999+] [Dislikes2]
- Lol, pulling out the popular-post cheat code
- Ah lol, this one's unavoidable
- Head Mod's death = my own death
- The Head Mod is sex, I admit it
ㄴ Why are you admitting that?
ㄴ (No lewd stuff allowed! meme)
But I'd never seen them this fanatical before.
Before, it had felt like their gratitude was tied to matters directly connected to survival.
Now it felt like they were drunk on a hobby or amusement, blindly worshiping the Head Mod.
[Title: You Fucking Bastard]
Author: Cola Lovers' Club
(Meme of the author's selfie)
Why did I ever doubt the Head Mod?
Why couldn't I understand the Head Mod's intentions?
Why did I shun bathing and embrace filth?
But I have finally awakened.
(Meme of the author in a bathtub holding up a cola)
Cheers.
A toast to the Head Mod's foresight, and to baths and cola, my reasons to live.
[Recommendations1423] [Dislikes42]
- Lmaoooo, what a fucking clown
- Ah, damn it, the Head Mod's fault again—he's got the Gallery sick all over again!!!
- Wait, are baths really that good?
ㄴ You still haven't bathed?
ㄴ You're missing out on half your life—no, you're just losing out, lol
ㄴ Yeah, never bathe~ So please normalize the marketplace's water prices and bathtub prices~
[Title: I'm Happy to Die!]
(Meme of a face flushed bright red as if it were about to burst)
Ten hours into my bath.
How did I live without knowing about this?
- This is a serious case of bath addiction...
ㄴ Author) Hmph, what a load of nonsense, hmph.
ㄴ ??? What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
ㄴ Looks like the hot water has melted his brain~
ㄴ It's really serious, so get out already
- Reasons You Have to Bathe...jpg
- Top 10 Things That Go Well with Drinking in the Bath
[Title: I Love You, Head Mod Oppa!!!!!]
(Meme of a rabbitfolk posing in a bathtub, precariously covering just enough to be barely decent)
> o<,,,
I've only just discovered bathing...
The Head Mod is a god!
- Oh
- Heh heh
- Head Mod*) (Thumbs-up elf-con)
ㄴ Lol, they always comment on posts like this
ㄴ Author) So when are you coming back to the rabbit hole?
ㄴ Lol, they always run off without commenting on posts like this
They say discovering something late is even more frightening; in particular, bathing exploded in popularity among the Kelliarton and rabbitfolk.
It wouldn't be strange to call it a nationwide craze, especially since it synergized perfectly with the cooling weather.
The only problem was that not everyone was curious about cleanliness.
True to the Gallery users' nature as contrarian idiots, stupid sea cucumbers, sea anemones, and fucking bastards, wherever there was cheering, opposition was bound to arise somewhere.
- Why bathe and let your soul be defiled?
- Ugh, are you crazy? Do you want to get sick?
- Humans are stupid. Don't you know disease contaminates water?
- So pathetic!
The elves, who couldn't stand to see humans happy, were especially vocal this time.